Fanfiction based in the world of Harry Potter, created by JKR. Her characters are hers. Original characters are mine. No pecuniary rewards. Please see first chapter for full disclaimers and description.
Thank you to my Beta, Elaine! Also thank you to JL, aka Kirasha who has stepped in to help as well—I love having two betas, they catch different things and make the story that much 'tighter'. I've been writing like a fiend to try and get done before HBP, so it is keeping them both very busy. Any remaining errors or roughness are my own. Please feel free to point them out!
Chapter 44: Celebrations
Bill Weasley ran the music. He set up the wireless and filled it with as many of the small wizarding music cubes as he could get his hands on. They were very small, not unlike small Muggle dice, but they each contained a great deal of music. By putting them inside the box, he could call on any song from any cube with a wave of his wand. There was a great variety of Muggle music as well as Wizarding music, as the Muggle Liaison Office and Wizarding Patents Department had arranged a lucrative agreement that allowed for the mingling trade. In truth, because of the sheer numbers of Muggles, they did have a much greater variety of music from which to choose.
"Alright, then, let's have the happy couple open the dancing for us now, shall we?" cried Bill Weasley over the first strands of "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston.
In no time at all, Remus and Tonks were gliding about the room with relative ease (Tonks kept tripping over Remus's feet, but he held her up without difficulty) as the lighting dimmed slightly.
"The wedding party, please," Bill called out again after Remus and Tonks had been dancing alone for several minutes. Harry seemed taken by surprise at this and was blushing scarlet as Hestia lead him out into the designated 'dance floor'. At least he had grown considerably since his last rather disastrous 'dance' so that he was several inches taller than she was.
Rowena had forgotten about this particular tradition and did not expect Severus to willingly participate. She remembered his blatant dislike of dancing at the Malfoy's party. The music was loud enough to cover her soft cry of surprise when a strong arm slipped about her waist and all but pushed her forward, turning her to face him when they reached the dance floor.
"Surely you have not come this far only to break with tradition now, Lupin?" he asked sardonically as he gracefully moved them to the gentle rhythm of the music.
One hand remained at her waist as he captured one of her hands in his other, though he didn't try to pull her against him. At first, her free hand rested like a nervous butterfly against his chest. She stared up at him, her eyes wide with surprise, and for a moment she was struck mute and unable to do anything but shake her head.
"I didn't expect you to want to dance. You don't like it," she said somewhat stupidly. Severed Bond or not, her body was already responding to his closeness so that her heart was thudding a traitorous tattoo against her ribs. His hand at her waist was firm and possessive, even without any exerted pressure to pull her closer.
"What experience do you have on the matter except Malfoy's fete where nothing is done without malicious purpose?" he asked with apparent amusement. "Admittedly I could list several score more productive things to do with my time, but then I could list a similar number of less pleasant as well. It is no hardship for me to dance, Lupin."
He then glanced at the chosen "DJ" for the night, and decided he needed to qualify that statement.
"Within reason."
She laughed and nodded.
"At least it isn't the twins in charge of the music," she said, a little breathlessly. It was requiring a great deal of effort to focus on the conversation rather than the confusion of her body. It was difficult to be this close to him, to have his fathomless black eyes gazing at her with that sheer intensity, and not wish to melt against him and drown in the sensations.
"The eldest boy is no better. He is merely more adept at hiding it," Severus said, one corner of his mouth quirking in amusement, as though he could read the internal war that raged inside her. She resolutely forced herself to converse on the mundane so as not to get lost in her confused emotions.
"That was very nice, Severus, what you did for my brother. Thank you. I can't imagine it was easy for you," she said sincerely, her earnest brown eyes gazing at him as a gentle smile played about her lips.
"I have no idea what you are talking about," he said evasively.
"The cauldron and ingredients for his potion? Telling Tonks you'd teach her to make it? It's a very difficult potion; I've looked it up myself. I thought I might help out by offering to make it, until I looked at it. Besides how hard it is to make, the ingredients are expensive and difficult to come by."
"You'd blow up the cauldron on your first attempt," he said with exaggerated horror at the thought of her making the potion herself. "I think perhaps your father is the last Lupin with any remote skill at potions. No doubt it is a source of great sorrow to him."
She giggled and squeezed his hand. Her mind was distracted in trying to force her emotions and conversation into some semblance of control, so that her body was free to follow its own desires, unfettered by rational reasons why it was a 'really bad idea'. Without being aware of it, she had moved closer to him, her hand sliding up his chest to rest at his shoulder, fingers unconsciously toying in his hair.
Her rational mind attempted to continue conversation.
"You're trying to change the subject. It was a nice thing that you did for my brother. Admit it."
"You again attempt to assign benevolent intent to a selfish act," he said, "I will admit to no such thing. It is much easier and more economical for me to obtain the ingredients than it would be for the laity. Tonks was one of my more skilled students—no doubt a fact that helped her in her Auror training to cover for her deficiencies in other areas."
Tonks tripped at that moment as though to emphasize his statement, almost causing both her and Remus to fall before Remus managed to right them.
"I will be relieved of an odious task by someone both competent enough and personally motivated enough to do it properly," he said airily, though she smiled at him suspiciously, revealing that she remained unconvinced.
"Why can't you just say 'you're welcome', admit you did something nice, and have done?" she asked, teasingly. "Or, if you don't like that option, you could say something sweet and flowery about how you did it for me, to make me happy, since he's my brother or something. You might as well take the credit anyway, don't you think?"
Her rational mind was losing this battle entirely, as she slipped from polite conversation to teasing flirtation without even being aware of the deterioration.
"I do not do 'nice', Lupin," he said warningly, though there was an amused glint in his eyes. "If I did do it 'for you', it would hardly plead my case if I then went about boasting about it. Besides, your brother is not so repugnant as I once thought and it does relieve me of the task at a time when every minute feels precious. It was as much an act of selfishness as benevolence at the very least. I would appear the troll had I not offered some substantial gift in light of the circumstances. Do not read more into a simple action than exists."
She sighed, though she was still smiling, and shook her head.
"You're very stubborn. Suit yourself. I still think it was surprisingly thoughtful considering your history with him. I think you did it to be nice."
"And you say that I am stubborn?" he said dryly, but offered no further argument as he danced with her. He was not unaware of her nearness, of the apparently unconscious way that her soft, warm curves moved against him as though she had melded with him so that they were one body rather than two. He was by no means displeased with the development, and allowed his hand to slide from her waist to the small of her back to bring them closer still.
"Let's bring those parents in, you two," Bill's magically magnified voice said over the music, and Remus obligingly relinquished Tonks to her father and brought his mother into the dance.
"You appear well pleased with the day's events," Severus said as he looked down at her. She was smiling happily as she watched her brother and his new bride dance with their respective parents. He was pleased to feel her relax in his arms even further. Her hand at his shoulder strayed to the nape of his neck, her fingers toying through the hair and sensitive skin there. She was so close that the flowers in her hair brushed against his jaw when she nodded.
"Remus has been very lonely for a very long time. I forgot how much I missed him when we were at odds. I'm very happy for him. It was a beautiful wedding."
"Why is that the obligatory compliment for these things?" He asked, genuinely curious. "I have heard it said repeatedly today, "a lovely wedding" as though the perfection of the ceremony has any bearing whatever on the success of the union. I find it all a great deal of inconvenience and do not understand the level of importance placed on the event."
"Ah, well, it's plain that you haven't spent much time with girls, then," she teased. He merely arched a brow at her and she continued, her voice edged with laughter.
"Talk to Katrina about it and you might get an inkling. It's the very rare woman who hasn't dreamed about her wedding day since hearing her first fairy tale. Maybe it's silly to place so much importance on the event itself, but it's the most momentous, life changing decision that most women will make in their lifetimes. A girl wants to celebrate it, make it something wonderful and magical; because it's something she's dreamed about her entire life and will remember for the rest of it. It matters."
He thought about the very great contrast between their clandestine 'wedding'—it had barely taken ten minutes and the majority of that was the Bonding ritual—and this affair. This seemed quite extravagant by comparison, even though in truth it was relatively modest due to the need for security.
"Is this what you wanted?" he asked softly, probing the slightly uncomfortable silence, wondering if her mind was likewise occupied. "All this… fuss and noise and people?"
She caught his tone of disdain, as well as the meaning behind the glance that he cast about the room. She was no longer smiling, but frowning slightly as though trying to decide how to answer. At last she shrugged.
"Yes. To you it's noise and people. To Remus and Tonks it's sharing the joy of their special day with their friends and family. What's not to want?"
"It was impossible in our situation," he said, almost defensively. She nodded.
"I know. It didn't seem to matter at the time anyway. I'd given up the idea of ever getting married at all a long time ago, so the absence of the 'story book wedding' didn't seem like any great sacrifice. It sort of turned out to be impossible altogether didn't it?" she said wryly. He seemed unable to find an appropriate answer to that, and fell silent.
Rowena had time to contemplate her feelings as she and Severus dropped their attempted conversation and simply danced together. The uncomfortable topic did not altogether banish her body's response to him, nor would she have wanted it to. She allowed herself to be aware of her body's instinctual response to his touch. Her impractical heels made her tall enough to be able to rest her head against his shoulder as they danced. He tightened his arm about her almost imperceptibly, as though he, too, wanted to be as close as possible.
The ache of the Bond was vastly improved when he held her like this and the sense of familiarity was warm and safe, even as the stirrings of desire made her feel restless, almost electrified; she ought to have felt contented. However, there was that part of her that still felt badly 'burned', so that she also felt wary. It was such a confusing dichotomy that it robbed the dance of much of its enjoyment, so that she was only a little sorry when it ended.
"Here's a new song just released by a Muggle Singer in the U.S.," said Bill again as the next tune began. ""Butterfly Kisses" by Bob Carlisle. We have our lovely bride to thank for requesting this song for her father-daughter dance. Very touching. Let's have all those dads and daughters out here now."
Rowena squeezed Severus' hand and smiled shyly at him before leaving him to find her father. Ted and Tonks wasted no time getting to the dance floor, quickly followed by Arthur and Ginny Weasley and a few other father-daughter pairings from the families that Severus did not know. A tug on the leg of his trousers drew his attention downward, so that he found himself staring into Katrina's bright-blue eyes.
"Katrina, you ought to dance with Remus," he said at once, understanding her intent immediately and looking about the room to find the werewolf.
"Severus," Remus materialized just behind him, having just left the dance floor with his mother. He apparently understood what was going on, however, because he offered his opinion—unasked. "She wants you to do it. Go on."
Severus frowned at Remus and would have argued, except that he happened to see Rowena watching them from where she was dancing with her father. She had been talking and laughing with John only a moment before, but now a worried frown marred her brow as she looked at Katrina and Severus.
Katrina would not be the only person disappointed in him if he refused. Severus looked back into the entreating face of the child, and relented.
"Very well, come then," he said. Katrina squealed with delight and skipped out to the dance floor holding tight to his hand as though afraid he would change his mind. Rowena was smiling radiantly again, though she was looking at her father and apparently trying to pretend she hadn't noticed the exchange.
Severus couldn't decide if he was more irritated with himself for giving in so easily, or because of how satisfied he felt to know that a simple gesture had made both of 'his' girls so happy… or because he was still thinking of them as 'his' girls even now.
The lyrics were indeed 'touching'. In fact they were excessively sappy for Severus' taste, though he saw more than one daughter daubing at tears, and Ted Tonks had a trail running unashamedly down his face. As he listened to the lyrics he realized that sappy or not, they did seem to convey meaning for many of the dancers.
"In all that I've done wrong I know I must
have done something right to deserve a hug
every morning and butterfly kisses at night."
He found it annoying, serving no purpose for him but to remind him what he was going to lose—what he never had to begin with—when the werewolf and his new bride adopted the child with whom he was now dancing.
He stopped listening to the words, and instead paid attention to his diminutive partner.
Katrina was beaming at him. He tried to pick her up so that she didn't have to strain her neck to look up at him, but she insisted that she wanted to 'dance', not be 'carried like a baby'. She was trying to watch his feet but kept tripping herself up, which resulted in peals of giggles.
In the end he had her stand on his feet, utterly ruining the shine of his dark shoes, and proceeded to dance her about in intricate patterns that had her giggling all the more.
She allowed herself to be picked up when the song was over, and threw her arms around his neck. She kissed him very softly on the cheek before squirming down and running off once again. Suddenly he understood more of the song's meaning, or at least the reference to 'butterfly kisses'. He angrily squashed the additional regrets to his constantly growing litany and walked sedately out of the dance area.
"Alright, folks, we've got the traditions out of the way, let's have some real DANCING!" Bill exclaimed over the music now blasting from the wireless.
"No, Katrina. I do not 'Hokey Cokey'," said Severus in a tone that would clearly brook no argument. Katrina gave up relatively quickly this time, and joined Ron, Harry, Hermione and Ginny as a large number of the revelers made a circle and began to… "Put your right hand in; take your right hand out…"
She had unsuccessfully tried to get him to do 'The Macarena', join in 'The Birdie Dance', do 'The Twist', or learn 'The Hand Jive'. Apparently Ted Tonks' selection of American music did not revolve entirely around disco, but it was almost universally undignified.
Severus sat at a table near the dance floor and observed. Rowena did not seem to share his aversion to foolishness, and graced the Cowboy with her presence more often than he liked. The gaudily dressed fop held her hands while she learned 'The Twist', so that she wouldn't break her ankle in the impractical high-heeled shoes she was wearing. The imbecile stumbled and laughed his way through 'The Macarena' and was even now standing next to her 'shaking all about' as they did the 'Hokey Cokey'.
On the rare occasions when something relatively tasteful was played, Severus did dance, in contrast to his behavior at the Malfoy's fete. He did not even limit himself to dancing only with Rowena or Katrina, though that was more to distract himself from having to watch her dance with Howard. He told himself it was to prevent people from getting 'ideas' about their relationship if he paid her too much attention.
He danced once with Becky Lupin, who was all warm friendliness; still thanking him profusely for his actions that saved her son's life. One dance with Tonks (who did far more damage to the shine on his shoes than Katrina had done) and once each with Emmeline and Hestia—because they had asked him and it seemed too rude to refuse in light of the setting.
The two Aurors seemed determined to try and get him to admit some 'juicy detail' of his relationship with Rowena, but they might as well have tried to pry secrets out of a stone for all they gained in the attempt. He was not particularly rude to them and danced gracefully enough, but his intense gaze and the majority of his attention were firmly placed elsewhere—totally ruining his careful subterfuge for anyone observant enough to notice.
When the 'Hokey Cokey' was blessedly over, the Cowboy went over to Bill and handed him several cubes that were likely a selection of his own music. Severus watched with horrified anticipation. Surely nothing that man enjoyed could be anything short of violent assault to the auditory nerves!
"Ladies and Gentlemen, Professor Howard has offered to teach us a dance from America, and brought some of his own music to share so we can learn it. I'm turning the wireless over to him for a bit," said Bill with apparent delight.
Dylan was in the same outlandish 'Rhinestone Cowboy' outfit that Dumbledore had conjured at the bachelor party. It still glittered obnoxiously in spite of the absence of the mirrored ball and strobe lights.
"This here's what folks back home call 'Country Western' music. Got some of the better stuff here. I got Garth Brooks, "Friends in Low Places," and some country remakes of "Peaceful Easy Feeling," "Tequila Sunrise," and "Lyin' Eyes." Got a whole mess of it to be honest, but that oughta get us started. I'm fixin' to teach y'all how to do what we call The Texas Two-Step. It's plumb easy once yah get the hang of it. Rowena, wanna help me out?" Dylan asked, as the twang of a guitar began to fill the room.
Rowena looked a little surprised at being singled out, but stepped forward smilingly.
"Okay, so, here's all yah do. Think kinda like a glidin' rockin' horse, or smooth skippin'. Yer not really s'posed to bounce; though it kinda feels that way. It's a two-step pattern—that's where it gets the name, see? Slow, slow, quick, quick, slow, slow, quick, quick. Don't bounce on yer feet, yah gotta rock and glide," he said, demonstrating alone first so that everyone could see his feet clearly as he danced with an invisible partner. "Now, like ev'ry grand dance, it looks a might better with a purdy gal doin' it too."
He swept Rowena into his arms and began to 'two-step' her about the room. The Garth Brooks song had a fairly rapid beat so that they were sweeping a wide path around the dance floor, her long skirt trailing behind. She was laughing and occasionally stumbling to keep up. Eventually she had to pause to kick off her shoes—the high heels were simply too wobbly.
Dylan held her close to help her keep her balance and make it easier for her to 'follow', one arm tightly around her waist while he held her hand with the other. She held onto him to stabilize herself to make the step easier, but gradually got the 'hang' of it and followed him more easily. Soon others joined in; when Hagrid grabbed Emmeline, people stepped backward so as not to be trampled in his exuberance.
"Ya're doin' grand!" Dylan said loudly, to be heard over the music.
"If I am, it's because you're a good teacher," Rowena said, laughingly. "I haven't really danced much, certainly not like this!"
Katrina and one of the Weasley twins were nearby, also trying to 'Texas Two-Step' but with much less success than Dylan and Rowena were having. However, they were having a grand time in the attempt, both laughing so hard they had tears in their eyes.
Rowena became suspicious when Dylan seemed to deliberately return to the same area of the dance floor, seemingly randomly.
"Dylan," she said at last, giving him a no-nonsense sort of look. "What are you really up to?"
"Who, me?" he asked with false innocence. When her expression made it clear that she didn't believe it for an instant, he ducked his head so he could whisper in her ear. "Don' look now, but yer beau is wishin' me to Hades and back. If he could kill with that glare, I'd be a dead man. I just figured I'd help out a friend, that's all. Sometimes a fella don't know what he's got until he thinks another fella's got it instead, see?"
"Dylan! That's horrible," she squealed, though she couldn't help laughing. "It will never work, you know. Honestly. I appreciate what you're trying to do, but don't, okay? Things are… confusing enough without adding to the mess."
"Ah. Alright, then. I was only tryin' to help," he said.
"I know. Thank you. This is something Severus and I have to work out—or not—on our own," she said, sincerely. Wasn't that part of the problem? They'd been thrown together artificially first by Albus then by the Dark Lord; she knew the only way they'd find some kind of resolution was if they managed to do it without deliberate external manipulations.
Bill allowed the 'Country Western' music to play through several more songs. The lyrics seemed to become progressively more mournful and woebegone, though the dancers didn't seem to notice as they 'two-stepped' about the room, occasionally running into one another from lack of attention and too much champagne. Dylan never relinquished Rowena as his partner, so that his white rhinestone outfit against her blue dress reminded one of a cheerful white cloud against a smiling blue sky.
The menacing dark cloud that was Severus Snape glowered from a shadowy corner near one of the leafy alcoves.
"Well, that was quite a lesson, Professor Howard, thanks!" said Bill cheerfully as the last twanging strands of the music died down and the dancers stopped. Everyone was more than a little breathless. "We've seen an example of some American dancing. Let's repay the Professor in kind! It's time to bring on the Big Band music!"
Many people, particularly the older ones, cheered at this and headed out to the dance floor, while the Weasley children, Harry and Hermione left the area to observe. The Weasley twins were rolling their eyes at the others; clearly doubting there could be much of interest in something as old fashioned as 'Big Band Music'.
Dylan and Rowena were standing together near the edge of the dance floor, watching some of the other couples already there (Dumbledore was leading Minerva through an elaborate Swing), when Severus approached them from behind.
"Has the cowboy fatigued you from his native rain-dance, Lupin?" he asked her, casting a dark glare at the taller man next to her. "If not, perhaps you would assist me in demonstrating how civilized people dance?"
"Severus!" she exclaimed reprovingly. Dylan, however, laughed.
"Never seen much fun in bein' civilized," he drawled with a grin, unintimidated by Severus' glower.
"Obviously," Severus said with a sneer. He bared his teeth in a savage mockery of a smile, while taking Rowena's hand possessively. Once in the dance area he pulled her to face him, still holding her hand, his other hand firmly encircling her waist.
"Is that your idea of 'fun', Lupin? Are you and Howard planning a lovely Celidh for your nuptials? Perhaps you might have time to teach him to 'Strip the Willow' before the happy event?" he said with an angry sneer.
"What are you on about?" she asked, both annoyed and amused. She was still breathless from the energetic Two-Step, and now he was guiding her through a Quick Step that required a similar amount of exertion. "I'm sure if Dylan ever gets married, he will have a grand Texas-style Barn Dance complete with something he calls the 'Cotton-Eyed Joe", but it won't be with me. At least Dylan knows how to have a good time and enjoy himself."
"And I do not?" he asked, picking up the implication with ease. "I had not expected you to have such low standards. Engaging in jocularity and foolishness in the pursuit of amusement."
"What is with you?" she asked, her annoyance increasing. "If you're so miserable here, leave. Go to bed. Work on your potions. Whatever you want to do—why should it matter to you that the rest of us are having a good time? It's a marriage—my brother's marriage. We are celebrating.
"You know what, I think Dylan was right. I think you're jealous!" she said, though she was even now too naïve to think the jealousy had anything to do with her, personally. It more seemed a matter of male pride and prowess.
"You are raving," he said disdainfully.
"Am I?" she asked, looking into his angry face thoughtfully. "You're not jealous because I danced so much with Dylan, are you? I was just having fun—he's a good dancer. It's not that big of a deal—look at Tonks, she can barely stay on her own two feet, but she's having fun. You don't have to be good at dancing to enjoy it."
He looked at her incredulously. The music changed at that moment, and he gave her a wicked grin that none the less spoke more of anger than amusement.
"Do you think Narcissa Black-Malfoy would allow anyone to be associated with her family as intimately as I have been and not force them through tedious instruction in all of the 'crucial' social niceties? I refused to dance at her parties, I was not permitted to refuse to learn to do it."
He then proceeded to lead her through an elaborate series of very formal dances, each in turn, spending only a few complete cycles on any given step. He did this with familiar, practiced ease that ought to have been fun, but instead managed to have the edge of anger. She had never had the benefit of lessons, nor was she blessed with any extraordinary amount of natural grace, so that it was all she could do to stay on her feet and try to follow as he led. Many of the steps she didn't even know by name.
She recognized the relatively sedate Fox Trot, and the much faster Swing. He continued to increase the pace and complexity of the steps, swirling her about until the Swing morphed seamlessly into a Jive that was even faster. In spite of his 'display', their actions seemed unnoticed amidst the rest of the dancers and guests. Most were having too much fun or too far-gone in champagne to have any notice for relative strangers.
Unbeknownst to her, he was gradually leading them closer to one edge of the room, near one of the small alcoves surrounding it. When the music stopped, he took her by the arm and slipped inside it, using simple concealment and privacy charms at the entrance to seal it behind them.
"Just because I choose NOT to do a thing, does not imply I am incapable of it, Lupin," he snarled. "If the Cowboy suits your tastes, then I have been gravely mistaken in my estimation of you—and in my own aspirations for the future. This is not a role into which I would ever 'fit'."
"What are you talking about?" she asked in frustration, still breathless from dancing.
"Is it not clear enough? I have told you I wish to be given the opportunity to attempt to repair our…" He waved his hand between them, apparently at a loss for the proper word. "…our relationship. I was under the impression that you were not unwilling to permit the attempt.
"Having now witnessed… that," he said contemptuously, now directing his negligent wave in the direction of the reception and the revelers in the next room, "I do not think such a repair is possible. I cannot be what you want. I am unwilling to behave like a court jester in the name of amusement."
"Severus, I never expected you to be anything other than yourself," she said in slightly tired exasperation. He shrugged off her words in silent disbelief, pacing about the small space in his agitation.
"A relationship cannot be salvaged if one party no longer desires it," he said bitterly, not looking at her. "I am unwilling to play the fool or waste my time. What is the nature of your relationship with Dylan Howard?"
She looked at him in silent astonishment. He really WAS jealous! She was torn between feeling amused and feeling very angry. HE was the one who pushed her away, now he was accusing HER of playing him for a fool? She thought of telling him the truth of Dylan's… sexual preference, but it wasn't hers to tell. Besides, Severus ought to trust her because he trusted HER, not because his 'competition' was gay!
"Dylan is my friend."
"He asked you to marry him," he said, shooting her an accusatory glare. "Did you plan to tell me about that?"
"He asked me when I was upset about Katrina. He knew you and I had broken off, and he was trying to be nice."
"How very kind," Severus sneered.
"Stop it! I didn't tell you because I didn't think it was an issue. I said no. I don't like him 'that way', and he doesn't feel 'that way' about me, either."
He stopped his pacing to look at her, his soul-piercing gaze pinning her to the spot in its intensity. Something in the expression made her heart start beating painfully fast again. Very slowly and deliberately he prowled closer to her. Involuntarily, she stepped backward, overwhelmed by his sheer presence. She stopped only when her back hit solid wall and its thin covering of fragrant flowering vines.
He was only inches from her, so close that she could feel the warmth of his body mingling with her own to radiate between them like a barely banked fire. Her breathing hitched again so that she felt as winded as when they had been dancing.
"What 'way' would that be, precisely?" he asked in low, silken tones as he stared down at her with his intense gaze.
"This way," she all but whimpered, struggling mightily not to close that final distance between them and lose herself in his embrace, taste his kisses again, feel like only he could make her feel.
"I see," he said, with the slightest hint of smugness. She could see his pulse at his throat and recognized the impossible darkening of his eyes as he looked at her. "Who does make you feel 'this way', I wonder?"
Anger flared more sharply within her, vying with desire at his question. He knew already! Was it necessary to gloat, to torment her with memories of what they had shared and was now gone? How often did she have to tell him her feelings when he was so closed with his?
But there seemed to be a great deal of insecurity in his actions and the distress that lead them here into this alcove. He seemed, even now to be waiting for her answer with baited breath, an edge of wariness in his expression that suggested he was bracing himself for rejection.
She knew she was making him pursue her, that her apathy since he severed the Bond was an enormous obstacle for both of them. He apparently needed some 'sign' from her that there was hope for them. Somewhere within this display of his vulnerability, she found the ability to give it.
"Only you, Severus," she said, so softly it was barely more than a whisper.
A soft sigh escaped him as he released the breath he had indeed been holding. The wariness left his countenance to leave only the newly stoked desire smoldering in his eyes. His hand reached up to caress her cheek; gentle fingers tucked a silken strand of hair behind her delicate ear before cupping her jaw tenderly.
"For me as well, Rowena," he said, just as softly but with utter sincerity. For an instant, there was no mask; no pretense, no hiding, and she basked in the warmth of his expression. "Only you."
He bent his head and caressed her lips with a kiss that he intended to be soft and gentle, a chaste promise of hope for future kisses. He had promised her as well as himself that he would not rush this, would not damage the fragile newness of what he was trying so desperately to rebuild.
It seemed that nothing between them could be soft and gentle. She moaned softly against his lips when they brushed hers, rising up on her still-bare toes to meet the kiss, her hands supporting herself against his chest. He had rarely spoken so tenderly of his feelings for her. His return admission was like a balm to her battered heart, soothing away her anger so that all that was left was longing. Her body yearned for his touch, his kiss; she could no more contain her response to him than extinguish the sun with her wand. Her encouragement tempted his resolve so that he deepened the kiss.
Just a taste…Now it was his sound of longing that filled the air as her tongue met his in glorious welcome. The taste of her was both familiar and new, an almost forgotten pleasure that he had thought never to taste of again. His hand on her face slipped around her to pull her closer to him, his fingers playing once again in the silken strands of her hair.
Rowena met each stroke of his tongue with her own, her arms winding around his neck, clinging to him desperately. Her body sung like a too-taught violin string, the sweet tension of desire filling her almost as soon as the first brush of his lips met hers. If he ended one kiss, she initiated the next, nibbling her teeth against his lower lip, her tongue seeking entrance into the moist heat of his mouth. If she ended the kiss, he merely trailed fresh kisses along her jaw to her ear before returning to reclaim her lips again, as though afraid to lose the contact now that it had been renewed. It seemed a timeless eternity of bliss, reacquainting, relearning; a reminder of what had been, a hopeful glimpse of what could possibly be again.
Her body responded to his kisses with an instant ignition of desire. Her heart, however, recoiled in fear, afraid or unable to renew her feelings for him, unable to bear the thought of being hurt like that again. She pulled away from the beckoning pleasure of his kisses with a pained cry and buried her face against his chest, trembling violently.
"I can't do this again," she said, her mournful voice muffled in the fabric of his robes. "I'm sorry… I just can't. I'm too afraid."
It was an interesting reversal of roles. For most of last summer and fall, she had been striving to earn his trust. Now, he was in the position of having to try to repair her trust in him at the deepest level, having shattered it so completely. He held her gently in his arms and rested his jaw against the flowers in her hair.
"Do not apologize. I understand. I have no claim to question your sentiments toward myself, or your behavior with other men. I will endeavor to be less intrusive," he said resignedly, though he didn't loosen his grasp of her nor attempt to move away.
She shook her head and leaned back against the wall behind her, giving enough space between them that she could look at him comfortably.
"No. You don't understand at all. There are no other men, Severus—surely you know that by now? I don't know if that helps with this whole 'repairing' thing or not, but I don't want you to think there's someone else. We have enough trouble with misunderstandings as it is without throwing imaginary ones into the mix. I don't know if I can ever love you again like I did—but I know I won't ever love anyone else."
He stared at her silently as she spoke, and for a time after. He shook his head in bemusement and caressed her face again, as though unable to believe she was real.
"You are quite extraordinary. I do not deserve your kindness in any form, especially after what I have done to you. Yet here you stand, offering me the reassurances that I did not realize I needed to hear."
He wanted to promise to fix everything, to earn her trust again, never to hurt her again, never to leave her again—but he could not, on any level. The war still raged; the same obstacles were there, unchanged, no matter how he might rail internally at the unfairness of it. He could offer her no promises until the war was over—if he survived.
"I hope to earn your trust again, Rowena."
She smiled tremulously and hugged him again, but said nothing. The muffled noise of the reception suddenly became louder, more raucous than it had yet been, and he took her by the hand to return to the main room.
"It sounds like your brother and his bride have been caught attempting to sneak out of their own party," he said with amusement. "Isn't that the final tradition? The bride and groom are supposed to try and slip away unnoticed, while the guests are supposed to make certain that they fail at the attempt? You ought to go and join in the fray."
Sure enough, Tonks was blushing scarlet and Remus was grinning sheepishly, both of them standing near the door. Someone apparently had enchanted it to alarm if they tried to leave, which it was still doing, a magically magnified wolf-whistle that was clear even over the music and laughter of the guests. All attention was turned to the door toward the newlyweds, many of the guests joining in the magical alarm with cat-calls and whistles of their own. The older Weasley boys and some of Ted's relations tossed out suggestive comments that made Tonks bury her face against Remus' shoulder in her embarrassment.
"Very funny," Remus said loudly, having to shout to be heard over the noise. "You've had your fun, now whoever sealed this door can come and open it now, please."
No one came forward, of course, and Remus tried several spells without success. Even his gentle good-humor was being tested it seemed, and he all but growled in frustration.
"Where is my sister? Ah, Rowena—there you are… will you please see if you can open this door—or better yet, identify the delightful person who sealed it so that I can make them do it?"
The crowd laughed at the 'threat' as Rowena made her way forward and examined the door. Flitwick came over as well once he realized that Remus really couldn't open it, and she demurred to his expertise. It even took him several minutes to get it open, but he was chuckling cheerfully all the while. He took his charms very seriously, and was always delighted to come across an especially strong one. The Weasley twins were standing with Ron and Harry with amused, politely curious expressions that managed to look far more suspicious than their usual mischievous grins.
At last the door was open, and with a quick hug to his sister and a wave to the room at large, Remus took his new bride and made their 'escape'. Several people ran to the astronomy tower and up the stairs so they could wave the carriage off. The Weasley twins were among the first in the crowd, even though it was difficult to run properly with the heavy box carried between them. Rowena followed, hesitatingly because of her fear of the height. The sounds of the twins' fireworks echoed down the stairs before she was even halfway up.
It was well after midnight, and Dumbledore received word from Sir Nicholas that all students except those at the wedding were accounted for in their beds, so Severus felt safe enough to follow as well. He slipped his arm around her waist and escorted her up the stairs. She held onto him tightly, but with his strong presence she made it all the way to the parapet to wave with the majority of the other guests. The twins' fireworks were spectacular, if a bit lewd—Rowena was quite certain that the horseback figure chasing the carriage was meant to be Lady Godiva!
Several clunky shoes dragged noisily behind the carriage, to the annoyance of the thestrals pulling it. Remus and Tonks hung out of the carriage windows to wave back at the castle, and were soon lost to sight in the dark night. The rest of the guests slowly trickled back down the stairs to the Room of Requirement to gather their belongings before heading home.
Rowena seemed content just to stand there in the peaceful evening, staring with a wistful smile at the path where the carriage had disappeared. These fireworks seemed to be of the more 'normal' variety, as they eventually faded gently into the night, a few remaining enough to cast a faint glow as they continued, presumably, to chase the carriage. Severus stayed with her, equally content to hold her safely in his arms—pleased that she felt safe enough with him to stay in the tower as the silence of the night blanketed them.
He had to admit to himself, here alone with her, surrounded by the brilliantly starry night in the castle's highest tower, that it did feel a little like a fairy tale. Perhaps, if he ever managed to convince her to marry him again, he would do the thing properly next time. If she gave him 'veto' power over the music choices, that is.
A/N: Sorry I'm behind on my updates, I know I usually do it Saturday. Please see my LiveJournal at weasleyfan if you would like more descriptions/definitions than what I have here:
Ceilidh is a sort of party that is predominately Celtic (thanks JL) but it is mentioned on HPBritglish as being a common sort of 'party' for wedding receptions. Very fun, energetic, lots of music/drinking/carrying on, and very laid back. In the U.S., our equivalent, at least in my neck of the woods, would be a barn dance. In this reference, please assume that the Pureblood Elite of the Wizarding world look down upon a grand old Ceilidh as being 'common'.
"Strip the Willow" is a dance name given to me from the same LJ community as being a big group dance that is a little wild and a tad risqué. One person said it was the sort of dance you did after the Grandma's went to bed.
"Cotton-eyed-Joe" is the name of a dance popular in areas of Texas (thanks again Surgical Steel).
Basically, Severus was deriding the cowboy. Is anyone surprised? Heh.
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