It hurt, everywhere. Scratches ran across my face while bite marks littered my arms and legs. I tried to calm the wave of panic that arose within me when I found it hard to breathe, but my attempts failed.
'Why me?' I wondered as I drug myself along the passageway that led to the base of the Whomping Willow, or to freedom in my opinion. A thin smile crept across my face as I answered my own unspoken question. 'Because I was foolish enough to go into the cemetery that night, because I caved in to my friends, because I had wanted to prove I wasn't afraid...'
The incident, as I like to call it, definitely had changed me in more ways than one. Yes, I did turn into a monster once a month, that's a given, but it changed me in other ways as well. I grew to be more of an introvert, I also became much quieter. maybe if no one paid attention to me, then maybe no one would notice my scars, my monthly disappearances, my pain... It had worked for a while. When I entered Hogwarts in my first year, everything had gone quite smoothly, I was the silent, nice kid no one knew the name of. I crept into the back corner of the classroom, trying to hide in the shadows and speaking only when spoken to. I ate alone, always after most of the other students left, and I spent most of my time in the library., lurking behind the covers of the books. No one bothered me and I did likewise. Everything had been perfect, but of course, things didn't stay that way...
For a time, I began to notice two other first years noticing me. As the days moved on, I saw them more and more frequently and it made me grow uneasy. When I arrived at breakfast, they were already waiting there and when I made it to the library, I saw them peering out from behind the books, watching me. Soon, my usual seat in the classroom was taken and I was forced to move to a different chair...
James Potter and Sirius Black. I don't believe I'll ever forget those names nor will I forget the people behind them. Known trouble makers in only their first year, I tried extra hard to avoid them. I already felt as though I were walking on thin ice at Hogwarts, what with my condition and all, I certainly didn't need to join forces with the two students who were most likely to be expelled before the end of their first term. Where did my plan go wrong?
When Potter and Black began taking an interest in me, I feared for the worst. I thought that maybe they were planning on pranking me...I guess I was right... They were waiting, watching, anticipating the exact moment to strike and before long, their patience paid off...
One day, I tried to avoid them by heading outside, I found myself at the Lake and surrounded by second year Slytherins who were just yearning for an unsuspecting little Gryffindor to stumble their way, much like lions looking for stragglers in a herd or some other sort of creature... It started with a bit of teasing, them making fun of my hair, my eyes, the way I breathed... The teasing I could handle, who cared if I had ears like a house elf? I certainly didn't think so, they only stuck out a little, perfectly normal for an eleven year old boy...besides, I think an owl could've perched on the ears on one of their lot, but that's beside the point... The teasing didn't bother me, but the more tangible bullying did... I swear that I must've been cursed, jinxed, and hexed a good dozen or so times, but not once did I fight back. What good would it've done? The odds were against me and as a first year, I was still trying not to kill myself with my own wand... I'd read books, yes, but books didn't much help you when you were uncontrollably spinning about and hacking up various small reptiles at the same time... Also, I didn't fight back because I knew where that got me... I'd had enough of those experiences back at home where others knew of my condition... I knew, eventually, that they would grow bored and stop, I just had to wait for that time... Much to my surprise, I didn't have to... Sirus and James, missing me I'd like to think, came out and broke up the Slytherin's antics with a few of their own. After that, I made it a top priority to always be able to match up to those two when it came to magic you weren't likely to ever use in the classroom. In other words, I broadened my study of the wizarding world. I wasn't sure if I ever fight back, but I felt that I might as well be ready to. It was this monumental moment that made way for a friendship between the three of us.
Friendship. This single word is what has, in my opinion, ruined my life. When I was "invisible" I hadn't had to make up excuses for where I was every full moon and I didn't have to lie about where my self inflicted injuries had come from... I hadn't worried about someone finding out and now began to dread the time that the monster would awake even more. I lived every day as though it were the last that I would have my friends... This sweet word had a bitter aftertaste... I knew I should've ignored their attempts at befriending me, but the hopeful child within me cried out in protest. Sure, my existence before I met the terrible two had been much less stressful, but it had also been dull and lonely... I suppose one must give something in order to receive another and that was just what I did. Yes, those two had been planning on pranking me, but they had covered their devious plot up in the inviting confines of friendship... The first half of their plan having been a success, they moved on to the second which ironically occurred in second year. What was the prank? It was pretending to be my friend until they really realized who I was, it was fooling me in to thinking that I could actually be happy... I should've known my newfound happiness was an illusion, I should've listened to that tiny, cautious voice in the back of my mind. I ignored it and that was why things turned out the way that they did, that was why they found out about my condition and about the incident...
By second year, the three of us were inseperable. If you could find James, you could find Sirius, and I usually wasn't too far behind. As we grew closer, James and Sirius began asking questions and, dissatisfied with my answers, they began seeking their own... I really must admit, together, James and Sirius were absolutely brilliant. Less than a year after I'd befriended them, they knew the truth about me. If only they'd put as much effort into their schoolwork as they did researching and studying the possible causes of my scars and monthly disapperances... It was a day like today that they confronted me with their findings...
I had just crawled back into the Gryffindor Common Room, the hospital wing was just too far away sometimes, when I ran into the two of them. I didn't protest when they led me up to our dormitory, claiming that they wished to speak to me in private. I didn' tquestion them and I didn't much care, it had been a particularly rough night and I was only interested in lying down and sleeping off my pain and misery... Calculating bunch they were, I swear they planned it after a full moon because they knew I'd be too exhausted to evade them. They seemed nervous, but that didn't seem to register either. Once we'd made it to the dormitory and I'd sat down, they asked me where the scratches on my face had come from this time. Trying to play it off as pure clumsiness, I think I told them I fell in a rose bush. They didn't buy it, even for a second, and I began to grow nervous, leave it to me to become wary much too late... They asked me if I fell before or after my dad had his appendix removed for the second time. It was then that I realized I'd made a real mess of things. I tried to change my story, but it was to no avail, the'd caught me and there was nothing I could do. While I sat there, feeling thick and looking thicker, they told me what they'd done over the holidays. They won't do any of their work during the school year, but they'll devote their entire summer to ruining their friend's life... I knew I shouldn't have gotten mixed up with them... By the time they were done presenting their case, there was nothing I could do but admit to it and to resolve myself to being forced out of school by my only friends... Again, they surprised me. I remember breaking down when Sirius told me that they hated me, but then I remember being relieved and overjoyed when James told me it was because I had been lying to them. After that, I think I passed out. I woke up in the hospital wing to a very angry Madame Pomfrey and two very worried looking friends. I never skipped going to the hospital wing again, James, Sirius, and later, Peter, never let me... It was here, in the hospital wing that I told James and Sirius about how I'd become a werewolf and it was here that I found out that my parents and a few of my professors weren't the only people who would accept me for what I was...
I talked until my mouth was dry and my voice had grown raspy. I told James and Sirius of how my "friends" had pressured me into going into the graveyard that lay behind the muggle church. I told them of how I saw the freshly dug grave be desecrated by a monster I'd seen only in books and nightmares, after all, the werewolf is one of the very few creatures that "actively seeks humans in preference to any other kind of prey". I told them of how I'd stood there, frozen in one spot, as I watched this horrendous creature devour the cold flesh of a recent addition to the quiet graveyard and how I'd run when it sought something a bit more lively... I toldl them about the werewolf attacking me as my "friends" ran away and about how my father, a mere muggle, managed to save me from the monster's jaws... I showed them the scar on my side where it had taken me into its mouth and shaken me, playing with me before it decided to devour me. If it hadn't had that poor corpse before it set its sights on me, I might not have still been alive when my father came looking fo me... I told them how my mum had taken my father and I to St. Mungo's after he carried me home and I told them how he'd nearly died and how I'd nearly died after that. My father had been lucky enough to have not been bitten, but he had managed a few broken bones and many deep cuts... I told them my mothers answer when I asked her why I'd been bitten. She told me that everything happened for a reason and we were never given more than we could handle. I don't think my mum could've handled a full grown monster and I have doubts about her being able to deal with two monsters. I guess a little, growing monster is a bit easier to contain and to control... I told them about how my dad still hasn't completely recovered and probably never will... I didn't tell them how much I hated myself for what I did to him or how I deserved their hatred... I still feel that way, but my family and friends keep weakening that feeling. James often says that he dosn't know where he'd be if I didn't help him out with Charms, but I still believe that Lily will eventually be the one to help him there. Sirius is always telling me that he's glad I'm around because otherwise he'd probably be like his parents... He says they don't much care for halfbloods and I bet the don't like monsters either... My parents don't seem to realize that I've ruined their lives forever, or at least until I can live on my own. They say that my condition has helped them realize a few things and that I shouldn't feel guilty about dad loving me enough to be one of the few people, or one of the only people, in both worlds to take on a werewolf with a walking stick and live. They all act as if what I am doesn't matter, but I wonder if they really feel that way... Whether or not they do, it's hard for me to hate myself with the people in my life that matter don't. I stumble over one of the Willow's roots and fall to the ground. My bruised ribs cry out in agony and I bite back one of the words that I'm not, according to my mum, supposed to use. Before I'm able to pick mself up, two sets of arms wrap around my own and lift me to my feet. I don't have to look up to know who they belong to.
"Oi, Remus," I hear Sirius say, "watch where you put your feet!"
I smile at him before giving James a questioning look.
"Bet'cha wonderin' why we came out here." he said, wearing the smirk that I knew to dread.
"Actually, I was wondering where Peter was." I replied. "He's inside savin' our table in the library." Sirius says.
"Yeah, we found a few books that were kind of interesting." James adds, running a hand through his hair and causing it to be, if possible, even messier. I wonder often why in the world he does that..
"Can't check 'em out though." Sirius says gravely. "It'd ruin our perfect record."
"I was beginning to think you were loking in the Restricted Section again." I reply.
"Actually," James begins, "we were."
"Found quite a few there." Sirius said with a nod.
I sighed. "What could you have possibly wanted to know, from a book, that you broke a rule in order to find?"
James gave a wide grin. "Ever heard of an Animagus before, Rem?"
Thank you for putting up with my one-shot, if you've read it, and I would appreciate it if you would review to tell me how I did at portraying Remus. I will admit that the graveyard part was not an original thought, I believe one of the author's in my favorite author's section can actually take credit for that, but I liked it very much and if they read this, hope that they will give me a swift kick in the you know where so that I can put their name down here.. The rest of the work I think is pretty original, I don't recall reading anything else like it before and as you, no doubt, know I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters from said series. I just momentarily stole them in order to get rid of this brief obsession of mine about writing a fan fic that is centered around Remus. I've been wanting to do this for a while, as I've said before, and I decided a one-shot would be best because I have issues with updates.. Ah well, I hope you'll forgive me for spelling and grammatical errors as Spell check can only do so much.. Thank you and farewell! I hope you enjoyed this! I had to get this out before the sixth book came out and possibly contradicted it.. The paragraph indentations are missing because this website doesn't like me. I assure you, I am more computer literate than it likes to make people think..