Disclaimer: (Gets off phone with lawyer). We still don't own it, drat.

Warnings: Violence and Profanity!! Woohoo!! I mean bad, very bad, you shouldn't part-take in such things and neither should our characters but their rolls were bad leading to a hack and slash mentality towards the end.

Pondering Point: The writers of this piece are the tricky sort so pay attention to hints, inconsistencies, and odd goings on that aren't really mentioned because they will tie into how the story develops. Congratulations to Katarina McGonagall to catching Jack with the garbage bag, good show.

Chapter 13: Just call me Sir Mix-a-Lot.

Rose opened the door to the apartment as the first rays of dawn warmed the Eastern sky. Stepping inside, she dropped her bag and jacket to the floor. Shutting, locking, and warding the door behind her, she looked around and grinned. She collapsed onto the middle of the couch and stretched herself out, reveling in the relaxing motion. "Home, home, home", she muttered to herself. "Finally home."

A huge yawn and a loud rumble from her stomach interrupted her musings. Hmm…food or bed, food or bed, food or Jack and bed, she thought and stood up, her choice easily made. Actually, there was no choice, Jack and bed were an unbeatable combination.

Rose walked quietly down the hall to their room. She opened the door, entered the room, and quietly shut the door behind her in a few quick moves. Glancing at the bed, she giggled. Jack lay sprawled across his side of the bed on his stomach with one arm flung across her side of the bed. Rose stripped to her underwear, lifted Jack's arm, and crawled in. She gently replaced his arm across her stomach. Jack grunted in his sleep but didn't stir.

Rose was drifting off to sleep, when she felt the bed shift. Jack rolled onto his side facing her and snuggled into her side. He tightened his grip around her waist and held her close to him. Laying his head on her chest, he sighed contentedly.

"Mmm…Much better than a stuffed puppy. I missed you Blossom.", he spoke into her chest.

Rose opened her eyes and smiled at the sight of the dark head. She settled back into the bed. "I missed you too, love. More than you can imagine.", she murmured sleepily.

At the sound of her voice, Jack looked up into his Blossom's face. He took in her pale features, the dark circles under her eyes, and the exhausted look that had settled in her eyes and let out a low growl. "Bloody hell, didn't you get any sleep over the past two days?"

Rose shook her head. "Not really, the tiger transfer was a bit more difficult than we originally planned for."

At that Jack quirked an eyebrow. "Tiger transfer?", he asked in confusion.

Rose sighed. "Don't ask. Please don't ask. It doesn't matter now, anyway. I'm officially on paid vacation for two weeks."

Jack nipped at the curve of her breast. "Two weeks? We're never leaving this bed."

Rose giggled and closed her eyes. "Sounds incredible, my Captain.", she whispered. As she drifted off, Rose felt Jack place a kiss above her heart and laid his head back on her chest.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Remus woke to the sound of a bizarre chirping that was growing insistently louder. He rolled over and noticed that Kate wasn't in the bed. The chirping was becoming more desperate; he looked about the room for the source of the disruption and found a small black object with numbers on the front that seemed too small to be a phone. It stopped chirping as he picked it up and he set it back down. He moved to leave the room in search of Kate and the chirping started again. He picked up the object and walked out into the hall.

Kate was just stepping out of the bathroom, when she spotted Remus with her ringing cell phone. "Thanks", she whispered and kissed him on the cheek before answering the phone and stepping back into the bathroom. He shrugged and headed back to Kate's room to get dressed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

After breakfast, Kate returned to her room to straighten up the bed. Remus followed closing the door behind him.

"So who was on the chirping device?", he asked picking up a pillow from the floor to toss on the bed.

Kate laughed. "It was just my godmother, I had left a message with her this morning to call and she was just getting back to me."

"Why weren't you in bed this morning?", he asked trying to keep his calm façade in place.

Kate turned to Remus and raised an eyebrow. "I woke up a couple hours before you did and I really needed to take a shower."

"Why?", Remus snapped.

Kate ducked her head and took a step away from him. "I had to take care of some things this morning.", she said as she began to blush.

He paused for a minute as realization set in. "You had to?", he said slightly flustered.

Kate gave a swift nod, "Yes, you got me a little riled up last night.", she mumbled.

"But I thought…" he began but they were interrupted by a knock at the door.

Paige entered the room. "Sorry, to interrupt but Kate we need to pick that stuff up.", she commanded and motioned for Kate to get moving.

Kate gazed apologetically at Remus. "I'm sorry. I promised Paige I would help her pick out stuff for tomorrow.", she soothed. She kissed his cheek and moved towards the door. "I really want to talk to you about this though, I'll be back soon.", she concluded as she left the room.

Remus watched as the door shut behind her and sighed. Why does this have to be so complicated?, he thought before his temper flared and he kicked the dresser.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Paige dragged Kate into Fredrick's of Hollywood on Maryland Parkway in search of sleepwear. She picked up a black bra with apparently easy nipple access and gave Kate a wicked glance. "Would this match your costume?", she asked innocently.

Kate playfully hit her arm. "I think it would be a bit cold."

Paige smirked. "Not once Remus saw it."

Kate blushed. "I wouldn't know about that.", she stated and headed towards the hosiery.

"Oh…shiny!", Paige exclaimed and headed to take a closer look at a rhinestone bra.

A few minutes later Kate stood next to her, holding a hosiery package. "Anything new?", she inquired.

Paige shrugged. "Not since last week but I think I will get the red baby-doll nightie, I saw."

Kate smiled. "Good for you, I'm glad you and Orion are getting along." She moved to a rack filled with underwear and started searching through it.

"He was so sweet last night.", Paige sighed.

"Actually with all the frosting, I thought you were the sweet one last night.", Kate countered.

Paige rolled her eyes. "No, really. I told him I would grant him one wish and do you know what he asked for?"

"Not off the top of my head, Sirius is hard to read sometimes." Kate picked out a pair of sheer crimson panties and pulled a swatch of fabric from her purse to compare the two.

"He didn't want to be alone. He wanted to sleep in my bed.", Paige said dreamily.

Kate quirked her head. "What's so extraordinary about that? You just slept together, it's only natural really." She stated before putting the fabric back in her purse and placing her selection with the hosiery.

"Well maybe it is for you, but it was different for me." Paige snapped.

Giving Paige a hopeful smile, Kate patted the younger witch on the back. "I'm very happy for you, Pixie.", she said and turned to walk to the check out only to stop abruptly. "What do you mean maybe for me?"

Paige made a show of looking through a rack of bras. "I'll explain later. Sirius was so sweet and vulnerable."

Kate bit back a laugh. "Well, as I said I'm happy it's working out." As her purchases were being checked out, Kate turned to Paige. "Do you think I should invite Remus tomorrow?", she asked slightly dreamily.

"No!", Paige exclaimed. "I have a book at home that I have been reading, and I think that it would be a bad idea if he came tomorrow." Noticing Kate's scowl, she added "I'll show it to you when we get back."

Kate picked up her package. "A book?", she queried. "What kind of book?" Kate always had a weak spot for anything to do with books.

"A very useful one. Really, you might want it for future reference." Paige said with a giggle. "Just don't destroy it until I'm finished reading it.", she quickly added. Kate was confused but chose to follow her friend home instead of harassing her with questions.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

About ten minutes after Kate and Paige had headed out, Remus began pacing. He had started in the bedroom and quickly found he needed more space so he was now pacing the length of the living room. It was only a few minutes later when a clear pattern emerged: pace the room, turn, glance at the front door, pace the room, turn, glance at the front door, pace the room, turn, glance at the front door. His speed increased with each lap through the room. She only left less than a half-hour ago, she'll be back soon. She wouldn't leave me, he tried to calm himself as he continued to pace. She could be hurt in or danger or worse, a voice inside his head countered. Another could be trying to touch her, be with her, claim her as his own, the voice growled as he sped up. She wouldn't do that, he argued. She wouldn't, but it doesn't mean someone else wouldn't. It does mean someone else wouldn't want to hurt her, wouldn't want to take her away, take what's ours, the voice snapped.

Sirius walked into the room and watched Remus. "Are you alright, Moony?"

Remus turned to his friend and growled. "No, I'm not fucking alright. She's gone.", he snapped.

Sirius's eyes widened. "Do you know where she went?"

Remus snarled at him. "She went out with Paige to Gods' know where, she could be in bum fuck Egypt for all I know."

"They went to pick up a few things over at Bob's. He'll protect her.", he lied.

Remus seemed placated for the moment. "I guess that is acceptable. I just rather wish she'd get back.", He said as he rubbed his chest and continued to pace.

"Remus, why don't you sit down?", Sirius suggested. Remus nodded and plopped into a chair. Sirius sat across from him on the couch and decided to get his mind off of Kate being gone. "So you're having fun with Kate?"

"Umm…Well…Yes, we do enjoy each other's company. She's smart and pretty. Really pretty. Beautiful actually, with lovely eyes and a soft smile.", he got a wistful look in his eyes and seemed to ignore Sirius's presence. "She has a face like an angel and the body like a bloody fertility goddess with full breasts, wide hips and a big arse.", he had his hands extended as is he was reaching for something. Noticing Sirius in the room, he swiftly let his arms settle at his sides.

If Sirius had a drink, he would have done a spit take. He didn't so he settled for choking back laughter. "You like all these qualities in her?", he asked his eyes full of mirth.

He gave a goofy grin and stared off into space again. "Of course. She is amazing…" he said wistfully. Drawing himself from his revelry, Remus turned to Sirius. "Padfoot, if I ask you something, can you promise not to laugh?", he tentatively asked.

"I won't laugh much.", Sirius quipped.

Remus nodded and took a deep breath. "What does one do to ensure a lady's first time isn't unnecessarily horrific?"

"Well, it won't exactly be complete bliss for her the first time but it won't be horrific.," he said slowly. "But then the books we read when trained with Moody said that werewolf mating rituals are pretty grizzly to begin with. I mean the biting, the clawing, the mounting, the bleeding…" Remus visibly paled at Sirius's words. Sirius noticed his friend's discomfort and felt like kicking himself. "Though, I'm sure that is all probably exaggerated.", he added quickly.

Remus looked positively queasy. "Are you sure?", he quietly queried. "I don't think… I couldn't live with myself if I hurt her. I mean she deserves better than that and the idea of me doing it…doing that to her is nauseating.", he choked out as he ran his fingers through his hair anxiously.

"Well, it will be a bit bloody the first time but afterwards she will warm up to you, after the pain clears.", he said brightly.

Remus put his head in his hands and sighed. "Thanks, that really helps a lot. It makes it sound fabulous in fact. I suppose I could just go up to her and say 'Kate, I know you're anxious about this whole thing but you'll warm up it eventually after the pain and bleeding stop.", he said with a bitter edge.

"I'm sure she knows all about it. She does have Paige for a roommate.", Sirius comforted.

"Yes, she does have an idea of what will happen. Unfortunately, outside of library research I don't!", he yelled and began pacing again.

"Oh, that's what this is all about.", Sirius said as realization dawned on him. "Just relax and take it slow. You'll know if something is working or not, and instincts usually point you in the right direction.", he finished.

Just then Jack burst into the room with his pistol drawn. "Well, if it isn't the black-hearted scalawags of Hogwarts."

"What do you want Jack?", Sirius asked keeping an eye on Moony.

"Funny you should ask that Orion or should I say 'Vlad'. I know what you two are up to and you aren't going to get away with it. You may have seen through my plans, but even Marauders have their weaknesses!", he proclaimed and tried to stare the pair down.

"What on earth are you talking about Jack?", Remus said with a sigh.

"What on earth am I talking about? What on earth am I talking about? I am talking about you are two of the members of the infamous Marauders and even though you are both dark creatures now, it doesn't mean…"

Remus growled and stepped up to the pirate, his patience wearing thin. "What the fuck are you talking about Jack?"

"I purposefully encouraged you to go after Katie because I knew you were the shy one, the one that let his best friend have Lily Evans, despite the fact she was throwing herself at you for five years. I knew you would shy away from the bait, and what do you do? What do you do?", Jack said while flailing his arms about wildly.

"What did you do?", Sirius whispered to Remus, who shrugged.

"You go after her! You don't just go after her… Oh no, you snog her on the couch and sleep in her bed, like she's a two knut third-year date to Madame Puddifoot's." Jack started to pace the room and came to stand in front of Sirius. "And you, you, you vampire.", he said as he poked Sirius in the chest.

"Jack, I would seriously reconsider taking the two of us on if I were you." he said and hit Jack's hand away from his chest. "What do you mean, calling me a vampire?"

He swaggered closer to Sirius so he was looking into the animagus's chest and resumed poking him. "I saw that movie last night, you look exactly like him. Of course, you are taller and have finer features. And are a bit younger but still the resemblance is striking enough, Count.", he sneered.

Sirius looked at him in wonderment, then started laughing. "You watch some movie with a vampire and just because I sort of look like him I'm now a vampire?"

"Stop laughing, you blood-suckering creature of the night. I will not let you seduce Paige using your evil ways, I'm on to you.", Jack said before he stumbled slightly.

Sirius smirked. "Well, so far Paige and I haven't sucked on anything, but I'll let you know when we do. I'll bet she's good at it."

"I think not, Son of Satan!" Jack said before pulling a Star of David from his pocket. "The power of Christ compels you, the power of Christ compels you, the power of Christ compels you.", he yelled at Sirius, while pressing the talisman into his chest.

Sirius grinned at Jack, a feral gleam in his eye. "Yes Jack, the power of Christ compels me. Do you want to know what it compels me to do?"

Jack glanced at Remus. "Don't look to me Mr. Morgan, I'm a subscriber to nature based religion myself.", the werewolf laughed.

"First, it's Captain Morgan." Jack exclaimed. "More importantly, I wasn't looking at you, you sex maniac.", he snapped and turned to Sirius. "Fine, what does it compel you to do? I'm evidently doing something wrong because you were supposed to have burst into flames about now."

Sirius licked his lips and advanced on Jack. "It compels me to find every conceivable way to pleasure Paige. I will defile her in ways you couldn't even imagine on every surface I can find. I'm going to shag her up, down, and sideways in as many positions as my twisted mind can imagine. She'll be begging me for release by the time I'm finished. What do you say to that, Gerry?"

Jack shifted his leg and moved to knee Sirius in the groin. Sirius stepped to the side and Jack lost his footing, falling to the ground. He moved to get up and Sirius punched him in the side of head knocking him to the floor. Jack swept his leg to kick Sirius's legs out from under him, and kicked the air as Sirius sidestepped him. Jack bent back and flipped up off the floor. Sirius stood back and waited for Jack's next move. Jack let out a loud roar and charged Sirius, knocking him to the ground. Thinking quickly, Sirius grabbed the good Captain and took him down with him.

No longer finding the situation amusing, Remus cast a full body bind on Jack. "Captain Morgan, please control yourself.", he said in a dangerously low voice. He advanced on the pair, reaching down to pull Jack up by his belt.

Sirius growled, "I'm going to love doing this to you, Jack." As the front door opened and Kate walked in followed by Paige.

Paige looked at the three men, blinked a few times, and shut the door; removing herself from the situation and unwittingly sealing Kate in with the assumed all-male ménage trios in the front room.

Remus turned to see Kate gaping at them and quickly dropped Jack on Sirius. "You're back!", He exclaimed and wrapped Kate in a hug, twirling her about. "I missed you so much.", he continued as he feathered her face with kisses.

"Remus! Now the crazy bugger is humping my leg. Get him off!" Sirius yelled as he squirmed under the pirate.

"Unhand her, you randy fiend!" Jack shouted at Remus. "Run, Katie, they can't be trusted. Traitors, murders and black-hearted villains the lot of them.", he spat.

Sirius growled and kneed the pirate, causing Jack's eyes to cross. "Git him off me Moony, NOW!" Sirius shouted.

Remus gently set Kate down and broke their embrace. "Stay right there, I'll be back in a tick." He said as he kissed the tip of her nose. He pulled the pirate off Padfoot and set him on the floor, face down.

Sirius jumped to his feet and rolled Jack over. He then leapt on him and began punching him repeatedly in the face.

Kate rushed forward to try to pull Sirius off, but Remus pulled her away. "This isn't your fight, Kate.", he growled.

"Sirius, please stop." Kate pleaded. "He doesn't know."

Sirius paused and looked up at Kate, suddenly feeling guilty for reacting so strongly. The guilt left completely as Jack yelled, "I know what he is, he's a traitor and a murderer. He'd sell out his best friend, if he had the chance."

Sirius grabbed Jack's throat and started squeezing as hard as he could, causing his captive to redden and gag.

Remus let go of Kate and they rushed forward to pull Sirius off of Jack. Remus managed to pry one arm off, but Sirius's other arm was still firmly gripping Jack's neck.

"Padfoot." Remus said in a soft voice. "Padfoot, you're not a murderer and now isn't the time to become one." Sirius didn't listen to him and fought to free his arm.

Kate tugged on Sirius's free arm. "Sirius, don't throw everything away. This isn't worth it. He isn't worth it."

Sirius struggled even harder to free his arm and snarled "Get off me or you two are next."

"Well that is a plan, Padfoot. Why don't you do that? Then you can be the one to tell Harry why you did it.", Remus said as he tried to rationalize with Sirius.

Sirius dug his thumb into Jack's trachea and scoffed. "He would do it too. I don't have anything to explain to James."

"Fuck", Kate cursed under her breath as she remembered that she was a witch and quickly cast a freezing charm on Sirius, placing Remus out of harm's way but causing Sirius's hand to be frozen to Jack's throat. Kate gasped at the result. "Any ideas?", she asked Remus.

Remus turned to Kate and calmly said, "Get Paige." Kate ran out the front door in search of her. Remus let go of Sirius and stepped in front of him. He bent down so that he was talking in the animagus's ear. "Yes, Sirius, James would have probably done the same thing. In fact, up until seventh year, James probably wouldn't have given it a second thought. James was a good man and the best friend a person could possibly ask for, but until he met Lily he was a calloused bastard, who went off half-cocked more often than not.", he said in a quiet, cold voice.

Before he could continue, Paige and Kate entered the room and stood behind Sirius. Remus stood up and exchanged a quick glance with Kate. She lifted the freezing charm and the three jumped Sirius knocking him off Jack.

Sirius relaxed under them. "Get off me, I promise not to kill the nutter, yet."

Kate was the first to get off the dog pile on Sirius and stood next to Jack. She let out a low growl and nudged him in the stomach with her foot. "If you ever do anything like that in my house again, I will dispose of you myself.", she snarled.

Paige got off of Sirius and looked to Kate and Remus. "Could you three give us a moment alone?" Remus stood up and grabbed Jack by the back of his shirt and hoisted him to his feet. He then set him walking and shoved him down the hall to Kate's room. Kate followed leaving Paige and Sirius alone.

A/N: Dang, it must be PMS day at the apartment let's just hope the day gets better. (Checks outline) Oh yeah, forgot about that and that and oh yeah, there's that. Anyway, this chapter was the result of a long roll playing session in which several characters regularly failed Will, Intelligence, and Wisdom checks but for some odd reason rolled high on physical interactions so it turned out a bit different than we had originally planned.

As always, thank you to you, the reader, for reading this far. And many thanks to our wonderful reviewers.

Katarina McGonagall: Woohoo, you are the clever one. We will have to work on being trickesier…hmmm…anyway in answer to your question. Sorry, we can't say anything about Jack and the garbage bag. However, we can promise that it will be explained in the next chapter.

Miss Moony: Yay! Thanks for the info, that will definitely be used in the story. Why is pudding so funny? Hehehe, anyway….

Lightning rain: Just wait, everything will get better… Or was that worse? Ah, doesn't matter for now, Sirius has cum all the way from England and now he's happy. (horrible pun, I know.)

Siriuszsecretlover: the only special priveledges are that you too get to go have writing sessions at Denny's largely governed by the use of dice and D&D type character sheets. Yep, not much but it works for us. Comes in quite handy, actually.

Alrighty then. How many of you already own POA? (I do, bought it yesterday morning) I'm watching it right now. Hehehe This little list is entirely HornHead's doing, so any praise or ridicule goes to me. (RIDICULE ME!!! RIDICULE ME!!!!!!) (please note that this isn't necessarily in any order)

Lists of things the three of us have seen when we watch the movie (POA):

What the heck kind of show is Dudley watching at dinner with Aunt Marge? A guy with pants around his ankles is getting dragged around by a girl in a tutu who must REALLY want to dance.

Sir Cadogan, during the scene where they realize that the Fat Lady's portrait has been slashed is behind Dumbledore molesting a girl (or something) He looks rather happy while he's doing it, too.

In the scene where Harry goes out looking for Peter Pettigrew in the Hogwarts hallways, there's a man with a metal funnel on his head in one of the paintings.

Why on earth would there be a piano in the shrieking shack? DO werewolves normally play the piano during the full moon?

Why would Aunt Marge's clothes stretch and bust a little at the seams but not totally rip off her body? Not that I want to see her naked, mind you, but they should stay consistent.

Well kiddies, that's all for now. Maybe we'll post more next time.

Ta!