It's all Greek to me
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "I'm the master of all evil. THE MASTER OF ALL EVIL! I can't help it if I have an adorably, curly tail"
&&&&
ACT 12 - A bargain
&&&&
We open on Sam's training ground, where he is joyously running laps and jumping hurdles. Logan comes sadly down the stairs, pausing to watch Jottern eating a bowl of birdseed.
"Birdy birdy birdseed!", sings Scott.
"Scott's gonna feel ill in the morning", chuckles Warren, then pauses, "may I have some?"
"Hey, Logan", grins Sam, "What happened to you?"
Logan gives a sad sigh
"Kid, we gotta talk", he says.
Sam laughs joyously picking Logan up by his horns, spinning him around and giving him a hug.
"...You're hugging me", growls Logan
"Oh, Logan, a'h just had the greatest day of my life!", says Sam happily
He drops Logan, cannonballing up to lie on top of a long jump
"A'..a'h can't stop thinking about Tabby", he says, "She's something else"
"Kid! I'm tryin' to talk to ya!", shouts Logan, "Will you come down here and listen?"
Sam starts pulling stunt ticks on the long jump
"Aw, how can a'h come down there when ah'm feeling so up?"
He cannonballs up high, high into the sky...like Superman. Jottern pauses in chomping his birdseed, watching as a horse just like himself.. only pink and female appear, smiling seductively
"HOT CHICK!", shouts Warren and Scott in unison.
"No!", snaps Jean, "We're staying put!"
As Jottern follows the mare, his back legs give in
"I SAID NO!", screams Jean.
However, his wings flutter after her, the front half pawing on the ground
"Come back, hot chick!", calls Warren.
"We love you!", says Scott.
As the two 'horses' get into a barn the mare splits into two
"PIXIES!", screams Scott.
"...I hate to say 'I told you so'...", starts Jean.
The two horse halves turn into Todd and Fred, who dive onto Jottern.
"Gotcha!", laughs Freddy evily.
Outside, oblivious to this, Sam has landed on the ground again
"Ah, very nice", says Logan, "What I'm trying to say is..."
"That if it wasn't for you, a'h never would have met her. Oh, a'h owe ya big time. Little guy, a'h do", grins Sam.
"Do NOT hug me again", warns Logan.
Sam picks up Logan, hugging him and giving him a noogie
"Sam gets all the fun", sighs Evan, "none of us would ever get away with doing this off set...without losing a lot of blood...possibly a limb"
"He'll get it afterwards", mutters Logan, "Will you just knock it off for a couple of seconds?"
Sam laughs, play-sparring with him
"Rule number 38, Come on, Logan, keep them up there, huh?", he laughs, "Logan, a'h got two words for ya: Duck!"
"Listen to me!", snaps Logan, "She's..."
"A dream come true?", smiles Sam
"Not exactly", says Logan
"More beautiful than Elektradite?", grins Sam happily.
"Aside from that!", says Logan.
"The most wonderful..."
Logan finally loses it, taking a deep breath, shouting at the top of his lungs
"She's a fraud!", he shouts, "She's been playin' ya for a sap!"
Sam rolls his eyes, snorting
"Aw, come on", he says, "Stop kiddin' around"
"I'm not kiddin' around", growls Logan
"A'h know you're upset about today", frowns Sam, "but that's no reason to..."
"Kid, you're missin' the point", says Logan
"The point is...a'h love her", says Sam.
"WHAT!", snarls Rahne
"It's a line, Rahne, Rahne", Evan pauses, "...calm down...please put down that axe"
"She don't love you", says Logan
"You're crazy", says Sam.
"She's nothin' but a two-timin'...", mutters Logan
"Stop it!", warns Sam
"...no-good, lyin', schemin'..."
"Shut up!", shouts Sam, giving Logan a smack, sending him across the field, then winces, "...please don't kill me for that Mr Logan...please?"
Logan lands in a pile of dumbbells, glaring at Sam before dusting himself off
"Logan...a'h..", Sam coughs, "Oh, ah'm, ah'm sorry"
"Okay, okay, that's it", says Logan, "You won't face the truth? Fine"
Logan starts to walk off
"Logan, wait", calls Sam, "Where you going?"
"I'm hoppin' the first barge out of here", says Logan, "I'm goin' home"
Sam frowns, going back to lifting weights
"Fine! G...go! a'h don't", he scowls, "...a'h don't need you"
Logan pauses at the door, watching him shaking his head sadly
"I thought you were gonna be the all-time champ", he says softly, "Not the all-time chump"
Sam looks over his shoulder, watching Logan go, before all the lamps in the stadium go out. Pyro appears on top of the long jump.
"Geez Louise! What got his goat, huh? Baboom", Pyro grins, landing next to Sam, extending his hand, "Name is Pyro, Lord of the Dead. Hi. How ya doin'?"
Sam blinks, before walking away, Pyro moving in front of him, walking on his hands on those odd little bar things...okay, I hated gym, I didn't learn the real names
"Not now, okay?", says Sam.
"Hey, hey, I only need a few seconds and I'm a fast talker, all right?", says Pyro, "See, I've got the major deal in the works. A real estate venture, if you will"
By now, Pyro has passed the bars and is walking on air
"SO COOL!", giggles Pyro, "And Sam, you little devil you, may I call you Sam? You seem to be constantly getting in the way of it".
"You've got the wrong guy", mutters Sam.
He tries to walk away again, only to have Pyro grab him, his hair flaring
"Hear me out, ya little...", he pauses, his flame going down, letting out a breath, patting out Sam's toga, "...heh-heh. Just..hear me out, okay? So I would be eternally grateful if you would just... take a day off from this hero business of yours. Geez, I mean, monsters, natural disasters. Phew You wait a day, okay?".
"You're out of your mind", says Sam
"Thank you, I try", smiles Pyro pleasantly, ""Not so fast, because, ya see, I do have a little leverage... You might wanna know about"
He clicks his fingers and Tabby appears
"Tabby!", shouts Sam.
"Don't listen to...", Tabby is suddenly gagged and chained by smoke, as Sam goes to help her, she disappears.
"Let her go!", snaps Sam, jumping at Pyro, going right through him)
"Gotta love special effects", says Evan, "...as long as no bunnies are involved"
"Where are the bunnies?", squeaks Forge from backstage, "you said there'd be no more bunnies. I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE BUNNIES!"
"Will someone give that man a sedative!", snaps Evan.
"Here's the trade-off. You give up your strength for about 24 hours, okay? Say, the next 24 hours and Tabby here is free as a bird and safe from harm", says Pyro, "We dance, we kiss, we schmooze, we carry on, we go home happy. What d'ya say? Come on"
Tabby reappears on the step, still gagged and chained. Sam frowns
"People are", Sam frowns, "...are gonna get hurt, aren't they?"
"Nah!", says Pyro, then pauses, "...I mean, it's, you know, it's a possibility. It happens 'cause, you know, it's war, but what can I tell ya? Anyway, what do you owe these people, huh?"
He walks over to Tabby, squeezing her cheeks
"Isn't Tabby", he smiles at her, "little smoochy face...isn't she more important than they are?"
"DON'T call me 'Smoochy Face'", warns Tabby, under her gag.
"Stop it!", snaps Sam.
"Isn't she?", asks Pyro.
"You've gotta swear she'll be safe from any harm", says Sam, narrowing his eyes.
"Fine, okay, I'll give you that one. Tabby is safe, otherwise you get your strength right back, yadda-yadda, fine print, boilerplate, baboom. Okay?", says Pyro, "We're done, what d'ya say we shake on it?"
Sam frowns, looking at his hand
"Hey, I really don't have, like, time to bat this around", growls Pyro, "I'm kind of on a schedule here, I got plans for August. Okay? I need an answer, like, now. Going once, going twice"
"All right!", says Sam.
"Yes, we're there! Bam!", shouts Pyro as they shake on it, blue light surrounding their hands.
Sam groans dropping to his knees.
"You may feel just a little queasy, it's kinda natural. Maybe you should", Pyro picks up a dumbbell with smoke, tossing it at Sam and knocking him down, "sit down"
He smirks at him.
"Now you know how it feels to be just like everybody else. isn't it just peachy?", Pyro pauses, than smirks, "Oh! You'll love this. One more thing. Tabby, babe. A deal's a deal. You're off the hook"
He clicks his fingers, releasing Tabby, holding her in his arms
"By the way, Sam", he says, pulling Tabby into his arms, "Is she not, like, a fabulous little actress?"
"Stop it", says Tabby.
"What do you mean?", asks Sam.
"I mean your little chickie-poo here was working for me all the time", smirks Pyro, "Duh"
"You're...you're lying!", says Sam.
The Scary-Havok-Boy and Chubby-Boy from the gorge appear
"Help!", says Scary-Havok-Boy, fake coughing.
"Jeepers, mister, you're really strong", said Chubby-Boy
They both laugh, turning into their elf-like selves
"Couldn't have done it without you", says Pyro, "sugar, sweetheart, babe"
"No! It's not like that!", says Tabby, running over to Sam, "I didn't mean to...I...I couldn't...I...I'm so sorry"
Sam looks at her hurt, walking away as Todd and Fred douse him with SAMULADE
"Our hero's a zero! Our hero's a zero!", they sing in unison.
Pyro smiles, jumping onto a chariot drawn by a blazing...thingie of death
"...May I keep the thingie and cart?", asks Pyro.
"...No", says Evan
"...Awww", Pyro sighs, "Well, gotta blaze. There's a while cosmos up there waiting for me with, hey, my name on it. So much for the preliminaries, and now on to the main event!"
He flies off, laughing manically...as he does. The stars in the sky are now completely aligned
"DUM DUM DUUUUUM!", shouts Evan
----
Oooooh next up, Pyro releases the Titans! Do review. Until next time...