Smoke drifted lazily from the cigar in Vimes' mouth. He hadn't moved at all since Carrot had walked through the door. Harry and Ron were both silent. Vetinari sat patiently and wrote some notes on a piece of paper he had nearby while waiting for everyone's brains to catch up to their eyes. It was Carrot who spoke first.

"You wanted to see me your Lordship?" he said cheerfully. The wide smile on his face gave no indication as to whether or not he knew that Vimes was giving him a look of utter disbelief. The Patrician smiled and nodded to him.

"Yes, I can see that I was correct. Wouldn't you agree Commander?" Vimes didn't answer

"Right about what, Sir?" good natured ignorance filled Carrot's face. Vetinari raised his eyebrows; he didn't look at Vimes, who was now looking like a man in serious need of a good wall to punch.

"You look like, Harry, He looks like…" Ron stammered

"Oh, that. Well it's really not that surprising. Lots of people look like other people. Just because you're from a different universe doesn't mean that you have to look completely different" said Carrot. Ron's eyes bulged.

"It's not like with me and Ponder. Then it's just little things that are different" Harry tried

"You noticed. Yes, you and Mr. Stibbons do bear an uncanny resemblance. The similarities between Mr. Weasley and Captain Ironfoundersson are a little less obvious but they are there all the same" said the Patrician

"Wait, you're saying that the wizards have made a universe where everybody looks like somebody here only not exactly?" Vimes wasn't convinced

"Oh no Commander. It already existed" Carrot quipped

"Speaking of wizards. Archchancellor, if you are going to attempt to eavesdrop would you please have the decency to at least try to hide?"

Ridcully sheepishly poked his head around the door. The Dean followed suite, so did the Lecturer in Recent Runes, The Chair of Indefinite Studies and the Senior Wrangler. A strange whooshing sound coming from down the hall could only be The Bursar.

"Any more?" said Vimes irritably. He threw the stub end of his cigar out the window. None of the wizards answered him.

"Look, is this going to take long? I've left Detritus in charge at the yard. If I'm not back soon he'll have the new recruits running to Uberwald and back"

"He's right, Your Lordship, Sergeant Detritus has taken a very literal approach to Cross Country running"

For some reason Vetinari didn't look all that surprised.

"Very well, I shall not keep you long. There is one thing though, the matter of accommodation. I doubt that the faculty here will be able to focus on their usual dealings and be able to sort out this portal business at the same time" Vetinari paused there for just a fraction of a second too long, "If they are charged with the responsibility of looking after our guests" This went straight over Ridcully's head.

"Of course sir, not to worry! We'll have these boys home in a jiffy!" Vetinari raised an eyebrow. Ridcully opened his mouth, about to press on, heedless of the warning signs. Carrot saved him

"Perhaps they could stay with Commander Vimes and Lady Sybil? I'm sure you wouldn't mind. Right Commander?" Vimes looked on the verge of protesting. One look at Vetinari and he shut his mouth.

"Capital" said the Patrician

-

Rincewind was back in what he supposed was now his office. Hermione had left to get her homework sorted out, but she had promised to come back later and help him prepare for his first class. He looked at the wand they had bought. He didn't like it. It was thirteen inches long, which as unlucky. It had dragon heartstring inside it, and dragons were scary. And while he couldn't think of anything wrong with cedar, he was sure that given time and enough reference materials he would find something. The wand now sat idly on the desk. It had refused to do any magic since the store. Rincewind was starting to suspect it had taken pity on him. A huge knocking on the door broke him out of his peaceful panic. Hagrid found him gibbering under the desk.

"'Ullo Rincewind! I came to see how yer doin'" he boomed cheerfully as he plucked the wizard from his hiding space. The Librarian was also there. He seemed to have taken quite a liking to Hagrid.

"Got any plans for yer class tomorrow? Well, not tomorrow, there's a Hogsmeade trip tomorrow. But after"

Rincewind gulped. The Librarian Ooked.

"Is that so?" asked Hagrid

"Well, yeah. There's a lot more to running away than just running. Anyone can run, but running away has a certain art to it" Rincewind explained.

"Well, I'd have words with young Hermione if I was you. Smartest witch this school ever had, you mark my words"

"You all seem really calm about this. Some of your people are in Ankh-Morpork and nobodies panicking" Rincewind ventured. Despite his size, Hagrid was really an alright person.

"If Dumbledore says they're alright, then they're alright. Great man, Dumbledore. Mind you, Snape's not best pleased at all. Bit sore that it's in his classroom, I reckon. Then again he's never happy, that one" Rincewind was silent.

"Here's an idea! Why don't you and Hermione come down to my hut for tea? Give yer a chance to get sorted. And bring that Luggage as well. The Librarian's been tellin' me all about it"

-

Harry Potter had faced dragons, he had fought against the Dark Lord Voldemort, and he had endured Snape's potion classes and Draco Malfoy's petty jealousies. He had faced Dementors and Werewolves and his Aunt and Uncle. But nothing in either world could have prepared him for the sight of Corporal C.W. St J. 'Nobby' Nobbs. After the decision had been made that Harry and Ron were to stay at Lady Sibyl's Nobby had been sent to fetch a coach and had decided to see what all the fuss was about.

"'Ullo" he said, smoking a three week old dog end and leaning on the coach as Vimes, Harry and Ron approached.

"What is that!" asked Ron, genuinely shocked

"That is the reason you don't leave your belongings in the Watch House unguarded" said Vimes

"That's unfair" said Nobby. Harry was intrigued

"So, what are you?" he asked. Nobby shrugged.

"Got a letter here from the Patrician. Says I'm human" he said, producing the paper in question. Harry was brave enough to face dragons, but he wasn't brave enough to touch something that Corporal Nobbs had kept so close to his body.

"Staying at the Chief's house eh? Lady Sybil's alright, just keep an eye on those swamp dragons. The males tend to explode more easily this time of year" said Nobby

"Err… thanks" said Harry

"Didn't know you knew about dragons, Nobby" said Vimes

"Been thinking about getting another Errol for the Watch House" was Nobby's explanation. Vimes gave him a suspicious look.

-

Hagrid's hut was close to a large forest that Rincewind didn't like the look of. Hermione insisted that they were fine here. However, she did warn him against Hagrid's cooking. Hagrid and The Librarian already had a pot of tea ready when they got there. Hermione had spent the last half an hour trying to get Rincewind to master some basic spells but so far nothing was happening.

"It's just like back home! I spent so long carrying that spell from The Octavo around in my head that all the other spells are too scared to stay there. It's been gone for years now but I still can't do any magic!" Rincewind protested.

"You managed the levitation charm before. I know you can do it again!" Hermione pleaded. Rincewind gave in and tried again

"Wingardium Leviosa!" he tried, waving his wand at a feather Hagrid had plucked from one of the partridges he was preparing for supper. The past few times he had tried this nothing had happened. He expected this time to be no different, so when the feather shot into the air and exploded no one was more shocked than Rincewind.

"See! Hermione can teach anyone!" Hagrid crowed

"It must have gotten sick of my voice" Rincewind muttered once he had recovered. Hermione smiled.

"The Hogsmeade trip is tomorrow, so we have all day to teach you properly!" she beamed.

Rincewind could feel his stomach sinking, and it wasn't the stoat sandwiches