The day after the article was published, Malfoy was suspiciously nowhere to be found. Hermione, upon hearing this news, figured that he had gone into hiding and had given herself a huge pat on the back. Life was suddenly much easier for the three of them. They no longer had to worry about being verbally abused by each and every one of Malfoy's snide comments on their way to class.

The day in which the article had appeared in Hogwarts proved to be a hilarious one. Every once in a while when Malfoy was passing in the halls you would hear someone yell out, "Hey Draco! How's your better half?" Sometimes you even heard the occasional, "Hey Malfoy! When are we going to meet your husband, or wife, or whatever it is? Expecting yet?" The thing that was truly great about it was that Malfoy was so stupid that he didn't yet realize that Hermione had written the story, even though she added that thing about her being "Exhaustingly beautiful" which she thought would be a dead giveaway.

Another added bonus was that they still heard stories about Malfoy and the flobberworm that people had made up themselves. Hermione heard from a couple of 4th year Hufflepuffs that Malfoy had gone away to live with the flobberworms. Hermione also heard the ridiculous, although hilarious, rumor that Malfoy went off to start a singing career with his new flobberworm partner. All of these rumors were exactly what Hermione had wanted and expected and she was soon very popular with Harry and Ron.

"Hermione," Ron had said out of nowhere one day, "I just wanted you to know that you are incredibly brilliant."

"Thanks, Ron."

"Yeah Hermione," said Harry, "that was the most brilliant idea you've ever had."

"Thanks, Harry."

Hermione rather enjoyed this attention because usually it was always Ron and Harry hanging out together and she would be in the library. "Even Crabbe and Goyle seem to be missing," said Hermione triumphantly. "I guess they really can't survive without Malfoy to lead them. They probably went in to hiding with him, the dunderheads."

"Yeah," Harry said, "they're a bit like parasites if you ask me. So who are you writing about next?"

"I don't know," Hermione said, furrowing her brow, "I still should write about someone who is fairly insignificant."

"What do you mean by insignificant?" asked Ron.

"Oh, you know, somebody with very little or no power who wouldn't be able to stop us if they found out. You know, like students or others in the school that have no authority.

"How about Pansy?" suggested Harry.

"Nah, too easy."

"Crabbe or Goyle?" said Ron.

"No. It wouldn't be as funny since they aren't here to make fun of after it's published. Plus they're too stupid. People will think that whatever I write is normal for them."

"Cho Chang!" Harry practically screamed it.

"What?" Hermione said, looking puzzled. "Why would you want to seek revenge on her?"

"Because she embarrassed me a few times, remember?" Harry said hopefully, looking at Hermione.

"Harry. That's because you are tactless when it comes to women. Plus she would cry about it."

"But..."

"Anyone else besides Cho, Crabbe, Goyle, and pug-face...I mean Pansy?" said Hermione, cutting Harry off.

"I know!" said Ron very abruptly. "Filch!"

Hermione grinned. "That's perfect. Good thinking Ron."

Ron sat beaming, Harry scowled at him.

"Okay," Hermione said, scribbling words down on her parchment, "Now I just need a ridiculous story for him."

She looked around the room for some form of inspiration but none came. Seeing the confused look on her face, Harry gave a suggestion. "How about we make him out to be an avid cross-dresser?"

Hermione screwed up her nose in disgust. "Eww, no. Even I don't want to imagine Filch in a mini skirt.

"How about he marries Mrs. Norris?" suggested Ron.

"I think we've outplayed the whole married-a-different-species scoop."

"He's a ballerina?"

"Again, gross."

"A toad?"

"Okay, now you're just being stupid."

Both Harry and Ron shrugged their shoulders. Asking those two for help was hopeless. It was kind of like talking to monkeys only maybe a little bit worse. Then it suddenly hit her.

"I think I have it!" she suddenly shouted.

"What is it?" asked Ron enthusiastically. "It's the Mrs. Norris thing right?"

Hermione sighed.

"No Ron I already told you I'm not using that idea," she said as she gathered her things and started heading towards her dorm.

"Well what is it?" shouted Harry.

"You'll have to wait like everyone else!"

The door slammed and Ron and Harry were suddenly alone in the common room.

"I hate it when she says that," said Ron.

The next morning when the post came, Hermione tore open a copy of the nearest Quibbler and began to search for her story. By now, the whole hall was looking at her expectantly and most likely waiting to get their own copy. She found the story on page four again and repeated what she had done before. She handed Harry and Ron a copy and then started selling them to everyone else. All the students were in a rush to receive one.

The article, once again, was headed off by a moving picture. This time it was Filch dressed in a ridiculous clown suit. Mrs. Norris was in his arms wearing what looked like a ruffled collar and a jester hat complete with dangling bells. The article read:

Argus Filch, Part Time Caretaker, Seeks To Be Next Biggest Circus Star

Argus Filch is a man of many talents. This wonderful man's main job is Caretaker to the grounds of Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry but not many people know that he is hiding a big secret. We have a source that informs us that Argus Filch is secretly a Circus Clown! With his partner, "Mrs. Norris the Magnificent" seen in above picture, Argus has been hard at work as a regular birthday clown with big hopes of making it big at the big top. We once again have an interview with the jaw-dropping, beauty queen Hermione who says that she has seen Argus Filch at his clownish activities more than once.

"Yes I have seen him in a full clown costume. He looks extremely funny with his huge shoes and his little hat with a daisy sticking out of it. I have also seen his routine and it is amazing. I never would have believed it but then I remembered that he has tons of confiscated toys, and various Zonko products in his cabinets. I wouldn't be surprised if he was building his very own circus in his office right now."

We weren't able to get inside his office but we were able to find out several other things from many other students.

"There is always music coming from his office." says one very excited Hufflepuff.

"I caught him in full costume once," says a small boy named Colin Creevy. "He let me take a picture of him. Wow, he was amazing."

"I always thought that there was something different about that Filch," says one Gryffindor Dean Thomas. "Now I know why he has that cat so well trained."

We also got in an interview with one of the teachers at Hogwarts.

"Filch is great," says Rubeus Hagrid, Care of Magical Creatures professor, "kind of shifty eyed in a way; but hey it could just be a pair of joke eyes from Zonko's joke shop!"

Well there you have it, despite his dirty appearance and evil personality there lies a joyful person who has dreams just like every other witch, wizard, and muggle alike. We wish Filch much luck and a successful career as Hogwarts own resident funnyman.

The Great Hall was already erupting with laughter. Hermione had gotten the idea for this after thinking about monkeys. They reminded her of the circus and therefore reminded her of clowns. She was incredibly happy that it had worked out.

"Again," Ron yelled amongst the waves of laughter, "brilliant. Incredibly brilliant."