It's all Greek to me
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "The bigger they are, the harder they fall. So, the smaller they are, the, uh, lighter they fall?"
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ACT 13 - A Titanic battle
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We open in space, where a bolt of light shoots down the aligned planets and into the water, opening it, revealing the Titans prison, as Pyro flies over it in the carriage.
"Brothers!", shouts Pyro, "Titans!"
When there's trouble you know who to call...
"Not those Titans!", snaps Evan
"..Okay. Back to booming voice now", says Pyro, "Look at you in your squalid prison! Who put you down there?"
"Sabes!", shouts the Titans in unison.
Pyro sends out a fireball, which absorbs the Titan's bars, releasing them
"And now that I set you free, what is the first thing you are going to do?", he shouts.
"Destroy him!", shout the Titans as their fists burst out of the water
"Good answer", smirks Pyro.
Lance, now a big, rocky thingie with two heads, walks through a town, crushing it to bitty pieces
"Crush Sabes!", says Lance, "rock him!"
"I thought told you no rock puns!", shouts Evan.
Bobby, now a tall, frozen thingie freezes a herd of horses as they gallop away in fright
"Freeze him!", he shouts, "poor little ponies"
Magma, now a big ball of...well..magma thingie, dribbles over the land, melting it
"Melt Sabes!", she says, "…do I look fat in the costume?"
Storm, now a big cyclone thingie runs over a farmland...
"..That's ma'h farm", says Sam from backstage
...Blowing it to pieces
"...That's ma'h farm", blinks Sam again.
"Blow him away!", shouts Storm.
The Titans start to march along the land, repeating their phrases
"Uh, Guys?", says Pyro, "Olympus would be that way"
The Titans stop, blinking, turning around to see they were going in the opposite direction, they start off back in the right direction. Pyro stops Juggernaught, now a Cyclops.
"Hold it, bright eye", says Pyro.
"Bright eye", Evan snorts, "...now we have a new name for Scott"
"..Poo", says Scott.
"Huh?", blinks the Juggerlops.
: "I have a special job for you, my optic friend", grins Pyro.
"And Optic Friend!", giggles Evan, "there you go, fanfiction writers, two Scott nicknames for your pleasure!"
"Double poo", says Scott, "That's gonna be used by everyone now!"
On Humiliation...sorry, Olympus, Kurt is sitting on a cloud, dozing. He blinks up as he feels the ground.. and cloud shaking. He puts on his snazzy seventies glasses and looks down, seeing the Titans making their way to the mountain.
"Oh, ve're in trouble!", he squeaks, "Oh, big trouble! I gotta..."
He BAMF'S off to where Raven and Sabertooth are having 'quiet time'.
"We weren't doing anything", shouts Mystique.
"MOTHER!", squeaks Kurt, "ewww, put it avay, put it avay!"
"Don't freak out yet, Kurt, just say your line", says Evan
"My Lord and Lady, the Titans have escaped", Kurt takes a breath, "And they're practically at our gates!"
"Sound the alarm!", shouts Sabertooth, "Launch an immediate counterattack! Go! Go!"
"Gone, babe", says Kurt.
He BAMF'S off again, as the Gods prepare to fight. Kurt blows a little trumpet, Roberto and Piotr looking up. In the forge of the Gods, Forge starts making lightning bolts.
"You made me God of the...forge?", Forge frowns, "..that's not using your imagination, is it?"
"Well, you both have a fake limb", Evan smiles, "...plus, you get to date Elektra"
"Groovy", Forge pauses, "she's not in Evo..she's not even in X-Men!"
"We ran out of female characters", Evan shrugs, "besides Todd Fan wanted to give you a treat"
"Charge", says Piotr, then pauses, "..the God of war? Why not the God of art?"
Roberto gets on his sun chariot...minus the sun
"God of the sun, ooooh yeah!", grins Roberto, "On to battle!"
Forge tosses a bunch of lightning bolts to Sabes, who tosses them at the Titans in vain as Piotr, Roberto and X23 get sucked up by Storm.
"You windbag!", says Piotr.
"Nickname for Auntie O!", grins Evan.
"You use it you're dead", snaps Storm, "you hear me? Dead!"
Pyro is watching this with pure glee
"Boom, badda-boom, boom, boom!", he laughs.
"You call me?", asks Tabby from backstage.
We cut to Bayville, where the townsfolk are screaming as the Juggerlops stomps through it, destroying buildings and the like
"Samuel!", shouts the Juggerlops, "Where are you?"
Meanwhile, the Bayvillians are hiding in their fountain
"What can we do?", squeaks Viper.
"Where's Samuel?", asks Hank.
"Yeah, Samuel'll save us", says Black Eagle
He nods surely at the statue of Sam...before the Juggerlops squishes it
"...Or not", blinks Black Eagle.
"Samuel!", shouts the Juggerlops, "Come out! Face me!"
Sam and Tabby are watching this from a ledge a little ay away. Sam frowns, heading off in the direction of the Juggerlops. Tabby blinks, trying to stop him
"What are you doing?", she asks, "Without your strength, you'll be killed"
He brushes her off, carrying onwards
"There are worse things", he says sadly.
She tries to call him back as he enters the town, the Bayvillians looking up happily
"Hey, look!", grins Hank, "It's Samuel!"
"Thank the gods, we're saved!", says Callisto.
The Juggerlops walks over to Sam, towering over him
"So, you mighty Samuel", he snorts.
"Someone forgot to speak their English properly", says Evan.
The Juggerlops leans over, flicking Sam as if he were a speck of dust, flinging him into an Air- Sam mosaic. Meanwhile, Tabby has found Jottern tied up in the stable
"I feel so used!", sobs Scott.
"She didn't really love us!", whimpers Warren.
"You two are a bunch of idiots!", judges Jean.
"Oooh alliteration", educates Evan.
Tabby goes over, trying to release Jottern, who struggles
"No more women again for me, ever!", cries Scott, "Go away!"
"Easy, horsefeathers", says Tabby, "Whoa! Stop twitching, listen. Ah! Samuel is in trouble. We gotta find Logan, he's the only one who can talk some sense into him"
Jottern GLARES at her before zooming out of the stables into the air, Tabby holding on for dear life, screaming
"..And we're back to the heights", she whimpers
Meanwhile on Mt Olympus, the Titans are still climbing up the mountain, as Sabes tosses a lightning bolt at them
"Get back, blast you!", Sabertooth growls.
Lance gets to the top, smashing through the gates of Mt Olympus with ease
"Ooh, Chihuahua", giggles Pyro.
At Bayville docks, Logan is getting ready to board a boat, apparently not noticing the storm around him
"Come on! Hurry up!", shouts Guy Spear the sailor, "We're shovin' off here!"
Suddenly, Tabby shows up in the air, flying on Jottern
"Logan, Logan!", she shouts, "Samuel needs your help!"
"What does he need me for when he's got friends like you?", snaps Logan.
"He won't listen to me", says Tabby.
"Good!", growls Logan, "He's finally learned something"
Logan goes to walk off, only coming face-to-face with the flying Jottern, who snorts
"Look, I know what I did was wrong, but this isn't about me, it's about him", says Tabby, "If you don't help him now, Logan, he'll die!"
Logan stops dead. On Olympus, the Gods are losing...badly
"I need more thunderbolts!", shouts Sabertooth.
"Uh, Forgeaestus has been captured, my Lord", says Kurt, giving a salute, "Everyone's been captured, yah!"
He squeaks as Todd and Freddy grab his ankles, dragging him away
"I've been captured!", he squeaks, "Hey, hey! Vatch the glasses!"
Suddenly, Magma and Bobby close in on Sabes, using magma and ice to make a thick crust of.. err.. stuff, around him, his head poking out. Pyro laughs manically, flying ahead on his chariot.
"Sabesy, I'm home!", he sings.
Sabes blinks, glaring at Pyro
"Pyro, you're behind this!"
"You are correct, sir!", grins Pyro.
In Bayville, Sam is being pummelled by the Juggerlops, who kicks him about on his knees as if her were a football...or a soccer ball.. whatever
"Flea!", giggles the Juggerlops.
He laughs, flicking Sam into a wall, where he lies propped up on some pillars as Logan, Tabby and Jottern show up
"Samuel!", shouts Logan
"Logan?", says Sam, blinking up dozily.
Logan runs over, patting Sam's face as if he were a boxer in a time-out
"Come on, kid, come on", he says, "Fight back. Come on, you can take this bum, This guy's a pushover, look at him"
Sam sighs, looking at Tabby, frowning
"You were right all along, Logan", he says, "Dreams are for rookies"
"No, no, no, no, kid, givin' up is for rookies", says Logan, "I came back 'cause I'm not quittin' on ya. I'm willing to go the distance, how 'bout you?"
"…Did you not hear his song way back in act five?", asks Evan.
Sam doesn't get the chance to reply as the Juggerlops picks him up in his chubby hand
"Me bite off head!", he pauses, "...Ewwwwww, do I have to? I don't know where it's been"
Sam grabs a burning stick, which he tosses in the Juggerlops' eye, causing him to drop him
"Whoa, baby!", grins Logan
While the Juggerlops is screaming in pain, Sam Hercules ties up his legs, casing the Juggerlops to trip, falling off a cliff. His fall make a quake, from which a pillar starts falling on Sam
"Heroic time!", grins Tabby, "Samuel! Look out!"
She pushes him out of the way, getting crushed by the pillar herself
"Tabby! No!", shots Sam.
He runs over, trying desperately to lift the pillar, a glow forming around him as his strength returns, allowing him to lift it off Tabby.
"What's happening?", asks Sam, confused.
Tabby winces from where she lies
"P...Pyro's deal is broken", she says, "He promised I wouldn't get hurt"
Sam rushes over, lifting her head and holding her hand
"Tabby. Why, why did you", Sam pauses, "..you didn't have to..."
Tabby smiles
"Oh. People always do crazy things", she says, "... when they're in love"
"DIE!", snarls Rahne.
"..Not yet, Rahne", smirks Evan.
"Oh, Tabby", Sam sighs sadly, "...Tabby..A'h..a'h..."
Tabby chuckles, despite the pain it causes
"Are you... always this articulate?", she frowns, "You, you haven't got much time. You can still stop Pyro"
Logan rests her head on a rock
"I'll watch over her, kid", he says.
"Oh thanks, what a comfortable rock", mutters Tabby.
"You're gonna be all right", says Sam, "A'h promise"
He runs off, jumping onto Jottern, dragging his sword
"Let's go Jottern!"
"Hi ho, Jottern, away!", shouts Evan.
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Whoo hoo! One more act to go! Do review. Until next time...