Despite it all, its still you - it always was, it always will be
charmed1s-halliwells: don't worry, of course I will, but not untill at least two more chapters. otherwise what would be the point, right? I am so not into angst. A bit of sadness is good as long as the end is happy - and this will be a happy ending. ethereal girl: I'm glad you liked it, I thought you might. And yeah, I was thinking about doing that and since you brought it out I probably will now. sergfal30: oye, no molestes. I'll try and keep them shorter, but no promises, (te saco la lengua lol) for those that speak spanish he's my brother so I'm not really insulting a stranger. Wicked R: what can I say? I tend to overanalyze things, specially feelings. My family tell that is not such a good thing. But the end result is that if I write any more fiction they will all probably be about interpersonal relationships and not have very much action. If anyone has some ideas for action demonic style, let me know. I can't see to be able to come up with it. Paige and Leo will be coming in the next couple of chapters. Well here it is, I hope you like it. As I say later on, I hope that everyone that's been waiting to see how Phoebe reacts to Piper's news are not too disappointed.
Chapter 5
"Shh, honey. It'll be all right. You'll see everything will be all right." Piper said trying to calm her sister down.
"No, Piper, it won't. Weren't you listing?" Phoebe cried out as she disentangled herself from her sister and moved to leaned back against the wall. Tears were still falling down her face, but she didn't seem to care. "He's gone and it's because of me; because I denied that I love him; I denied him and our love. I lied to him, Piper, and worst of all I lied to myself. And in so doing I condemned both of us – him to the wasteland, probably, and me to a life alone. Because, Piper" Phoebe stopped again to take a big breath and wiped some of the tears from her cheeks. She closed her eyes for a minute and seemed to be gathering her courage once again, before she continued. "Because he was the love of my life, my soul mate. I know that now Piper. I guess I've always known it; I just lost of sight of it for a while. But now I'm sure of it, Piper. And nothing can change it. I love him, I always have and I always will. But he's gone and I can't tell him how sorry I am or how much I love him. And . . . I . . ." Phoebe lost it once again and fell back into her sister's arms to cry out her heartache.
"I know, honey. But you know that in this family death is not a big obstacle to communication. Heck, sometimes death is not even permanent. So, if you need to talk to him maybe you could."
Phoebe brought her head up from her sister's lap and looked at her while she wiped her cheeks. Something was not adding up here, Piper was not reacting like Phoebe thought she would. But she'd get into that later, right now she answer her. "Piper, don't you think I've tried already? I've been calling him for a while now but nothing. It's just like it was when Prue first passed and we couldn't get her. Only, I don't understand why. With Prue it was because she had just passed and we needed to deal with it. But Cole's been death for years now and I still can't get him."
"Well maybe you are not using the right spell or maybe you are not calling the right place." Piper answered her as if calling the other side to talk to the spirits of people who have die was as normal as calling an old friend in Europe. When she realized this she shook her head and thought how weird their lives were. For all of her talk of wanting a normal life more than anything else, Piper was almost sure that she would not be able to recognize normal even if she was hit on the head with it. Piper sighed to herself as she admitted that she's been a witch for too long to be able to have any semblance of a normal life. But as she noticed Phoebe looking at her like she's grown another head in the last couple of minutes, she put those thoughts out of her head. She would need all of her wits for the upcoming confrontation because she had a feeling Phoebe would not be entirely happy to find out what Piper has been keeping from her for over a year.
Phoebe looked at her sister while she finished wiping her eyes and face. There was something off about the whole conversion, she thought to herself as she looked deep into her sister's eyes searchingly. But the only thing she found was concern for her and maybe a bit of apprehension. Nothing like the fear or the anger she had been sure Piper would feel as soon as she heard Cole's name. That had been one of the reasons why Phoebe had not talk to her sisters about any of this before; she was sure both would quickly tell her she was responsible for nothing, to leave well enough alone and would have gotten angry if she had insisted in taking responsibility. But here was Piper looking calm and collected. And now that she was calmer herself and could think about it, Phoebe realized that Piper had been remarkably calm throughout the conversation. Phoebe thought about this for a few minutes, trying to come up with reasons for why this would be as she kept searching her sister's eyes and face. But after a while she came up with nothing and decided that the best thing would be to ask. "Ok, just what is going on with you, Piper?" Phoebe finally demanded.
"Nothing is going on. What could be going on?" Piper answered as she got up from the floor, straighten her skirt and walked to the Book of Shadows. She did all this to gain some minutes while she try and put her thoughts in order. She had known from almost the beginning of the conversation that she would have to come clean about it. Heck, she had talked it over with Leo a few days ago and they had decided that it was time to tell Phoebe everything. So, it was not like she was caught unaware, but now that the moment was there Piper found that thinking and talking about telling Phoebe was a lot easier than telling Phoebe and she suddenly had no idea how to tell her or even where to begin. To her amusement and charging, she realized that she and Phoebe seemed to have changed places from the beginning of the conversation – now she was the one that did not know how to begin while Phoebe was the one waiting for the answers.
Phoebe had been waiting for Piper to finally answer her because that 'nothing is going on' line was not going to cut it, but as she saw her sister flip through the Book she realized that Piper was stalling. And that perplexed her more than anything else; why would Piper want to stall? She only did that when she wanted to avoid a subject or when she was not sure how to broach it or how it would be received. At this thought, Phoebe started to get the feeling that she would not like whatever it was Piper was going to say and that, however improbable it may seem, it most likely had to do with Cole. So, loosing most of her patience Phoebe asked again, "Piper, what is going on? And please don't tell me nothing. I know something is. Not only are you stalling,"
"I am not stalling." Interrupted Piper, trying to defend herself, though she knew that she was stalling.
"Yes, Piper, you are. Don't bother denying it because we both know you are. But that's not all. I mean look at you, look at how call you are." Phoebe said, gesturing with her hand towards her sister.
"And what's wrong with me calm, I ask you?" Piper responded with her hands on her hips.
"Nothing but we're talking about Cole here, Piper. I didn't expect you to react so, so . . . calmly."
"And how did you expect me to react?" Piper asked her hands still on her hips. She apparently had decided that offense was the best defense.
"I'm not exactly sure, maybe screaming, yelling, cursing – something along those lines."
"And would you have preferred any of those responses, missy?"
"No, Piper, I wouldn't." Phoebe answered exasperated, she was being put on the defensive and she did not appreciate it – especially when she still thought that Piper was hiding something. "But this is Cole we're talking about here, Piper. Remember him? The same Cole that was once the source of all evil; the same one that pretty much split us up and almost destroyed us; the one that almost killed you while you were pregnant with Wyatt; the one that went crazy and stalked me; the one that created an alternative reality all so that Paige would never come into our lives; the one that we had to vanquish twice? Remember him?" Phoebe all but screamed at Piper she was getting so annoyed at all of her sister's evasions.
"Yes, Phoebe I remember him. But I thought you just finished telling me that most of that was not his fault. Or that we could have avoided most of it if we had saved him at the beginning when he was an innocent. That is what you just finished telling me, right?" Piper answered sarcastically.
Phoebe answered very calmly and very slowly, kind of like you do when you're speaking to a two year old that is trying your patience and it's all you can do not to scream your head off at him. "Yes, Piper, that is what I said, but it took me about a year to get there and every other time we've talked about Cole before you've reacted with either anger or fear so excuse me for being confused and a bit suspicious when you start reacting so calm about me telling you that I'm still in love with him. So, will you just tell me what the heck is going on? Why are you so calm? And what was that crack about calling the wrong place?" Phoebe, hands on her hips, finished in a near roar, finally giving into her exasperation.
"You are not the only that's thought about what went on back then, ok? I've also been thinking about it – a lot and I had more or less come to some very similar conclusions." Piper answered Phoebe. Ok, so that was not exactly the beginning and she was ignoring her own advice – good advice at that. But somehow this seemed a better place to start the whole explanation. Also, the look on Phoebe's face was priceless, and if the conversation had not been so serious Piper would have been laughing right about now.
Phoebe had her mouth open as if she was to start speaking, but then she closed and opened it again. She did this a few times, until she was finally able to get out: "You've been thinking about this too? And you've come to similar conclusions? Wow, I can't believe it. I'm glad but why? What made you start thinking about it?"
"Believe it or not, the same thing that made you start thinking about it: Cole." Piper answered her, almost smirking. Despite the seriousness of the situation, she was almost starting to enjoy herself. It was not always that she got to see Phoebe so completely dumfounded or surprise her so completely either.
Phoebe for her part was glad that her pacing had gotten her close to the sofa because all of the sudden her knees became very weak and she had to hastily sit down. She knew her mouth was still hanging open, but she had not been expecting that answer. It took her a few moments before she was able to close her mouth and almost in a whisper asked Piper: "Cole? What do you mean?"
Piper took a deep breath, this time it was her gathering all her courage. The time for evasions and having a bit of fun had passed. This was it; she had to tell Phoebe exactly what went on last year. "Well, you remember when I came to after Wyatt heal me and I said that an old friend had help me find a way to connect with Leo?" Piper asked and went on when Phoebe just nodded her head. "Well, that friend was Cole." Piper saw Phoebe's mouth hung open again and after waiting a few seconds to see if she would say anything, Piper continued: "It was him that told me I had to let go; that that was the only way for Leo to feel me and remember me. He said that he had always been able to feel when something happened to you just like Leo could with me; the fact that he didn't know who I was didn't change anything, it just made things a bit harder and Leo needed a bigger punch than usual to understand what it was that he was feeling. And I guess he was right, because I talked to Leo after and he said that he had had the feeling that someone needed him the whole day he just couldn't remember who it was until he felt me let go. Then he said if was like a wave of love that knocked the sense and memory back into him. Pretty much how Cole had describe it. So, that's why you felt his presence that day as you were leaving the manor, because he was there. And how you said you almost heard his voice? He told you you were still beautiful just as you were walking out. I guess you're more in tune with him than anyone else realized, huh?" With this Piper stopped and let Phoebe take in everything she had said. She took a deep breath and noticed how much better she felt; 'I guess what they say is true: confession really is good for the soul' she thought to herself as she watched Phoebe come to terms with everything she had told her.
Phoebe was completely surprised. But after a few minutes she realized she shouldn't be; she should have expected some something like this, after all it made sense. She shook her head and laughed ruefully to herself; 'leave it to Cole to do the totally unexpected; just when you think he's gone you find out he's not' Phoebe thought to herself. Then she thought that the connection between them is still there; it's true that he had always been able to sense whenever something was wrong with her – just like she's always been able to sense when he was near or when he was in danger, and apparently she's still able to sense him. That thought made her feel good; like it was a confirmation that he is her soul mate. But wait why had Piper seen him? Where had she seen him? And why hadn't Piper told her all this before now?" As soon as these questions presented themselves, Phoebe asked them: "How did you see him? Is he some sort of angel? And why hadn't you tell me this before?" The last question was asked in a hard, angry voice; because Phoebe was starting to get angry that Piper had kept this from her all this time.
Piper snorted at the notion of Cole being an angel. She also heard the edge to Phoebe's voice when she asked why she had taken so long to tell her this, but she chose to ignore it. Piper had decided that she was not going to give Phoebe a chance to get really mad and start yelling at her, there were more important things they should be doing. "No, he's not an angel. Can you really see Cole as an angel?" Asked Piper, and was somewhat relieved when Phoebe smiled and shook her heard. "No, he's in between planes, this one and the hereafter. The only reason he came to me was to help me find and keep my true love so that you wouldn't lose your faith in love. He said that I couldn't give up after everything that Leo and I had been through, and if I wasn't going to do it for me and Leo then I could at least do it for you because if our love failed you wouldn't believe in love again. And he said that unlike you two, Leo and I had what it took to make it. I'm very grateful to him, to tell you the truth. And after things calmed down a bit after Leo came back, I started to think and remembering all the good things he had done for us, before the source took him over. And that's when I realized that as bad as things had gotten he had saved all of our asses more than once; that if he had really wanted us dead he had had more than enough opportunities to just let us die without actually killing us. After realizing that, it was just a small step to realizing that the source had probably taken him over and had been responsible for everything that happened back then and that Cole had been an innocent after all. Although to tell you the truth, I don't think he sees it that way. He seems to have accepted that everything that had happened was his fault, and that his penance for that and every other evil deed he did in his lifetime is being stuck in limbo for eternity. I think that's why you have not been able to connect with him. You've probably using the regular spell to call spirits from the other side, but he's not on the other side. He's in between here and there – there's probably a special spell you need if you want to call him. That's what I meant by you calling the wrong place, by the way." Piper finished saying everything that she meant to say. She had ignored the different faces Phoebe had made throughout her speech, but she had just wanted to get it all out and maybe delayed letting her speak enough that when she did she'd have enough other stuff to talk about that she would forget to be mad. Now, she waited to see how Phoebe was going to react.
It was all Phoebe could do to take in everything Piper had just said. There were a lot of things to take in, but Phoebe lump them in three piles: first and most important – Cole was stuck in some sort of limbo for eternity and he had accepted that fate. 'Well,' Phoebe thought, 'he might have but I haven't, now all I have to do if find out how to talk to him and how to bring him back.' Second Piper had apparently forgiven him for all the stuff he did as the source. Or at least come to the conclusion that he was not responsible which came to the same thing. 'That' though Phoebe 'is a very good thing if I'm planning in bringing him into the family. Once Piper accepts someone, everyone else has to fall in line.' And third Piper had kept all of this from her for over a year, and had apparently discussed it with Leo, Phoebe wondered if Paige was in it too. While the first two things may in the long run be more important, Phoebe decided to address the last one first since it had not escape her notice that that whole speech of Piper had been to distract her. She too knew her sister. "You talked to Cole and you never bothered to tell me? How could you, Piper? You knew what he meant to me. Why did you keep this from me, uhm? And who besides Leo knows about it? How you talked to Paige about it too?"
At this point, Piper decided to interrupt and end Phoebe's rant before she really got into it. "The only person I talked about this with was Leo. I didn't tell Paige because she has no interest in Cole and because, frankly, I didn't think she would react all that well to the news. As to why I didn't tell you, for pretty much the same reason. I didn't think you would have a good reaction. You have to admit that you had not been at your most rational when it came to Cole for the last few years. And if you really were over him there was not point in my bringing it up and if you were not, well I didn't want to chance bringing you down when you were doing your best to get over it. Now, do you want to be mad at me and yell for not telling you all about it before, or do you want to help me look for a spell so that you can connect with him, uh?
Phoebe looked at her sister for long while. She was really tempted to yell at her, but she had to admit everything she had said made sense. And really, now that she knew exactly where Cole was and why she hadn't been able to connect with him before all she wanted to do was try and find a way to talk to him. So she took a big breath put the meager anger she felt towards her sister aside, walked to the Book to stand next to Piper and said "Let's look for that spell. But don't think you're totally off the hook. We will get back to this" Phoebe told Piper sternly. But she put her arm around her and gave a squeeze, silently telling Piper that she was not all that mad. And with that the two sisters went about looking how to connect to a spirit caught in limbo.
Another long chapter. Initially this was just going to be about Piper telling Phoebe and Phoebe reacting not so good. But this is what came out instead – I justkept writing about the sisters' feelings and could not resist the banter. But since most of you seem to like how I'm protraying them, so I hope you don't mind. Also, I wanted to make this chapter a bit lighter since last chapter was so emotional. I hope all of you that were waiting to see how Phoebe reacted to Piper's confession are not dissapointed. I originally was going to make her get made and yell quite a bit, but as I was writing the chapter it just did not see to fit too well. I thought her getting excited about getting to see and maybe bring Cole back was a better fit. Anyway, I hope you guys liked it.