Hey guys. Bear with me. I know it's gotten a bit dull, and I'm cutting out some later chapters to speed up the action. Thanks for reading!
When Harry woke, he knew it was going to be one of those days.
He didn't question the feeling as he dressed himself, and knew at once he was right as he caught Snape's glare at him in the main room. He decided that saying nothing was probably the best option, and headed to the kitchens.
He mentally planned his day to avoid as many people as possible, including teachers bearing messages. Dumbledore was, no doubt, pissed off with him, and Harry didn't want to see the saddened look of disappointment on his old and wizened features.
Curiously, physically going out of his way to avoid people made Harry feel a little better. Made him feel like he had a purpose. He welcomed the sensation.
He checked to make sure no-one was around, then ran out of the Entrance Hall and into the Grounds. Following the familiar path, he jogged lightly along the gravel until he came to Hagrid's cabin. He knocked on the door and knew by Fang's barks that he was home.
The wooden door was ripped open, and a huge hand grabbed Harry by the scruff of the robes and promptly dragged him in. Immediately, he was crushed into a massive bear hug.
"'Arry! Bin awhile, 'ant it?"
Harry managed a smile and nodded his head.
"You doin' okay for yerself?"
Harry shrugged. It seemed an appropriate answer in any case.
Hagrid invited him to sit, and Harry did so. Fang put his head in Harry's lap and drooled a bit.
"So, what brings yeh down here?" asked Hagrid curiously, beetle black eyes alight with interest. He plonked a mug of pumpkin juice down in front of Harry on a surprisingly small and rickety table.
"A bit of refuge," admitted Harry, sipping at the juice. To his surprise, it was warm. It made a pleasant change from iced, especially in the winter months.
"Refuge, eh? Well, I can' say you've ever done anythin' that ever made you run from anyone before."
Not for the first time, Harry wondered if Hagrid was far more intelligent than he looked. He had a way of interpreting what others said... usually accurately.
"Me and Snape -"
"Professor Snape, Harry."
"– we had a bit of a... confrontation."
Hagrid was silent, stoking the fire. Finally, he stood up with a groan, and sat himself laboriously in the chair in front of Harry.
"Yeh? What was it abou'?"
For a few seconds, Harry stared at the light dusting of orange foam in his warm juice. He let his eyes idly trace patterns.
"Some things were said that maybe shouldn't have," he said, choosing to ignore the question. "And what we me having to stay with the man, I think I've overstepped a boundary. I just... I just..."
Harry found that he was close to tears. He was immediately angry with himself, and he bit his lip hard.
Harry was finding it increasingly harder to cope with life... the world was just too oppressive... he found himself longing for a place that did not carry so much weight. Dreamless sleep was his only horribly short and horribly rare refuge.
The bubble Harry had likened his sanity to was becoming perilously thin. Even the small things were beginning to needle him, and he was starting to doubt if he could hold out much longer before he cracked like an empty eggshell.
Speaking of eggshells, that's what he felt like he was treading on. Even on a subject they both agreed on, he and Snape still managed to pick a row over it. Only last night they'd had a short, formal argument of the merits and demerits of jumpers. How they had even reached that topic, Harry didn't know. They usually avoided speaking to each other.
Harry put his juice on the table in front of him. The burning feeling in his eyes wouldn't leave no matter how hard he tried. Hagrid copied him, his considerably larger tankard making the table creak pathetically.
"'Arry, I been watchin' you these past few weeks. Can you truthfully tell me that yeh're okay?"
Harry shook hs head, not trusting himself to speak. He gave his eyes a quick wipe.
"I just feel like the worlds a bit too much," he croaked after a few seconds' silence.
"You getting' bad dreams?"
Harry nodded.
"Tol' Dumbledore abou' 'em?"
Well, broadly speaking... Harry nodded again, then leaned forwards and put his face in his hands. He felt a hand touch him on the shoulder, and then a handkerchief that would serve quite well as a fair-sized dining table cloth was poushed into his hand.
Harry felt a grin twitch his lips as he gave his eyes a quick wip and passed it back. He looked up to see Hagrid's eyes crinkled in a friendly smile.
"There yeh go, Harry. Jus' need to get it outta yer system every once in a while, righ'?"
Harry nodded, grateful. He didn't mention that 'once in a while' didn't quite cover it.
llllllllll
Harry didn't bother to keep himself concealed as he headed back out across the grounds.
Hagrid and himself had spent the rest of the evening discussing breeds of dragon. Whereas Hagrid preferred the Norweigian Ridgeback and the Hungarian Horntail, Harry liked the Hebridian Black because of its vivid purple eyes, and the Swedish short-snout because of its blue flame and skin.
Harry wasn't too fussed about getting caught. It was going to happen sooner or later, he mused. Hiding was all a bit pointless, really.
Shrugging, he changed route.
llllllllll
Snape stalked the hallways. Although he didn't actually need to (absence of students to catch) he found the motion calmed him, the routine strangely relaxing.
His footsteps, controlled and regular, echoed back off the stone walls and into his ears. Everything was peacefully silent. Even the distant screams that occupied the long corridors seemed to have vanished with the students.
His feet traced their regular path, totally unconsciously; Snape let his legs do the work, carrying him to all the usual student haunts
For once, his mind was ablissful blank, although thought of Voldemort had begun to nag lately.
The Dark Lord had been quite worrying of late. No recent killing, mutilations or torturings, and only a few had swollen the ranks.
If the Dark Lord appears to be backing off, it's only so he can get a good run-up.
Snape allowed himself a snicker as his feet echoed up the stairs to the Astronomy Tower. Laughter was a precious gift and he had never received his fair share. Generally, he assumed that there wasn't really much to laugh at.
Echoes faded away as he reached the top of the Tower, and is attention was immediately drawn to Potter.
The boy was asleep, the moonlight bathing his face in a soft, silver light, and pushing everything into quiet monochrome. Shadows were cast into sharp relief, bringing Snape's attention to the sharp point of a quill held limply in one of the boy's hands. Snape moved closer and studied the parchment resting on the boy's knee.
It was a fairly detailed map of Canis Major, The Greater Dog. Everything was marked out pretty well, but one of the stars was deliberately missing, the main star, in fact... Sirius was gone.
So. The boy was still pining over the mutt.
Snape looked out over the landscape. It was a clear night, and there was gentle but chilly breeze blowing over the treetops. The sound of them softly heralding the night air was pronounced in the unusual silence that cloaked the castle.
Snape swung his attention back to the present as Harry shifted slightly on his stone seat. He'd somehow managed to wedge himself into one of the gaps in the stone wall that surrounded the top of the tower. He had a pretty good view of the entire Hogwarts grounds and a pretty grim one of the God-knew-how-many foot drop below him.
He'd fallen asleep. On a high vantage point. At the top of the tallest, coldest tower in the castle. Potter was suicidal.
Snape bent over to shake the boy but froze, inches from Harry's shoulder
Potter had lines around his eyes. Tiny, almost untraceable, but they were there once you saw them.
What could – what could a sixteen-year old have to worry about?
Well, that was a bit of a dumb question, really, considering this was the Boy-Who-Lived, but still. He'd coped with it before.
What was the problem? Had potter had so much to cope with that he was cracking?
It took little to make a teen feeling angry and misunderstood... but quite a lot to make them world-weary.
Rolling his eyes, Snape very carefully picked up Harry, trying to keep the boy's blessedly dreamless sleep unbroken. Judging by the last time he'd watched the Golden Boy sleep, he'd wound up watching a bit of a worrying performance. If Potter had no dreams, it was best to let him stay that way.
God God... don't say I'm softening up, thought Snape is genuine horror. I'd lose my reputation.
Mystic Phoenix: Thanks for your response! A death... hmmm... don't count on it, mis amigo. I am (horror of horrors) nearing the end of my story on my computers. It's good few chapters away from where I've posted it, trust me. The end looms in sight, but the reason you shouldn't trust in a death is because I am toying, just toying, with the idea of writing a sequel. Of course, before I could make any decisions, it would have to wait until book 6 is published. Still. I've got the ending to this story all written out.
Greeter: Er... hello.
Kip: I love you in a non-gay-way-if-you-are-female, did you know that? I attempted to hunt down your e-mail address, but couldn't find it. Nevermind.
I find your critical analysis of other angst fics highly cynical, highly dismissive and entirely accurate. There are a good few angst fics out there but they're few and far between. If it's not some Harry listening to Nine-Inch Nails over a CD player and slitting his wrists then it's a Nirvana-crazed Potter running around, breaking down and upchucking into the toilets because he thinks he's fat.
(I realise if anyone else who writes these kinds of fics is reading this, you will probably hate me forever. Sorry. Please forgive me.) And as for the rape ones... ugh.
Still your reviews keep me sane. Check out someone called Forty-two Dreams; you may find some similarities between yourself and them, if they've written any fics yet.
It's nice to know a reviewer has a least half a brain.
A.Person: Call it (ugh) cliché, but...what would I do without you?
Foureyedsnail: Righteho. cracks knuckles.
Yup, no slash, but you may be surprised at what comes later. Harry does not need a father-figure, and God, would it never be Snape. What he will find... well, I'll let you judge when it happens.
Ron and Hermione... they don't come back until the end of the Chrimbo holidays which may, due to unforeseen circumstances (evil snigger) been much sooner than you think. By that time, Harry angstyness will have undergone an awful lot of changes. In some respects it will be worse. In some it will be better.
And as for what happened to me... my computer does not have any text program compatible with I cannot post from it. I have to e-mail stuff to my hotmail account and pick it up from another computer, which worked fine for a while, until my server broke down. AND my computer doesn't run hotmail. Currently, I'm typing this at my dad's borrowed laptop onto a floppy to take to school tomorrow. I'm going to try to steal some time and upload it. On the plus side, my mum says we need a new computer (ABOUT TIME) and we're going to get a new one. On the negative side, she's been saying this since August 2003.
Thanks for asking questions! I like being able to respond.
Keep reviewing!
Forty-Two Dreams: I'm trying my best. As for WSAHC, I desperately need a co-writer. I'll start work on new ideas as soon as I've got a new computer, which shouldn't be TOO long in coming. The ideas you sent me sound verrrry promising...
Espergirl04: yes, well, you might find some interesting moments later on... not sweet, but not sarky, either. Black notebook? Ask no questions, tell no lies...
Prophetess of Hearts: Strangely, no. Not in this story, at least (I'm toying, just toying, with the idea of a sequel. It's... uncertain.). The idea was to get the dreams on paper, because they've festered inside for long enough. It's a method of extracting the poison, but sometimes that can be more painful than the bite...
Shelly101: Great! People love me... sniff...
Mrs. Tom Riddle: Oh dear, oh dear. What is the world coming to? Anyway... what do you think I have planned for Snape?
Read300300: If you're looking for a particular author, I find it easiest to type (e.g ) and bingo! You get their bio and their list of stories. Anyway... so, someone else is using ICT lessons to read fanfic? Snigger. I hope you're working hard. I'm still passing this class with an A average. God alone knows how.
Briana Potter: Oh, you just have to love Snape. He became my favourite character after the fifth book. As for 'less depressed'... watch this space.
ShadowedHand: Nothing happened? Yes, I'm afraid to say so. I have been keeping a slightly cynical eye on my story as a write, and looking back (this chapter I wrote about two months ago) I have to admit that it's slap-bang in the middle of a fairly lull stage in activity. If you're finding the action boring, bear with me. I have a couple of fight scenes (nothing so crass as a formal duel) coming up... well, maybe 'fight' isn't the right word. Watch this space. I've tried to keep distanced commentary up and not slip into the mindset of the hormone-fuelled adrenaline junkie fifteen year old that I am.
Vendethiel: Hmm... come the end of this story, some things will have changed... but some things will stay the same. There will be a reason for this. As I have told others, I may or may not write a sequel. I wouldn't pass judgement on this until you've read the whole fic.
Lalaluu: Indeed. More will come.
Molly Morrison: (At the risk of sounded abrasively teenagerish) OMG!!! Molly Morrison?! I so totally loved your story 'Lies'.
Ahem. Rant over.
Confrontation will come, have no fears about that. It may not come for a while yet scans story for gap between confrontation and now. I'm cutting out a few of the later chapters because there's no action.
Let's put it this way. If there was a risk Harry could be caught out of the castle, Dumbeldore wouldn't let him out of the dorms, let alone the castle. There's always a risk, but Dumbledore will severely miscalculate – admittedly with Harry's help.
Okay... hey people.
You have no idea how frustrating things are at the moment (see rant in the last paragraph of Foureyedsnail's reply), and I am doing everything I can to keep updating. The problem lies mostly with getting stuff to my beta, who I could not live without. Still, I'm working on fixing it. To all those who thinks there's a lull in the activity, you're right. There has been. Hang around with me for a few more chapters, though. You might be surprised.
Bluethought.
Oh... and by the way. Any of my reviewers live in the UK? If so, review and tell. It'd be cool to know if there's anyone from the home country reading .