It's all Greek to me

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "Oh, I've hit rock-bottom. I'm hanging out with a security guard who lives with his father".

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ACT 10 - Throwing the right curves

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We open on the mountain side, where Pyro is destroying vases

"Yey, I get to break stuff!", he giggles, "PULL!"

Todd and Fred toss the vase into the air, and Pyro disintergrates it with a flameball.

"Nice shooting, Rex", says Tabby sarcastically.

"I can't believe this guy. I throw everything I've got at him", rants Pyro, "And it doesn't even..."

He pauses at the odd squeaking sound coming from Freddy's feet. He looks down to see Fred is wearing a pair of Air-Sam sandals

"What. Are. Those?", growls Pyro.

Freddy blinks, looking at his new sandals

"Um.. I don't know", he said, "I thought they looked kinda dashing".

Pyro's hair flickers as he closes in on Fred, Freddy's happy smile fading as Pyro's shadow looms over him

"I've got 24 hours to get rid of this bozo", he growls, "or the entire scheme I've been
setting up for 18 years goes up in smoke and you. Are. Wearing. His. MERCHANDISE!"

He pauses before charring Fred, hearing a slurping sound. He turns to see Todd, drinking SAMULADE through a straw. Todd stops, giving a nervous laugh, holding out the cup

"Thirsty?"

Pyro flips out, from below the mountain, they see it erupt into a ball of flame, Sam and Logan shrug, going back to their work. Back up top Tabby chuckles as Pyro calms down, flicking her hair into his face before walking to the edge of the mountain to look down at Sam.

"Looks like your game's over", she smirks, "Wonderboy is hitting every curve you throw at him"

Pyro blinks at her, before grinning

"Oh yeah.. I wonder if maybe I haven't been throwing the right", Pyro brushes his hands close to her sides, a trail of smoke following behind, "curves at him. Tabby, my sweet"

"If we weren't acting, I'd punch you in a painful place right now", growls Tabby, "Don't even go there"

She tries to walk away, Pyro following her

"See, he's gotta have a weakness, because everybody's got a weakness I mean for what? Mesmero, it was the box thing".

Pyro holds up a little, smoke Eye-Of-Ages appears in his hand

"For Trask, hey, he bet on the wrong horse, okay?", he says a little smoke sentinel replaces the Eye-Of-Ages, then vanishes.

Pyro smirks.

"We simply need to find out Wonderboy's".

" I've done my part", says Tabby, "Get your little imps..."

Pyro looks to where Fred and Todd are opening a fresh can of SAMULADE

"They couldn't handle him as a baby", he says, "I need someone who can... handle him as a man".

"Hey, I've sworn off manhandling", snaps Tabby.

"Well, you know, that's good because that's what got you into the jam in the first place, isn't it?", asks Pyro, "You sold your soul to me to save your boyfriend's life"

A little smoke Tabby is shown hugging a smoke-guy who looks suspiciously like Ray

"...That's my part?", asks Ray, "A flashback?"

"And how does this creep thank you?", asks Pyro, "By running off with some babe".

We see the smoke Ray running after a smoke-random-chick

"He hurt you real bad, didn't he, Tabby?", asks Pyro, "Huh?"

Tabby closes her eyes sadly, before frowning, swishing away the smoke picture

"Look, I learned my lesson, okay?", she snaps.

Pyro grins, handing Tabby a vase with Sam's picture on it

"Which is exactly why I got a feelin' you're gonna leap at my new offer", he says, "You give me the key to bringing down Wonder Breath and I give you the thing that you crave most in the entire cosmos"

He lifts her hair to whisper into her ear, causing her to drop the vase

"Your freedom"

We cut to the temple of Sabes, where Sam is talking to a stone Sabertooth, play fighting with Jottern.

"You should have been there, father!", said Sam proudly, "A'h mangled the minotaur, grappled with the Gorgon, Just like Phil told me, a'h analyzed the situation, controlled ma'h strength and kicked! The crowds went wild!"

Sam puts his hands to his mouth making that odd sound that imitates cheering

"Thank you, thank you", says Sam, bowing.

"..Not very modest today, are we?", quips Evan

"Hah! You're doin' great, son", grins Sabertooth, "You're doin' your old man proud"

"A'hm glad to hear you say that, father", says Sam, "Ah've been waiting for this day a long time"

"Hmm.. What day is that, son?", asks Sabertooth, confused.

"...The day a'h rejoin the gods", points out Sam, as if it's obvious.

Sabertooth winces

"You've done wonderfully, you really have, my boy", he says, "You're just not there yet. You haven't proved yourself a true hero"

"But father, ah've beaten every single monster ah've come up against", protests Sam, "ah'm..ah'm the most famous person in all of Marvel. Ah'm...ah'm an action figure!"

Sam holds up a squeaky Sam, squeaking him, his little muscles flexing

"I'm afraid being famous is not the same as being a true hero", says Sabertooth

"What more can a'h do?", asks Sam sadly.

"It's something you have to discover for yourself", says Sabertooth

"But how can a'h..", starts Sam.

"Look inside your heart", says Sabertooth as lightning strikes and his statue becomes inanimate.

"Father, wait!", shouts Sam, "You said you'd always be there for me, but you're not, YOU'RE NOT!"

"...Wrong movie, Sam", says Evan, "again"

"...A'hm dealing with some issues right now", sniffs Sam, "can a'h go to ma'h trailer?"

"...Awww, you miss your dad?", asks Evan.

"Yeah", says Sam sadly.

"You want time to reflect?", asks Evan sweetly.

"Yes please", smiles Sam.

"Too bad, you've got more acting to do!", says Evan, cracking a whip.

"Who the hell gave him that", screams Sam, jumping out of the way.

We open in Bayville, where a carriage is going past a big mansion...one that looks like a certain Institute

"On your left is Samuel's villa", says Façade the tour guide, "My next stop is the Pecs and Flex gift shop where you can pick up the Great Hero's 30-minute workout scroll 'Buns of Bronze'"

Inside, Sam is posing for a portrait, reluctantly, the skin from a certain lion from another Disney movie on his head. Logan is pacing around checking his list

"At one you got a meeting with king David", he says, "He's got a problem with his stables. I'd advise you not to wear your new sandals"

"How can we have Lucas and David in the same parody?", asks Sam.

"Multiple personalities", shrugs Evan, "three actors for the price of one"

"Logan?", asks Sam.

The frustrated artist, Alex, looks from his vase

"I told you, don't move!", hisses Alex.

"D.M.R., the Daughters of the Marvel Revolution", continues Logan.

Sam tries to speak without moving.. at all

"Logan?"

"At three", he says, "you gotta get a lasso from some Amazons" (1)

Sam tosses down the things he's decorated stupidly with.

"Logan, what's the point?", he says, the lion skin hitting the vase, causing Alex to mess up his work.

Alex blinks before flipping out, screaming and scribbling out his drawing

"That's it!"

"See?", says Evan "There it is! The Summers' genetic need for perfection".

"I don't have to be perfect all the time", whimpers Scott.

"Yes, you do", says Evan.

"I AM NOT MY BROTHER! I AM MY OWN PERSON!", screams Alex, firing off a plasma blast, taking off part of the ceiling as he heads for the door.

"...Uh..huh", says Evan

"Bye bye, Baby Brother", smiles Scott, waving a hoof at him.

As Alex storms off, Logan tries to stop him

"Keep your toga on, pal"

Alex dumps his paints on Logan's head, storming off, Logan looking like a clown, while the cast laughs insanely.

"Shut up!", roars Logan, "What do you mean, 'what's the point ?' You wanna go to Olympus, don't ya?"

"Yeah, but this stuff doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere", says Sam.

He tosses the lion from another movie's skin at Logan, who uses it to wipe the clown mask off.

"You can't give up now", says Logan, "I'm counting on ya'"

"A'h gave this everything a'h had", sighs Sam.

"Listen to me, kid. I seen 'em all. And I am tellin' you - and this is the honest-to-Sabes truth", says Logan, "you got somethin' I never seen before"

"Really?", asks Sam.

"I can feel it right down to these stubby bow legs of mine", he says, "There is nothin' you can't do, kid"

Before either can enjoy the tender moment, the door slams open and a bunch of mad groupies rush in.

"It's him!", screams Draco-Luver

The groupies charge past Logan, diving onto Sam, so he disappears under a mountain of fans.

"Hey, watch it! Watch it! Watch..", shouts Logan

"I touched his elbow!", screams Physcobunny

"I got his sweatband!", screams Red Witch above them all, triumphantly waving the item.

Sam's head pops out from under the groupies

"Logan, help!", he asks desperately.

"Okay, escape plan Beta", says Logan

"Gotcha", says Sam.

Logan blows a whistle and the groupies look up, then find that Sam has vanished.

"Where is he!", demands Sperrydee

"There he goes!", shouts Logan, "On the veranda!"

The groupies scream, running off, Logan grinning and running after them. As the door closes, we see Tabby hiding behind it, she walks into the room, seeing Sam's toes hidden under a curtain.

"Let's see, what could be behind curtain number one?", she grins.

She pulls it open, revealing a beaten up and dishevelled Sam, who's trying his best to fix his toga.

"Tabby!", he squeaks.

"It's all right", smiles Tabby, "The sea of raging hormones has ebbed"

"Gee, i-i-it's great to see you", Sam stammers, "a'h..a'h..a'h missed you"

Tabby smirks, flopping onto a couch

"So, this is what heroes do on their days off", she says.

"A'hm no hero...", says Sam quietly.

"Sure you are", she says, "Everybody in Marvel thinks you're the greatest thing since they put the pocket in pita"

Sam chuckles

"A'h know. It's-it's crazy you know, a'h can't go anywhere without being mobbed, a'h mean...", he says,

: "Ah. You sound like you could use a break", she grins, "Think your nanny goat would go berserk if you played hooky this afternoon?"

She picks up a squeaky Logan, squeezing him so his eyes pop out while he bleats

"I gotta get me onea those", muses Sabertooth.

"Oh gee. A'h..a'h don't know", says Sam, "uh, Logan's got the rest of the day pretty much booked"

"Ah, Logan, Smogan.. Just follow me", says Tabby, her grin widening, "Out the window, round the dumbbells, you lift up the back wall and we're gone"

"Don't listen to her, Sam", shouts Kurt from backstage, "she played this one on me before, and I ended up with MONTHS of detention and hard labour!"

"...Kurt", says Evan politely, "...shut up"

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(1) - Wonder Woman, anyone?

Uh oh, looks like we got a couple of escapees on our hands! Do review. Until next time..