It's all Greek to me
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "The time-traveling is just too dangerous. Better that I devote myself to study the other great mystery of the universe: women!"
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Dischickdigsdafuzzydude – The quote was from Xaiolin Showdown. But yes, I agree, that wacky inventor rules.
Well done for those who took a guess at my Superhero's, here they are: The Oracle was the ship Namor's father sailed, Namor is the Submariner, Sue Storm is the Invisible Woman from Fantastic Four, Clarkeus is Clark Kent, AKA Superman, Flasheus is, well, Flash, and Grimmeus is Ben Grimm, AKA the ever lovin' blue eyed Thing. The green crockery guy was the Hulk and Stevilles was, of course, Steve Richards, Captain America.
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ACT 7 - D.I.D
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We open with Sam and Logan riding in the sky on Jottern
"So, what's in Bayville?", asks Sam.
"A lot of problems...", Logan laughs, "no kiddin'!. It's a big tough town, good place to start building a rep"
They pause as they hear a woman screaming
"That hurt my poor sensitive ears", says Logan, "Sounds like your basic D.I.D. - Damsel In Distress"
Jottern dives to the ground, landing in a swamp
"Ewwww, we're never going to get the swamp smell out of this costume", moans Jean.
They pull back some bushes, to see Tabby running through the swamp
"I get hot buff Sam", grins Tabby, "ooooh yeah!"
"….", says Sam.
Close behind Tabby is Lucas, now in a centaur suit
"I kinda wish Todd Fan never saw season 4", he grumbles, "she's taken a liking tae me".
Lucas grabs Tabby in his hands
"Not so fast, sweetheart"
"I swear, Lucas", growls Tabby, "Put me down or I'll..."
"Whoo! I like 'em fiery!", grins Lucas.
"Bad dum bump", says Evan.
Sam narrows his eyes from the bushes as Logan tries to instruct
"Now remember, kid", he says, "First, analyze the situation. Don't just barrel in there without thinking. Eh?"
He blinks, seeing Sam already making his way towards them
"I HATE KIDS!", screams Logan, "He's losin' points for this!"
Lucas attempts to sneak a kiss from Tabby, while she pushes his face away
"Halt!", Sam pauses, "Ooooh, a'h have a good hero voice"
Both Lucas and Tabby blink at him. Lucas snorts, leaning down to glare at Sam
"Step aside, two legs", he growls.
"Pardon me, my good, uh, uh", Sam pauses, "... sir. Ah'll have to ask you to release that young..."
"Keep movin', junior", says Tabby, unimpressed.
Sam pauses, blinking
" ...lady", Sam finishes, then blinks, "But you...are...aren't you a damsel in distress?"
Tabby rolls her eyes, from where she's still stuck in Lucas' hand
"I am a damsel, I am in distress. I can handle this", she gives him a sweet smile, "Have a nice day"
"This isn't a Siren thing again.. is it?", asks Evan, rolling his eyes.
"Bite me, cocktail stick!", snaps Tabby.
Sam falters, before clearing his throat
"Uh..ahem", he goes back to his hero voice, "Ma'am, ah'm afraid you may be too close to the situation to realize..."
Sam draws his sword, only to have Lucas swat him away as if he were a fly. Sam blinks, losing his sword in the swamp water
"Ohhh! What are you doin'?", shouts Logan, "Get your sword!"
" Right, right.. Rule number15", says Sam, "A hero is only as good as his weapon!"
He pulls what he thinks is a sword out of the swamp, it turning out to be a fish, which screams.
"...Screaming fish", Evan blinks, "...'kay"
Lucas blinks, before laughing, while Tabby, for a damsel in distress, looks quite frankly, bored. Lucas swats Sam away again, while Logan holds back Jottern from getting involved in the fight.
"The magic pixies tell me to fight, to fight!", shouts Scott
"See, Jean?", moans Warren, "He's already trying to get us killed!"
"Whoa! Hold it! Hold on!", says Logan, "He's gotta do it on his own. Come on, kid! Concentrate! Use your head!"
Sam blinks, before smiling
"Oh..."
He cannonballs into Lucas, sending him flying off into the waterfall, Tabby being tossed into the water.
"All right! Not bad, kid", Logan cheers, then pauses, "...Not exactly what I had in mind, but not bad".
Tabby sits up in the water, completely drenched, her hair covering her face. Sam winces, walking over to pick her up, putting her on a tree branch out of the way.
"Oh, gee, Miss, Ah'm...ah'm really sorry", he says, "That was dumb"
(namused, Tabby pulls back her hair
"Yeah"
Suddenly, Lucas comes charging out of the waterfall again
"That bloody hurt!", he snaps.
"Excuse me", says Sam.
Her runs off to fight with Lucas again, while Tabby tries to squease the water out of her hair. Logan hopping onto a stone next to her to cheer Sam on.
"Nice work", cheers Logan, "Excellente!"
"Is wonderboy here for real?", laughs Tabby.
"What are you talking about? Of course he's real", Logan groans, "...do I have to do this line? It makes me feel cheap and nasty...like Sabertooth"
"HEY!", growls Sabertooth from backstage.
"Sorry, Logan, it's in the script", shrugs Evan.
Logan shudders, before smiling, sidling up to Tabby
"And by the way, sweet cheeks, I am real too"
"Ugh", says Tabby, rolling eye eyes and punching him into the water.
Meanwhile, Sam is rodeo-riding Lucas, before jumping off, punching him high into the air. Lucas comes back to earth, three horseshoes landing on his head, making a goose egg, before the fourth one lands around the bump. Jottern flies over, blowing on Lucas lightly
"Thank ye and goodnight!", says Lucas.
Lucas collapses into the water. Jottern dances happily on his unconcious body
"Dancey, dancey, dancey!", giggles Scott.
"Die you hot, hot guy you!", says Jean.
"Huh?", asks Scott.
"Great, I'm stuck in the middle of a soap opera", moans Warren.
"How was that, Logan?", asks Sam, grinning.
"Rein it in, rookie. You can get away with mistakes like those in the minor decathlons, but this is the big leagues", says Logan.
"At least a'h beat him", protests Sam, "Didn't a'h?"
"Next time don't let your guard down because of a pair of big goo-goo eyes!", snaps Logan, "It's like I keep tellin' ya. You gotta stay focused, and you..."
Sam, not focused, wanders off to check on Tabby. Jottern holds his hoof up for a high five, but is ignored completely as Sam passes him.
"...Awww, I feel so unloved", says Scott sadly.
Jottern growls at Tabby, crossing his forelegs and snorting, Logan repeating the process with a bleat.
"Are you, uh, all right", Sam asks, "Miss, uh..."
Tabby stands up, Sam getting a face-full of wet hair
"...Eww..swamp water", he says.
"Tabara. My friends call me Tabby", Tabby pauses to consider this, "...At least they would if I had any friends"
She hands Sam a sandle while she goes on trying to get swamp gunk out of her hair and outfit.
"So, did they give you a name along with all those rippling pectorials?", she asks.
Sam, being Sam, and a nervous wreak around anyone of the opposite sex
"Okay, a'h get it", snaps Sam, "What's wrong with being good an' wholesome? Huh?!"
Sorry, nothing, nothing at all. Sam, manages to forget exactly WHAT his name is for a moment, and starts to stammer.
"Uh, ah'm, um, uh.."
"He's so cute! Can I keep him?", giggles Tabby, "Are you always that articulate?"
She smiles, taking her sandle back
"Samuel..my..ahem", Sam coughs, "Ma'h name is Samuel"
"Samuel, huh?", Tabby smirks, "I think I prefer wonderboy"
Jottern lands next to Sam, trying to cover his face with a wing
"White, all you will see is white!", says Warren.
Sam brushes his feathers aside, looking through them.
"So, uh, how..", Sam pauses, "How-how'd you get mixed up with the, uh..."
"Pinhead with hooves?", asks Tabby, "Well, you know how men are. They think that 'no' Means 'yes' and "get lost" means 'take me, I'm yours'"
Sam nods along, trying to make it seem like he knows what's she talking about before looking confusedly at Jottern, who shrugs.
"Don't worry, Shorty here can explain it to ya later", she says, pointing at Logan, "Well, thanks for everything, Sam. It's been a real slice"
"You sound a little bit like Forge", says Evan.
"Wait!", says Sam, "Um.. can we give you a ride?"
Jottern snorts, flying up into the branches
"Three people?", shouts Warren, "Not counting the idiots I'm stuck in the costume with, are you nuts?. I can't lift that much!"
"Uh, I don't think your Pinto likes me very much", says Tabby, looking up.
"Jottern?", Sam laughs, "Oh, no, don't be silly. He'd be more than happy to...ow!"
An apple bonks him on the head, he looks up to see Jottern whistling innocently.
"The pixies did it", says Scott.
"I'll be all right. I'm a big, tough girl", says Tabby, punching his arm, "I tie my own sandals and everything"
She waves, walking off, swaying her hips
"Bye-bye Wonderboy"
Sam waves, a goofy smile on his face
"Bye... ", he sighs, "She's something, isn't she, Logan?"
"Yeah, oh yeah, she's really something", nods Logan, "A real pain in the patella! Earth to Sam!"
He jumps on Sam's shoulder, squeasing his nose
"Come in Sam! Come in Sam!", he shouts, "We got a job to do, remember? Bayville is still waitin'"
He whistles, Jottern flying from the tree, picking them both up
"Yeah", sighs Sam, "Yeah. a'h know"
Tabby watches them fly off before going deeper into the deep dark woods, a rabbit and a gopher jumping into her path
"BUNNY!"
There is a crash from backstage
"I think Forge is dead", comes Danielle's voices form backstage.(1)
"...There goes our special effects team of one", sighs Evan, "Jason, fill in with illusions until Forge regains conciousness"
"Aw.. how cute", says Tabby, then frowns, "A couple of rodents looking for a theme park".
The bunny frowns, speaking in Freddy's voice.
"Who you callin' a rodent, sister?", he points at his fluffy white tail, "I'm a bunny!"
"And I'm his gopher", nods the gopher in Todd's voice.
"Ta-dah!", they says as they shift into their own forms.
"I thought I smelled a rat", Tabby sighs.
A stream of smoke brushes against her chin
"Tabby", grins Pyro.
"Speak of the devil", says Tabby, rolling her eyes.
Pyro floats her over to him on his smoke
"Tabby, my little flower, my little bird, my little nut, Tabby", he smiles, "What exactly happened here?"
He creates a chess board out of his smoke, a few monsters on it, including Lucas
"I thought you were gonna persuade the river guardian to join my team for the uprising", he sighs, "and here I am, kind of river guardian-less"
"I gave it my best shot", says Tabby, "but he made me an offer I had to refuse"
"Fine. So, instead of subtracting two years from your sentence, hey, I'm gonna add two on, okay?", says Pyro, dissipating the chess board, "Give that your best shot"
"Look, it wasn't my fault", snaps Tabby, "It was that Wonderboy, Samuel"
Pyro blinks. Todd starts hopping around worriedly around by Freddy
"Samuel?", squeaks Todd, "Why does that name ring a bell?"
"I don't know", Freddy shrugs, "Um, maybe we owe him money?"
"As a matter of fact…", starts Sam, backstage.
Pyro walks over to by Tabby, leaning on the tree
"What was that name again?"
"Samuel", says Tabby, not noticing Pyro's hair flame up, "He comes on with this big, innocent farm boy routine but I could see through that in a peloponnesian minute"
"A'h AM a innocent farm boy!", protests Sam.
"Wait a minute. Wasn't Samuel the name of that kid we were" Freddy trails off, "...supposed...to"
Both Todd and Freddy blink before screaming
"Oh my gods!", they scream in unison.
"Run for it!", screams Freddy.
They do so, screaming. Pyro catches them, dragging them back, chocking them
"So you took care of him, huh? Dead as a door nail", growls Pyro, "Weren't those your exact words?"
"This might be a different Samuel!", tries Freddy.
"Yeah! I mean, Samuel is a very popular", Todd's voice goes weird as Pyro chocks the life out of him, " name nowadays!"
"Remember, like, a few years ago every other boy was named Paul and the girls were all named Riley?", tries Freddy.(2)
Pyro twitches.
"I'm about to rearrange the Cosmos and the one schlemiel who can louse it up is waltzing around IN THE WOODS!"
He tosses Todd and Freddy to the ground, who change into corcroaches, Pyro explodes, sending flames all over the place. Tabby calmly ducks one as he calms down again, Todd and Freddy turning back to themselves
"Wait. Wait, big guy", says Freddy, "We can still cut in on his waltzing"
"That's right! And-and-and at least we made him mortal", says Todd, "that's a good thing. Didn't we?"
"Hmm.. Fortunately for the three of you we still have time to correct this rather egregious oversight", says Pyro, pulling them close as smoke ominously surrounds them, "And this time, no foul-ups"
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(1) – If you really, really, really don't know my fics, I gave Forge a crippling phobia of rabbits. Yes, I'm evil.
(2) – Paul was Scott's friend who vanished and Riley is 'Rah-Rah-Riley', who used to bully Kitty.
Ooooh spookie. Do review. Until next time...