It's all Greek to me
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "Fate? No I think is a guy gets hit by a bus it's because he wasn't looking"
&&&&
Magcat – When it comes to my parodies, it matters what's available, For instance, for this parody, I had an online script. If I can't get a script online, I buy the DVD and stick it on subtitles, pressing pause with every new line.
Dischickdigsdafuzzydude – The evil potion was in my Wild Wild West parody, which still needs to be re-written, now, sadly, from scratch, as the floppy disc with the parody on..err..died.
Skyysong – You're parodying IT? Stephen King's IT? Awesome! I still need to read that book, I have it, haven't read it. There's no way I can watch the movie, I have a mind numbing fear of clowns….yeah,
&&&
ACT 3 - A Fate worse than death
&&&&
We see Pyro's boat dock, and he gets out by his Underworld castle, a big nasty skull
"...How homely", says Evan
"Pain!", snaps Pyro.
Freddy, now a little red imp waddles down the stairs
"I look like a red, fat Kurt, for crying out loud!", mutters Freddy,
"Hey!...I don't really look like that", Kurt pauses, "...do I?"
"Errrr...", Evan blinks, "LINE!"
"Coming, your most lugubriousness", says Freddy.
He trips on the stairs, bonking his head on each one as he goes down, before landing on a very pointy looking trident
"Owww that f..."
"TWO LETTERS: P & G!", yells Evan
"...I mean", Freddy whimpers, "...owie"
"Panic!", shouts Pyro.
Todd, now a greeny blue imp, with bizarre horns, also follows, having what appears to be a panic-attack.
"Why the role?", asks Todd.
Panic was my most favourite character in the movie, and so you, my favourite character in Evo, get to play him...even if he's a bit of a eerrr... wreck.
"Nifty keen", says Todd, then goes into Panic-mode, "Oh, I'm sorry, I can handle it!"
Obviously not handling it very well, he trips over Fred, sailing through the air before landing horns first in Fred's rear end.
"For the love of...!", shouts Freddy.
"Your character's name is Pain, get used to it", says Evan, "I thought you were invulnerable anyway!"
"I am", says Freddy, "...I was trying out my acting skills, pretending I was in pain"
"Stop that", says Evan
Fred stands to attention
"Pain", he says.
He turns around, so Todd is sideways, giving a salute
"And Panic", adds Todd.
"Reporting for duty!", they say cheerfully in unison.
Pyro blinks, before shaking his head, walking past them
"Fine, fine, fine, just let me know the instant the Fates arrive", he says.
Freddy yoinks Todd free, an both smile
"Oh! They're here!", says Todd happily.
Pyro's little blue flame turns into a huge inferno
"I LOVE this role!", giggles Pyro.
"..I'm glad we fire-proofed the set", muses Evan, "I really am"
"WHAT!", screams Pyro, "The Fates are here and you didn't tell me!"
Fred and Todd whimper, grovelling as, by our wonderfully, and way over-budgeted special effects make them shape-shift into worms.
"We are worms!", they whine in unison, "Worthless worms!"
Pyro pinches the bridge of his nose, his fire turning blue again
"Memo to me, memo to me", he mutters, "main you after my meeting"
The scene changes to a big cavern in the Underworld. Agatha, Destiny and Wanda are inside. Through the magic of special effects, it looks like they have blank eye sockets, with only one eyeball to share, which is currently in Destiny's singular eye socket.
"...Well, this is a flattering look", mutters Wanda.
"Darling, hold that mortal's thread of life good and tight", says Destiny.
Destiny cuts a thread with a pair of scissors, we hear a scream
"Incoming!", shouts Wanda joyfully.
The soul of Taryn sweeps through the room and into a hole, there is a pleasant little ding as the counter above the hole adds a number to proudly declare 'Over 5000000001 served'. Pyro blinks, before giving a smile.
"Ladies! hah!", he says, "I am so sorry that I'm..."
"Late", the Fates say in unison.
"We knew you would be", says Agatha.
"We know everything", says Wanda
They pass the eyeball to each other, sticking it in their own eye sockets as they speak in turn
"Past", says Agatha.
"Present", says Wanda
"And future", says Destiny.
Destiny lowers her voice to Todd
"Indoor plumbing - it's gonna be big"
"Great. Great", says Pyro, "Anyway, see, Ladies, I was at this party, and I lost track of..."
"We know!", says the Fates in unison.
Pyro pauses, sighing, before walking over to a big map of the world in the middle of the cavern, with little figures representing various Gods and Monsters on it.
"Yeah. I know.. you know", he says, "So, here's the deal. Sabes, Mr High and Mighty, Mr. 'Hey, you, get off my cloud', now he has..."
"A bouncing baby brat", say the fates in unison, Wanda smacks Destiny on the head, popping out the eyeball and putting it in one of her eye sockets.
"We know".
Pyro's hair becomes an inferno again, before settling back
" I KNOW...you know", he snaps, before calming, "I know. I got it. I got the concept, so let me just ask: Is this kid gonna mess up my hostile takeover big, or what? What do you think?"
He creates a little figure of baby Sam in his crib, putting it on the board
"Uuuum", starts Wanda.
"Oh no, you don't. We are not supposed to reveal the future", says Destiny, sucking a spider up her nose.
"..Lovely", grimaces Evan.
"Oh wait, I'm sorry. Time out", says Pyro, "Can I? Can I ask you a question, by the way? Are you, did you cut your hair of something? You look fabulous"
He holds Wanda's hand playing with her hair, a strand falls out, which he quickly puts back in
"Moocher", growls Wanda, "I outta..."
"Don't you take my snugglebunnylumpkin away!", shouts Todd.
Wanda rolls her eyes, before giggling
"I mean, you look like a fate worse then death", smiles Pyro.
Wanda giggles more, causing Destiny to smack her on the head, her eyeball falling out into Todd's hands
"I got it, my love...", shouts Todd, he pauses, before passing it to Freddy, trying to wipe his hands on his sides, "Oh, gross!"
"Yech!", says Freddy, "It's blinkin'!"
Fred drops it, kicking it away. Pyro catches it, plucking off a hair and wiping it on his toga.
"Ladies, please, my fate...", he smiles, putting the eyeball in Wanda's hand, "Is in your lovely hands"
Wanda gives a happy squeak, looking at the other two
"Ohhh", she says.
"Oh, all right", sighs Agatha.
"Yeah!", says Wanda happily.
She releases the eye, which floats in the middle of the Fates as they form a circle. It turns into a light, showing pictures within it
"In 18 years precisely", says Destiny, "The planets will align ever so nicely"
The ball shows this happening
"Ay, verse!", says Pyro, "Oy"
"The time to act will be at hand", continues Destiny, "Unleash the Titans, your monstrous band"
It shows Bobby, Storm, Amara and Lance escaping, climbing Mt Olympus
"Mm-hmm, good, good", muses Pyro as Destiny continues.
"Then the once-proud Sabes will finally fall, And you, Pyro, will rule all!"
It shows Sabes failing to fight the Titans, and then Pyro standing over Mt Olympus. Pyro's hair turns into an inferno as he does a happy dance.
"Yes!", he shouts happily, "Pyro rules!"
"A word of caution to this tale", says Destiny, holding up a finger.
Pyro's inferno and happy dance ends abruptly
"Excuse me?"
The image shows Sam riding on Jottern, holding a sword, Pyro shrinking from the light
"Should Samuel fight, you will fail!", finishes Destiny.
The Fates cackle, all three sucking themselves into the ball, the ball itself plinking out of existence. Pyro blinks, before the inferno returns.
"WHAT!"
"She said you'd fail", says Evan helpfully.
Pyro clams down, running a hand through his flaming hair as it turns blue again
"Okay, fine, fine", eh says, "I'm cool, I'm fine"
We change a scene to a dinging elevator (or in my case, lift) which opens to show Pyro, Todd and Fred inside a chamber with skeletons inside, in the middle, something being held by an eerie light. Both imps flinch as the addresses them.
"Pain? Panic?", he says, "Got a little riddle for ya. How do you kill a god?"
Fred holds up his hand as if her really knows the answer
"I...", he trails off, "do not... know"
"You can't", grins Todd, "They're immortal?"
"Bingo! They're immortal", says Pyro.
He takes a vial from the eerie light, showing it filled with red liquid.
"So, first you got to turn the little sunspot mortal", he growls.
"I am mortal", says Roberto, "...I think"
"For the last time, it's not you!", snaps Evan, "cut!"
&&&&&
Well, wasn't that a fun act? Do review. Until next time...