Part Two: INTERVENTION… among other stuff…

A/N: Okay, this is my second installation: I know, I know, it's a bit slow moving, but be patient. It's just supposed to be silly. What I want to do is have little stories intertwining: Right now there are only three, or really only two… I don't know, but there are going to be more and other characters. Voldemort probably won't make it into my fic, but there will be couples eventually:

H/D

R/HG (established)

And others to come! I'm open to suggestions, so please! If you have an idea about anything just tell me. Oh, and please review, if not for me then for the little children I keep in my basement: Every time I get a review they get a meal!

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Pansy, Blaise, Crabbe, and Goyle were extremely upset, and rightly so, Draco Malfoy the leader of the Slytherin's, hated and feared by all was happy. Not only was it upsetting but it was disturbing. Draco's smile was a tad unnerving and it seemed completely unnatural, sneers and smirks were much more at home on the boys face. For Slytherin's smiles come in the form of smirks, or twisted evil smiles that instilled fear into first years. But when Draco smiled there were sun beams, rainbows, warmth, and…Happiness. It was terribly distressing.

It wasn't that the Slytherins wanted Draco to be depressed, they just didn't want him to be so happy and positive and perky and helpful and kind and and and..

"I just can't take it anymore! Seeing him like this is killing me!" Pansy wailed, throwing her arms in the air to demonstrate just how horrible and desperate the situation was. Blaise nodded in agreement.

"Something has to be done. I can't believe the professors had an intervention- how many pills did they shove down his throat anyway? He was practically skipping today!"

"Practically? If only, Blaise, he was skipping and humming for fucks sake, humming!" It was true, early that morning Draco had entered the dining hall skipping and humming, it seemed so surreal. He had also sung in the shower this morning, but Blaise decided that Pansy didn't need to know that particular piece of information, instead he just made a worried face and straked his chin thoughtfully.

"Yes, he does seem to be getting worse everyday. Hmmm, well there is only one thing that we can do--"

"Beat him senseless?" Crabbe suggested.

"Noooo, what we have to do is—"

"I won't let you kill him, Blaise!" Pansy cried, grabbing Blaise violently and shaking him. "I just won't let you!"

"I don't want to kill him or beat him or anything remotely violent."

"I wasn't against violence, just killing him was a bit too extreme."

"Will you just listen to be or do you want Draco to stay like this forever?" Pansy opened her mouth to retort, but shut it when Blaise glowered at her. "As I was saying, what we need to do is intervene the professor's intervention."

"You mean we'll have an intervention intervention?"

"Precisely." And so the four Slytherins began to plan their intervention. Huddled together in the middle of the Slytherin common room, deep in discussion they didn't notice that Draco himself was approaching wearing a broad smile.

"Hey guys! What's up? Can I join, it looks fun!" The group jumped in surprise, turning to face a positively perky Draco Malfoy. Their looks of surprise changed into twisted evil smiles as they advanced towards their friend.

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"I really can't believe it, it's been over twenty-four hours! When will she become unstuck?" Hermione was still in the same position as she was the previous night, her mouth moving but nothing coming out. Her friends, who'd stayed up the whole night trying to fix her, were all slumped around the fire trying to stay awake.

" What if we just slug her?" Ron suggested, a few hours ago his suggestion was ignored, no one really wanted to physically harm their friend, and beating her up seemed a little extreme, but now, it was very tempting. Groggily Harry acquiesced.

"It's not like we haven't tried like everything else, I mean, I want the old Hermione back, and if we leave her like this she'll probably die from starvation and exhaustion." So it was agreed, they'd hit her, but one question remained: Who.

"I am so not hitting her! If it works she'll go like berserk and lecture me about hitting girls and how- well, I'm just not doing it. Besides, it was Ron's idea, I think he should do it." The others agreed, but Ron held up his hands in protest.

"No way, I mean I'm her boyfriend! I can't hit her, that's like really really wrong. And then she might break up with me, and I just can't, I don't even think I can get myself to hit her."

"You have a really good point, but it's not like any of us could hit her either. But the question is- shit, why didn't I think of this before, we could get Pansy or someone to do it!" Harry said, proud of his epiphany.

"A Slytherin?"

"Yeah, it's perfect. They won't have any qualms about hitting her and she already hates them so who cares if she gets mad, right?" Everyone agreed readily and they headed for the dungeons to find a willing Slytherin, which considering shouldn't be too hard to do. As they entered the dungeons they heard the unmistakably shrill voice of Pansy coming from an unoccupied classroom.

"Craaaaaaaaaabbe, we said no violence, don't hit him." The Gryffindors raised their eyebrows, but ventured towards the class room. They pushed into the room only to stumble across one of the strangest scenes they'd ever witnessed.

Draco was tied to a chair with leather straps, gagged, with his eyes forced open. Around him were Blaise, Crabbe, Goyle, and Pansy, Blaise was in the process of putting eye drops into Draco's eyes, who squirmed unhappily. In the front of the classroom was a magical projection of Slytherins torturing first years, pulling pranks and taunting Gryffindors, and smirking, scowling, and sneering. Currently the screen was playing a scene from when the Slytherins trashed the Gryfindor's common room.

"I knew it was you who did that! You are so gonna get it!" Ron shouted angrily, pointing at the screen. Blaise just glared at the intruder as Draco squirmed and moaned.

"What do you want, Gryffndorks?"

"Mmma-hnnnn, heeeee! MmmmUhh!"

"Be quiet Draco, this is for your own good, just watch..the…Screen!" He grabbed Draco's head and held it still.

"We…errr, we… what's going on? Do I really want to know?"

"For your information, Potter, it's none of your business. But since you're here, we're having an intervention—you've probably noticed Draco's change lately." Harry nodded, he had to admit that the change in Draco did seem strange, but it wasn't wholly unwelcomed.

"Look, um, we need your help, see Hermione is stuck-"

"Stuck? We have our hands full with Draco, besides we don't help Gryffindopes… but out of curiosity, stuck?" Pansy was torn, she hated that the Gryffindors were here, but she was also curious, what did they mean by stuck? She imagined Granger stuck in s hole that she'd tried to crawl through, her ass hanging out one end, legs kicking. Or maybe she'd gotten stuck in the toilet. The mental images were too much, Pansy began to giggle.

"She started I don't know, she just started reciting text books, word for word, not moving, just like reading- but not, you know? I hadn't realized that she'd actually memorized all her text books, but apparently, so anyway she's stuck, she's on like her third book already or something, we don't know because we put a silence spell over her and we've tried like everything." Harry explained, his hands in his pockets, glancing over at Draco who was still struggling against the straps. It was a little bit disturbing, but a little bit intriguing.

"Did you try groping her?" Blaise suggested.

"It didn't work."

"Well, what exactly do you want us to do? If you couldn't snap granger out of it what makes you think that one of us could? She hates us."

"That's exactly the point, see, she hates you and you hate her: the feeling is mutual, right?"

"Duh. Get on with it Potter, we're kinda busy."

"Well, we think hitting her might take her out of it, but none of us want to hit us, I mean she is our friend and besides she'll get pissed at us, but you guys wouldn't have a problem with hitting her, in fact we figured you'd probably enjoy it, and she already doesn't like you so it won't matter if she is mad at you. So, will you help us?" Harry almost pleaded, he really wanted to get out of the room and he really wanted Hermione back to normal. Pansy thought for a moment, she was very intrigued by the proposition.

"Let me get this straight, I can hit Granger?"

"That's right."

"And you guys won't like get mad?"

"We want you to hit her." A large, excited smile replaced Pansy's scowl. She rubbed her hands together in anticipation, licking her lips.

"Fuck yeah I'll hit the mudblood for you! This is great! Where is she?" Pasny followed the Gryffindors to their dorm, the whole way verbally expressing her excitement.

"This is gonna be so awesome, man, I've always wanted to hit Granger, ya know, I just never had the chance, but now, now it's like I can hit like I've always wanted and I'm fucking stocked, absolutely! I'm gonna hit her hard too, and shit, this will be so cool. I've always wanted to hit her, awww, man. She is such an annoying bitch, she totally deserves this! I can't believe I get to hit the mudblood." Red in the face Ron turned to face the giddy girl.

"Would you just shut-up. It's not like we want you to hit her, this is a last resort. We just want to fix her. And if you say mudblood one more time I'm going to hit you!" Pansy scrunched up her face and puffed out her cheeks. She didn't say anything, she really didn't want to screw this up. If she said one more thing then someone else was going to have the pleasure of hitting Granger, and she really wanted to do it.

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Ginny Weasely was bored. This whole Hermione-thing was annoying and had only been fun for a while. There was nothing to do, so she went to the library in hopes of stumbling across something interesting and if all else failed she could at least check out a book to read or work on her neglected homework. As she made her way down to the library she past Harry, her brother, and Pansy (along with a few other Gryffindors), Pansy looked extremely happy, and Ron looked pissed. It looked mildly interesting, but since they were headed to the Gryffindor tower she figured that it had something to do with Hermione.

At the library nothing, absolutely nothing was going on. There was a group of Ravenclaws studying, and Colin Creevy was reading, probably about Harry Potter. Ginny avoided Colin. She sighed, sitting at an empty table, nothing had really happened to her since her first year. Now in her sixth year she was desperate for some kind of adventure, but those seemed designated for Harry Potter.

Life is really, really, really boring, she thought, rest her head in her hands.

"Hey Ginny!" Ginny groaned, not bothering to look up.

"Hello, Colin." Colin sat down across from her and pulled out a manila folder, pulling out the contents and spreading them over the table.

"Can I interest you in a picture of Harry Potter?"

"You know I'm over that Colin." Colin scooped up the photos and put them back, taking out another folder.

"Well, I have photos of Hogwarts top ten hottest guys. Does that interest you?" Ginny looked up at him and feigned interest.

"Who do you have? Any nudies?" Colin smiled and pulled out yet another folder, taking out several pictures, handing them to Ginny. Glancing over them Ginny nearly fell out of her chair, most of the pictures were of Draco Malfoy. There were ones of him sleeping, some shower scenes, one even caught him in the act of masturbation.

"Now, I don't do this for just anyone, but you being a close personal friend I'm willing to give you some of those top-quality, nude pictures of Mr. Malfoy, currently ranked The Hottest Guy in Hogwarts, for the low price of five sickles."

"How did you get these." Ginny asked incredulously, not taking her eyes off of the masturbating Malfoy.

"That one is ten sickles, it was extremely hard to get. That was right as he climaxed." Ginny dropped the photo in embarrassment, turning it over.

"For fucks sakes, Colin, how would you like it if someone took a picture of you wanking it off and then sold it? Is this even legal, I mean my God! Who even buys these?"

"Oh, it's a very lucrative business, especially the pictures of Draco. Harry pulls in good money, but not nearly what I get for those pictures of Draco." Colin smiled. "So, do you want that or not? I have other clients to meet with, ones who will pay big money for that picture right there."

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"I can't believe Pansy just left us like that!" Blaise sulked, feeling it was unfair that Pansy got to hit Granger and he was stuck putting eye drops in Draco's eyes. It had been nearly two hour since they had started and there didn't seem to be any progress, except that Draco had given up trying to escape.

"It's not fair. She gets to hit the mudblood. I don't see why Pansy got to do it and not me. Everyone knows I hit harder than anyone."

"Shut it Crabbe, I hit harder then anyone!"

"No you don't Goyle, I do, like I says, everyone knows it."

"Nu-uh. Your fucking dreaming. You hit like a pussy-little girl compared to me!"

"Oh, yeah. Why don't I hit you so that you know?"

"Better yet, I'll slug you."

"Fer crying out loud! I've had enough of this! I'm tired and hungry." Blaise cried angrily, pushing himself between the fighting boys. He stalked towards the door.

"Yeah, we missed lunch. Let's go raid the kitchen." The three of them left in search of food.

"MMMmmm-hhnnnn? Hmmm-nee! HHHMM! ERUUU!"

Poor Draco.

That's all for now, I'll update soonly! I hope you all like this chapter, it was really fun to write… which may mean it sucks, but I thought it was fun.

Listening to: Basket case, Green Day