Chapter Nineteen: The World Without Her
Nathan stared blankly ahead. He hadn't seen Lucas since the birth of Damian, since the doctor had come out and announced that despite their best efforts, Brooke Penelope Scott had died of complications during her labour.
He didn't want to see his brother. He couldn't deal with it. First, Nathan had to deal with his own emotions.
The overriding one was guilt. He felt as though Brooke had wasted most of her adult life with him. When he'd met her she'd been independent, outgoing, original. He felt as though he'd squashed the life out of her, leaving her a shell of the woman she'd been.
His grief was immense. Despite having fallen out of love with Brooke, he still loved her. Loved her as a woman that he'd lived with for ten years, for better or for worse. The thought of her gone forever made it hard for him to imagine his life in the future.
Somehow his footsteps led him to the nursery, and to Damian Davis Scott. With trembling, inexperienced hands, he brought his nephew into his arms. The sleeping child had a fine dusting of dark hair and reddish skin for the labour. He was in an oversized blue sleeper with a small hat on his head.
Nathan received a slight shock when he realized how differently things could have turned out. If Brooke hadn't gone to Haley's apartment that day, Brooke never would have admitted the true paternity of her child. Haley never would have run. If Brooke had stayed home that day, this child would have been his.
Damian and Nathan strolled through the floor. They paused in front of one door. Through it, he could hear harsh, labored breathing. Somehow he knew his wife had died in the room.
"Excuse me?" he said politely to a passing nurse. She stopped. "A woman died in here this morning. Were you there?"
"Yes. You're Lucas Scott?" she asked.
"No, I'm his brother," said Nathan.
"She said to pass on her love to Lucas, and her apologies to you. She requested that you be godfather to her son, Damian," said the nurse. For one of the first times in years, Nathan had to hold back tears.
"Thank you. I'm sure you did all you could," he said. The nurse nodded before moving on.
He stepped into the door and stared at the sight that greeted him. Brooke was still lying on the bed, wearing a hospital gown. Her face had been cleaned, and her hair lay about her head on the pillow. Her eyes were closed. She looked infinitely peaceful. Exactly as she had looked when she was alive, but completely different.
Lucas sat by her bed, gently holding her right hand, staring at her face, so beautiful even in death.
"I'll love you forever," he promised. Nathan saw a tear drip down his tanned cheek.
Lucas continued to stare at Brooke. Nathan wondered how he ever could have missed his love for her. It was so blatant. Or maybe he hadn't missed it-perhaps he'd forced himself not to notice it?
What hadn't been remotely blatant was Brooke's love for her brother-in-law. He'd begun to suspect that it had always been there, ever since the first time they'd met eyes, when Nathan had introduced his brother to his new girlfriend. But then why had Brooke stayed with him? Even then, both of them had had promising careers, good opportunities. None of it made sense. None of it ever would.
As Damian moaned slightly in his sleep, Lucas looked up and finally noticed his big brother.
"Hey. How are you supposed to live without the love of your life?" asked Lucas. Bitterly, Nathan thought of how he'd receive the line at any other time.
"I'm still trying to figure it out," he said.
"And I was so sure it would all be okay. They took me to the nursery, they let me hold him, and then I think to ask about Brooke and they said she hadn't made it. After all my hopes were up," lamented Lucas.
"I know. The nurse outside said to say that her last words were to say she loved you," said Nathan.
"And she never got to be my wife. Now she's dead, and she's still your wife," continued Lucas. Nathan wondered if he'd heard his words.
"I know this doesn't help much, but a year ago you were in love with her but you could never say so. Isn't it good, that you had at least that time with her?" asked Nathan.
"It wasn't enough. I don't think any time would have been enough. She was an incredible woman," said Lucas. Nathan remembered the Brooke she'd been so many years ago.
"Yeah. She was. Look, at least you've got him," said Nathan, holding his nephew out to Lucas. He took him.
"That's true. He's perfect. And you know they messed up the announcement? The newspaper said that he's your son. And he looks like it, too," said Lucas bitterly. He touched Brooke's hand again.
"You know he's not. We both know he's not. We'll contact the paper later, if you want," suggested Nathan.
"It doesn't matter. It's just what the world outside thinks, and I don't care that much anymore," said Lucas.
"You're right. Buddy… it's going to be okay," he said at length. Lucas looked up at him.
"How can you say that? How can anything ever be alright again?" he said. Nathan's eyes shifted to Brooke lying on the bed, and he was forced to agree with him.