Despite it all, its still you – it always was, it always will be..
AN: First I want to apologize to you guys, specially everyone that has followed the story and review every chapter, for having taking so long in updating. I really don't know what to say; nothing crazy has been going on in my life - I just, I don't know, was disappointed with the direction the shows taken (not what I wanted at all)and its taking me a while to get back into the swing of things.
Second, this may not be the best place for this, but after hearing the news all day, I just wanted to let the readers and writers from the UK (some of whom have written some of my favorite stories) that all my thoughts and prayers are with you guys.
Chapter 9
Cole was still pondering the mystery of the Halliwells' behavior when Leo came back from Magic School. He couldn't believe that they were actually going to try and bring him back. He was bemused, confused, scared, hopeful – he wasn't sure what he was feeling; he was a mass of emotions and he couldn't really tell one from the other. He wanted to be able to talk with Phoebe once more, but at the same time thought that that would only make their inevitable parting that much harder.
As Cole looked, the sisters got everything ready to read the spell that would allow him to cross the boundaries between limbo and the realm of the living. As the sisters finished the spell, Cole began to feel as if he was being dragged through the different realms. It was very disorienting, feeling as though you're dragged forward against your will, and yet not moving an inch from your current position.
As suddenly as it began, the feeling ended. And the only indication that the spell had worked were the stunned faces of the sisters and Leo. For a few seconds no one moved, until finally Leo seemed to snap out of it and with a nod at Cole, which wasn't returned since Cole only had eyes for Phoebe, Leo turned and started to leave the room. Leo was not as surprised as the sisters were that the spell had worked. Somehow, he'd always known that those two were soul mates. He may not have always wanted to believe, he had in fact gone to great lengths to deny it once or twice, but the truth can not be hidden away forever. And the truth of the matter was that since his own encounter with his dark side, Leo was far more tolerant and forgiving of other people's mistakes. Granted Cole's mistakes had been beauties, but Leo was no one to judge. So, he was far more open to leaving Phoebe along with Cole.
Piper, on the other hand, was not quite as ready for it as her husband. Not because she was against it, she just had not really recovered from the shock of seeing Cole again yet. She knew Phoebe had always said that they were soul mates, but Piper had not really taken her seriously. There was no denying that Phoebe and Cole loved each other; but the idea that they were soul mates had seemed a little extreme. She should have known better, she had her soul mate, she knew it was possible; so why should she have doubted that her sister had also found her soul mate? She guessed it might have had something to do with the fact that said soul mate was a demon, and a high ranking one that had been sent to kill them and had come closer than most anybody else. Yeah, that would certainly account for Piper's lack of faith; and she supposed no one could really blame her. But, that was all in the past now and she only wanted her sister to be happy once again. And if her happiness depended on Cole being there, then she guessed that Cole had better be there. She certainly was not going to oppose it. Cole had done a lot for the sisters and it seemed like he had paid for his mistakes. She silently snorted at calling the evil deeds Cole had done 'mistakes', but decided to leave at that; after all everything she had said to Phoebe still held and there was no use in dwelling on thingsthat were best left in the past. She came out of her reverie to see that Leo was waiting for them at the doorway to the attic and she turned to Paige to see what was keeping her.
Paige was also looking at Phoebe and Cole lost in her own thoughts. She was a bit surprised by how easy that had been; they had barely finished the spell and Cole was before them.She was also surprised by her own reaction to Cole's presence; not at the fact that Phoebe was right and that she and Cole are soul mates - that hadn't really surprise her, not really. If she thought about it, it only made sense. She remembered everything both of them had done for the other and to be with each other; Phoebe had defied her heritage and gone to live in the underworld to be with him and he had literally changed the world for her - ok, he had taken the definition of stalker and obsession to whole new levels, but that does not negate the fact that he loves her.
No, what had really surprised her was how little she was bothered by his presence. After everything he had put her through, she had been sure that seeing him again would have been akin to seeing the devil himself and she would have had to fight her instinct to attack and kill him; instead, it had been like seeing a long lost relative. She had heard both Piper and Leo say that Cole is still family despite it all and she had believe them, she just had not thought that she would feel the same way – certainly not until at least quite some time had gone by and she had done a lot of work to feel that way. But here she was, less than five minutes after he's back, and she couldn't think of a single scathing, contemptuous, hateful thing to say – not that she would have said them, she just thought those kind of thoughts would have been automatic. Maybe deep down, and in spite of everything, she too considered him family. 'Uh, how's that for messed up?' she thought to herself. But it did make sense, she grudgingly admited. He had come as part of the package when she had joined the family, after all. It had been Piper and Leo and Phoebe and Cole, they had made up the family – her new family. And even if subsequent events had threatened to tear that family apart, had actually tear it apart for a while, the fact remained that those four, plus the two new additions, are still her family. She shook her head slightly and with a mild smirk thought to herself that this revelation will definitely make her life easier for the next little while. She came out of her thoughts to find that both Piper and Leo were waiting for her. She turned to see Phoebe and Cole once more before she left, but found that they only had eyes for each other and that the rest of the world might as well had disappeared.
Phoebe was not as unaware of the world around her as she appeared, she did notice when her sisters and Leo left the attic closing the door behind them. It was just that most of her attention was on Cole; it had been so long since she had seen him that she could not stop her eyes from devouring him. She wanted to reach out and touch him but knew that that was not possible. He was there, yes, but he was there as a spirit regardless of how 'substantial' he looked. The spell had been to call for your lost soul mate, and if he had been in the same realm as Phoebe all that would have happened, according to Leo, was that both would have received signs that would lead them to each other. Much like what had happened when Piper had cast the lost with spell that had led to Paige finding them and what had happened the time that Phoebe had cast that spell to help Piper figured out who she should choose: Dan or Leo – that time it had been clues that had led Piper and Phoebe to where Prue was being held hostage. But since Cole was in limbo no clues would have led Phoebe there and instead he, or rather a manifestation of his spirit, had been brought to her – at least that was how Leo had explained it and since he was their resident expert on all things magical, she supposed he knew what he was talking about. Either way, Phoebe wanted nothing more in that moment than to hug Cole but couldn't because he was a spirit.
Cole for his part was also devouring Phoebe with his eyes. True he had not gone as long without seeing her, but it was somehow different knowing that she could also see him – and besides when had he ever passed on a chance to stare at Phoebe? She was the most beautiful woman in the world to him. But this staring at each other could not go on indefinitely; someone was going to have to start them talking and it might as well be him, especially now that her sisters and Leo had left. With that in mind, he decided to speak, "Hi, how are you, Phoebe?"
Phoebe jumped a bit at the sound of his voice, but recovered fairly quick and answered, "Fine and you?"
And then she realized how absurd that was. She had not seen him for over three years and they had just used the spell that pretty much confirms that they are soul mates and the only thing either of them can say is 'how are you?' They can do better than that, they better do better than that because Phoebe had no intention of letting this encounter deteriorate into an awkward one. This is where they put all their cards on the table, deal with all their issues and resolved to move on from here – TOGETHER, as they should always be. She had not just gone through all the drama with her sisters to get them to help her and accept him back just to have it all fall apart now.
With that thought in mind, Phoebe took a big breath and said thefour little words that every man on the face of earth fear to hear: "we have to talk."
Cole could see all the emotions that Phoebe felt on her face and he knew the exact moment when she made a decision.
Her shoulders strengthen, her chin came up and her eyes took on that look that meant she had decided something and no one better stop her – it's a look that have been the precursor to the death of quite a few demons. It's a look that usually warms other to steer clear off her path; unfortunately for Cole, getting out of her way is not an option – not only because he can't go anywhere since he'd been summoned but because he is at the root of her decision. So, he decided that he may as well confront this like a man. He sighed, run his fingers through his hair, and told her, "Yes, Phoebe we do."
"Don't look at me like that, Cole. I didn't call you here to fight. I just think it's about time for us to have a real discussion, like we should have had years ago but never had."
It was on the tip of Cole's tongue to say that he had been all for having a discussion after he came back from the wastelandand thatit was her that wouldn't have anything to do with him. But he figured it'd be better if he just let the past in the past, nothing would be gained from going re-hashing old arguments. So, instead he just said "Ok, Phoebe, let's talk. But before we do, can we just agree that after we're done you'll let me go and won't try to contact me again? And please, do you think that you can try and move on with your life? I really want you to be happy again, Phoebe."
As she listened to Cole, Phoebe's eyes grew progressively larger and her mouth hanged open. She just could not believe what she was hearing. It took her a few moments before she got her wits together enough to respond. And even then she sputtered a few seconds before a coherent word came out. "WHAT?" Ok, it came out more as a scream than anything else, but really given the shock she'd just received it was perfectly understandable. "I can not believe you just said that, Cole Turner. Have you lost whatever was left of your ever loving mind? What do you think this is all about, uh? You think I just called you here to let you go again, just like that? Do you think it's that easy? For that matter if moving on with my life and finding real love again was as easy as you make it sound, then I would have had no reason to call you back! I would just have met someone, fallen in love, gotten married and have kids – all without giving YOU a second thought! Don't you think if I could have done that, I would have done it already! It would have made my life, not to mention my sisters lives, that much easier and enjoyable, let me tell you. But NO, here I am, stuck with you for a soul mate! So, no, moving on with my life is not that real a possibility for me, Cole! God, how can you be so dense? You're the love of my life, my soul mate, there is no other for me – NONE. It's either you or no one, because I refused to settle for second best. I rather have no one than to have a simile of the real thing. So, no. I won't agree to not call you back after we're done with our discussion here; because I have every intention to not just call you back, but to actually bring you back. I want to be in love, I want to get married, I want to have kids and I want to be happy. I think I deserve to by happy, don't you?" But just like she'd been since she started her tirade, Phoebe gave Cole no chance to respond – she just kept on going.
Phoebe had planned to have a rational discussion with Cole; a discussion where both would explain what had been going on with them during that horrible year, then they would agree to put it behind them and decide, together, how they would proceed from there so that they could be together again. She had had no intention of actually declaring an ultimatum and telling him that he was coming back because she wanted him to. No, that had not been her plan at all. But like with almost every other plan, things did not go according to plan; and there she was now telling how things were going to be – it was just that he could infuriate her faster and more completely than anyone she'd ever known, including her sisters. For a brief second she fleetingly acknowledged that old adage that no one can get to us as those we love the best and since she loved him above all things it was only logical that he would infuriate her more than anything else. All of these went through the back of her head as she continued with her tirade at Cole.
"Yes, God knows I do. And since it seems I can only be truly happy with you, then you have to be here – you will be here." She assured him with narrowed eyes. "I've already talked it over with my sisters and they agreed. There might be some initial friction, but that should pass with time, and I don't think a lot will be needed. After all, you're still family. Enough time has passed since that year that we can all be a bit more rational about those events, and the good feelings from before that time have started to come back. So, don't give me any trouble Cole. You are coming back and we will be together. Granted, I still have to figure out a way to do it, haven't really worked that out yet. But you haven't moved on, you're still in limbo, and Paige said that Leo told her that should make the difference, and we can bring you back." She was staring to wind down; her voice was lower and more contemplative than argumentative. She took another big breath, stopped for a few seconds and still looking into his eyes, asked him, "Well, what do you think? Don't stand there like a statute, tell me what's on your mind?"
Cole just looked at her for a few seconds, and then he started to chucke - it was either that or start screaming at her. "God, I hope you never change, Phoebe. I love every contradictory, impulsive, demanding inch of you. And I would love nothing better than to be able to come back and be with you, honey, but I don't think its possible. And not only because of the problems I'd have with your sisters, but because I am in limbo for a reason, Phoebe. I'm paying for my sins; and after all this time I've finally understand that I have to pay for those sins, Phoebe. It's only right, and having you bring me back here before those debts are paid would be cheating. I've done enough cheating and stealing and all sort of evil deeds in my lifetime and I don't want to add to them. I want to clean my slate, baby, even if it takes an eternity, I want to have a clean consicous. I want to know what that feels like, can you understand that baby?"
All the fight seemed to drain out of Phoebe with those words and she looked at Cole with the tenderst expression he'd ever seen on her face. "Yes, baby. I can understand that, I also admire that you feel like that. But, baby don't you see, the mere fact that you can now feel like this is enought proof that you paid your sentence. No one, except very little kids, ever feel like they have no debts. We all at one time or another have done something we're ashmed of and feel guilty about - that's life, baby. We're only humans, we are not perfect. The best we can do is truly repent of those deeds, try to never make those mistakes again and try and make amends. You've already repented - that's the difference between you and most demons, they can't repent, they are not capable of it. You've also learned your lesson, you will do everything in your power to not commit those mistakes again and you have been making amends for those of the past for the past three years. Don't you see you're free? We can begin again with a clean slate, together. Besides, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have been able to contact you if you hadn't already paid you dues and I know that, however powerful the Charmed Ones may be, we will not be able to bring you back if you haven't earned your way out. So, don't worry baby, you're free - We are free."