A/N: Hello, guys! It is I. I mean... It is US! That just doesn't sound right. No matter. This is the fabulous chapter 4, as if I really needed to tell you.

I have to answer a few questions before they're asked. The waiter in this chapter is based on a real person, he works at a restaurant we frequent and we all think he's just too funny not to put in a story. We don't mean to get anyone mad at us or think we are putting him down in any way, we think he's great. I just wanted to get that clear before I go on.

The badger song that Jack (and occasionally Sirius) is humming comes from a very funny website. If you haven't already seen it, go to and find out what he's driving the girls crazy with.

The band of friends arrived at Messrs. Chop Chop, a popular wizarding restaurant located near the Super Wal-Mart. Jack was still humming the badger song and every once in a while Sirius would accompany him when Paige wasn't looking.

They were seated at a round table near the front of the restaurant and Sirius and Remus looked at their surroundings appraisingly. Their waiter sashayed over to their table, his flaming red hair matching his personality and Paige ordered a round of Thai iced tea for everyone and the waiter soon returned with the drinks.

However, it didn't escape the girls' notice that Sirius' and Remus' glasses were quite a bit larger than theirs were and adorned with a variety of fruit. The waiter looked concerned as he turned to the British wizards, "I'm sorry, we're all out of cherries boys."

Remus replied, "Oh, that's fine, thank you."

Sirius piped up, "I don't like cherries anyway." The waiter smiled and winked at him. Sirius turned to Paige, "Do you think he has a tick?"

Paige suppressed a smile and responded, "I dunno."

Jack cleared his throat, "I would like to propose a toast. To new friends and old, as well as toast. And to my lovely Rose, who is the toast of the heavenly breakfast of my life!" With that they all clinked glasses and Rose turned to Paige.

She said, "You know, at least he's pretty and he means well. I don't always know what he means... but he means well." Paige snorted into her tea.

The waiter returned and refilled their drinks, and Kate ordered their food. The waiter turned to the two women and said, "You two make such a cute couple. Keep up the fight sisters!"

Paige shook her head unenthusiastically, and said, "You got it."

Remus looked at Paige and Kate, then he turned to Jack and asked, "A couple of what?"

Jack smiled widely and responded, "Just get me a copy of the video." Rose smacked him and he put his arms up to defend himself as he said, "I was just showing my whole-hearted support for whatever endeavors you two do!"

Paige glared at him and said, "It's what you're supporting us with that is the problem."

Remus blinked a couple of times and asked, "What is he supporting?"

Jack smirked, "Double decker tacos, mate. Double decker tacos."

"I like tacos." Sirius commented.

Paige burst out into a shrill giggle and gasped, "Well, you are the Tacoman."

This caused Jack to gasp and turn to Rose. "HE'S the Tacoman?! Do I have to obey him?"

Sirius perked up when he heard this and Rose shook her head. "No dear, you don't have to obey Sirius. even if he claims to be the Tacoman."

Sirius was taken aback. "I never claimed to be the Tacoman. It is a pet name from Paige. Now, if someone wants to obey me, I will gladly give them things to do."

Rose rolled her eyes and turned to Jack, "Honey, remember you're a pirate. Only robotic mongoose dogs have to obey the Tacoman."

Jack paused in his humming to reply, "Oh yeah." and then resumed the badger song once more.

Sirius turned to Paige, "Can you get those robotic mongoose dogs at Wal-Mart?"

Paige smirked and turned to Kate, "Would those be in hardware, pets, or electronics?" Kate choked on her tea and was saved from answering by the arrival of their food.

The waiter turned to Sirius after putting his tray down and asked, "So, how long have you two been together?"

Sirius smiled at the seemingly friendly question. "Oh, about 25 years now. We met in school."

The waiter looked impressed and exclaimed, "Wow! That's a long time!" Sirius smiled at Remus and patted him on the back. The waiter choked back tears as he ran to the kitchen muttering things like, "Beautiful!" and "Amazing!".

Paige turned to Sirius, "I thought you were straight?"

Sirius quirked an eyebrow, "I thought we were going to save the intimate details for later?"

Kate grimaced and put her hand over her eyes. "Sirius, do you realize that our waiter now believes that you two are romantically involved and have been for the past 25 years?"

Remus paled and scooted away from Sirius. The rest of dinner went without incident, outside of Sirius and Remus trying very hard not to touch each other.

Just as the waiter brought the check, however, Kate grimaced and dove under the table. Jack ducked under and said, "Are we playing hide and seek?"

Paige didn't notice what had caused Kate to duck under the table and exclaimed, "Kate! Don't you think that Remus could wait until we get home?" Kate punched her in the shin in response and Paige exclaimed "OW!" Unfortunately, this caught the attention of the man Kate had tried to avoid.

Percival Lockhart, the bane of Kate's professional life, swaggered over. "Well well well, what do we have here?"

Kate came up from under the table and said, "Found it! Oh, Percy, it's you."

Percy gave her his lounge lizard smile, "Why hello Kate. It's wonderful to see you on your knees."

Paige glared at him. "What do you want, Lockhart?" she spat.

Percy focused on Paige and a self-satisfied smile showed on his lips. His eyes glinted as he smirked and said, "My my, Paige. What's this, another one? How many does that make this month? Oh, if the people in the office could see this... but then I can always tell them can't I?"

Kate growled at the git, "Can we help you, Mr. Lockhart?"

Percy turned his gaze back to her and noticed Remus. "Well, Tartarus must have frozen over! The ice princess has a date as well! I guess we don't have to dip you in honey and throw you to the lesbians after all, Kate!"

Jack startled and sat up, "Let's not be too hasty here."

Percy sneered at Jack, "So, Morgan finally found himself something of quality. I'd like to have been the man to take the blossom from that rose!"

Jack stood up and pulled out his pistol, "Sod off, Lockhart!"

Percy smirked and moved to pull out his wand when he noticed that both Remus and Sirius already had their wands pointed at his heart. Sirius gave him a grim smile and spared a glance at Remus, "Heads or tails, mate?"

Remus ignored the comment and took a step towards Lockhart. Clearing his throat he said in a low growl "Sir, I do believe you owe these ladies an apology for your ungentlemanly behavior."

Lockhart guffawed evilly (which sounded rather like a disgruntled chicken) and responded "You call these ladies?" he pointed towards Kate, Rose, and Paige. "Do you realize who you are talking about?" Lockhart then quirked an eyebrow and turned to Kate. "Unless you define a lady as someone whose legs are frozen shut."

Kate muttered a few words under her breath and the can of sterno that was under the Tom Kha Gai exploded. This, in turn, caused Percy to wet himself. The fire alarm sounded and the restaurant emptied out into the street. The party left and returned to the girls' apartment.

The group of friends agreed to settle down to watch another movie. This time, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves was on the docket.

While Kate, Paige, and Rose were preparing tea in the kitchen, Remus turned to Jack. "Who was that Lockhart git?"

Jack grimaced, "His name is Percival Lockhart, real bastard, he works with Kate and Paige. His brother got him the job before he went all wonky."

Remus continued "Why did he say those things about the girls?"

Jack sighed "Cause he's a bastard. They've all have turned him down, haven't they? Kate has the worst of it though. Good girl our Kate. Few people know about the whole" looking to the side Jack made, what he believed to be a wolf like grimace "Grrr.. thing. So she's good dating material out here. Won't give that git the time of day." He stopped talking when Rose entered the room.

Remus frowned, things just didn't click. He really wanted to beat the holy hell out of Lockhart. Remus shook his head, grateful that Jack, Sirius, and Rose were doing other things. He never had wanted to harm anything or anyone, well outside of Peter and Voldemort, in his entire life. 'What is wrong with me?' he thought. He knew part of it was being a gentleman, ladies were not spoken to in such a manner; but there was something else, he was angry that Lockhart had an interest in Kate, and he was enraged that the git would even think of her in a sexual manner. True, she was lovely. True, he wouldn't mind getting her out of her trousers. 'Damn it, where the hell did that come from?' he thought. He looked up to see Kate enter the room, her eyes were red from crying and her hair was escaping its braid, framing her face in ringlets. She blew the offending hair out of her eyes, and smiled at him as she looked up from the tea tray. 'Gods, she's pretty.' he thought. He just needed to hold her. He was so proud of her for not accepting a lesser creature like Lockhart. He was very proud of his Kate. "Where the fuck did that come from?" he shouted.

Rose looked up, confused. "Cost Plus, they're just short bread cookies."

Jack shrugged at the werewolf as he took the tin Rose had just offered to Remus and proceeded to see how many shortbread biscuits he could shove into his mouth all at once while humming the badger song. The result of this was a shower of crumbs and a swift kick in the shins from Paige as she put the movie into the player.

Remus refocused his attention on the TV Sirius and Paige exchanged a glance as they both noticed that Remus and Kate sat on opposite sides of the room. Ten minutes into the movie Jack announced his boredom and went into Rose's room.

Two hours later Sirius whispered to Paige, "Robin and Azeem are like Harry and Ron."

Remus overheard and gave a sad smile "Harry was thrust into a world, where he has to deal with too much death like Robin but at least he has Ron and Hermione."

Sirius smiled "Of course he does, and Hermione is that Maid Marian."

The friends laughed and Jack came back into room. "What's so funny?" the pirate asked.

Sirius gave a proud grin, "Just talking about Robin and Azeem."

Jack laughed, "Yes, they do fancy each other, don't they?" Sirius and Remus blanched, which Jack took as them not taking his meaning so he continued. "They're ginger, batting for the other team, have a little Greek in them..." Jack was cut off by Sirius's hands closing around his neck.

"My godson is not gay." the animagus growled.

Jack choked out "Azeem's your godson? Funny you don't look Moorish." Sirius started banging Jack's head against the coffee table. Remus tried to pull him off while Kate, Rose, and Paige looked on in mild bemusement. Sirius finally dropped Jack as a knock sounded at the door.

Jack hit the floor with a thud as Sirius and Remus scrambled to hide. Sirius hissed to Paige, "If anyone should happen to ask, we're not here!" as he ducked into the kitchen.

Paige went to the door and looked through the peephole. She gasped and turned to Kate, "Dude, Kate! I think Alan Rickman's at our door!"

Kate looked at her friend in wonder. She turned to Rose and hit her, "You didn't put wormwood in her tea, did you?"

Rose looked at her indignantly and huffed, "No, I didn't. Not this time, anyway."

Paige rolled her eyes and opened the door cautiously. "Can I help you?" she asked the dour-faced man standing on the other side.

He looked her up and down and nodded. "I certainly hope so. I'm looking for two men."

Paige smirked and looked at him in amusement. "Just any two?"

He sneered at her and responded, "Quite. I'm looking for two Englishmen. One is boorish and arrogant, and the other is an insepantly nice, weak willed fool. I was told that they would be staying here."

Paige's eyes hardened and she smiled. "I'm sorry, sir. There is no one fitting that description here."

Jack came to and burst into the conversation. "I know you!" the pirate exclaimed. Snape quirked an eyebrow at him and he continued. "I had you for first year potions."

Snape straightened and nodded. "Yes, I am Snape the potions master." He stared at Jack and a memory crept back to him. "As I recall, you started the fires."

Jack beamed. "You remember! At least I made them better."

Snape sneered, "You made them worse, you dunderhead!"

Jack gave him his best smile, "Do you mean worse, or better...?"

Snape rolled his eyes. "Worse, you made them worse you moronic boob."

Jack shrugged and replied, "If you say so." And walked back to the couch humming the badger song.

Paige gave him a puzzled look. "Ok, well if that's all?" Snape tried to look around Paige into the apartment and Paige stepped into his way. "Do I need to call security?"

Snape moved to say something but Kate called out from the kitchen, cutting him off. "I have the front desk on the line, is everything alright?"

Snape looked at Paige. "No, I will tell Dumbledore that he was mistaken."

Rose perked up and a big smile spread across her face. "Dumbledore? I know Dumbledore. He sent me a letter the other day. Did you know that his brother has a thing for goats?"

Paige's eyes went wide and she gave Snape a fake smile. "Could you excuse us for a moment? Thank you." She closed the door without waiting for an answer and rounded on Rose. What the fuck Rose? Goats?! A possible deatheater shows up on our doorstep and you start spouting off about GOATS?!"

In the kitchen Remus put a hand over Sirius's mouth as he started laughing. Just as Paige opened the door, however, Sirius couldn't breathe through Remus's hand so he bit it. Sirius convulsed into loud laughter again about the goats, which carried out to Snape.

Snape's eyes narrowed and his lip curled. "Only one man has a laugh like that."

Paige glared at him and spat back, "Who would that be?"

Snape gave Paige a look that would have rivaled a gorgon's stare and responded, "Sirius Black."

Paige gave him a withering stare and took a step forward. "Oh really? And what business would you have with this man?" she inquired as she fingered her wand.

Remus stepped out of the kitchen to try and diffuse the situation and Sirius came out reluctantly after him. Remus tapped Paige on the shoulder. "It's alright. Dumbledore probably sent him." Paige stood aside and motioned for him to come in.

Sirius growled, "What do you want, Snivellus?"

Snape looked at him with the utmost loathing and said, "Dumbledore sent me to see why you two haven't recruited anyone yet. I can see the answer standing right next to you." He indicated Paige with a dismissive wave of his hand and continued, "You can have fun with your little harlot here and I'll do all of the work. It will be just like back in England."

Kate stepped forward, her eyes darkening with anger. "Where's your letter?" she demanded.

Snape glared at her. "What letter?"

She circled him and responded, "The letter from Albus telling us not to kill you right where you stand."

Paige spoke up. "Oh, let's not kill him, you can only kill a person once." Her hands were balled into fists and her jaw was clenched.

Snape glanced over at her and noticed that Sirius was red-faced and shaky. "Care to duel, Black? Or are you too afraid now that you don't have your precious Potter to back you up?"

Remus quickly stepped in between the two advancing wizards and they stopped. "That's enough! Now, if you two want to curse each other senseless when we get back home, go ahead. Right now it is neither the time nor the place."

Paige turned to Sirius and patted his shoulder. "Go cool down in my room, okay?" Sirius started to protest but Paige held up a hand. "That wasn't a request, just go." Sirius growled and turned toward the hall.

Snape smirked, "Pussy whipped, Black?"

Sirius rounded on him and Paige shoved him into the hall. She turned to Snape and advanced. "Where the hell do you get off coming into our house, insulting my friends and calling me a harlot?" she shouted.

Remus tried to diffuse the situation once again and spoke calmly, "Severus, I think it would be best if you leave."

Snape sneered at Paige. "I am terribly sorry, Madame. I did forget that Black could just as easily have used the whores back home. And Lupin, well he can't even afford a whore, can he?"

Both Kate and Paige rushed at Snape and slammed him against the door. Kate ripped Snape's cloak open and shoved his sleeve aside, revealing the Dark Lord's mark upon his left forearm. Jack aimed his gun at Snape and cocked it. He smiled when he noticed for once, none of his roommates minded.

Kate glared at the wizard and said, "Funny, you don't have a letter but you do have a dark mark. And for some reason you are trying to provoke Mr. Black and Professor Lupin. Do you want to explain now, or should we just the remains to Dumbledore: or would you prefer them sent to Lord 'I'm a mass-murdering fuckhead' Voldemort?"

Jack piped up, "Can I shoot him? I wanna shoot him!"

Paige shook her head and pushed Snape out of the door, he was visibly shaken. "Come back when you have a letter and can keep a civil tongue in your damned mouth." she snarled as she slammed the door.

A/N: Hello again! Did you like the chapter? If you did, review and tell us so R&R!!! Also thank you to Invader Zim and Potter Puppet Pals for providing inspiration. And thank you to Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves for providing a movie to replace LOTR.