Disclaimer: Sirius, Remus, and Tonks all belong to J.K. Rowling. Jack is a joint custody project between Disney and Prof. Pendragon, who just keeps making him creepier cause no one has seen fit to stop her as of yet.

Warnings: This chapter contains sexual language, sexual situations, swearing, mild violence, and frosting. You have been warned, this is an R rated fanfic for a reason. Also this chapter is really fucking long, not just long, not just really long, not just really, really long, it's really fucking long. We're sorry, we were stalling so Rosi could open the next chapter and got carried away. Names have been taken, lives have been spared, and our squirrel is covered in make-up.

A/N: Just as a reminder, in our last installment our neon-crossed lovebirds had settled down to watch Brahm Stoker's Dracula and Jack stormed out of room after forming a strange fixation with garlic salt.

Chapter 12: Don't Eat the Eel.

The group was quite cozy in spite of Jack's early scene and current absence. Paige and Sirius sat next to each other on the sofa and Kate sat on the floor in front of Remus, who was absently plaiting strands of her hair.

They were to the part of the movie, where Van Heilsing beheads Lucy when a knock sounded at the front door making them all jump.

Kate disentangled herself from Remus and rose to answer it. Through the peephole, she saw a petite witch with flamingo pink hair facing the door. Kate pulled out her wand and held it behind the door as she cracked it open. "Can I help you?", she asked in a professional tone.

The woman smiled brightly. "I'm looking for Paige Pierce.", she stated with a bubbly-air.

Kate gave a reassuring smile. "Who may I say is calling?", she queried still blocking the younger witch from viewing the room.

"Just tell her 'Dori' is here to see her, and Moody sends his regards.", she said as she tried to peer around Kate.

"One moment please.", Kate said with a curt nod and closed the door. She moved back into the room and looked at Paige. "There is a Dori to see you.", she calmly stated, while still holding her wand.

Paige thought for a second. "Dori, Dori, Dori. I don't know any Doris in America.", she pondered.

"She said Moody sends his regards.", Kate said casually.

The realization of who was at the door hit Paige like a ton of bricks. She threw open the door in excitement, making Kate cringe. 'Dori!", she exclaimed and hugged the laughing witch. "What are you doing in America?" she asked.

Dori produced a letter and a thick tome with yellowing pages. "Dumbledore sent me. He said that you were being rather rough on Snape."

Paige giggled and dragged her inside. "Dori!" she exclaimed happily. "This is everybody. Everybody this is Dori." She took the letter from her old friend and handed it to Kate, who promptly opened it and began to scan its contents.

Dori smiled. 'Snape was right, she is as bad as Moody."

Remus had walked over to where the girls were standing. "So it's Dori now, is it?"

Dori glared at him. "Wotcher Remus. If you call me Dori again, I'll hex you. Only Paige can call me Dori."

Paige laughed and Remus raised his hands in defense. "Fine, Nymphadora have it your way.", he said with a cheeky grin.

Sirius crossed the room and embraced his cousin. "Good to see you again, Tonks."

She smiled. "Well, someone knows what to call me."

"I know what to call you, but you don't like it.", Paige quipped.

Remus turned to Tonks. "Oh come on, Tonks. Nymphadora is a lovely and endearing name for a beautiful girl.", he said wrapping her in a friendly hug.

Tonks scoffed, "Yeah, until you have people like Paige around you."

Paige's face fell. "What did I do?", she asked innocently.

Tonks gave her an admonishing glare worthy of McGonagall. "How about how you convinced me to let you call me Dori?"

Paige grinned. "Oh yeah. Nothing like being called Nympho for a week straight to change someone's mind."

Sirius and Remus burst out laughing. Paige giggled and gave Kate a sideward glance. Kate had plastered a neutral expression on her and was tightly gripping the letter, which was starting to singe around the edges from the anger radiating off the werewolf.

"Hey Katie, help me find a place for this on my bookshelf." Paige chirped and dragged her down the hall. Kate avoided Remus's gaze as she followed.

"What's wrong, Kate?", Paige asked as she closed her door.

"Nothing. I think I need to work through some things at my Dad's house.", she started as she moved toward the door.

Paige paused for a moment. For Kate, working through things at her Dad's house usually meant deforesting half of Mount Charleston in an effort to restock the firewood stores of Clark County, which meant Kate was mad enough to be destructive. Paige stopped Kate from heading out the door. "Oh no, you don't. You aren't going to run away from me right now."

Kate sighed. "I'm not running away from you. I am simply removing myself from a situation where my presence is not required and is in fact rather dangerous.", she explained.

She stared at Kate for a moment. Ahh...Fuck, Paige thought. Kate is going to leave me here with the pirate and the wizards, while probably avoiding the apartment for the next two weeks just because she thinks she might hurt somebody. "What on earth are you talking about?', Paige exclaimed.

Kate sat on Paige's bed. "Look Paige, I'm far too volatile for the little tea party going on in the front room. I think it would be best for all parties, if I stayed with Dad until Remus and Sirius head back to England with Ms. Tonks."

Paige nodded, "So this is about Remus. I thought you two were getting along really well?"

Kate paled, "We are...I mean were...I never said it had anything to do with Remus or that little pink haired siren in the front room.", she blurted out quite flustered.

Paige nodded again. "Ah-ha. So what about this pink haired siren is not bothering you?"

"Nothing is bothering me.", she pouted.

"I never said anything was bothering you, but what about Dori isn't bothering you?", Paige asked.

"Why would anything about Ms. Tonks bother me? I mean really she's petite, vivacious, beautiful girl. Why would anything bother me?" Kate implored in her sweetest voice as she ripped the letter from Dumbledore.

"Oh I don't know. You are just beating up defenseless pieces of parchment." She calmly replied.

"Reparo", Kate whispered and handed the letter over to Paige. "Here, good as new. Now I must be going."

Paige shrugged. "Running away from him isn't going to solve anything."

"No, but it will make me feel better. I won't be standing in his way. He can just pick someone else, if he hasn't already, and be done with it.", she said matter-of-factly.

Paige frowned. "He doesn't want to pick anyone else, Kate."

Kate pinched the bridge of her nose. "Really? Paige, I have yet to see any evidence to the contrary. According to you, he had half the office throwing themselves at him. And tonight, he is hugging and flirting with a little pink haired girl in the front room. I'm a thirty-year old lycanthrope, who resigned herself to a fate of being loved solely by small children and animals a long time ago. I'm not going to ruin Remus's chances at happiness or the likelihood of Sirius's and Remus's mission being a success just because I can't keep my emotions in check."

Paige sat down next to her and raised her voice. "I don't know how to get it through your head, Kate. I don't know why you feel threatened by other women, the man is completely infatuated with you and could care less about anyone else."

Kate sighed, "Sorry, Paige. I just can't do this."

Paige stood up and placed her hands on her hips. "Fine, I'll let you out the front door as soon as you explain to Remus the real reason why you are leaving or I'll hex you into the middle of next week. Oh, and I'll make sure your clothes disappear when you get there."

Kate quirked an eyebrow and acquiesced to Paige's demands. "Alright, I'm not leaving. Are you happy now?"

Paige nodded. "Could you wait here, I have to got get something?" Kate shrugged and Paige disappeared into the hall. She went into the living room. "Remus, Kate would like to have a word with you in my room."

Remus nodded and headed to Paige's room. He entered to find Kate lounging on the bed. "Paige, said you wanted to speak with me?", he said.

Kate's eyes got wide. Memo to self, never tell your friend anything regarding your love life ever again, she thought right before calming her expression. "No Remus, I'm fine and I didn't mention anything to Paige about needing to talk to you. Maybe we should go back to the other room.", she said in the voice she reserved for emotionally charged clients and dreaded co-workers and headed toward the door.

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Paige stifled a laugh and waved for Sirius and Tonks to follow her. She put her finger to her lips and whispered "Follow my lead."

She stopped in front of her door and pulled her wand. Sirius and Tonks exchanged a look before copying her move. Just then the door flew open, and Kate faced the group of armed witches and wizard.

Paige smiled. "Get back in there and talk to him."

Kate growled and pulled her wand. Paige laughed. "Watch it Kate, there are three of us and one of you. All three of us have trained under Moody in one form or another, and you aren't looking to hurt anyone remember."

The werewolf took a moment to rethink her position and withdrew her wand. She straightened to her full height so she towered over Paige and Tonks. "Karma, Paige.", she calmly stated as she closed the door. She could get past them, but not without causing major damage.

Kate went back into the room and sat on the bed. Remus followed her, "I guess Paige wants you to talk?", he said.

"It seems something has come up and I'm going to stay with my Dad for the next few weeks.", she said.

Remus's face dropped and he held her hand out of concern. "Is everything alright?"

Kate blanched, "Everything is fine. I just think with this much company at the house, it would be best if I wasn't in the way."

"Company? You mean Nymphadora?" he questioned. Kate nodded and moved to stand, but Remus pulled her back on to the bed. "Do you think there is something going on between me and Tonks?"

Kate stared at the bedspread. "She is quite lovely, Remus. I don't have any hard feelings" She stood up again and moved to the door. She stopped when she heard Remus laughing, she turned to see him wiping tears from his eyes.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, dearest, but Tonks?" he managed to get out before laughing again.

"It's not funny, Remus." Kate admonished.

"Oh yes, it is! In fact, if you knew Tonks, I could guarantee you would be beside yourself with laughter.", he said as he stood next to her.

Remus brushed his fingertips down Kate's cheek. "Forgive me, if I find you more my type."

Kate quirked an eyebrow. "Your type?"

Remus let out a low chuckle. "Oh yes, you are very much my type.", he said raking his eyes over her. "You are one of the loveliest creatures , I have ever seen." He murmured sounding almost reverent. She ducked her head out of shyness, and he tilted her chin up. A hint of sadness crept into his voice. "Don't ever hide yourself, Kate. You quite precious and I am only sorry that I met you too late.", he said in a whisper before stepping back and heading for the door.

Kate followed him and tapped his shoulder. "Why are you too late? Is there someone else?"

He shook his head. "No, I'm a bachelor by fate. I meant you already have someone."

Kate looked lost. "I have someone?"

"Paige said you have a boyfriend.", he replied, trying to coax himself away from her. She's too much of a temptation, its better not to bait fate., he thought.

"She what?", Kate demanded.

Remus straightened. "She said you have a boyfriend. I understand, Kate. I'm just sorry you were already taken." Kate just blinked, her face showing her shock but he nervously continued. "Paige told me when I asked to see a picture of you."

Kate let out an angry growl and her eyes flashed with something that wasn't quite human. "I'll be back, I need to have a word with Ms. Pierce.", she announced as she walked to the door.

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Paige smiled smugly as Kate shut the door. She led Sirius and Tonks back into the living room. "Well, that went well.", she stated happily.

Sirius gave her a confused look. "Why are they in your room and why did we just force Kate to talk to Remus?"

"Ask Remus in the morning.", she replied slyly as she opened the book. After reading a bit, Paige said "It's a book on werewolves."

Sirius restarted the movie and Tonks joined him in watching it. Occasionally, he glanced over at Paige and the book. 'What language is that?", he finally asked.

Paige distantly replied "Old Norse."

Tonks let out a short laugh. "She's gone now, Sirius. No use trying to talk to her."

Sirius looked from the book to Paige as she turned yet another page. "She can read Old Norse?"

Paige smiled. "Uh-huh, Ancient Greek too." She turned the page, her eyes went wide, and she let out a strangled yelp. Sirius looked over and let out a barking laugh. While Tonks clamored to see what they were looking at, knocking over a glass of water in the process.

Tonks looked at the book. "Now there's a pose I've never seen before."

Sirius gazed at the book in admiration. "What exactly is this, Paige?"

Paige grinned, 'Evidently the Werewolf Kama Sutra.", she said wickedly

Tonks cackled. "Well, they look happy. Though, why would Dumbledore send you a Werewolf Kama Sutra book?"

Paige raised an eyebrow. "I guess my reputation proceeds me."

"Yeah, but why werewolves? I mean Remus is gayer than the Queen's hat on Easter." Tonks said with a giggle.

Paige cocked an eyebrow. "Oh, really? That's not what I found out last night."

Sirius looked up. "What?! But I thought..."

Paige gave him a silencing glance and turned back to Tonks. "Really, he's not gay at all."

Tonks quirked an eyebrow. "Really? I've been throwing myself at him for over a year and the most I've gotten is a pat on the head and a quick hug."

Paige sighed. "Yeah, well you didn't approach him the right way."

"And what way would that be? I tried everything, short of molesting him.", she replied. "I mean, the man's so British it's like he's dead from the neck down."

Sirius sat up. "Hey! I resent that!" Tonks simply shrugged in response to his dismay.

Paige giggled. "Well, ask Kate some time, she could tell you."

Tonks looked unimpressed. "Your roommate? No offense, Paige. I'm sure she' s a sweet bird but she' s stiffer than McGonagall."

Paige smirked. "Oh, you have to know Katie to get her to open up. Right, Sirius?"

"Right." he chirped

"I'm sure she's wonderful." Tonks said while rolling her eyes. "It's just that half the women in the Order, and that's not including Hogwarts' staff, have been trying to get into Remus's pants for years. I very much doubt your roommate can pull it off in four days."

Paige and Sirius burst into laughter and Paige gasped out, "Oh, she did that the first night."

Sirius laughed even harder and said, "Uh huh, she got him into a sarong."

"Let me guess, he was wounded?" Tonks said with an exasperated sigh. "Really, you two. If nothing else, I know Remus wouldn't willing take off his clothes for anyone. I'm surprised he wasn't in his jacket, vest, and full robes when I arrived. Honestly, between your stories and Snape, you'd think the man had gone mental."

Paige shook her head. "No, really, we heard them. He had to take off his trousers and put on a sarong, but apparently he took off his pants, too."

Sirius said, "Yes he did, we both saw that for our own eyes, didn't we, luv?"

Paige giggled. "Yes we did. Kate is a lucky girl."

"I'm sure she is Paige, I just don't believe..." Tonks paused for a moment. "You saw it? I mean you saw his equipment?"

Paige started laughing so hard that she couldn't breathe and Sirius stayed silent.

After a minute or so, Paige calmed down enough to answer her. "He doesn't know how to wear a sarong. Like I said, Kate is a very lucky girl."

Tonks leaned in closer to Paige. "I want details. Do you have any idea how many girls would kill for this information?", she said with a wicked gleam in her eyes.

Paige shook her head. "I am not going to tell you until you promise me that you won't pass the information on."

Sirius groaned. "Do we have to discuss Remus's bits? We do have a very informative book to look at."

Paige responded, "Then look at the book." Sirius took the book from her and started examing the text.

"I swear on Moody's good eye, that I will not share this sacred information." Tonks said solemnly.

Paige eyed her for a moment, weighing her sincerity and leaned in close so that Sirius couldn't hear. "It was at least five inches and it was soft.", Paige whispered into her ear.

Tonks' eyes lit up. "Wow. I never knew the old boy had it in him."

Paige raised an eyebrow. "Well, he does have it in him, most definitely. I caught a section in the book stating that the lycanthropy makes them thicker, too. Lucky Kate, huh?"

"Very lucky, Kate, indeed." Tonks smirked. "Though so will be the girl that is there to pick up the pieces when he returns home without his mousy school teacher.", she finished, while flipping her hair creating long brown tresses.

"Don't talk about Kate that way." Paige glared at her. "Werewolves mate for life so don't think of trying because you'll only get embarrassed."

"Oh, don't be that way Paige." Tonks said with a giggle. "I wasn't insulting your friend, she just doesn't seem the sex goddess type and if she is as docile as Remus is I really don't have anything to worry about do I?"

Paige contiued to glare at her. "You know what, Dori,you go ahead and hit on him in front of her, we'll see how docile she really is."

Just then Kate threw open the bedroom door causing it to slam against the hallway wall with such force that the entire apartment shook. Paige grabbed the book from Sirius and hid it under a couch cushion.

Kate barreled down the hall and burst into the living room, wand pointed at Paige with her hair flying in every direction. Paige bit back a laugh at Tonks' expression.

The air crackled around Kate as she spoke in a dangerous whisper. "Paige, what did you tell Remus this afternoon?"

Paige giggled. "Well, I told him not to eat the eel?"

Kate paused, the sharp edges of her tempest fading in confusion. She furrowed her brow. "What?"

Paige bounced slightly. "I told him not to eat the eel."

She shook her head and pressed two fingers to her forehead to block out the imagery currently flooding her mind. 'Why? What?", she managed to stammer.

Jack took this opportunity to pass through the living room and go to the kitchen, where he grabbed a trash bag and hurried from the room unwilling to get caught in the crossfire. No one thought very much about it though, because Paige was clearly enjoying her little game with Kate and Tonks, and Kate was trying to figure out how, where, and why Remus would have eaten an eel.

Kate huffed. "Well, where were you?"

Paige blinked. "At the office."

The werewolf let out a low growl and turned to Remus. "When did Paige tell you not to eat the eel?"

Remus stifled a laugh. "At the Japanese Restaurant."

Kate cocked her head relieved but still furious at Paige. "Why in the name of all that is good in this world, did you tell Remus that I have a boyfriend?

Paige looked confused for a moment and then realized what Kate was talking about. "Oh yeah, that. 'Cause you do."

Kate gave Paige a death glare. "Paige Gwendolyn Pierce, since when have I ever had a boyfriend?"

Paige grinned widely at Remus. "I don't know, when did you two start sleeping in the same bed?"

Tonks let out a small gasp and Sirius chuckled.

Remus was gobsmacked for a moment. He tried to grasp what had just been said. I am Kate's boyfriend, but I don't want to be her boyfriend. Boyfriends were schoolboys that were easily replaced. I will not stand by and be replaced. If she isn't spoken for than by Merlin, I am going to claim her and I will be her mate, he thought. He straightened to his full height and glared at Paige, "I'm not her boyfriend.", he growled.

Kate looked taken a back. Great, he doesn't want to be my boyfriend. What does he want then?, she thought as her heart sank. She quickly masked her feelings and spoke. "Remus is not my boyfriend, Paige. And he has never said that he was or that he wanted to be.", she stated coolly.

Paige raised an eyebrow. "If you two aren't together, what are you?"

The werewolves looked at each other for a moment. Kate shrugged. "He's my...umm...he's my Remus...I guess", she stammered out.

Remus smiled and felt strangely giddy about her answer. "Yes, I'm her Remus.", he concurred and Kate let out the breath she was holding.

Sirius smirked. "Careful mate, that could be a body part." Paige and Tonks started laughing.

The werewolf folded his arms across his chest and glared at Sirius. "Sod off, Padfoot.", he snarled.

Sirius cringed, hearing the wolf that close to the surface was never a good sign with Remus. "Sorry Moony, just trying to lighten the mood."

Moony turned and stalked down the hallway to Kate's room, slamming the door behind him. Kate shuddered as the door slammed.

Tonks stood up, "I think I will just go and comfort him.", she said brightly.

Kate stepped in front of the metamorphmagus. "Accio wand." She stood there with a feral smile plastered across her face twirling the smaller witch's wand. Kate stopped and bent down to look Tonks in the eye. "Ms. Tonks, you're association with my roommate will only win you so much immunity within my domicile. Might I suggest that you return to England tonight, unless you wish to enjoy the rest of your stay decomposing in a mine shaft. I mean after all, it is an awfully big desert and you are an awfully small human.", she said as if speaking to a child.

"What?", Tonks squeaked.

"In the future Ms. Tonks, I would appreciate if you did not attempt to claim beings that do not belong to you. As Professor Lupin has agreed, he's my Remus. My Remus as in not yours so until he says otherwise, he is mine." Kate continued in her best school marm voice. "I don't share well, Ms. Tonks. Therefore, I think it would be in your best interest, if you did not chase after my Remus. Do we have an understanding?" Tonks nodded. Kate tossed the wand to Sirius and gave a warm smile. "Glad to hear it, I hope you have a pleasant evening in our lovely city. Sirius, please return the wand to your cousin when she has left the apartment and not before. Goodnight." With that Kate turned and walked down the hall.

Tonks paused for a moment. "Let me guess, she's a werewolf as well?", she said in awe. Paige just laughed. "Fuck me, she is worse than Moody.", Tonks exclaimed before collapsing in a chair.

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Kate found Remus spread out on the bed with his face buried under the pillows. She sat next to him. "Aren't you a little old to be acting angsty?"

Remus moved the pillows to glare at her and gave a warning growl. Kate whimpered in response and ducked her head, he stroked her cheek with the back of his hand. She paused for a moment and kissed his palm before laying her head on his chest.

After what seemed like an eternity, Remus finally spoke. "I am not angsty.", he snarled.

Kate couldn't help herself, she laughed into his chest. "Are you sure? You gave a pretty good impression of Heathcliffe out there, but then I don't have room to talk." She gave a small sigh and continued. "I've been giving a pretty good impression of Jane Eyre the past few days." Remus gave another growl but Kate snuggled closer. "What's the matter?", she asked in a soft whimper.

He gave a grim laugh. "I wish I knew. One minute everything is perfect, the next minute I just want to rip someone's throat out." She nodded in understanding and he continued. "Everything is just moving so fast and I don't want it to slow down. I just don't know what to do.", he ended in exasperation.

Kate sat up and looked down at him. "And when you put it into words, the reality of the matter seems quite chaotic and violent. Don't feel too bad, you have yet to threaten any of my friends, which is more than I can say for myself."

Remus quirked an eyebrow. "Who?" he asked, quite surprised Kate would become possessive.

"Ms. Tonks and I had a miscommunication but I think things are settled now." she stated casually.

"What happened?" he queried.

"Oh nothing. Ijustthreatenedherandimpliedthatifsheevermadeaplayforyouwhile

youstillwantedtobemineIwoulddisposeofherbodyinanabandonedmineshaft.", she mumbled under her breath. Remus laughed and kissed the top of her head. She moved to get off of the bed.

He grabbed her hand. "Can I hold you, please? I just don't want to loose you right now." She nodded and lay back next to him.

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All was quiet in the little living room until Tonks stood up. "Well, as scary and entertaining as that was, I really have to get back to England." She gave Sirius and Paige a lop-sided smile. "I have to work in a few hours." She embraced Sirius and Paige. "It was good to see you, cousin. I'll see you back in London soon I hope with a huge list of people you've recruited over here."

Sirius laughed and then said, "Well, where else are we recruiting from? India? China?"

Tonks stopped. "Well, India had a few promising people, China went nutters when we suggested it and quite a few virtually threw themselves at Moody when he went. Um, Charlie has gotten around ten people so far... and I think Bill and Fleur are getting the veelas to join. Other than that I don't know."

Paige bit her lip. "Have you tried elsewhere in the U.S? I think you'd do well in Texas, I'll get Bob to look into it."

Tonks quirked an eyebrow. "Who's Bob?"

Sirius piped up, "Kate's really tall werewolf dad. He threatened me today when he thought that I was Kate's boyfriend."

Tonks raised her eyebrows and nodded. "Good to know. I'll make a mental note to never date Kate."

Paige giggled. "Well, since both of you are heterosexual females I don't think there was much of a problem to begin with. I'll tell Kate that you aren't interested in her though. Don't worry, I'll try not to break her heart too much."

Tonks laughed. "You do that. I'll see you two later, ok? Bye." Sirius gave her back her wand and she apparated out of the house, leaving Sirius and Paige to look at each other and smile.

Paige yawned and went down the hall. "Alright, let's get to bed, I have a full day tomorrow and I think we both need sleep." Sirius nodded and followed her to his bedroom where she sat on the bed. He plopped down on the floor and sighed. "Well, I guess I'd better switch forms so that I can be more comfortable on the ground."

Paige stifled a smile. "Yep, I guess you should. Wouldn't want a crick in your neck tomorrow."

Sirius pouted. "You know, Paige, a good hostess would do anything to make her houseguests more comfortable. Can't I sleep in your bed... please?"

Paige giggled at him as he gave her his trademark puppy dog eyes and bit her lip. "Um, no. I guess I'm just not a very good hostess, am I? Anyway, what ELSE can I do to make you more comfortable?"

Sirius thought for a minute, deciding she truly did want him to be happy, and smiled. "An extra blanket would be nice."

Paige hopped up and pulled out a large plastic bin and put it on the bed. She opened it up and pulled out a large blue quilt and wrapped it around him. "Is this better?" Sirius nodded and she sat down in front of him. "Well, good, because I made this quilt and it's one of my favorites."

Sirius inspected the blanket for a moment, reveling at its warmth and softness. "You made this? That's amazing!"

Paige shrugged. "Well, I grew up in a home where everyone knew how to sew. This was my first quilt, I made it when I was twelve."

Sirius hugged it around him and smiled at her. "Why did you all know how to sew?"

"Because my mom owns a dress making shop. She'll make anything. It's kind of a dying art, which is sad. Women go in there and tell her what they want and she makes it. It's especially popular for wedding dresses, as most women know more or less what they want and can't find it in a price range that's comfortable for them."

Sirius noticed her shivering and opened the quilt to invite her in. She gratefully accepted and crawled into his lap. "That's better. Has anyone ever told you how comfy you are?"

Sirius snorted. "Are you sure? Let me move around a little, I bet I'll poke you with my ribs."

Paige looked up at him. "What?"

Sirius responded, "Azkaban doesn't exactly help a person's physique, luv."

He shuddered and she stroked his chest, making him relax somewhat.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Sirius, I find you extremely attractive."

Sirius pulled her away from him and smiled when she pouted. "I'm malnourished, I'm rude, short-tempered, and insecure but good at hiding it. I'm hunted all over Europe; it's only a miracle that they're not looking for me here. My entire family hates me more than you could imagine. I've let down every single friend I've ever had, my godson still believes that I'm dead. And to top it all off, I'm probably somewhat insane due to all of those years in Azkaban. You sit for a minute and think of all of that. If you still find me attractive after that, then you're crazier than I thought."

Paige fell into a thoughtful silence while Sirius waited for an answer. She leaned up and gave him a feather-light kiss that turned into a more insistent and passionate one. "Does that answer your question?"

He put his hands on her hips and rubbed her sides. "Are you sure? You really haven't gotten to know me fully yet."

She smiled at him after a few minutes and snuggled back into him. "Alright, fair's fair. Now it's my turn. I'm a bitch, impulsive, callused, extremely ill tempered, and as Kate puts it, I have non-traditional sexual morals. I treat my family far worse than they deserve. I usually end up walking all over my boyfriends. I spend money entirely too frivolously. My personal best, though, would have to be leaving a guy at the altar. What do you think about me?"

Sirius cocked an eyebrow. "You've left a guy at the altar?"

Paige sighed. "Yes I have, four years ago." She very visibly tensed and hid her face in his chest.

Sirius said, "Would this be Erik, then?" Paige lifted her head and Sirius gave her a reassuring smile.

Her eyes went wide and she grimaced. "You've heard about him?" she asked in a small voice.

Sirius nodded. "Well, Kate mentioned a little about him, not as much as you just told me though."

She put her head back down and hugged him. "It wasn't my finest moment, but I stand by my decision."

She stood up and grinned. "Come on, I have a feeling both of us could use a little chocolate."

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Remus was very relaxed, Kate had a calming effect on him and at the moment he would be quite content to hold her for the rest of the night. Between the warmth of their bodies and the closeness of the full moon, Kate began to nod off.

She was alerted, when she glanced at the clock and noticed how late it was. As she turned to get up, Remus pulled her closer. "Remus, I'm not a teddy bear. I need to get up." she giggled.

Remus gave a contented sigh. "Hmm...I think you could be a teddy. You are soft and warm. Not to mention, you are very comforting." Kate squirmed in his arms, "Not to forget, I am in need of a good teddy. However, there are some things I would never like to do to you that no respectable teddy should witness." he said in a husky voice.

Kate stilled in his arms. "Moony, I need to get our potion and I would like to sleep in a nightgown tonight."

Remus reluctantly let her up. "Come right back." he whispered.

She nodded and grabbed a nightgown out of her dresser. She changed in her closet, coming out in her ankle length, long sleeve, high-collar muslin nightgown. She left the room and headed towards the kitchen.

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She and Sirius went into the kitchen and she started rummaging around in the cupboards. "So, what brought about this little journey into insecurity anyway?"

Sirius furrowed his brow and leaned against the counter. "I don't know. Well, I guess it's something that's been nagging at me since that first day in the park. I never really thought about it before then."

Paige cursed under her breath and then spoke louder. "It has to be here somewhere! I know I saw another one in here when I got that other jar out a week ago." She moved to a different cupboard and immediately pulled out a white plastic container. She held it out victoriously. "Bum ba da bum!"

Sirius felt a smile creep across his face. "What am I looking at, Paige?"

She opened it up and tore off the foil, revealing a smooth brown substance. "Chocolate frosting, want some?" Sirius shrugged and watched as Paige dipped a finger in before doing the same. Paige sucked the frosting off her finger and grinned at Sirius before getting more and wiping it down the bridge of his nose.

Sirius had been in the process of getting more himself and froze, sending Paige convulsing into giggles. He looked down at the brown blob, making his eyes cross and Paige's giggles turned into all-out laughter. Sirius gave her a reproachful look and subtly dug his finger deeper into the frosting as he stated, "Oh, very mature Paige."

She sobered up some and moved right in front of him. Sirius saw his chance and pounced. He used his clean hand and a few well-practiced moves to send her to the floor. He sat on top of her and started smearing frosting all over her face as she shrieked and tried to wriggle free.

Sirius knew she wouldn't be able to, having pinned down the other Marauders and even Snape several times before. He grinned down at her and got more frosting to coat her face. Paige, for the most part, was laughing so hard she couldn't even breathe. She did manage to gasp out, "Dammit, Sirius! I would have cleaned your nose off!"

Sirius's grin went even wider and he set the frosting down. "You know, Paige, you're absolutely right. I think I'll be just as nice and do the same for you." He then grabbed her wrists and pinned them to the floor, making her gasp in surprise. He leaned over her and waggled an eyebrow before licking her face from chin to forehead and sat back. Paige tried to glare at him but was laughing too hard and shouted, "Sirius Black, get off of me and for God's sake stop licking my face!"

Sirius shook his head and started licking her with earnest when Kate walked into the kitchen. He froze, mid-lick and winked at her before continuing.

Kate stifled a giggle. "Uh, hi Paige... Sirius. I take it I need to pick up frosting in the morning?" Kate stepped over the pair as she headed to the cabinet for the Wolfsbane.

Paige tried to bite Sirius but missed and growled, "Dammit, Kate! Help me!"

Kate set the potion down in the cauldron and kneeled down next to Paige. She licked her forehead, then spit it out into her hand and made a disgusted face. "I guess I don't like girls."

Sirius sat back. "Then I guess I'm not that lucky after all. Can you get me a glass of water? This stuff makes me thirsty."

Kate rinsed her hand off in the sink and brought Sirius the water. He took it, freeing Paige's hand.

Kate started pouring the potion into the coffee cups and looked over at the pair. "Remember, Sirius, constant vigilance."

Sirius didn't have time to think about the meaning of this as he tipped the glass back. Paige wasn't one to miss an opportunity and pushed the glass all the way up, drenching Sirius and herself. He sputtered and looked down at her smug expression. "Well, this makes me glad that you're wearing a white T-shirt. The blue lace on top of the black is a nice combination. Can I see more?" Paige punched him in response.

Kate chuckled. "On that note, I'll leave you two love birds alone." and left.

Paige screamed "Traitor!" at Kate and started beating on Sirius's chest.

Paige growled when she heard Kate shout "Karma" from the hall.

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Kate returned to the room to find Remus in his pajamas lounging on the bed. He looked up at her. "You look ravishing.", he complimented.

She laughed and walked towards him. "Sweet talk all you want. You still have to take this.", she said and handed him a mug full of potion.

Remus downed the vile concoction in one shot and handed the mug back to Kate. She took her own dose of the potion and banished mugs to the kitchen.

Settling back into bed, Remus spooned behind Kate and wrapped his arms around her. "You do look lovely." he finally said.

Kate giggled, "I think you've finally lost it. I look like a conservative version of Mary Poppins. I mean, you can't see anything. I might as well become the poster girl for virtuous Victorian attire." He chuckled and licked the shell of her ear causing her to let out a soft whimper.

"Miss Gardener, you have no idea how much I've always wanted my own Mary Poppins." He shifted, pinning her under him. "Now that I've taken my medicine, will you give me something sweet?"

"I thought you were a gentleman?", Kate said as she wriggled to get some leverage.

"I am always a gentleman and trust me when I say gentlemen like me are...Oh no, you don't." he jokingly admonished as she tried to flip their positions.

Straddling her hips, he unbuttoned her collar exposing her neck, placing a kiss at each new bare space. "I quite like this nightgown actually, it leaves a lot to the imagination." he said with a twinkle in his eyes. Then he rolled back on to his side and nudged her to spoon up against him again.

Remus brushed his hand down her side. "I like that you are modest, it leaves a lot to the imagination and I find it very feminine. I could take hours slowly exposing every delicious inch of skin to find out what lies beneath all your wrapping." he said as he drew lazy circles on her hip.

Kate felt like her whole body was on fire. Every time Remus growled in her ear, she felt a shock of electricity trace the length of her spine and coil like a serpent in her womb. "So what am I then, a muse, teddy bear, or a present?" she managed to stammer out.

He continued his ministrations, wrapping his leg around her thigh and sprawling his hand across her stomach. "You are Kate and I would be quite happy to have you. I want to know every bit of you." he growled as his erection pressed into her bottom. She felt as if she was going to burst out of her skin, every inch of her screamed to be touched.

Remus didn't know how much more he was going to be able to take, but he needed to tease her, he needed to make her crave him like he craved her. He ground his hips into her and nipped at her ear and neck. "Gods Kate, I want you so much. I need to pleasure you, please Kate." he pleaded. She stiffened and turned in on herself, rolling into a ball.

"Remus, I think we need to talk." she said meekly.

"What's wrong, I thought you were enjoying this?" he asked.

"I am, I'm enjoying it a lot. It's just." she paused and took a deep breath. "Remus, I'm a virgin. I've never gone further than a third kiss with anyone before you and this is definitely going too fast." she managed to get out before loosing her courage.

He was silent for a moment and protectively pulled her back towards him. "Nothing to worry about, I can wait until you are ready." he said gently.

"Thank you." Kate replied and nestled into his arms.

"Good night, dearest." he whispered and tried not to think of his current plight as they fell asleep.

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Sirius set the empty cup down and grabbed her wrist, pinning it to the floor again. He bent down to kiss her but stopped short of her face. "You know, I really did like that bra." Paige tilted her head up and captured his lips in a kiss.

Sirius smiled. "Ligo." Paige's arms were suddenly fastened to the floor and she gasped in surprise.

Sirius popped his fingers and stated, "Much better." He smiled evilly down at his captive. "Hmm, what to do with you? A problem easily solved by one such as myself." He murmured.

Paige laughed. "Sirius, I didn't know you were into bondage?"

Sirius climbed off of her and ran a finger down her side, making her twitch at the tickling sensation. "Oh I'm not, really. But it certainly does help when I plan on tickling someone." He traced a path to the inside of her thigh and stopped. He looked into her eyes, issuing a challenge and Paige shook her head vehemently. He cocked his head to the side and asked, "No? Why shouldn't I?"

Paige's eyes went wide and she searched for an answer. "Uhhhhhhm, because I'm asking you nicely?" Sirius scoffed and Paige continued. "Because I know where you sleep?" He shook his head. Paige thought for a second and gave him a mischievous smile. "Because I will grant you one wish?"

Sirius cocked an eyebrow. "Anything I wish?" Paige nodded. "Hmm, well that does sound like a good idea. Sure, why not?" He helped her to her feet and pulled her close. "Now for my wish..." Paige bit her lip and waited for the obvious answer. Sirius gave her an impish grin, though, and said, "I'm going to sleep in your bed tonight and you're going to sleep on the floor in the guest room."

Paige's mouth dropped open and she whined, "Sirius, that is not the type of wish you were supposed to make! Can you pick another one instead?"

Sirius's smile quickly went from impish to sweet and he kissed her forehead. "Well then, let me sleep with you tonight." Paige raised an eyebrow and Sirius put a finger to her lips. "Shh, let me explain. I won't touch you or try to shag you; I just want to sleep with you. I've been alone for so long and it feels so good not to be anymore that, well, I don't think I can handle going back to that."

Paige nodded. "Because of Azkaban?" Sirius shuddered and she held him close. "Of course you can. Is this why you tried to convince me earlier?"

Sirius sighed and smiled half-heartedly. "Yes, but I didn't tell you why because I would have looked like I wanted pity. So, can I sleep with you?"

Paige's heart melted but she hid it with a smirk. "Are you sure that that's your wish?" Sirius nodded. "Ok, I was willing to go a hell of a lot farther than that, but your wish is my command." Sirius's heart leaped and Paige pinched his butt before heading down the hall. "Bummer, I was looking forward to a very kinky night."

Sirius headed after her and turned her around. "You mean... I could have wished for anything at all?"

Paige laughed. "You might want to take off your trousers, they will be rather uncomfortable to sleep in." She started rummaging through her dresser and glanced over at him, realizing that he was waiting for an answer to his question. "Yes, Sirius, that's what I meant when I said that you were supposed to pick another kind of wish, but you had to just pick the sleeping one. Oh well, some other time then. I'm getting rather sleepy myself." She pulled out a light pink cotton camisole and matching shorts and laughed at the expression on his face.

"But... but... But I thought that that would be going to fast for you!" He said incredulously.

Paige changed while Sirius stripped out of his pants. She walked over and pulled on his shirt. "Take it off."

Sirius blinked in surprise. "What?"

Paige licked her lips and tugged on it again. "Take it off. I want to see you."

Sirius laughed and piled it with his pants before climbing into bed. "Now, about you being attracted to me."

Paige felt him pull her on top of him and giggled. "Yes, about me being attracted to you, I think it's an absolutely wonderful idea." She nibbled on his neck and slid her hands down to his waist, making him shiver.

He laughed at her. "Well then, if that's how you truly feel, I won't try to convince you otherwise."

Paige rolled off and burrowed under the covers. Sirius yelped when she goosed him and heard muffled laughter. He pulled the blanket over his head and grabbed her foot before she could get away and yanked her closer. Paige turned onto her back and kicked his hand away before sitting up and lunging at him. Her momentum and his position carried them both to the floor in a mass of blankets and laughter.

Sirius managed to get the blankets off and sat up. "Ouch, this floor is hard and you play too rough."

Paige poked her head out and replied with mock concern. "Aww, did I hurt you?"

Sirius helped her get out and said, "No, I'm just stating a fact."

Paige crawled over to him and into his lap, facing him. "Good, because I like it rough." She ground her hips into his, making him clutch her to him and groan. She gave a pained expression. "I'm sorry, I guess I have a hard time taking it slow." She pushed his hand away and crawled into the bed with a resigned pout.

Sirius was breathing pretty hard by this point and grimaced when she pulled away. "Well, to be fair I think we both do. Am I still allowed to sleep here? At least on the floor?"

Paige smiled. "Sirius Black, I don't want you to sleep on the floor ever again. Now get in here and keep me warm!"

Sirius spread the blanket back out and bowed. "Yes, Ma'am!" before jumping onto the bed. He felt her curl up next to him and put his arm around her. She closed her eyes and yawned, making him smile. "Paige?"

She opened her eyes. "Hmm?"

Sirius waited a bit, forming the right words before saying them out loud to try to avoid too much embarrassment. "Well, umm.... Are you sure you want to take things slow?"

Paige frowned. "Well, not exactly. Actually, no, I don't. Not at all. But I think we should, why?"

Sirius felt more than a little irritated and growled out, "Because you just created a little problem for me that won't go away."

Paige smiled sympathetically. "I'm sorry. I guess I should learn to control myself better, huh? So, what do you want to do about your not-so-little problem?"

Sirius gave her an annoyed look, getting more and more irritated at her reactions. "What do you think I want to do?" He shifted uncomfortably and sighed. "I will, however, abide by you wishes."

Paige patted him on the stomach, pleased that he thought so much of her. "Alright, do you want me to get rid of it for you?" Sirius nodded emphatically and she slid her hand down to the waistband of his boxers. "You get to clean everything up, I've never been too fond of that part."

Sirius felt her inch her hand in and gripped the sheet. "Yes, whatever, just please." Paige inched her hand in more and stopped. Sirius whimpered, "Please, Paige, it's been so long."

Paige clasped his penis in her hand, causing him to jump. The feeling of her warm hand wrapped around him made him light-headed. He gasped, the sensation all but brand-new to him after so long. He closed his eyes, enjoying the soft stimulation that she was causing. She started stroking him slowly, making him tense and pant. He was determined to last longer than he normally would. Paige, however, was just too experienced with this and he had to still her hand. He groaned and grit his teeth. "I'm sorry, luv, but it's been a while and I'm out of practice."

Paige kissed him, squeezing him as she did so. "It's alright, Sirius, I understand. Believe me, you've already lasted longer than some."

Sirius pulled his hand away, reassured, and she resumed her pace. "Do you want to come now?"

Sirius's eyes glazed over and he moaned, making Paige get a smug expression. "Sirius, do you want to come?" she asked in a more insistent voice. He nodded faintly and her pace picked up making him loose all ability for speech as he very suddenly felt his orgasm wash over him in waves.

He moaned and arched his back, his eyes shut again, and he yelled out, "Oh God, Paige, yes!" Then he felt the most intense rush he'd had in years. He panted for a minute before looking over at Paige. She was staring at him rather intensely, a strange gleam in her eye.

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Kate and Remus were both jostled from their sleep by the sound of Sirius yelling. Remus bolted up and was halfway to the door before he turned to find Kate snuggling into the pillows. "Kate, shouldn't we go check on them?" he asked frustrated at her lack of response.

"I really wouldn't recommend it, you would probably just disrupt whatever it is they are doing." she said through a yawn.

He crossed back to the bed and forcibly pulled her to edge. "Come on, we should check on them."

She glanced up at him. "Remus, people generally don't yell 'Oh God, yes.', when they are being attacked. Paige and Sirius are probably just playing."

Remus blushed. "Oh, right." he stammered.

Kate smiled, "Come back to bed, beloved." she said without thinking as she pulled him closer. He gave her a sleepy smile and acquiesced.

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Sirius cast a cleaning spell and lay back, sated and fully relaxed. "What are you looking at me like that for?"

Paige shrugged. "Well, I've never actually watched a guy's face while I've done that before, it's quite interesting."

Sirius sighed contentedly. "Really? How so?"

Paige snuggled up into him and blushed. "I don't know, just is. You also seemed to enjoy it an awful lot."

Sirius kissed her forehead; emotions seemed to overwhelm him now that he was thinking about it. "Well, I don't think you know just what you have done for me."

Paige smirked. "I have a pretty good idea, I do that type of thing fairly often."

Sirius shook his head. "No, really. I have been alone for fifteen years, no memory of being loved and cherished; every intimate moment had been all but destroyed completely. You've started more happy memories and made me remember what it's like to feel everything again. For all of that I'm really grateful."

Paige smiled warmly at him. "I've never had that kind of impact on anyone before, it's kind of nice."

Sirius caressed her cheek. "Anytime, luv, anytime!"

Paige giggled at him. "I'll keep that in mind. On the same lines, just how big are you?"

"Why?" he asked.

She kissed his cheek, remembering the feel of him in her hand. "Well, because I noticed that you're pretty big."

Sirius puffed up a bit, this was a good thing to hear. "I am rather large. It's the one thing that makes me happy about being a Black."

Paige responded, "Alright, well how big are you? I really want to know, so that when you go back to England, I have something to boast about."

Sirius gave a great barking laugh. "Since it's for the sake of reputation, I guess I'll tell you." Paige grinned at him triumphantly and he went on. "It's twenty-three centimeters, luv."

Paige's eyes went wide and her mouth dropped open. "Holy shit! That's huge!"

Sirius gave her a smug smile and ran his hand down her back. "Yes it is. I'm rather proud of it, too."

Paige nodded, still in awe. "You should be. I'll make sure that you get to meet everyone first so that they have a name to put with a size, ok?"

"Sounds fine with me." Sirius yawned. "I think we both need to sleep, what do you think?"

Paige blinked a few times. "After what just happened and your reaction, I'd say that you should be tired! Me on the other hand, but that's another story."

Sirius thought about this for a second. "What was that, luv?"

Paige snuggled down into his chest. "Nothing, just punishing myself."

He smiled at her. "What are you punishing yourself about, luv?"

Paige pouted. "I'm the one that wanted to take it slow and I've made you so horny that you had to have a little help from me, so to speak."

Sirius nodded. "Ah, so you would like a helping hand? I can do that, just say the word."

Paige giggled. "A helping hand? You make it sound like charity. No, I'm punishing myself or you would have gotten a lot more than a hand from me tonight."

Sirius squinted at her, deciding whether or not to let her punish herself or bring her to orgasm. Eventually, his curiosity won out and he decided to see how long she would last when she was sexually frustrated.

She huffed and snuggled into his chest, intent on ignoring her body's impulses and getting some sleep.

An: woohoo! Sirius finally got something! Not what he would have preferred, but it's better than nothing. So, all you little kiddies out there who have just read this part... shame on you. It's rated R for a reason so don't tell us if we just contributed to the corruption of a minor. Still review, just don't tell us.

Now that that's over with, on to reviews, or answers of them in any case.

Miss Moony is now our favorite person, everyone should know that. We love her and Horn head would like an email stating what your first name is so that we can write you into the fic. Two more chapters and another reviewer is already being written in, although I forgot to ask permission first.

Hey, lightning Rain, mind if I use you in a few chapters?

Anyway, Siriuszsecretlover is now Hornhead's favorite person, too, since she complimented Paige and Sirius and she's the first freakin' person to do so. A grr on the rest of you!

Prof. Pendragon: (Looks up from writing a scene involving Benny Hill music, Remus, and a group of sexually ambigious Slytherians) Why would you want to give them a robotic mongoose dog, if they are doing something you don't like? Wouldn't it be better to punish them?

Hornhead: Grr would be a punishment, at least after the 52nd verse of the Doom song

Prof. Pendragon: Ahh..very true. Please continue. (starts singing something involving underpants and fire)

Hornhead: Or even the song that you're singing now

Prof. Pendragon: Right again, but that is true of many songs. Songs from films, songs from the internet, songs I have written ...I mean Kate has written. I claim no responsiblity for such songs. Damn it. (checks online for indentity services).

Hornhead: It won't work, we already know who wrote the songs. Mind you, I came up with the title for two of them, but whatever.

Prof. Pendragon: True, but then I wrote them. I mean Kate wrote them, blast they are going to start eying me at the department again.

Hornhead: I didn't do it! I'm just sitting here, talking to people. Oh yeah, I guess I should be more convincing and actually talk to them, huh?

So anyway!!! I forgot to answer Sassafras last chapter about the whole Balrog thingy, I'll do that now. Any comments, Prof? No? Good. Anyway, Bret the Balrog is the same waiter that we wrote in that second (or was it third?) chapter. He's definitely a flamer and about the sweetest person you could meet. He's also the happiest person I think I have come into contact with. He dyed his hair recently and giggled and blushed when I commented on it. Anyway! Back to the balrog... we had to put it in there for our sequel that we'll do eventually. You'll see why.

At the moment, as I write this, there are no more revi3ews this chapter. If someone reviews and I forget to thank them here, I will next chapter and, as always, thank you to all of our readers and especially our reviewers.

Gracias!