It's all Greek to me
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "Ahh, passive resistance. The last resort for slackers and sissies".
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ACT 11 - Weak ankles and denial
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We open in a beautiful garden in the evening, the stars shining in the sky. Tabby and Sam are heading down a huge set of steps, laughing.
"Wow. What a day", says Sam, "First that restaurant by the bay, and then that, that play, that, that Galactipus thing. Man! a'h thought A'H had problems".
Tabby smiles, then blinks as two little birds flutter into a bird bath by her, their heads changing to show Fred and Todd.
"Arrrghh! Bird men!", she screams.
"Psst!", hisses Todd, "Stop foolin' around!"
"Yeah", says Freddy, "Get the goods, sister"
"...Sister?", asks Tabby, arching a brow
As Sam turns around, Todd and Fred quickly morph into birds, tweeting innocently
"A'h didn't know that playing hooky could be so much fun", smiles Sam.
"Yeah...", says Tabby quietly, "Neither did I"
"Thanks, Tabby", says Sam
"Oh.. Don't thank me just yet", says Tabby, then sighs, forcing herself to trip in a soap-opera style of acting, "Oh!"
Sam, being the nice, innocent gentleman he is, catches her
"Oops, careful"
"Sorry", Tabby grins, "Weak ankles"
"Oh yeah?", says Sam, picking her up and carrying her to a nearby alcove, placing her on the seat, "Well, maybe you better sit down for a while"
"So, uh, do you have any problems with things like.. this?", asks Tabby.
Sam blinks as her ankle suddenly juts out in front of his face
"...Errrr"
Tabby uses her foot to turn his head towards her
"Weak ankles, I mean", she smirks.
Sam, being Sam, reacts as usual...badly. He gives a nervous squeak, gently pushing Tabby's leg away.
"Oh. Uh, no", he says, "Not really"
Tabby smiles seductively, sidling up to Sam, as he tries to edge away from her as she puts a hand on his knee
"Meep", squeaks Sam, realising he's run out of bench.
"No weaknesses whatsoever?", she asks, resting her hand on his knee, "No trick knee?"
"Err..."
Tabby grins, resting her hands on his chest, the strap for her toga sliding off her shoulder onto her arm
"This is fun!", she giggles, "Ruptured... disks?"
Sam gulps, closing his eyes and carefully putting her strap back in place
"No. Ah'm...a'h afraid ah'm, uh", Sam whimpers, "fit as a fiddle"
Unable to take anymore of this, Sam quickly gets off the bench, Tabby frowning
"That scene took HOURS to film", says Evan, "Sam kept having panic attacks...and Rahne tried to bite Tabby's hand off"
"Wonderboy, you are perfect", mutters Tabby.
"Thanks", says Sam, skimming a rock over a fountain, hitting a statue in the middle, wincing, "Whoops"
Tabby stands up, leaning on his shoulder
"It looks better that way", she says, "No, it really does"
We see the statue is now a Venus De Milo, they look up as a star shoots across the sky
"You know, when a'h was a kid a'h...a'h would have given anything to be exactly like everybody else", says Sam.
Tabby hugs her arms around herself, looking at her reflection in the fountain
"You wanted to be petty and dishonest?"
"Everybody's not like that", says Sam, blinking at her
"Yes they are", says Tabby quietly.
"You're not like that", says Sam as his reflection appears next to hers.
"How do you know what I'm like?", she asks, turning to look at him.
"All a'h know is.. You're the most amazing person with", he chuckles, "... weak ankles ah've ever met"
Tabby chuckles, stepping back into a statue of Cupid, which looks creepily like a cherubic Warren, the arrow poking her back, she frowns at it, before looking at Sam again
"...Isn't it bad enough I'm humiliated in the horse costume with dumb and dumber?", asks Warren.
"Tabby, when ah'm with you a'h..a'h don't feel so... alone", says Sam.
"Sometimes it's better to be alone", says Tabby sadly.
"What do you mean?", asks Sam, confused.
"Nobody can hurt you", says Tabby, sitting at the edge of the fountain.
Sam blinks, before sitting down next to her, taking her hands in his
"Tabby? A'h would never ever hurt you", he says.
"And I don't wanna hurt you", says Tabby, "so... let's both do ourselves a favour and.. stop this... um.. before... we.."
Juuuuust before their lips meet, a bright light hits the pair, the thucka thucka helicopter sound in the air. We see Logan riding on Jottern. Jottern's wings going like helicopter blades, a candle on his head acting like a searchlight
"All right! Break it up! Break it up!", shouts Logan, "Party's over! I been lookin' all over this town!"
"Calm down, mutton man!", says Tabby, "It was all my fault"
"You're already on my list, sister, so don't make it worse", snaps Logan.
"There's that 'sister' thing again", says Tabby, "What am I? Inbred!"
Jottern snorts at Tabby, who blows his candle out
"My candle!", whimpers Scott.
"And as for you, ya bum, you're gonna go to the stadium and you're gonna be put through the workout of your life!", growls Logan, "Now get on the horse"
"Okay, okay", sighs Sam.
"I'm sorry", says Tabby.
"Ah, he'll get over it", grins Sam.
He pulls a tree branch down to pluck a flower off, handing it to Tabby, letting the tree poiing back. He gives her a kiss on the cheek, as Logan, ushers him onto Jottern. Tabby gives a small smile, touching her cheek.
"Move! Move, move, move, move, move!", shouts Logan, "Move!"
As Jottern flies off, Sam is watching Tabby with a goofy smile, facing the wrong way as Jottern flies past various objects at high speed.
"You looking where you're going Scott?", asks Warren
"The pixies will lead me!", giggles Scott.
"...Pixies", mutters Jean, "...great"
"Whoo! Ya-eee! Hey, watch it, watch it! Whoo! Watch it!", shouts Logan, clinging to Sam for dear life, "Keep your goo-goo eyes on the..."
As he tries to turn Sam's head, he is smacked with a branch, knocking him to the ground as Jottern flies off with Sam.
"That's it", says Logan woozily from the ground, "Next time, I drive"
Tabby sits at the fountain, smelling the flower, before frowning, coming to her senses
"Oh. what's the matter with me?", she says, "You'd think a girl would learn"
She stands up, heading to the cupid statue, beginning to sing.
If there's a prize for rotten judgement
I
guess I've already won that
She turns the statue so it faces the other way
No
man is worth the aggravation
Behind her, the muses come to life on a wall
That's ancient history been there, done that!
She tosses the flower over her shoulder, Dani catching it as the muses begin to sing.
Who'd ya think you're kidding?
He's
the Earth and Heaven to you
Try
to keep it hidden, honey
We
can see right through you
Tabby shakes her head, sitting by the wall
Oh no, sings Tabby.
Girl, you can't conceal it
We
know how you feel and
Who
you're thinkin' of
Dani dangles the flower out of the wall, above Tabby's face, who ignores it, walking off
"Take the flower, damn you!", shouts Dani as Tabby sings.
No chance, no way
I
won't say it, no, no
You swoon, you sigh, why deny it, uh-oh?
Tabby rolls her eyes
It's too cliché, I won't say I'm in love
Shoo-doo, shoo-doo, oo-oo-oo
The muses shrug, as Tabby wanders off into the garden, smiling at a statue of a pair of lovers
I thought my heart had learned its lesson
It
feels so good when you start out...
Behind her, the muses are now pillars, spinning around
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
My head is screaming get a grip, girl
She turns around and the muses freeze
"It's all in my head...it's all in my head", she chants
Unless you're dyin' to cry your heart out, ohhhh
She starts to walk away again
You keep on denying
Who
you are and how you're feelin'
Baby
we're not buyin',
Hon',
we saw you hit the ceilin'
Face
it like a grownup
When
you gonna own up that you
Got
Got Got it bad?
The muses are now a fountain, Dani at the top, spurting water from her mouth
Oh, no chance, no way
I
won't say it, no, no
She hops across some stones in a little pool, tripping, her hand falling onto a statue of Sam's hand. She smiles, snuggling up to the statue
Give up, but give in
Check
the grin, you're in love
Tabby backs away from the statue quickly
This scene won't play
I
won't say I'm in love
The muses are now heads, Dani's head resting at an angle
"Why me?", asks Dani
"You're the comic relief muse", says Evan.
"...Oh", blinks Dani, "…okay"
You're doing flips, read our lips
You're
in love
Every now and again, the muses get in that shoo-doo, shoo-doo noise
You're way off base
I
won't say it
She won't say' in love'
Get off my case
I
won't say it
She goes back to the fountain, where the muses are at the base
Girl, don't be proud
It's
okay, you're in love
They put the flower back on the fountain base, so when Tabby sits down, her hand lands on it, Tabby smiles, picking up the flower to look at it
Ahhhhhhhh
At least at loud
I
won't say I'm in love...
She sighs, leaning back onto the fountain base, holding the flower with a dreamy sigh
Shoo-doo, shoo-doo, shoo-doo, shoo-doo
Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la
Haaa
The statue in the fountain by Tabby suddenly begins to heat up and melt, Pyro popping out, causing Tabby to stand up.
"Hey, what's the buzz, huh, Tabby?", he grins, "What is the weak link in the Wonderboy's chain?"
Tabby gives him a glare, turning to walk away
"Get yourself another girl, I'm through", she says.
Pyro blinks
"I'm sorry. Do you mind runnin' that by me again? I must have had a chunk of brimstone wedged in my ear or something", he says, picking out a piece of brimstone from his ear.
"Ewww, that's mine", grimaces Kurt.
Tabby spins around, glaring at him
"Then read my lips!", she yells, "Forget it!"
Pyro hops down from his perch, squeezing her cheek
"Tabby, Tabby. Tabby, my sweet deluded little minion. Aren't we forgetting one teensy-weensy, but ever so crucial little, tiny detail?", he smiles, before bursting into flames, "I OWN YOU!"
In the garden, Logan comes two, rubbing a goose egg on his head
"I have healin' factor, I shouldn't have the amount of goose eggs I've had in this parody", he mutters, "Oh. I got another horn here. That kid's gonna be doin' laps for a month"
He blinks, overhearing Tabby and Pyro's conversation, parting the bushes to watch them
"If I say, 'sing', you say, 'hey, name that tune'", says Pyro, "If I say, 'I want Wonderboy's head on a platter' you say..."
"Medium or well done", sighs Tabby.
"Oh! I knew that dame was trouble", says Logan, shaking his head, "This is gonna break the kid's heart"
Logan runs off, while Pyro and Tabby still talk. Pyro causes some smoke bats to flutter by Tabby's head
"You hear that sound?", says Pyro, "That's the sound of your freedom fluttering out the window forever"
Tabby scowls, waving the smoke away
"I don't care", she says, "I'm not gonna help you hurt him"
"I can't believe you're getting so worked up about some guy", says Pyro, rolling his eyes.
"This one is different", smiles Tabby, looking at her flower, "He's honest, and...and he's sweet..."
"Shucks", says Sam backstage
"Grrrrrrrrrrr", growls Rahne
"Down, girl", says Evan.
"Please!", snorts Pyro.
"He would never do anything to hurt me", says Tabby.
"He's a guy!", says Pyro.
"Besides, 'Oh, Oneness', you can't beat him. He has no weaknesses", Tabby smirks, "he's gonna..."
Tabby turns around to find Hades smiling at her
"I think... he does, Tabby", he says, "I truly think... he does"
He takes the flower off her and it goes up in a little flame In the sky, the stars move even closer to alignment
"Cut!", shouts Evan.
"Watch out, wolf-girl, you got competition", grins Tabby.
0.O, says Sam.
"Bring it on!", screams Rahne
"...Why are you women fighting over SAM!", asks Eva, then sighs, "..No, wait, I don't want to know. Rahne, don't maul Tabby, she's still needed, Tabby, don't blow up Rahne, she has one more appearance"
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Heh heh. I love that scene. 'I won't say I'm in love' is without a doubt my favourite Disney song of all time! I know it off by heart, whooot! Do review. Until next time...