Authors Notes: Okay, no lemons here, just good old emotional turmoil, July fourth weekend Im going up to the Cherokee Reservation, so don't expect anything that week guys, Im sorry. Just letting you all know in advance. Also, I found out that Inu Yasha's mom's name was Izayoi, I think they revealed it at the end of one of the movies, but since I have already given her a name in this fic, she will continue to be Hasu. In my future fics I will know though, sorry for any inconveniences! And, if anyone wants to see the FUNNIEST EVER anime music video set to Inu Yasha, give me a review with your email and I can send it via zip file or if you can't receive attachments I can find a place to put it up online. I dled it off soulseek and I'm still trying to figure out who did it. But it is really funny!
Disclaimer: I own nothing Inu Yasha or Fuel or their lyrics.
Bad Day
Chapter 23: You Take All Of Me
Kagome awoke in the dark room once again, her memory fuzzy. She looked around. Why was she in her again? Her head hurt.
When she flipped over and let her arm hit empty space, her sore body complained and suddenly everything came rushing back to her.
'Oh my god!' She screamed mentally. Trying to not hyperventilate, she stood and looked around for something to wear. The kimono she had worn last night had survived. In fact I was still on the bed. The obi however, had been destroyed. Kagome tried to remember specifics. After all, she had lost her virginity last night! She should remember everything.
Calling details to mind, she realized the alcohol had taken away most of the pain, in fact if anything she had only had two moments of pain last night. When he had bitten down on her shoulder and when he had taken her virginity. Everything else had been…Wonderful. Blissful. Beautiful.
Had he said thank you when she told him loved him, or had that been her imagination? If he had, why? Last night she had understood his words, but for some reason she couldn't grasp their meaning now. She tried hard and it only made her head pound harder. She stepped lightly to the wash basin and washed the blood and other substances she didn't want to name away. Her body still protesting, she walked to the chest and pulled out another kimono. He was no where to be see, so he couldn't tell her if it was okay or not. Maybe he would be more okay with it now. Maybe…Hopefully…
She donned a green kimono decorated with paler green flower petals at the hem, and had to work hard to tie the yellow obi by herself. Eventually she got it though.
She noticed the swathes of cloth had been pushed mostly out of the way of the door into the garden, and she pushed the rest out of the way and opened the door. Bright sunlight greeted her.
'That's two days in a row now that I've slept late,' She noted to herself inanely. Closing the door behind her, she walked fully into the sunlight and savored the feel of the warmth. When she finally opened her eyes, she looked around, looking for Sesshoumaru.
She saw him in the small gazebo in a meditative pose, his back o her. She walked up to the small building and looked at him. He was wearing the same old traditional shirt and pants. His white hair had been tied back into a pony tail. His two swords lay across his lap.
"Sesshoumaru," She began.
"How do we deal with Inu Yasha? We have delayed a day already. He has three shards," Sesshoumaru said, cutting her off. Kagome felt more than just a little hurt by his curt words.
"I don't know," Kagome answered honestly.
Sesshoumaru expected her answer, knew she still loved the hanyou. Why else would she be so indecisive about his punishment? Her words last night seemed cheapened in a way when he thought about all of those things, about her and the hanyou together.
It made him want to kill Inu Yasha more than ever before.
"I will continue to keep him imprisoned then, much as I dislike his presence here in my home. Do you wish to…Speak with him alone?" Sesshoumaru said. Kagome couldn't see his eyes, but if the ice in his tone matched them, she didn't want to. His last words felt like knives digging into her heart.
"No, I want you to be there," She answered honestly.
Sesshoumaru was taken aback for a moment. Why would she want him in there while she spoke to the hanyou.
"Why?" He asked, his voice not quite as cold as it had been.
"Because I feel safe with you," She told him, walking to him and putting her hand on his shoulder, the side missing an arm.
"Even though I have only one arm?" He asked.
"I'd feel safe if you had no arms or legs," She whispered as she leaned down and kissed his hair gently.
"Okay, then we question him at in an hour. Do you wish to go to the bathhouse?" He asked. Kagome sat down next to him and leaned her head against his stiff shoulder.
"No, why?" She asked, somewhat afraid he wanted to bathe with him and do it.
"He will smell me on you and you on me and come to a conclusion," He answered honestly.
"It doesn't matter," She told him.
For a moment Sesshoumaru felt torn between pride and confusion and anger. Did she mean it didn't matter if Inu Yasha knew, or was she proud to have been with him, or was she just unfeeling about it period.
Sesshoumaru inwardly sighed. Ever since he had brought her back, since she had said those words, he had been so confused. He hated being confused and off kilter. He didn't know how people around him would react. He had been able to accurately predict other's actions and reactions since he had been a pup.
"Let's go grab some breakfast. Or lunch, or whatever," Kagome said as she stood. Sesshoumaru followed her example and followed her from the gazebo and down the almost invisible path to the garden gate. He took one last look at his mother's garden and sighed. He hadn't been to the gazebo in years. Somehow, Kagome was changing his world.
He still didn't know whether he liked it or not.
An hour later he and Kagome stood outside of the room Inu Yasha was locked in. Kentetsu took the shield down and nodded to them silently, smiling. Kagome gripped Sesshoumaru's hand tightly, and Kentetsu knew the younger youkai was very much aware of her grip. His nose was still sharp despite his age, not to mention his ears. Hell, anyone with ears could have heard the pair last night! Shippou had asked some very awkward questions this morning as to the health, safety, and general whereabouts of his mother.
Kentetsu smiled at the pair and winked at Kagome as the door opened. Kagome smiled weakly back at him and then they were in the room. Kentetsu closed the door behind him and walked down the hallway. Inu Yasha wouldn't do anything too stupid. At least he shouldn't.
"Inu Yasha?" Kagome whispered. The hanyou was sitting by the window, looking at the paper screens. It wouldn't open for him, so he didn't even get fresh air.
"Sesshoumaru, can you take the shield off of the window, just so that I can open it?" Inu Yasha asked. Sesshoumaru made another odd gesture and the window slid open. Inu Yasha inhaled deeply. He was too wild to be caged like this, and Kagome saw his longing for the forest to the east.
"Inu Yasha, I know you have three shards, and that is the first order of business," Sesshoumaru started.
Inu Yasha glared at the man, and then looked at Kagome, his eyes mirroring her own. Deep despair.
"Perhaps I should leave," Sesshoumaru started.
"Perhaps," Inu Yasha started. Sesshoumaru held back his snarl and stood and left the room. He had seen Kagome's eyes. Her despair haunted him. She still felt for the hanyou despite what she felt for him, despite what they had done last night. Sesshoumaru told himself it didn't matter.
"I will be outside the door. Try anything hanyou, and you will regret it," Sesshoumaru said in a monotone voice, his face an apathetic mask.
Inu Yasha snarled as Sesshoumaru left the room.
Kagome turned back towards Inu Yasha and sighed.
"You could try to be nicer," She started.
"Why? He's an asshole who cares for no one but himself. He'll use anyone to get what he wants. He's a user and a killer, just like Naraku," Inu Yasha told her.
"You have killed too," Kagome began.
"He tried to kill his own father, did he tell you that?" Inu Yasha demanded angrily.
"No, I saw it though. Do you know why Inu Yasha?" Kagome asked quietly.
"He hated our father because my father loved my mother," Inu Yasha began. Kagome thought she heard an amused snort from the hall, but chose to ignore it.
"It was the day his mother died. Surely you can understand his anger," Kagome began again. "He didn't kill your father."
"No, he just scarred him for life. My father always carried a scar from that day," Inu Yasha growled.
"The crescent moon from Sesshoumaru's poison. Did you ever think, Inu Yasha, that maybe Sesshoumaru was hurting inside and the only way he knew how to release it was through violence. You do it," Kagome explained.
"How do you know all this?" Inu Yasha said, avoiding the topic. "You said he never told you, but you saw it. How?"
"I, well, I dream it," Kagome answered honestly.
Inu Yasha seemed dumbfounded.
"And last night you mated with him," Inu Yasha stated after a while.
"Yes," She answered.
"You've just become another one of his bitches. I thought you knew better than that Kagome," Inu Yasha stated, sounding more like a lecturing school teacher than a concerned friend.
"Would you rather I love you instead? You, with Kikyo, who let you run like some crazy monster? I love him Inu Yasha. I can't change that, and I don't think I want to," Kagome ground out, frustrated.
"Like he will ever love you back. That bastard doesn't feel a thing. He's just a killer," Inu Yasha stated again.
"Why Inu Yasha? Because your father was an asshole and pushed him to that point! He was the firstborn and he endured your father for years. I don't blame him for hating your father," Kagome told Inu Yasha.
Sesshoumaru heard all of this, was still absorbing the fact that she did indeed share his dreams. Now he was torn between feeling victory that she sided with him and cutting her off before she revealed any more of his childhood.
Kagome however, was unaware of this, had even forgotten that the youkai stood outside the doors. Inu Yasha had insulted the man she loved and she wasn't going to let it pass.
"He listened to me Inu Yasha. He helped me. He brought me back to life. I know him a lot better than you do. And honestly you can't say that if the same had happened to you, you wouldn't hate your father too!" Kagome shouted.
Inu Yasha sat, silent for a long time.
"It doesn't change anything. You still mated with him, you still love him, and you still betrayed me," Inu Yasha finally stated.
"I never betrayed you Inu Yasha. I left because it was time for me to grow and realize what I wanted from you was something I could never have. I didn't just want to be your friend, I wanted to be your mate. But I would never be that to you, I would just be a replacement for Kikyo. I watched you and her fuck Inu Yasha, and it was disgusting," Kagome spat.
"And I think it's disgusting you love my brother!" Inu Yasha shouted back. "You let yourself become his whore! You're nothing more than some dirty slut, a bitch with no loyalties!"
"SIT!"
Inu Yasha thudded to the ground just as Sesshoumaru rushed in, Kagome sat back down on the chair and sighed. Inu Yasha was cursing in a muffled tone, his face buried into a futon mattress.
"Please don't leave again. I can't handle this alone," Kagome said wearily. Sesshoumaru nodded and stood behind her, his hand on Toukijin as Inu Yasha stood.
"When I first saw you two together I thought you put Kagome under a spell. Now I just know she's a slut," Inu Yasha growled.
"Inu Yasha, have you forgotten your beloved corpse almost killed Kagome? Have you so readily forgotten your words that night?" Sesshoumaru asked. Inu Yasha was quiet, is eyes glazing over as his thoughts turned inward, and a sort of awkward silence reigned for several minutes.
Sesshoumaru, Inu Yasha, I know you two share o love for the other, but I want only this, for you two to be civil to one another. Is that so hard? I understand your pasts, but those are the mistakes of your father. Inu Yasha, Sesshoumaru has been elected to defeat Naraku, and I vowed to help him. For that we need the shards. Please, give us your shards," Kagome told him. Inu Yasha solemnly took the shards from his inside his shit sleeve and gave them to Kagome. There were only two.
"Kouga said you had three," Kagome started.
"Kikyo has the other one," Inu Yasha answered simply, not looking at Kagome or Sesshoumaru.
"She left though. Where would she go Inu Yasha?" Sesshoumaru asked.
"I don't know," Inu Yasha said and then turned back towards the window. Sesshoumaru was about to say something else, but Kagome put a hand on his and stopped him, then stood.
"We'll be back later Inu Yasha," Kagome said. Inu Yasha gave no sign he heard her, and Kagome sighed and left the room. Sesshoumaru stayed behind for a moment, and then turned away from the hanyou.
"If you ever hurt her, I will kill you," Inu Yasha stated boldly. Sesshoumaru said nothing. He left the room and slid the door shut behind him.
His emotions were toiling within him. Kagome had defended the hanyou, even after calling her such insulting names! Sesshoumaru had wanted to kill the whelp for his insolence, but Kagome had stopped him. Sesshoumaru concluded that she still did care for the hanyou, and he felt a stab of something.
Jealousy?
He snarled at his heart to shut up. He had done well enough without the complication of emotions for over a hundred years! He could very well do without them now. And the only way he could get any release from those emotions was to send Kagome back to her own time.
He steeled his resolve and looked at Kagome.
"I'll take you to the well tomorrow," He said without any preamble. Kagome looked stunned for a moment, then tears filled her eyes. Sesshoumaru looked away and walked towards his room.
Kagome knew what the door closing behind him meant.
That night Kagome walked alone in the garden, the outer garden as she had found out. The inner sanctum had been Sesshoumaru's mother's. She went and sat on the bench by the water once again.
'Irony at it's best. I cried here for the first time after my our first kiss, and now I'm here crying again after we made love. Shouldn't I be happy? I love him, and last night was amazing, but, damn it! Where's Kentetsu when you need him?' Kagome sobbed within. Tears fell down her face in streams and she didn't try to hold them back. She knew it was a futile effort.
"Kagome?" A new voice said.
"Hey Onryou," She sniffled as she wiped away her tears.
"What's wrong?" He asked as he sat down, the moonlight glinting off of his black hair.
"I just, I can't really explain it," Kagome told him.
"Is it about Sesshoumaru?" Onryou asked. Kagome nodded, never looking away from the koi swimming lazily in the pond.
"Kagome, the entire castle knows what happened last night, they'd have to be deaf not to. Are you crying because he forced you?" Onryou asked. Kagome looked up, startled.
"He would never do that! I'm crying because I love him!" Kagome burst out.
"I see. Kagome, I am very young for a youkai, but I still have eyes. Sesshoumaru feels something for you, or else he would not have mated with you. He is a stubborn youkai, but I met him before, and he is very different now, at least around you. He would have killed me before if I had tried to poison him or anyone in his court, but he did not. Maybe he is just confused," Onryou tried to explain, his words halting. Kagome smiled in thanks, but she didn't believe a word the youkai said.
"Thank you Onryou. Go to bed. I'm just going to stay out here a little while longer," Kagome told hi. The dark skinned young man walked away, his black hair glinting in the moonlight. Kagome smiled. He was going to be a good lord. Sesshoumaru would see to it, even if he didn't teach the young youkai anything about emotions.
As she watched the koi swimming lazily, she finally realized something.
She had given everything she was to Sesshoumaru the night before. He had taken everything she had given, even her declaration of love, and given nothing in return.
Last night she had been so sure she understood what he had meant by saying thank you, but now, she felt as if it was nothing more than a dismissal of the words, or some sort of arrogance on his part. Maybe women threw themselves at Sesshoumaru all the time. He was beautiful enough for it, having the body of the mythical roman gods she had seen in textbooks. Why should she be any different from all the rest?
Doubts plagued her mind. She was truly scared the future had altered in some way and she and Sesshoumaru would never be together. It certainly seemed like it.
Kagome stood and walked back into her room, giving the gate into the inner sanctum a longing gaze as she passed it.
Maybe going to the future wouldn't be such a bad idea after all. She walked into her room and shut the door behind her, then took off the beautiful kimono. She laid down on the bed, naked and shuddering from the sobs that still wracked her body. A few hours later, she fell into a troubled sleep.
'Sesshoumaru, one day I will be gone, and so will your father. You will have to carry on the family name,' Akari said. Kagome watched, curious as Sesshoumaru drank tea with his mother out in the gazebo. Kagome barely recognized the garden. Instead of the wild lushness she had seen in reality, this garden was beautiful and lush as well, but held back. Akari lovingly held a lotus blossom from the pond.
'If this is another lecture about finding a mate and making an heir and a spare before you two pass, I still have several years to do so. I'm only sixteen,' Sesshoumaru responded.
'No dear, it's not about creating an heir to keep your father's peace of mind. I just want you to be happy. Find a woman you love,' The pale woman told her son, grabbing his hand and holding it tightly within her own.
'Love is for humans,' He retorted.
'And you may very well fall in love with a human. Do not overlook them so easily son. Some of them are very strong people,' Akari told him. Sesshoumaru looked at his mother as if she had lost her mind.
'You would still say loving a human is natural despite Hasu?' He asked, incredulous.
'Yes, it is not her fault your father chose her. Sesshoumaru, all I ask is that you mate with a woman whom you love,' Akari responded, bringing her son to her and hugging him tightly, a sad smile playing on her face.
Suddenly Kagome was thrust from the dream, like so many time before. Only this time she was brought to the gazebo, as it was now. Akari was there, but not Sesshoumaru.
"Hello Kagome," Akari said. Kagome jumped. This was a weird dream!
"Hello ma'am," Kagome said respectfully.
"No need for formalities, after all, you love my son, is that not so?" Akari asked. Kagome nodded and felt tears coming to her eyes. Odd, she had never really cried in a dream before, she had never felt this emotional.
"Kagome, my son longed so much for his father's approval years ago. Then he stopped and merely set out to prove himself to the world, thinking his father would see. Despite his hatred for his father, he respects him greatly," Akari said. Kagome nodded, not speaking.
"But my son has come to loathe his heart, thinking it his enemy. Years of watching has told him this. You see, by watching, often you do not see the good side of love, only the destructiveness obsession can create. Sesshoumaru has seen this, and it started with me I admit. I died because I had not the will to live anymore. I was selfish, leaving my son behind as I did, but his father was the only man in my heart and always would be. I could not bear to see him bring another woman into the gardens. That's why I created this place, my own sanctuary. But I have greatly digressed.
"I know you are hurting, but my son feels something great for you, something wondrous, but he does not understand it, he only knows that he can not control it, and that frightens him. But you can help him heal. Right now, his emotions are running high, and so are yours. It would be best for you to go home and spend time with his future self," Akari told her.,
"How do you know," Kagome began.
"I swore that since I was so selfish in my death, I would watch over him until he died. I am the one who has been bringing you into his dreams, hoping that maybe it would help. Sometimes he sees you, others he does not. But I know from what I see within you, you know all these things, and it is from your mind I see the good man my son will become. Kagome, the Sesshoumaru of the present and of the future are one and the same. Only you can heal him Kagome. You chose one another. Think on my words," Akari said.
"Wait!" Kagome called out, but the scene faded and she was dreaming her own dreams once again.
Authors End Notes: Who all wants to kill Inu Yasha? Who all wants to beat Sesshoumaru with a stick to knock some sense into him? The situation gets worse before it gets better, as life goes. I'm making plans for my next story as well and working out a plotline for it. So I'm hoping to have the first chapter up the day after I finish this story. I love writing, you guys love reading. I see no problems lol. Now, here's to my wonderful reviewers.
Thankies to: Crutches The Magic Hippie, anonymous, i-wish-i-was-kagome, kaitlynrs91, sakura-no-hana-hoshi, Kat, Kudari, Bluediamond-Hime, Draegon-Fire, Sessomaru Lover, Mysical2249, sataness-ov-desire, hellsinggurl, Joey, ranchan23, WTF101, dragon huntress, Lyn, Golden-Eyed-Girl, inlovewithsesshoumaru, Sako, EmChi, DemonQueen14, Hoshiko Megami(and yes, you were right).