Fanfiction based in the world of Harry Potter, created by JKR. Her characters are hers. Original characters are mine. No pecuniary rewards. Please see first chapter for full disclaimers and description.

Thank you to my Beta, Elaine!

Things get better and more cheerful from here on out, with a few bumps in the road. Some of the sites to which I post this story do not automatically email those of you 'watching' this story to notify you of updates. If you would like to be on my email notification list, please email me through the links on my Author Profile.

Chapter 36: Holiday Research

Rowena's time, after the recovery of her brother, was spent on trying to go on normally, after the events of January and February. She continued Occlumency lessons with Harry, though he was rapidly exceeding her abilities now that he had mastered the basics. He had far greater natural gift in the area than she had, and she felt that their sessions did more to help strengthen what little skill she possessed than helped Harry advance further. Her choice would have been to have Harry continue on with his lessons with Severus—but Harry adamantly refused to even discuss the issue.

Harry witnessed enough in her mind during their sessions to increase his dislike of Snape. He could not tell the nature of the break-up between them, but he could tell that Snape instigated it, and that Rowena was still hurting from it. He also 'saw' that Remus was still alive, and that Snape had something to do with that as well, though everyone tried to conceal the information from Harry. He knew Remus had been attacked; he'd been allowed to visit once while Remus was unconscious in the hospital, but he had also been allowed to believe the Prophet when news of "Remus's death" was leaked to the papers.

This did nothing to ease Harry's resentment toward the adults around him, still trying to keep information from him. Whether they distrusted him, or feared Voldemort would see into his thoughts accidentally, he did not know or care. He spent more time with Ron and Hermione since Christmas, and made every appearance of 'normalcy' on the outside. Rowena could sense the growing resentment inside of him though, and it worried her. She feared it was only a matter of time before he did something rash again. She could no longer 'read' him well enough to know what depth of information he learned from HER during their lessons, and that was another reason she felt it might be best if he move on to a different instructor. Shortly before the Easter Holiday, she mentioned it to the Headmaster, who promised to look into it.

Her evenings, when she finished what little marking she had, were often spent with Hermione. The girl had first returned to aiding Severus with his potion supplies for Madame Pomfrey when her mother was recovered, but for some reason he indicated that he no longer needed her aid. Rowena knew he was putting many of his more gifted N.E.W.T. students to work on various things, and also used those potions-making detentions as an opportunity to keep an eye on his Slytherin students. He wanted every opportunity to try and dissuade them from taking the Mark as the end of the school year approached—though this he had to do carefully so as not to seem genuinely disloyal himself.

Rowena was glad for Hermione's presence in her work. Rowena started on the research of trying to remove the Protean charm and Severus's Mark ages ago, when they were first married. He had scoffed at the project, but did not forbid her to try. He even submitted to a very superficial skin-scraping to have samples of the material used to make the Mark. Unsurprisingly, it contained Voldemort's blood—or at least they suspected that's whose it was.

They discussed the charm at great length. Hermione had interesting insights, but unfortunately, neither of them could come up with a way to break the one foremost in both their minds without a sample of blood from the original caster—Voldemort. As attaining that was a pipe dream at best, it was a project they spoke of without any real hope of solving the problem.

The physical pain that was the lingering shadow of the broken Bond intensified after nearly two months of gradual decrease, when Severus visited her that day, one week before the Easter Holiday. After that visit, she made certain not to take any meals in the Hall when he was there, and Albus for once had not pressed the issue. She managed to pass the entire week before his departure without having to see him once. None of this eased the sharp ache, and she decided to turn her research toward her own relief.

"Hermione, what do you know of the Soul Bond?" she asked over tea a few days before the start of the Easter Holiday.

Hermione beamed at her, appearing almost transported. "Oh! I've read something about that when I was researching my essay on Wizarding Marriage Rituals Throughout The Centuries. It sounds so romantic! I mean, it is a little dark, isn't it, because it uses blood magic…"

Hermione proceeded to enumerate all the things Rowena already knew and had experienced, but had no new insight to offer.

"What about breaking the Bond?" Rowena asked.

"I don't know. What I read said it couldn't really be broken, though I do think I recall something about attempts at breaking it and the side effects. It seemed that it often resulted in the death of the Bonded pair."

"I think I'd like to do some research on it," said Rowena casually. "Would you like to help me? Maybe it would give us insight into helping Professor Snape remove his Mark. I'd like to know if the Bond can be broken, and if it can be repaired or restored once it's broken. It wouldn't do not to explore all the possibilities. If You-Know-Who can just restore it somehow, we'd be back where we started—or worse because he'd know the Professor was trying to get free."

The research on the Bond, of course, was more for her own information and possible relief—but it might also help in the former, and was a good excuse not to rouse Hermione's suspicion on the project. Characteristically, Hermione attacked the problem with enthusiasm.

The other challenge facing Rowena was not one she really considered a problem, but it was still an issue that needed to be resolved, and soon. Severus's application to adopt Katrina had been turned down, of course, though he had fought it exhaustively through all the legal channels. However, it had long since expired, and once again the child was at risk for being adopted by a legally 'acceptable' family who might very easily be Death Eaters.

Rowena addressed this problem by applying for her adoption herself. Once again she was told that it was preferential to grant adoptions to married couples for the 'best interest' of the child, but she would be 'considered'. She finished her first round of paperwork in that regard early in March, and now had to wait for the sluggish bureaucracy to begin its work.

Katrina was oblivious to the turmoil. She was content living with the Weasleys in their quarters in the castle where she saw either Rowena or Severus every day, and often both. On the weekends they took turns spending time with her, and she also spent time with Becky. The child was as happy as she could be considering the circumstances.

Dylan learned of Rowena's application to adopt Katrina, and came to visit her one evening after hearing of it. She was quick to answer her door, the piles of papers on her dinette table speaking of research she was doing as always.

"Come in, Dylan. What brings you here this evening?" she asked as she settled into one of the armchairs near her fire.

"I heard 'bout you tryin' t'adopt that little filly. Wondered if there was anythin' I could do ta help?" he said without preamble as he sat in the chair opposite. His jangling spurs were mercifully absent.

"Short of changing all the Ministry adoption laws, I don't know how, but thank you." A wave of her wand summoned her teapot and a steaming cup of coffee for him as she recalled his preference.

"I'd marry ya if it'd help," he said without batting an eye. She nearly spilled her tea as she looked at him in shock. "Don't be lookin' at me like that. You know I ain't interested in ya that way. I know yer heart's all in knots for the bat in his cave. But it don't look like either of us is gonna get our wish, might as well do somethin' worthwhile. I don't want nobody like Luke or his lot to get their paws on the little gal. I'd be legal for that Ministry red-tape, and you'd know yer girl was safe, wouldn't ya?"

After the initial shock was gone, Rowena felt a wave of fondness for Dylan that she hadn't realized she'd developed. She had found him incredibly annoying for months, yet when the time came that she genuinely needed a true friend, he stepped forward without hesitation, which did not mean that she would accept his generous offer. She shook her head and gave him a sad sort of smile.

"Thank you, Dylan. Honestly. It means the world to me that you'd even offer, and I know you're sincere. But I just can't. Not even to keep Katrina. It just wouldn't be right on so many levels. Thank you, but no."

"Ah, s'alright. I didn't figure ya'd accept, but I thought I'd offer. She's a real sweet little thing; I'd hate fer her to be hurt again. Or you, fer that matter."

They talked on mundane things for a while after, and then he took his leave.

On the first day of the break, Hermione appeared in Rowena's office door with a pile of old books stacked high in her arms.

"I found some things on the Soul Bond, but I don't know if any of it will help," she said without preamble. Rowena waved her wand to clear a space on her worktable, and they began to pour over the books. Hermione had bookmarks in the relevant pages.

"Here, it talks about a couple that tried to break the bond, but they both died three days later. Apparently she slept with his brother, and he caught them and killed the brother. There seems to be a lot of hatred involved in that attempted breaking.

"Here's another that managed to get the same wizard who created the bond to perform the breaking—that's pretty rare, most of them won't do the severing. They lived to normal ages after, but their magic was affected and they never managed to form other relationships after. Not even friendships. It was like their emotions went 'numb' or something."

That piqued Rowena's interest, and she made note of that spot in the book. Her emotions definitely felt "off" of late. Numb was a good word to describe it, particularly when dealing with Severus himself.

"Now, here's one where the couple severed the bond—he had some disease and he was afraid it would kill her too, through the bond. She thought he would live longer if she wasn't a 'draw' on him. It was sort of a self-sacrifice thing on both their parts—they both thought it was the better thing for the other person. It seems that this was the closest to a successful severing, though neither of them made any new relationships after, either. Their magic didn't seem affected at least.

"All of these cases talk about the residual feeling of the bond, describing it as a pain or a heaviness of various degrees of intensity, and an alteration in their ability to experience emotions properly afterward, especially stronger emotions. There's also some reference to still vaguely 'receiving' emotional impressions from the bonded partner even after the severing—but not as clearly and it's not usually recognizable as such, according to what limited reference I can find."

She chattered non-stop as was her wont when she was excited about learning something new, and Rowena did not interrupt, merely followed Hermione's finger down the pages of the various books as she talked. Eventually her references became more scattered, the documentation based more on speculation and suppositions, and Hermione's recitation became more hesitating.

"The only place I can find that talks about restoring the bond is purely theoretical. The bond is made in love. To successfully break it without severe damage or death to the involved parties, it must be broken in love, though it seems all the examples show a rather twisted expression of love.

"To repair it, it's theorized that there has to be some extremely strong expression of love again. It seems unlikely to happen, because severing the bond dampens the very emotion needed to restore it. Both parties have to be willing to prove their love in some dramatic fashion, maybe a sacrifice of some sort. It doesn't say how that's accomplished—it's not a ritual that can be performed.

"In theory, such actions would cause a spontaneous healing of the Bond. But they'd be re-bonded, one to the other. I can't find any instance of being able to successfully sever a Bond then go on and Bond with someone else, even in the case of the death of a bonded partner. Actually, the more I read about it, the less romantic and more dangerous it sounds, to be honest."

She blushed and smiled at Rowena as she continued, "Then again, if you know there's only one person you'll ever love in your whole life, it would be a wonderful thing to be Bonded with them forever, wouldn't it?"

Rowena smiled back and nodded noncommittally, though she was turning over the information Hermione had discussed in her mind. There was nothing in the notes about how to ease the pain of the severed Bond, and the thought of dealing with it forever was rather depressing. The idea of 'repairing the Bond' seemed almost repugnant. She wondered if that was her real feeling on the matter, or another symptom of the emotional damage done when the Bond was broken.

"I don't think this is related to what V-voldemort did to Professor Snape, though," said Hermione, stumbling over the name but still managing to say it—more than Rowena ever had done. "The Bond is all about love. The initial Bonding ritual won't even work at all—won't bind the two people—if the love fueling it isn't real. It will still look neat to observers on the outside, but nothing will happen magically. I can't imagine that Voldemort ever felt anything for any of his followers except desire to control and manipulate, can you?"

"No, Hermione, you're quite right. I don't think this is going to help us with that Protean charm at all. I have to admit, though, it's interesting, isn't it? Thank you for trying to find it out. I've been too busy with school work to have time for tangents."

"Oh, sure, no problem. I found out so much information about Blood Magic while I was researching that I added to my essay for Professor Howard. It's two more rolls of parchment than he asked for, I just got so fascinated in it!"

Rowena smiled indulgently, though her mind was a thousand miles away. "Are these Library references, Hermione? Can I have them for a few days? I'll take them back for you."

"Oh, sure, Professor Lupin, no problem. I've got to get back to my usual revision anyway. Exams are only ten weeks away!"

Strangely, during this holiday, she began having disturbing dreams. They weren't like the nightmares that she experienced after the ordeal at the Malfoy's Christmas party. Instead they were vague and formless; she could never 'see' anything properly. She would feel a sense of intense emotions—fear, anger, sadness, all swirling together, and would wake with that sadness increasing so much in intensity that she would actually find herself sobbing over her morning cup of tea for no apparent reason at all. The feeling intensified until she felt so depressed and lonely that she was prone to bursting into tears at the oddest times.

This was distressing to her to say the least—she was not normally a person prone to depression or mood swings. Unwilling to bother any of the other teachers about it and yet needing to speak to someone, Rowena headed to Grimmauld place.

"Rowena, hello, I wasn't expecting you," Remus said as he helped her out of the floo. He pulled her into a hug, but was alarmed when she burst into a storm of tears, sobbing into his shoulder as though he were a lifeline. "Rowena… honey… what's wrong? Is it Severus? Katrina? Mum?"

She shook her head to each question as he ran through the list of people he thought might be able, in living or dying, to cause her this level of distress. When he realized he was not going to get anything out of her but a nod or shake of her head, he simply held her until the storm passed.

"I don't know what's gotten into me… I'm crying all the time for no reason…" she said at last, hiccupping between words as she tried to calm her breathing.

Unbeknownst to Rowena, Albus Dumbledore had brought Harry and Hermione to visit Remus a few days before. Remus was especially bored, Harry was especially annoyed, and the Headmaster had decided that hiding things from Harry was only going to make things worse. Ron was unable to come due to family issues—apparently Percy was coming to see everyone, and a row was expected. That many red-heads in one room and it was hardly avoidable.

At any rate, Hermione had mentioned some of the research she had just done for Rowena. Hermione was too distant from the situation and too naïve to catch the subtleties, but Remus thought he had a better idea of what was going on than he had before. He desperately wished he'd been successful in his attempts to threaten the man off his sister at the start of term. On the other hand, if they had been Bonded, it meant that whether or not he was able to express it properly, Snape must genuinely love her—the Bond wouldn't work if the emotion wasn't there to fuel it.

Of course, suspecting that it was also now severed returned him to anger… but his instinctive protectiveness of his sister would not help her now. Only helping the eejit who caused her this pain would.

A cup of cocoa, a warm blanket, and a companionable game of chess allowed the two siblings to return to a level of closeness they had not shared for a very long time. Remus was glad she had known she could turn to him in her distress. He was sorry to hear about her worries over the placement of Katrina. He silently made a mental note to tell the Headmaster where Snape had gone—it would do no one any good if he got himself killed.

Rowena was able to regain her equilibrium, and returned to Hogwarts, promising to return soon to visit. The promise was kept the next day, and the next, and the next, each arrival began with the same flurry of desperate, heart-wrenching, grief-stricken sobs.

Remus no longer had the strength to feel angry with Snape—if his sister was this distressed through a broken Bond that no longer received emotions properly, he hated to guess what the man was experiencing on the other end. He was glad he had told Albus of his whereabouts. The Headmaster had been very grateful for the information, though he had looked concerned.

Remus and Tonks announced their intention to get married, which punctuated the end of the Easter Holidays. As Severus and Rowena had done, they would use Albus to officiate, and planned to keep all documentation secret until it was safe for the world at large to know that Remus hadn't actually died two months ago. However, it was a fairly "Open" secret amongst the innermost Order as well as the Weasley children (who survived the rather rocky beginnings of reconciliation with Percy), Harry and Hermione.

Rowena was the first one they told, Tonks being at Grimmauld place when she visited on the last day of the Holiday. They had had to wait until the storm of sobbing had subsided, then cope with another one as she wept her joyous congratulations to both of them. She was sworn to secrecy and recruited as Maid of Honor.

All in all, the Easter "holiday" had not been very restful.

A/N: I'm "ahead" several chapters now. My Beta has chapters 38 and 39; 37 is already returned to me and going through final revisions. 40 and 41 are nearly read to send to her. My goal is to complete the story before my children get out of school May 25th. You can expect regular updates between now and then. Thank you for your patience and for reading.

On that note, I would love to know you're "out there". Constructive, specific criticism and comments are always welcome, but even a short, "I'm here and I'm reading" would mean a lot. I don't really know if anyone besides my beta and a handful of very devoted 'fans' and dear friends are reading along. Leave a review and let me know, won't you?