Chapter 5: Be Still My Heart

Guards had been ordered to watch Brian's loft since that night. Justin couldn't take not seeing him. He was slowly going insane. He tried to get in, but would always be stopped quickly. In order to see his true love, he had to somehow get into Babylon the night of the party. The music was loud and pounding like the night he entered for the first time. Justin avoided all the bouncers that worked there and quietly made it to Brian's dressing room. He opened the door and saw his mate sitting in front of the mirror.

"What are you doing here?" he asked startled.

"I miss you."

"You can't be here, Justin! You have to leave!"

"No, I'm not going. Not until you tell me why you don't love me anymore. A person just doesn't wake up and stop loving someone." Brian got up and headed for the door.

"I have to go on," he said, pushing past him. Justin followed.

"No, don't walk away from me!" he shouted. "Just tell me! Tell me you don't love me!" They were in front of the curtain and it slid open. "TELL ME YOU DON'T LOVE ME!" Before they knew it, they were standing in front of thousands of people. Brian wiped his eyes, but Justin let his tears show. "Well, go! Dance for them. That's what you really love." He stepped off the stage and walked up to Michael. "Good luck." He headed for the door, but without notice Brian grabbed a piece of chalk.

"Justin!" He turned around and saw a giant broken heart on the wall. His heart stopped at the sight. "You have my heart." Michael was outraged as Justin ran and jumped onto the stage, swooping Brian into his arms. "I'm so sorry. I love you so much."

"I know. I know."

"No!" Michael screamed. "He belongs with me, not you! I want him!" Debbie stepped forward.

"Michael, you're a spoiled brat. So why don't you just shut the fuck up?" Embarrassed, he ran out of the club with red cheeks. The music started up again and the entire place was filled with laughter. Midnight struck and the lovers shared a kiss.

"This is great," Justin said, dancing with Brian. "Our first New Year's together."

"Yeah." Without warning, pain struck Brian's gut, making him keel over.

"Brian!" Justin yelled, frantically. "Oh God, what's wrong?" A few dancers went to call an ambulance and Debbie rushed to them.

"What happened?"

"I—I don't know! He just fell over!" The music stopped and Brian pulled Justin closer to him.

"J—J—Justin…I'm—I'm c—c—cold." He pulled him near to keep him warm.

"It'll be alright. You'll be okay. I'll be right here next to you."

"J—Justin…I'm d—d—dying…" He began to cry over his sick lover.

"N—N—No, you'll be o—o—okay." Brian's face got paler and his skin was getting cold. "Oh, God…"

"I—I love you. D—Don't forget t—t—that, okay?" He nodded while sobbing. "Y—Y—You made m—m—me so h—h—happy." He snuggled up closer to Justin and drifted off in his love's arms.

"NO! NO! PLEASE, BRING HIM BACK!" he cried out. "Oh God! No, Brian, come back! Please come back!" The room was flooded with tears as they watched Justin's lover die quickly. "Please, God, bring him back," he sobbed into Brian's chest. Debbie put her hand on his shoulder.

"Baby, it's over."

"No," he whimpered.

"He's gone."

"No…no…" He still held Brian in his arms long after he died. By then he was freezing. "WHY!" he screamed. "WHY'D HE HAVE TO GO!" Justin looked down at his face and swore that he was still alive. "Oh, God…"

Months had past since that night. Justin had given up art professionally, but still sketched Brian from memory. His therapist told him that keeping a journal would help the grieving process, so he started a blog that was to be kept private. Every week his therapist would read it and give her take on it. He wouldn't pay attention, though. He never went back to Babylon again. The pain was just too much for Justin to deal with. At night he would dream about Brian as if he had never died. They would go on trips or just stay at home with each other. After every dream he'd write it in the journal. Soon it was over 200 pages long.

A year later he cleaned it up and published it. It was described as a story of truth, beauty, freedom, but above all things…it was a story about love. A love that would live forever.