Despite it all, its still you – it always was, it always will be.

AN: I'll try and not post so many author's notice in the future. But I have to say thank you for the reviews. I only posted the first two chapters last night and I already have two reviews. THANK YOU. You don't know how much it means to me. This is the first story I actually written down, I 'authored' many stories in my head, but never written them down becuause I figure know would be interested. So, thank you. And I would do my best to finish it quickly. I know how impatiant I get to get new chapters of stories I like. AndI would defenetily have to finish it now. :) Also, as I've said English is not my first language so sometimes I used expressions that I've heard, I know what they mean but they might not have the same impact on me than on anyone else. I said this becuase I wrote what could be a curse word. But I'm not sure - I've heard it quite a bit. If I'm wrong please let me know, and I won't use again. And if I offend someone, I'm really sorry. Finally, though I was a bit leery of Cole when he first showed up in the show, he ended up being one of my favorite characters. So, when I saw his eyes glow red at the end of the episode where they defeated the source, I knew I wasn't going to like what they were going to do with him and I stopped watching the show. That may be why there are some continuity problems. Most if not all I know from that time in the show come from fanfiction - so sorry is I'm wrong. Let me know and I'll collect it in the future. Well, I think that's it. Enjoy this chapter!

Disclamer: I can't believe I forgot it. But, neither Charmed nor its characters nor anything connected to it belong to me, but rather WB.

Chapter 3

Just as Piper was about ready to tell Phoebe why she had heard Cole that day a year ago, Phoebe started to speak again, but a little slower, more hesitant. Not that she had been all that fast before but as hard as before had been on her, this part was even harder. Now she had to admit out loud that she screwed up. For a minute there Phoebe was not sure she could continue. She had screw up some much in her life that she did not want to admit to another one. Especially on the one area of her life where most of those screw ups had been and the one time when she had been sure she had not screw up. But after thinking it over for almost a year, she was forced to admit she had messed up, big time. Now the only thing left was admitting it out loud. So, after shutting her eyes and calling forth all of her courage, Phoebe continued.

"After that I just couldn't stop thinking about him, Piper. Thinking about all the good times we had and all the bad. For the first time since he died I looked back at our time together – at all of it and not just at the last year. I went through every moment we spent together since the night he came up to us and introduce himself. Do you remember that, Piper?" Phoebe asked with a glint in her eyes that had been missing for more time that Piper wanted to admit.

"Yes, of course I remember it. How could I not? 'Ladies, my name is Cole Turner' or something like that, wasn't it?" answered Piper with a slight grin as she too thought back to those days.

"Yeah, that's what he said alright. Didn't he look? God, I thought he was the cutest thing I've ever seen and he was a lawyer to boot. I think I started falling for him right then and there." Sighed Phoebe and gave Piper a small, silly grin.

"Well, I have to agree he did look pretty good. I think even Prue thought so."

"Yeah, so do I. Though I'm sure she would never have admitted it."

"No, probably not." Admitted Piper. And for a few minutes the sisters lost themselves in memories of their eldest sister.

Shaking the memories away for another time, Phoebe forced herself to continue. "Anyway, after thinking about all the times we had together – the good and the bad – I realized something. Something I had not seen before. I'm not sure why. Maybe because the anger and pain were too fresh. Or maybe because to see it and acknowledge it would have meant that I failed." And against her best intentions, Phoebe's voice trailed off again.

"Failed? Failed at what? Phoebe, I'm not sure I know what you are talking about." Said Piper into the silence. Though, she had an idea of where this was going. And to be truthful she had had the same thoughts herself lately.

"Not what, who. I failed Cole, Piper. I failed him and myself. I promised him that I would always stand by him that I love him and that that love would last forever and just when he most needed me I left him and demanded that he stopped coming around. I failed him, myself and our love. That's who I failed." Answered Phoebe in a somewhat tremulous voice.

"Phoebe don't you think you're being a little hard on yourself here? I mean after all you didn't give up on him right away. If I remember correctly you went along with him for quite a while. I mean you even lived with him as his queen – the Queen of the underworld, Phoebe. You only came back when the baby started to turn you evil. That's not what I call giving up on someone." Piper defended her sister and the actions she had taken back then. Because even if Piper had started to think that they could have done something else, she did not doubt the rightness of their actions – Cole had needed to be stopped, for his sake as well as everyone else's.

But Phoebe shook her head. She did not want to be defended. It was only recently that she had started to feel guilty about the events surrounding Cole's death. And as crazy as it may sound she wanted, needed to feel the guilt. Oh, she knew she was not solely responsible for what happened, that Cole had had a large portion of guilt as well. But after denying any guilt whatsoever for the past few years, Phoebe felt that she needed not only to acknowledge her responsibility but to actually feel the guilt. Not forever, Phoebe was not into martyrdom, but for a while at least.

"No, Piper. I did fail him and I did give up on him. I'm not saying he did nothing wrong or that we were wrong in vanquishing him, but I have to owe up to my own faults. Yes, I did stay with him when we found out about the source, and I did let him made me his queen. But what about after? No, what about during?"

At the last question, Piper looked at Phoebe confused and told her, "I don't know what you mean by that."

"I mean, shouldn't I have figured there was something wrong with him? Paige tried to tell us and we didn't listen. If I loved him so much, shouldn't I have been the one to sense something was going on? Maybe if I had sense something was wrong, maybe we could have done something to save him. Because we should have save him, Piper. He was an innocent. That's another conclusion I have come to in this last few months. He was possessed by the source, he wasn't the source – at least not by choice. I really believe that Piper. He had finally broken free of that life; there was no way he would have willingly go back to it, no way. And the only reason he was possessed was because he had tried to help us. The only way the source was able to take over him was when Cole took the Hollow. And you know he did that for us, don't you Piper?" pressed Phoebe.

Piper swallowed a bit uncomfortable, but she had to concede the point. "Yes, Phoebe. I know that Cole only took the Hollow to save us. And if what you're saying is true and he was possessed then I guess he was taken over because of us and he was an innocent we should have saved." Piper exhaled loudly and then went on, "God, that certainly puts a very different spin on everything that went on, doesn't it?"