An apology - I haven't updated in ages, mainly due to the fact that I've been chasing various bits of paper from here to evermore trying to sort out a college application and I haven't had much time for writing. Although this chapter does have one of my favorite moments out of everything I've ever written it is still just filler while I try to track down my notes for the story which seem to have sprouted legs. grrrrrr
The Sun rose brightly and shone down on another glorious morning on the great city that is Ankh-Morpork.
Err… Let's try that again, shall we?
The Sun cautiously poked its head through the early morning smog and gave a suspicious look towards the great blight on the face of the Disc that is Ankh-Morpork.
All throughout the city life was meandering along as is its fashion. Assassins, Thieves and assorted undesirables settled down for a good day's sleep, while regular folk peered warily around their doorframes before deciding whether or not it was safe to venture out. A drunk awoke on the River Ankh and trudged his way back to the shore, thankful that the crust had solidified early this year and that he hadn't sunk during the night.
"Right you horrible lot, today we is running to Genua and back only we isn't coz Commander Vimes says that cross country running isn't across countries. So today we is running round the city and anyone who don't gets their ghoolug heads kicked in and has to run round again" Boomed the voice of Sergeant Detritus shouting at new recruits in the Watch House, quickly massacring any attempt by particularly brave birds at a dawn chorus. Morning didn't break in Ankh-Morpork, it had broken a long time ago and nobody had even attempted to fix it yet.
-
Ron Weasley awoke slowly and vaguely wondered if he had quidditch practice today. For some reason it began to dawn on him that his bed seemed somewhat bigger than it used to. Either it had grown or he had shrunk during the night. Malfoy, it had to be another one of his stupid petty schemes. Making a note to come up with a plan for revenge he rolled over and snuggled back down under the sheets. Was it just his imagination or was there a weird smell this morning too? Stink bombs, he decided. This was going to require something extra special. Maybe Harry would be able to think of something. Where was Harry? Ron opened his eyes and didn't recognise his surroundings. It took him a full five minutes to remember what had happened yesterday. Lady Sibyl had decided that they could have separate rooms. Harry's was next door to his, but the two rooms were connected by an en suite. At that moment the house decided to shake.
"I is here as per for the request of Commander Vimes to give the morning report and to… to… do whatever it is that Commander Vimes is wanting me here for" A booming voice like rocks in a cement mixer declared for all the world to hear. Ron risked a glance at the window and saw what looked like a mountain talking to the butler.
"Very well Sergeant, I shall inform his grace that you are here. Although I rather suspect he already knows" Ron heard the butler say
"Yep! Commander Vimes knows everything round here" The mountain replied proudly. Harry came into the room to find his friend hanging to the window frame
"Harry! That…" Ron said as he pointed to the window.
"That's Sergeant Detritus" said Harry, looking out of the window
"How do you know?"
"I've been talking to Lady Sibyl and Commander Vimes. Ron, you do know what time it is, don't you?"
"No!" Ron gulped. Harry decided to let it go. Ron's gaze returned to the giant outside.
"He's a troll. Trolls here are different to the ones back home. They're a lot smarter for one thing"
"Do they still eat people?" Ron asked
"No, not any more. The Commander says that they can't digest humans properly" said Harry, missing the look of relief that completely failed to find its way onto Ron's face. Outside, they could see Commander Vimes greet Detritus, who thankfully wasn't shouting any more.
"Come on Ron! Lady Sibyl had Willikins get some clean clothes ready. Let's go meet Detritus!" said Harry, a little too enthusiastically for Ron's tastes.
-
The Great Hall at Hogwarts was all set for breakfast. Hagrid had spent the past twenty minutes explaining to Rincewind about the Hogsmeade trip.
"An' a bit later on if Hermione can get you doin' some magic we'll go down to the pub" Hagrid was saying. Rincewind tugged the collar of his new robes a little uncertainly. The material was itchy.
"Look Hagrid, I have experience with magical bits of wood. The wand either just felt sorry for me or it couldn't stand the sound of my voice anymore"
"Nah, wands aren't alive. Not like that trunk o' yours. Fascinating thing that. Wish I could get me one" Hagrid beamed. The Luggage had followed Rincewind to Hagrid's hut last night, where it had sat in a corner while Hermione struggled to get Rincewind to master one of the most basic spells in existence. Hagrid had found it quite boring until it had tried to take a bite out of his leg. Now he was clearly smitten.
"Do you know what Hermione has planned for today?" Rincewind asked.
"Dunno. Here, you're not going to faint again, Are you?"
"Who? Me? Faint? Why ever would I want to do that? It's not like I got sucked through a portal to a different dimension and got offered a teaching job within five minutes?"
"Heh, yer a funny one Rincewind" laughed Hagrid
Rincewind's throat felt dry. He swallowed a huge gulp of tea from the strange mug that had ended up in his general space and had therefore been his for the morning. Maybe it could sense how nervous he was, or maybe he was just really thirsty and the house elves were working overtime, but every time he looked at it the cup was busy refilling itself. He had left a note to the creatures last night warning them about the Luggage and the fate that befell anyone it took a disliking to. Whatever the reason was, the cup had not been emptied once. Rincewind wondered just how much tea he had drank.
"Hang on, here they go now" said Hagrid as the students started to file out of the hall, chatting merrily about their plans for the day. Out of the corner of his eye Rincewind could see the foul profile of Professor Snape glaring icily around the hall; probably deep in thought about ways of killing him off and making it look like an accident. Rincewind was busy mentally counting the ways that a potions master who was holding a grudge could find their own brand of vengeance when Hagrid interrupted.
"I was thinking; why not practice at my hut? It's out the way an' I can make tea"
"Can't Hermione use one of the classrooms?"
"Oh yeah, there's rooms for stuff like that, but Ol' Filtch the caretaker likes prowlin' round 'em while the students are out. Make sure nobodies up to anything or something like that"
"Point taken. Your hut it is!" Rincewind said quickly. Hagrid beamed