TITLE: "Crossroads"
AUTHOR: Emmyjean (emmyjeanb@yahoo.com)
CLASSIFICATION: J/L
RATING: PG-13
SUMMARY: In her seventh and final year at Hogwarts, Lily Evans finds herself facing a tragedy that leaves her life in pieces. In her struggle to find her way in a suddenly unfamiliar world, she finds strength she never knew existed – both within herself and in a boy she'd always thought she'd known.
DISCLAIMER: Without JK Rowling, none of this would exist. Thanks to her for letting me play with her creation.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This fic has been REVISED AS OF JULY, 2003 to fit with Order of the Phoenix canon. Please read details from author HERE.
CHAPTER FOUR: The First Link
"The chain of destiny must be grasped one link at a time." ~ Sir Winston Churchill
Within days, Lily found herself practically alone, as almost all the other students had chosen to return home for the holidays. In light of the current instability, most people had their concerns about passing up a chance to spend time with loved ones. Lily understood this completely, and as a result had literally forced Arabella and Helen to return to their families...they had insisted upon staying with her at first, but Lily had refused to allow it. Truth be told, she wanted the time to herself to think without being coddled. She appreciated very much what everyone was trying to do for her in their various demonstrations of support, but she was growing weary with it. There weren't really many choices for her to make...she was going to be miserable over the holidays no matter where she spent them. It was the first Christmas she would ever spend without her family around her, and she would rather spend it alone than bring her sorrow and killjoy attitude into someone else's merrymaking. Arabella in particular had ranted and scolded for days, assuring her that she was going to be in a bad enough mood just imagining her sitting there alone at school over the week-long hiatus, but it hadn't changed Lily's mind...and finally Bella had grudgingly conceeded to leave her to her own plans.
After about a day of this, however, she found that sitting in the common room was quite oppressive if no one else was around, and so she often took herself to the library. Mrs. Hoodwinkle had also gone home for Christmas, so Lily found that she could have the entire, huge room to herself. Wandering the aisles and perusing the shelves, she plucked book after book from their resting places. She read at her favorite table when she could, but when darkness fell she moved to the common room...even if it was slightly depressing to sit there during daylight hours, it was lovely at night to sit in front of the fire in her nightdress with her books. One day, as she was looking for her next literary venture, she wandered into a section of the library she had only previously used for study purposes. Just as she was about to turn and walk back to the other side, a title caught her eye.
"Rivalry Through Generations: The Legacies of Gryffindor and Slytherin"
Frowning in curiosity, she pulled it from its shelf and scanned the first page...and found she was transfixed. She couldn't put the book down once she had begun reading it, and in it she found information that they had never mentioned in her History of Magic classes. She read the thick volume until it was time for dinner, but instead of going down to the Great Hall, she merely hurried back to Gryffindor tower. Throwing herself into one of the chairs, she continued reading. She kept on until her eyes were falling closed, and even then she didn't shut the book. She was driven to finish it. Finally, hours later, she turned the last page. After she had wearily closed the cover and the book rested heavily on her lap, she found she still couldn't quite bring herself to go to bed. Everything she had learned was spinning through her brain, and she couldn't help wondering why she hadn't picked up that book ages ago – why it hadn't been assigned as required reading.
"After the school's reputation had begun to spread, children from all over Britain who were magically inclined flocked to Hogwarts to develop their abilities. The enrollment soon surpassed the original expectations of the four founders, and conferences commenced on how to best manage the growing problem. Soon unrest between the four began to increase. Slytherin suggested that the enrollment could be cut in half if they issued a decree that only students born to full-blooded wizarding families would be allowed to enter the school. Gryffindor vehemently disagreed with the idea, accusing Slytherin of harboring unjust prejudce against Muggle-borns. Arguments became more frequent as the months wore on, and soon the dispute turned to matters of theory. Slytherin claimed that it was a waste of resources to fully train Muggle-borns, as they could never grow to be as powerful as purebloods. Gryffindor hotly dissented, and the tension only became worse. Eventually, Salazaar Slytherin broke from the others completely and left the school permanently. Before his final departure, Slytherin vowed to Gryffindor that the rivalry between them was not yet over, and that it would only be settled in a final confrontation between their two true heirs."
Lily had thought she'd known all about the ancient rivalry between the Gryffindors and the Slytherins...everyone did. Everyone knew that Godric Gryffindor and Salazaar Slytherin hadn't liked each other...that their argument had been the cause of Slytherin's leaving Hogwarts permanently. She realized now, after having read that book, that she hadn't known the half of it. She sat watching the flames lick the walls of the fireplace for a long time, thinking.
Strange how some things dragged on and on, over generations of people who should have the hindsight needed to know better. She had never known Godric Gryffindor, nor did she have any real proof that all this was absolute truth...but she was suddenly overwhelmed with a feeling of gratitude towards him. He was surely from a pureblood family, and yet he risked his life so that Muggleborns - then and in the future - would be able to come to Hogwarts. It was thanks to him that she herself was able to sit in this common room right now...his common room.
Suddenly, she was prouder than she had ever been before to call herself a Gryffindor.
Before she even knew she had drifted off, Lily awoke with a start, still curled up in the same chair. The fire was out, and sunlight was streaming through the windows from the crisp December morning. Lily yawned and got up, straightening her wrinkled clothes as best she could and smoothing her mussed hair. Walking to the window, she gazed out upon the grounds and thought about the book she had read the night before. It was as though reading the book marked her emergence from some kind of helpless trance, because she suddenly felt as though she had been asleep for more than just one night. Turning away from the view of the grounds, she let her eyes wander over the crimson and gold accents of the room she had called home for the past seven years.
If Godric Gryffindor had fought so hard to give her the right to come to this place...then she would repay him in the only way she knew how. She would try and make herself worthy of the title of Gryffindor.
Later, in the library, she scoured the shelves for anything she could find that would tell her about defense charms. Defense Against the Dark Arts wasn't at all her best subject, but she still managed to get top marks with the work she put into it. If working hard was what it was going take, then she could certainly handle that. She was used to it...and besides, she'd be doing it for her parents.
She just hoped she had the strength needed to pull it off.
That night, Lily dreamt again about their deaths. Lurching to a sitting position, she looked around blankly as her eyes adjusted to the darkness of what she finally recognized was her dorm. As the threatening haze lifted from her brain, she tried in vain to control her breathing...it was almost coming in sobs now. Scrubbing her face with her clammy hands, she found that she was in a cold sweat and trembling. She took a calming breath and tried to get herself under control...at least no one else was here, she thought. She wondered briefly if she had cried out when she awoke. Resting her chin on her clasped hands and bringing her knees to her chest, she considered that she was no longer going to be the helpless bystander in that dream. She knew that it was too late for anyone to help her parents...she had come to accept that. She refused, however, to sit idly by and wallow in grief as such terrible things happened to countless other people. If she could do anything at all for her family, she would make sure that she did everything in her meager power to prevent this from happening to anyone else. With that, she forced herself to lay down and go back to sleep...praying as she did that the dream would not return again that night.
When she woke up the next morning, it took her a full three minutes of lying in confused stillness before it hit her that it was Christmas day. Lily was somewhat disappointed to realize that she hadn't been exaggerating when she'd said she would be miserable...somewhere in the back of her mind, she'd hoped that she would wake up that morning and feel somehow better about things. Christmas morning...it had always been so magical for her in the past, even though in her head there was nothing about it that was even remotely associated with the magical world. When she described the magic of Christmas, she was referring to the old definition of magical...the one she'd known before she'd actually found out magic existed. This word, to her, meant something slightly untouchable...otherworldly. Something that was better than everything else, something that couldn't really be described by ordinary standards. As she lay there, staring up at her canopy, she unconsciously smiled as a bundle of images rushed through her brain.
On Christmas Eve, her mother would take Lily and Petunia into the kitchen after dinner so that they could begin making the sugar cookies they would leave for Father Christmas...so that he would have something to eat when he came down the chimmney. They'd spend hours rolling the dough, cutting it into all different shapes from trees to stars, and decorating them with red and green sprinkles. After Mum had put them in the oven and they were safely baking, they would all go into the living room with huge mugs of hot chocolate and sit around the tree while Dad read them the end of "A Christmas Carol"...they never had time for the whole book. When he was finished, as though they'd timed it in advance, the cookies would be done. They were each permitted two, with a glass of cold milk, and then they'd be tucked in and told to go to sleep quickly so that Santa could start working. In the morning, every year, Lily would wake up at an ungodly hour and sprint through the dark into Petunia's room. She'd leap on her bed and ask her if she thought it was safe to go down, to which Petunia would always reply that they'd better wake Mum and Dad first. This they would do...and the anticipation of walking downstairs was always the very best moment of all.
Lily felt her eyes sting and brought a hand up to rub them...she couldn't think about all this. She couldn't not think about it…and suddenly she didn't know how she was going to live through the day. She'd never stayed at Hogwarts for the holidays before...ever. She wouldn't have even dreamed it, wouldn't have considered it in a million years. Christmas was for family, for being together and drinking eggnog and singing carols. For eating her Mum's cooking and decorating their own Christmas tree...and suddenly it hit her full-force that she was never going to do any of this again, and she could almost hear her heart breaking as she heaved a shuddering sigh and let the tears trickle down her cheeks.
She didn't get out of bed for a long time. Finally, after what seemed like hours, she sat up and glanced out the window...it was snowing. Shaking her head, she swung her legs over the side and stood up, feeling her knees practically groaning in protest. Raking a hand through her horribly tangled hair, she pulled her dressing gown off the bedpost and padded down to the showers. She thought about going to the prefect's bathroom, as it was bound to be empty, but decided she just didn't feel like making the walk and opted to just take her shower in the regular bathroom. She took her time with it, and it did manage to make her feel a bit better...just a little bit more prepared to actually do something with the day.
The rest of Christmas day passed without much incident...which was exactly the opposite of every other Christmas memory she had dinner with the professors and the few students who had stayed...mostly younger ones. For them, she managed a somewhat cheerful demeanor, but she could tell by the way many of the teachers were looking at her that they could see right through it. Not feeling up to either the charade or the scrutiny, she went back to the common room almost immediately after she'd eaten what little she could stomach and decided that she would simply stay in there and take the time she'd said she needed to be alone...even though upon further consideration, she was beginning to feel like being alone was the last thing she wanted that evening.
As it turned out, however, she didn't have to live with it for long. As she was idly flipping the pages of the book on her lap, too morose to really read, she heard the portrait hole slide open. Looking up in some alarm, she thought she might be imagining things as she watched Arabella climb through, her trunk floating behind her. As she spotted Lily sitting there, she rolled her eyes and pushed some stray locks of black hair off her forehead.
"Remind me never to take that ruddy Knight Bus again. What a nightmare."
Lily was too dumbfounded to respond and merely stared as Bella walked tiredly over to the couch across from her and sank heavily into it, leaving her trunk sitting in the middle of the floor. When she didn't say anything else, Lily asked, "What are you doing here?"
At this, Bella took her hands away from where they had been rubbing her eyes and shot her a slightly angry look that said she thought Lily was a complete idiot. Her voice came out almost harshly as she replied, "Well, you didn't actually think that I was going to leave you here to spend all of Christmas by yourself, did you? Come on...you know better than that."
Lily didn't know what to say...only now that she thought about it, she was at a loss to explain how she had failed to expect this from her best friend. Shaking her head slightly as she continued to stare at Arabella in something akin to awe, she asked, "But...but what about your family? Your mum?"
Bella's brows snapped together as she gave her eyes another roll and answered firmly, "I was eager to get away from her, actually...she was livid when I told her that you had decided to stay here for the holidays. Wouldn't speak to me for the whole afternoon. Come to that, I was pretty cross with myself as well...I should have taken two handfuls of your obnoxious red hair and dragged you onto that train with me. Or else I should have stayed."
"But Bella," Lily protested, unable to bear the thought of her predicament having ruined her friend's holiday, "I told you I wanted to be alone!"
Arabella raised her eyebrows at her. "Is that really what you were thinking when I walked in here just now? That you were happy to be alone?"
Lily snapped her mouth shut as a knowing look filled Bella's ice-blue eyes. After a beat, Lily replied quietly, "No...no, it wasn't."
Bella smiled slightly then and replied, "No...I thought not. Anyway...as I was coming in I walked past the Great Hall. There seems to be some kind of to-do going on...figgy pudding and all the like. I suggest we leave my stuff right there for the time being and go and see what it's about."
Lily's mind briefly protested the thought of eating again, as she hadn't been feeling well all day...but then again, she didn't feel quite so bad anymore. Smiling widely for the first time that day, she replied, "All right, then."
Bella heaved herself to her feet and, without taking off her cloak, walked over to the portrait hole. Before she could get close enough for it to open, however, Lily gave in to her impulse and threw her arms around Bella's neck from behind. Arabella laughed lightly, sounding slightly winded, and patted Lily's head.
"Stop...this is the worst-planned hug I've ever gotten."
"Thank you, Bella."
She felt Arabella nod, and then after another second she asked wryly, "Could you please get off now? You're strangling me."
Lily let go reluctantly and tried her best to blink back the tears that threatened to spill over before Bella could see them. She didn't want her to feel like she had to comfort her...for once, rather than stemming from any feelings of deprivation or loss, the tears were the product of her intense gratitude and affection for her friend.
"Hey," Lily mused as she followed Bella out into the corridor, "Do you particularly like figgy pudding, Miss Figg?"
Arabella froze and turned around slowly to pin Lily with a look, one eyebrow almost touching her hairline. Lily shrugged, smiling sheepishly, and elaborated, "You know...get it? Figgy pudding?"
After staring at her for a moment longer, Bella shook her head and snorted before continuing on to the Great Hall. "Very funny."
Lily's smile stayed on as she replied, "I thought it was."
"Yeah, well...listen, leave the comedy to McGonagall."
Lily frowned, puzzled. "She isn't funny."
Bella shot Lily a look and said, "Exactly."
Letting her meaning sink in, Lily closed her eyes and laughed...actually laughed.
They continued laughing all the way to the Great Hall, where they stayed up until midnight eating pudding and all manner of other sweets as they sang raucous Christmas carols...led, of course, by Dumbledore himself. He had looked delighted to see them when they walked in, as did the few other students and the rest of the professors, and she could have sworn that most of the latter group had spent the first few surprised minutes focusing looks of profound appreciation on Arabella. As the evening wore pleasurably on, Lily found that thinking about her parents still made her feel sick to her stomach...but she also found that she thought about them much less in that few hours than she had all day.
She didn't know how she would ever return the favor to Bella...Lily didn't think there was anything she could do for her that would equal this demonstration of selfless loyalty. It was, in all honesty, the best Christmas gift she could have given her...and she knew she would always remember it.
~~
On the morning of New Year's Day, a couple of days before everyone was scheduled to return from holiday, she went down to breakfast alone. The night before, she and Bella had opted not to stay at the little assembly of students who wanted to celebrate the new year, but had made an appearance in order to steal a huge bagful of their food. Lily still didn't know how they'd managed to avoid notice, but once they were in the dormitories they'd dumped the bag out on Helen's empty bed along with what remained of their Christmas candy and the seven or so bottles of the special occasion-only butterbeer they'd stolen from dinner. They'd then proceeded to feast until their stomachs hurt and insisted they lie down and go to bed...at which point they stayed awake another three hours talking. As a result, Bella was still sleeping soundly, and Lily just didn't have the heart to wake her.
The only reason she herself was awake was due to her recent bout of insommnia...she was having a lot of trouble getting to sleep lately and, once asleep, she had trouble staying asleep.
Setting aside her copy of the Daily Prophet, she sprinkled more sugar into her bowl and picked up the newest edition of The London Times, which she never failed to have delivered to her at school. Although the Prophet was a good paper, she sometimes felt that getting the other perspective presented her with the most rounded view of world news that she could get. She was just about to deposit a spoonful of oatmeal in her mouth when her eyes fell upon the headline...and she almost dropped her spoon altogether. Setting it down, she slowly reached out and picked up the Times so that she could hold it closer to her face...as though seeing it from less of a distance might change anything.
ANOTHER RURAL TOWN THE VICTIM OF UNEXPLAINED DISASTER
Her heart sped up as she scanned the article...and then it felt like it was sticking to her ribs. The signs were all the same...the houses and buildings that looked as though lightning had struck them, the inability of the authorities or any surviving townspeople to offer any explanation...it was just like before. Even the paper said it...it mirrored the unexplained disaster that had wreaked itself upon a small town in Surrey a month ago.
Lily couldn't read any further...her eyes were surely turning red, and her chest felt as though it was on fire. Throwing aside the Times for the moment, she snatched the Daily Prophet back up and nearly tore it apart turning pages. She scanned page after page, reading the littlest, most insignificant headlines.
Nothing. There was no mention at all of the Muggle town's misfortune...even though it was plainly another Death Eater attack.
In a whirlwind of anger and frustration, she stood swiftly and strode out of the Great Hall, leaving most of her things at the empty table. Feeling strangely out of breath, the only sound she could hear was the sound of her heels clicking loudly on the stone floors of the abnormally empty corridor. The sound seemed to do something to spur her on, and she reached Dumbledore's office before she'd even had a chance to think about what she wanted to say to him. Raising her hand, she pet the nose of the statue which guarded the door, and after a few moments he answered by spinning around and moving aside to reveal the staircase. Once she got to the actual door to the office, she raised her hand and knocked.
"Come in, Miss Evans!"
She shook her head...she didn't know how he'd known it was her. Sometimes, she thought maybe Dumbledore knew everything. Turning the heavy knob, she entered a bit uncertainly, but with her purpose intact. "Sorry to bother you, Professor..."
"Nonsense," he interjected quietly, beckoning her to sit, "It's better that I have company so that I'm not tempted to go back to bed. Quite a night last night...I haven't danced like that in years. Only Flitwick managed to outpace me. Now...what was it you wanted to see me about?"
Taking the chair he offered, she struggled to find a place to begin. Suddenly she had a fear that possibly she'd read the whole situation wrong...but then her anger flared up again and she stamped that thought out. Without saying anything, she simply set the copy of the Times she was still holding on his desk in front of her. He looked at it for a moment, then reached over and pulled it towards him so that he could read it. After a moment, he nodded his head and said,
"Yes...yes, I've seen this edition. Read it last night, as a matter of fact."
A bit taken aback at the revelation that Dumbledore read Muggle newspapers, she nevertheless got to the point. "Sir...that article...it's obvious what caused that destruction, isn't it?"
Dumbledore turned his blue eyes up to consider her for a split-second before answering, "I would say so. And I imagine you've guessed right...as usual."
She shook her head. "If it's so obvious to us, then...Professor, there's not even a blurb about it in the Prophet. Why? Do they actually consider it unworthy of the news?"
"No..."
"Do they think that because it's only a Muggle town that it doesn't warrant an investigation?"
"Believe me," he interrupted gently but firmly, leaning over his desk and handing her back the paper, "The Ministry is most assuredly sending their best aurors out there to look around. Don't think that just because it isn't in the Prophet, the Ministry isn't taking the whole thing seriously."
She blew out a breath in confusion and asked, "But then why?"
"The last thing the Ministry wants to do is cause a panic. If the public were to read something like that in the Prophet..."
"So it's better to let everyone live in blissful ignorance, is that it? Not knowing what's going on in the world around them?"
Dumbledore inclined his head. "Something like that, yes."
She sighed and protested, "But how can people fight him if no one knows there's a threat?"
"Exactly my views on the subject. In fact...I have always been under the impression," he said thoughtfully, "That Hogwarts produces some of the best students in the magical world. Ones that really have...potential."
She frowned as she looked at him, wondering where he was going with this. Tugging a little at his beard, he looked pensive for a moment more as though making a decision, and then went on, "I've been considering...there is an opportunity for these students to become more involved. The Ministry has approached me to become more involved in the struggle against the dark forces, and I've accepted...but I told them that I see no reason why I shouldn't extend to my best students the chance to make a difference."
Lily's eyes widened. "You mean...you're going to make an announcement about it?"
Waving his hand, he said, "No...invitations to participate will be very exclusive."
She leaned forward a bit, her attention caught and her chest constricting in excitement at his tone. "What...what exactly would this be?"
"It would be...a kind of extracurricular program. Taught by me, although I haven't taught a class in ages. In it, we'd focus on highly advanced defense spells, cursebreaking...that kind of thing."
"Sir," she broke in, feeling like she wanted to shout, "It sounds like...like the early levels of auror training."
He smiled. "That's exactly what it sounds like. Would you be interested?"
"Yes!" she burst out, then checked herself with a slight flush and declared more quietly, "Yes, of course I would be. It's...it's what I've been wanting to do...just the type of thing I was hoping I'd be able to get involved in. Only, I didn't think it would be possible until after Hogwarts..."
"Normally," he said, "It wouldn't. However...well, desperate times and all. I think it might be wise to begin a bit early...that way, if some decide it's not the path they would like to follow, they haven't wasted their time out of school."
Lily nodded in agreement, and they fell silent for a moment. Her mind wandering all over the place, she couldn't help wondering what they would be asked to do in this class, and how often it would meet. She was dying to ask him, but somehow she sensed that he would tell her everything whenever it was that he decided to tell all the others who would be involved. It wouldn't be completely fair for her to know everything in advance.
"Was there anything...else, Miss Evans?"
She looked up, startled out of her reverie. "Oh...no. That was all. Thank you, Professor."
He nodded and handed her back her newspaper, and she stood up to take her leave with a small smile. Just before she walked out the door, however, he called her name. She turned, stalling with her hand on the doorframe. He smiled at her and asked,
"Would you please ask Miss Figg if she would be kind enough to come and see me at some point today?"
Lily felt her spirits lift considerably. He was going to ask Arabella to join as well, and it was no wonder...she had been one of the names mentioned when everyone had been trying to decide who was likely to get picked as Head Girl. She would have been a prefect, too...but she'd always politely refused the badge. All in all, although Bella would have been an excellent disciplinarian due to the fact that most were intimidated by her, she preferred to worry about herself and the people she held dear. Nothing more.
"I will, sir. And...Professor Dumbledore?"
He was still looking at her. "Yes, Miss Evans?"
She hesitated only a moment before she said, "I...would like to remain Head Girl. That is...if it's not too late to change my mind."
His eyes smiled at her as he said solemnly, "The position has not yet been filled...and I, for one, am very relieved to hear you've decided not to resign."
She could hardly believe the change of heart she felt about it, but she was relieved herself. "Me too, sir."
He did smile then, and she returned it before walking out of his office and down the stone steps leading to the corridor, and her heart felt ten times lighter...for the moment, at least. This was all she could hope for, and she was happy with it. She practically sprinted up the stairs to her dorm and, breathlessly pushing open the door, she found Arabella awake and frowning at one of the library books she'd had piled on the floor by her nightstand.
"What is all this?" she asked, her voice reflecting her immense disgust.
"Oh, this...it's something I've been working on. Listen..."
"Working?" Arabella interrupted, looking up at her, "I knew it. No wonder you hid them under your bed."
"What do you mean, 'hid them'?" Lily protested, momentarily forgetting why she'd rushed up there in the first place, "These are not hidden! I keep them there so they're within reach while I'm lying in bed, that's all."
"Yeah, right...I swear, it's impossible for you to take a break!"
Lily sighed frustratedly and, rushing forward, snatched the book from Bella's startled hands. Throwing it on top of the pile with a dull thud, she began, "Listen, will you? I've got something to tell you."
Her excitement piqued Bella's interest enough so that she dropped the conversation they'd been having and simply remained silent, waiting for Lily to speak. Her cheeks flushed, Lily obliged and explained, "I've just been to see Dumbledore...he wants to see you in his office sometime today about joining a class he's teaching."
"What?"
"It's about auror training, I guess...he said all would be explained in class the first day. I..."
"Auror training? That's pretty intensive."
"I know...I think that's the point. Anyway, he's only picking a handful of students, and he asked me to tell you..."
Before Lily could finish, Arabella grabbed her dressing robe off her bed and shoved her arms into it as she made for the door. Lily turned and stared after her, astonished. "Where are you going?"
Arabella didn't look around as she pulled the door open and replied, "To see Dumbledore, like you said."
'But...you're in your nightdress!" Lily called out weakly. From down the corridor, she heard Bella call,
"I have my dressing gown on!"
Lily was left with nothing to do but sit on her bed and wait. In the meantime, she pondered all the things that this class could mean for her, personally...she had no idea what it was really going to be about, and for all she knew it was just going to be a theory class. Or, mostly, anyway. Still, she supposed it would give her a sense of getting something done...of doing some good. Maybe it would help fill the emptiness.
She had no illusions that it would fill it completely...but maybe nothing ever would.
Before she could get to thinking about all that, though, Bella came bursting through the door again, a tad out of breath from running back. She was smiling slightly as she announced, "I'm in."
Lily grinned and said, "Yes...I reckoned you would be."
"He didn't really say anything about it...just that I'd understand what it was about when I walked into class on Friday."
"I know," Lily affirmed, "He said basically the same thing to me."
Bella walked over and threw herself onto her bed. Propping her chin on her hands, she ruminated, "I wonder who else is going to be asked?"
Lily shrugged. "Well, Potter."
Bella pulled a face and said, "Is there any point in hoping you're wrong?"
Shaking her head and allowing a faint smile to tug at the corners of her mouth, she replied, "Nope."
"But maybe his disciplinary record will stop him."
Lily rolled her eyes. "It didn't stop him from becoming Head Boy! Anyway, it doesn't matter what he does...it doesn't change the fact that he's brilliant."
Bella frowned darkly. "Aren't you exaggerating?"
"No. I'm not."
Faced with such bluntness, Arabella had little more choice for response than to say, "Well...he's no more brilliant than you are."
"Oh, yes he is...everything is effortless to him. I have to work for the marks."
"So what?"
"Bella," she said firmly, not wanting to open this particular can of worms, "I'd rather not talk about this. Can we move on?"
Arabella sighed and said, "Fine. I still think you're wrong."
"Well, look...he probably should be in this training. He'll make a great auror one day."
"You'll make a great auror one day, too!"
"Well, that's why Dumbledore asked me to participate! Can we please move on?"
"Alright, alright!"
Lily glanced over at the empty bed in the room and commented, "Probably not Helen, huh?"
Arabella looked over there as well and shook her head. "No...not enough leadership quality. She won't care, though...this isn't her type of thing."
Lily agreed, and soon the rest of the afternoon was being filled with talk about the class. The anticipation they both shared to get started and see what it was all about was palpable, and they discussed it well into the evening. By the time they went to bed, Lily was almost tired enough to fall asleep...she'd been having trouble sleeping lately. Unfortunately, it took a couple of hours for her to drop off, and she woke the next morning fairly unrefreshed.
All too soon, and yet not soon enough, the day came when the holidays ended and the corridors of Hogwarts were filling up again as students returned to Hogwarts. As the school began to regain its usual level of noise, Lily found that she was somewhat relieved to have things getting back to normal again. That afternoon, they were sitting in the dorms waiting for Helen when Arabella suddenly asked,
"Hey...what about Head Girl?"
Lily blinked at her and repeated, "Head Girl?"
"Yeah," Bella nodded, "You said before the break that you were going to give it up..."
"Oh, that," Lily interrupted, feeling slightly foolish for having been so hasty to publicize a rash decision, "Well...I changed my mind. I'm keeping the position."
Bella's eyes brightened almost imperceptibly and she said simply, "Oh, good."
They sat in silence for a beat, and then suddenly Bella muttered condescendingly, "Imagine what would happen to Potter if you quit...he'd have to do his own work. I don't know if he'd be able to stand it."
Lily laughed, and then sobered as she thought more about James Potter. "Bella...I should actually go and tell him in person I'm not quitting. He was the one person who tried to talk me out of it, you know."
"Are you a masochist or something?" Arabella quipped snidely, sliding off her bed and kneeling beside her trunk, "Well, while you do that I'm going to finish unpacking..."
"You mean to tell me you haven't unpacked yet?"
Bella shot her a look that said she didn't want to hear it and, ignoring her question, asked, "Want to meet me in an hour for dinner? I'm sure Helen'll be back by then."
Lily agreed and went to find James, hoping he had already come back on that first train. At the bottom of the stairs she ran into Remus, who was carrying his trunk up to the dorms. He smiled warmly when he saw her. "Hi, Lily...had a nice holiday?"
She smiled and nodded, even though it was a partial lie, and replied, "You?"
He shrugged. "It was alright. I was a bit sick, but other than that it was fine."
"Sick?" she frowned, concerned, "Are you alright now?"
He nodded. "Yes...it was just a flu or something. I'm over it."
"Glad to hear it. Listen, have you seen James around?"
He raised his eyebrows. "Prongs? Oh, he's...erm...out. I don't really know where he went, but...well, I'd imagine he'll be back in a couple hours."
Lily bit her tongue as she unexpectedly felt a nasty retort come up her throat. She didn't have to be a genius to figure this one out...and it felt somehow comforting to know that some things never changed.
"Right," she said finally to Remus, "Well, I'll just wait for him to come back, then. As long as I know that he's somewhere on the grounds."
Remus nodded, but didn't proceed right away up the stairs. After a moment, he asked in a low voice, "So...you're still Head Girl, then?"
She was momentarily taken aback by the question, and then she felt silly for it. Of course he would know...they probably all did. "I...decided not to give up yet."
He smiled at her and said quietly, "Good. You shouldn't."
It was a simple statement, but he spoke it with such quiet meaning that she felt strangely touched by it. She considered that perhaps she was just more emotional than usual lately...with good reason, but she still didn't want to be in a place where she didn't know which reactions were normal and which weren't. Smiling at him, she replied, "Thanks."
He nodded, then stood aside so that she could go around him down the stairs as he told her again, "Right, well...James should be back soon, I would think. He, um...didn't say one way or the other, but..."
"That's alright," she interrupted, not wanting him to feel like he had to explain or glaze over anything, "I'll just wait in the common room. If he's not back within the next hour, I'll just talk to him after dinner, that's all."
With that they parted ways and Lily went into the common room to find it almost empty. Noting with some unwarranted annoyance that someone was already sitting in her favorite chair, she considered how she might have to readjust to everything...now that the student population was back. Picking out another seat, she made herself comfortable and opened the book she'd brought down with her. She decided that she'd simply see what happened first – either James would come back or Arabella would come down on her way to dinner in an hour.
After she'd been reading for about a quarter of an hour, the portrait hole opened and she looked up to see Helen climbing through with her things. Standing, Lily made her way over to her friend and was greeted with a warm smile and a hug.
"It feels like I've been away for ages. How was your holiday?"
"Quiet," Lily replied, choosing to leave certain more complex things for later, "Which is just how I wanted it to be. Yours?"
"Oh, it was alright," Helen said, looking around and putting her gloved hands up to her flushed cheeks, "I was thinking about you the entire time...wishing that I'd insisted you come home with me."
Lily smiled. "You did insist."
Helen looked at her regretfully. "Yes, but you didn't come."
"I know," Lily acknowledged, "But I wouldn't have, no matter how hard you tried to convince me. Honestly, it wasn't a very good holiday for me..."
"Well, understandably, Lily..."
"Right...but I wouldn't have wanted to bring anyone else down. Believe me, I preferred to stay. Anyway, Bella ended up coming back, so it wasn't as bad as it could have been."
"Oh, thank God. I was hoping she would...how did she get here? The trains weren't running, I checked."
"The Knight Bus, I think."
Helen nodded, apparently deciding not to press the matter further, and Lily asked her if she needed help upstairs. She declined, assuring Lily that her trunk wasn't heavy in the least now that there were no presents in it. Once Helen had disappeared up the stairs, Lily turned to go and sit back down when the portrait hole opened right in front of her and James Potter walked through. He spotted her almost immediately and she approached him before he could walk away, holding her book to her abdomen.
"Welcome back," she greeted mildly, and he nodded in return and gave her a half-smile. His eyes, however, were discreetly studying her face as though trying to read her expression. She decided it would be best to get right to the point.
"I've done a lot of thinking over the holidays," she explained quietly so that no one else could eavesdrop, "And I've decided that I'm not going to give up the position after all."
He stared at her for a moment before blinking and replying flatly, "Yeah...I know."
She frowned. "You know?"
He shrugged and gave her a look that said she must be slightly out of her mind. "Well, come on...it would have been a stupid thing to do."
He paused for a moment as though waiting for her to do something and then finished bluntly, "Like I told you."
She regarded him warily...she wasn't sure if he was trying to sound like a prat or if he was truly unaware of just how arrogant he sounded. He didn't seem to be angry at her, or frustrated...in fact, as she'd noted before, his face seemed almost completely blank...as though he simply wasn't all that interested in what she was telling him. She pulled herself out of her thoughts and chose to simply pretend she wasn't a bit offended at his attitude...no sense starting something. She just wasn't up to it.
"Well...anyway, I just wanted to let you know. Things will be getting back to normal now, hopefully."
He nodded slightly and replied, "Good."
Again, she was left to simply stare at him and wonder that he could be so deaf to his own tone...although maybe he wasn't. Maybe he knew exactly how he sounded, but didn't care in this particular instance. After all, she'd rarely dealt with him in situations when they weren't sniping at each other, so for all she knew she was now seeing the James Potter everyone else had to deal with...and if she were honest with herself, she was slightly relieved that he didn't seem to be treating her with kid gloves, as she was afraid he might do at first. At least she was familiar with the idea of not liking him very much, even if she couldn't seem to muster the loathing she'd felt before everything had happened.
"Anything else?" he asked, interrupting her train of thought. She shook her head, willing herself not to start ruminating over all that right there in front of him, and raised her eyebrows just slightly as she replied,
"Nope...that's it."
"Right, well...see you later, then."
With that, he walked past her and bounded up the stairs, leaving her staring after him. As unprepared as she was acting, she had to admit that it hadn't been totally unexpected. She supposed she just assumed that he had changed a bit since fifth year...but perhaps that would teach her to make assumptions. Shaking her head and smiling a bit, she thought that maybe he only regressed when he was speaking with her, and the idea was somehow funny. At that moment, Arabella came bounding down the stairs, her black hair tied up at the crown of her head. Helen followed, her blonde curls tied up in the same manner as Bella's...but Lily couldn't think of two girls who looked more different.
"What's the matter with you?" Bella asked as she noted with suspicion the smile on Lily's face. Lily shook her head and replied,
"Nothing...I was just thinking about something."
Bella nodded, her eyes scanning Lily's face for a moment more, and then asked, "Did you talk to him?"
"Yeah...just now."
"Right...at least you got it over with. So...want to eat?"
Lily nodded and led the way out of the portrait hole and down to the Great Hall. They had a nice dinner in which Lily felt more herself than she had since it had happened. She still carried a constant lead ball in her stomach, dreading the moment when her sorrow would overcome her again, but at least now she wasn't incapacitated by it and was able to carry on as close to usual as she could manange.
So far, most of her thoughts had been taken up with those of the new defense class. The only ones she knew for sure had been talked to about it were herself and Bella. She found herself considering Arabella academically since she'd gone to Dumbledore's office that day to tell him she would be willing to participate, and it was something Lily was a bit surprised to find she hadn't done often in the time they'd known each other. Lily found herself silently observing her as they sat in Charms one day, and she tried her best to be subtle about it while still pay some attention to Professor Flitwick.
Although her reputation preceeded her most of the time and it wasn't the first thing that came to mind when her name was mentioned, Arabella Figg was one of the most brilliant Defense Against the Dark Arts students Lily had ever seen. She didn't make it widely known...anyone who knew Bella well knew that she was actually a fairly private person. She never voluteered information in class, she never felt the need to show off...and when called upon to answer a question, she answered it simply and to the point. Needless to say, much of their spare time over the following days was spent speculating on this class and what it was going to be like. Dumbledore hadn't given them any information...not even who else was going to be asked to be involved.
Nevertheless, Lily had a pretty good idea...she glanced up just in time to see James Potter walking past her on his way out at the end of class. He looked down and their eyes met for a second before he continued on out the door. They had a meeting later to add up their points, and she was dying to see whether or not he would mention anything. She was sure he'd been asked, or if he hadn't already then he was going to be approached. It had always pained her to grudgingly admit to herself that he had a brilliant mind...and it was unlike anything she had seen in anyone else. Students like Arabella and even Lily herself had a strong subject, one they excelled in above any other without much effort. In other classes they had to work for the marks...they had to study and sweat and stress like everyone else. The only difference between Lily and anyone else was the fact that she was more willing to put herself through hell to stay at the top of her own form...that was why she was Head Girl.
James was different. She walked slowly out of the classroom, the last one out, and caught sight of him standing in the corridor talking with a large group of people which included the rest of the Marauders, Anne Ball and her friends. They were all laughing, and he was leaning against the wall as he told some story. James was not like her...it was a though that kept coming back to haunt her. He didn't have to study. He didn't have to work. Not only that, but even though everyone knew he was close to a prodigy when it came to Transfiguration, he had the ability to excel in all the other subjects without effort as well. Lily turned and walked away, leaving the boisterous group behind her. She knew in the recesses of her mind that at least a part of her dislike for James Potter was sparked by jealousy, and the thought never failed to cause a feeling of discomfiture within her for being so trite. She knew it was wrong, and that he could no more choose the abilities he was born with than she could...but she also knew that she would give anything to have her mind work the same as his...if only for a week, so that she could rest and not feel the guilty compulsion she always felt to get back on her toes. With this thought in mind, she walked somewhat gloomily back to the Tower to put away her things and do a bit of reading before dinner.
Later that day, she was gathering her things in an attempt to tidy up her section of the dorm and her eyes fell upon the title of her latest piece of reading material – Great Aurors of the Nineteenth Century. Sighing, she picked it up and ran her hand over the cover, upon which was emblazoned the crest of the International Federation of Aurors. As she spent more time reading about aurors, she became more discouraged with the idea of becoming one. Defense Against the Dark Arts wasn't even close to her best subject, and it was becoming increasingly clear that aurorship required a certain natural talent. Setting the book down, she looked up and caught sight of the clock on Helen's bedside table...it was already a quarter after seven. It didn't strike her until a moment later that today was Wednesday and she was supposed to be in the library, but when it did she gasped loudly and grabbed her bag as she bolted out the door. Once in the library, out of breath and hot in the face, she looked across the room and saw James Potter already seated at her usual table. Feeling an idiot, she hurried over and set her books down across from him.
"Sorry I'm late," she said apologetically, and he shrugged and replied,
"It's no problem."
"I was just cleaning my room, and I lost track of time...I didn't even remember it was Wednesday right away..."
She was looking him in the eye as she explained, and she stopped short as she caught what was clearly a spark of pity ignite in his eyes for a split second before disappearing again.
"Don't worry about it, really," he said, and before she could respond he asked, "Here, give me half of your notes. I'm finished with mine, and we'll get through quicker."
She felt her mouth tighten for a moment...she didn't need pity. She didn't want it. She answered him a bit more curtly than she'd intended, "I don't need any help. If you're in a rush, you can just go."
His brows furrowed almost imperceptibly before he gave his head a quick jerk to the side as though stretching his neck and replied simply, "Fine. I'm through, then...here's my half. See you later."
With that, he stood up and walked out of the library, giving a small wave to a smiling Mrs. Hoodwinkle as he did. Lily stared after him for a moment and then gave her eyes a little roll. It was her own fault...she'd been late. Still, it seemed that no matter what, she couldn't seem to break out of the habit of watching his retreating back as he left her to do her work.
~~
When Lily and Arabella walked into the designated classroom on Friday night, the first day of Dumbledore's class, they stopped short and whatever they had been saying died on their lips as they looked around. The room was filled with people...and she didn't recognize any of them.
"Are you sure this is it?" Arabella asked dubiously, looking around. For a moment, Lily was honestly unsure. She'd expected to walk into a room of no more than fifteen students...but not only were there probably over thirty people there, but she didn't see any students at all.
"I don't know," she told Arabella truthfully, "But...it has to be. Doesn't it?"
Before Bella could reply, Lily caught sight of someone waving at her...it was Remus Lupin. He was sitting next to James, who had Sirius Black on his other side. The other two hadn't noticed them come in, and they seemed to be involved in a conversation of their own. Lily nodded at Remus to show she'd spotted him and said to Arabella,
"Look...there's Remus. At least now we know we're in the right room...let's go and sit over there."
Bella didn't answer, but merely followed her as she weaved her way through the people who were standing at the back. It was as though she was trying to navigate her way through an obstacle course, as everywhere you turned there were more faces, more tables, more chairs. Finally, she made it over to where he was sitting, and he stood up as they approached.
"Hi," he greeted, "I thought you'd be here. Here, have a seat..."
He indicated two empty chairs beside him, and Lily wasted no time taking one...she didn't know how long they would last once people started finding their places. Arabella sat down on her other side and leaned across the table to address Remus, her dark brows furrowed.
"What is all this? Do you know?"
Lily looked over at him as he shook his head. "No idea...we were just talking about it. I don't know about you, but I'm starting to think this is going to be bigger than we thought."
Bella gave her eyebrows a slight quirk as she slowly nodded, allowing her eyes to scan the faces around her. Lily did the same as she asked Remus, "Has Dumbledore been here yet?"
"No, not yet. We only just got here, really...about five minutes before you did."
"Hey," Bella exclaimed softly, "There's Sophie Spaulding...isn't she a Slytherin?"
Lily found herself surprised at first at the idea of a Slytherin being there, and then mentally chastized herself...why should there be anything that said they couldn't? She had to be careful or she was going to fall into the trap of reverse discrimination. "Yeah...I think so. I see Tim Connelley over there, too."
Tim was a seventh-year Hufflepuff whom Lily knew very well...he was a prefect, and they'd always seen things in much the same way. He caught her eye as she looked at him and gave her a little wave. She smiled in return before taking a moment to note her surroundings...and as she did, she couldn't help feeling slightly awestruck. The room was one she'd never been in before...huge and round, with a ceiling that went up so high she was sure it must be magically enhanced. The tables at which they were seated were curved around a center-section, which was raised slightly above the floor level. On this platform sat a massive wooden desk with all kinds of papers and clutter on it. In short, it was probably the most intimidating classroom she'd ever seen.
This impression was lessened a bit a few seconds later as Dumbledore himself entered the room through what was apparently an invisible door on the other side, whistling slightly as he approached his chair. Looking around at everyone, his blue eyes twinkled as he greeted,
"So glad to see you all made it. I was afraid for a moment that the other door was also invisible...obviously I was concerned for nothing. If you'll just give me a moment to get organized...I haven't been in this position for quite some time, and I'm a bit out of practice."
Dumbledore then came around to stand in front of the desk, his hands clasped behind his back. The room hushed, and the stragglers who hadn't yet taken their seats did so hurriedly so as not to hold up the proceedings. Suddenly Lily felt a rush of excitement, sitting there in the completely still room which only seconds before had been buzzing with conversation and activity. She chanced a look around and found that every eye in the room was trained on the headmaster, everyone was practically holding their breath waiting to find out what it was all going to be about. Lily turned back to look at him as well, as eager as anyone else...possibly more so.
"Several weeks ago, the Minister of Magic approached me about doing a series of lectures for his top aurors...to better prepare them for what was to come. He seemed to think that my experience would be an invaluable asset to them as this...situation progresses. In short, he wanted me to train them for combat. I, in turn, suggested that we carry the idea a bit further and extend the invitation to aurors in training as well…after all, they need the experience more than the Ministry's top-trained aurors. Not only that, but I felt that what we truly wanted to accomplish would take more time and work than a mere few lectures would cover. Therefore, I suggested a class...a sort of training program. And, as my first duty is, as always, to the students of this school, I have extended the invitation even further...to my top ten students."
He began to walk back and forth across the platform as he spoke, addressing all sections of the rounded room in turn. "No matter what level you have achieved in your studies or professional lives, you are all here because you feel it is important that something be done about the current, little known state of events...a state which has been carefully hidden from the public to avoid causing a panic. However, the Ministry is not blind to the danger...they are doing all they can to fight it, and this is why the Minister approached me to get involved."
He paused here and stood still again in the center, only his eyes moving across the room now. Lily's breathing slowed to about half its normal rate as she sat there, watching him. His eyes...she'd always been fascinated with Dumbledore's eyes. They were so blue they were almost unnatural, as though all the great power she knew he held – all the magic – was stored in his eyes alone. Lily wondered how many other battles, how much death, those eyes had seen. A shudder ran through her...she hated that word. Death. Suddenly she began to realize that the mere act of sitting through this class was going to be harder than she'd originally anticipated.
Her chest began to hurt a little, and so she focused on what he was saying.
"The truth is that an enemy has declared war upon us. Day by day the situation worsens. People have already become sacrifices...more people than you probably realize unless you read the non-magical newspapers, or you have been assigned to the cleanup. There are aurors here tonight, professionals, who know exactly what I mean. You have seen it with your own eyes...entire villages destroyed, families torn apart and left homeless. Hundreds have been killed already...and there will be more casualties before it's all over."
Lily felt as though he was talking to her, as though she was alone in the room with him. Even though he wasn't looking at her, she felt as though he had some inner eye turned on her as his words slowly kindled an emotion in her that she hadn't truly felt in abundance since her parents' deaths...anger. It licked at her insides, and it began to overshadow the grief...it was the first time anything had ever managed to do that. She felt Bella's leg touch hers and looked over at her...she was eyeing Lily with a slightly concerned look on her face. Lily noticed then that her fists were balled up so hard where they were resting on top of the table that her knuckles were white, and she was breathing a bit heavily. She nodded at Bella to silently indicate that she was alright and turned her attention back to Dumbledore.
She didn't want to miss a single word. He conjured something then, and the awful feeling in the pit of her stomach worsened as she realized what it was...it was a newspaper. More specifically, it was The London Times.
"This is one of the aforementioned Muggle newspapers...one of the most prestigious. It is the equivalent to our Daily Prophet. I was planning on reading a passage aloud to you, but I have since arranged something more effective. I have invited a speaker here tonight to share with you his experiences, and hopefully you will leave this room tonight with a greater appreciation for the gravity of the situation."
As he said this, a man stood up who had been sitting unnoticed in the back of the room. Lily felt a chill of recognition as she watched him walk to the front...his face was pale and his eyes slightly empty, although she could see a myriad of complex emotions swirling below the surface. It was the same thing she saw when she looked in the mirror every day, and suddenly she was afraid to hear what he had to say. Shaking hands with Dumbledore, he turned to the people assembled in the room and took a deep breath before quickly introducing himself and beginning,
"I was there on the night of the last attack...the town of Ardley. I am not a wizard...I'm not even what you'd call a Squib. I have no ability whatsoever to use magic of any kind, and it's only by the express permission of Albus Dumbledore that I am even able to see this castle, let alone be allowed inside."
A slight murmur of surprise went through the class at this revelation, but they soon grew silent again as the man continued to explain himself. "My brother was born a wizard...he works at the Ministry now. That's how I came to be here tonight...and that's why there was no memory charm performed on me the night of the attack. I almost wish..."
He trailed off then, and when he continued a moment later it was at one-tenth his previous volume. "I almost wish I had asked them to do one on me anyway...I hate thinking about that night. The newspapers report on it as thoroughly as they can...but as you can see, they don't know much. There's no one who remembers, and those who do are forbidden from speaking about it."
To Lily's horror, the man's eyes began to sparkle with unshed tears...and soon his face became blurred as her eyes followed suit. She quietly lifted a hand to her mouth as she leaned further over the table, every nerve in her body focused on what he was saying. He was about to tell her...about to describe how it was. How it had happened...what it had been like. Her emotions were at war within her...she wanted the rest of the people in the room to leave so that she could talk to the man by herself. She wanted everyone in the world to hear his story. She wanted to beg him to spit it out...and at the same time the urge to throw her hands over her ears and stop herself from hearing it was almost overwhelming. In the end, she could do little more than sit there silently and stare.
He swallowed hard before launching into the description. As he spoke, his eyes stared vacantly ahead, as though he was watching it happen all over again...and as he retold the tale, his face twisted slightly.
"There was no warning...not one out-of-the-ordinary sound. We were sleeping, and had been for hours. Suddenly my wife shook me awake...I thought she was going to tell me she was having the baby. Then I saw her face, and I knew it was something else. That's when I heard it...the shouting..."
He paused for only a moment. Lily's heart was hammering so hard it was hurting her, and she felt as though her stomach was vibrating. If it hadn't been for the fact that she was desperate to hear what this man had to say, she would have excused herself to go and be sick. He went on,
"I ran to the window and looked out onto the street...it was pandemonium. There were people running all over the place...people I recognized, and strange figures wrapped in what looked like black sheets. I didn't register what I was seeing until I watched one older woman fall...she'd tripped on the hem of her nightgown. Before she could even begin to lift herself back up, one of the dark figures pointed something at her...he yelled something I didn't understand, and then she was screaming in pain. I didn't wait to see the rest...I grabbed my wife and ran downstairs, toward the back door and out into the garden. She kept asking me what was happening, what I'd seen...I couldn't stop to explain. It had all come back to me in a flash...what my brother had told me weeks before. The Deatheaters."
The word hit her like a bucket of ice water being poured over her head. Cold dread spread through her. She realized with half her wits that she was hurting herself as her fingernails dug into her cheek. Removing her hand from her mouth and folding both of them in front of her, she waited for him to go on...even while dreading it at the same time.
"I dragged her to the shed and shoved her inside an old set of cupboards we'd removed from the kitchen a few years back...I was sure we were going to lose the baby. There wasn't any room for me, so I went to the window to make sure no one had seen us. From where I was, I could see a bit of the street beyond the house. I saw the old woman...she was lying there, not moving. Her nightgown was bunched up around her waist. I don't know how I knew she was dead...I just knew. There were flashes all over the place, it looked like lightning. People in pain...it...it was truly horrific."
He took a shaky breath and recalled, "It wasn't until it was almost over that I witnessed a murder...I saw how it was done. It looked painless...but it was absolute. A flash of green light and a whirring sound...and then the man just dropped like a fly who'd been swatted. It was so simple. So brutal...I...I know I'll never forget it."
Again he paused, and Lily knew at that moment that she shouldn't have listened. She didn't want to know...she didn't want to be able to picture it in her head. Her eyes were stinging and her mouth was dry as she tried to keep herself in check...in her mind now, the man he was describing was her Dad. The green light, the noise...it replayed over and over in her brain like a broken record. She'd never purge that image from her mind, not as long as she lived.
"A long time after the noises had stopped, I told my wife to stay put while I went out to see. I'll...I'll never forget how it looked. There was smoke everywhere, coming from houses that had been destroyed...the store that had been on the corner of our street was rubble. I saw my neighbor kneeling on the ground...he was holding his son in his arms. There were bodies everywhere...it looked like a battlefield. There wasn't any blood. Just death."
He lifted his chin a bit now and concluded, "Not fifteen minutes later, Ministry officials came in dressed as police. They began questioning people, asking for description...but none of the survivors could clearly describe what had happened. They were at a loss...they had no idea what it had all been about. There were some who hadn't been killed, just tortured...they were too sick to talk. Then...then the Ministry started the memory charms."
Lily's eyes widened as she realized what he was going to say before he even said it, and the thought was almost too much to bear.
"It was the most chilling thing I've ever witnessed. The minute the mediwizards began pulling out their wands, it didn't matter anymore what they were saying...the people didn't listen to their assurances. All they saw were those wands, and they fell into blind panic. People started screaming again, running for their lives...they had to be held down, forced to stand still. Finally, the aurors simply cast some spell on everyone so that they could finish up...but even if those poor people couldn't move, their eyes still spoke volumes."
He bit his lip and then finished quietly, "I don't know how many of you have looked into the eyes of someone who is sure they're about to die...but if you'd seen what I saw...what I still see every night in my nightmares...you'd want to give everything you have to put a stop to all this."
With that, he turned and nodded at Dumbledore and, twisting his cap in his hands, started to go back to his seat. Before he could get all the way back there, however, a woman spoke up. "Sir?"
He turned, a bit taken aback. She shook her head and stammered in a small voice, "Did...did you lose the baby?"
His features softened a bit as he replied, "No...no, we didn't."
The girl breathed a sigh of relief, and he nodded at her and continued back to his seat. Now Dumbledore had taken over, and all eyes were back on him.
"This class is an advanced course for those training to become aurors. It will be challenging, no matter what your current level. You must be prepared to give it everything you have...your time, your patience, and your skill. We will be studying very advanced defense augmented with charms, transfiguration, potions...almost all magical subjects will be covered, and some non-magical ones, too. We will be doing physical work, experimental work...practicing curses, combat procedures, dueling techniques. We will study theory until our brains are saturated with it, and then put it to action until we are capable of performing the spells in our sleep. We will hear guest speakers from all walks of life and all professions."
He paused then, and after a moment finished, "It will not be easy by any means...if at any time, anyone decides that this is not the best way for them to contribute to the effort...they are welcome to step away. No one would think worse of them for doing so. The purpose of this class is to teach you that you must learn to be great before you can do great things."
He stopped then and walked back around to the other side of the desk, gathering his things. Looking up once more, his eyes softer than they'd been as he'd made his introductory speech, he finished, "A great Muggle leader once said that the chain of destiny must be grasped one link at a time. This is the first link on your chain...and you have to begin somewhere. Anyone who is still interested should meet back in this room on Monday night at the same time. I will field any and all questions you may still have at that time. Otherwise...thank you for coming, and try to enjoy the weekend. I hear the weather is going to be atrocious, but...personally, I like a good snowstorm."
With that, he turned and walked out the same door through which he'd entered the room, leaving everyone in complete and utter silence. For a moment nobody seemed to move, let alone speak...it was as though his words were hanging over them even though he was physically gone from the room. Finally, some people started to shuffle around, and Lily felt Bella grab her hand and pull gently, eager to get out before the crowd began moving. Lily nodded dumbly...she could barely think straight, let alone make decisions.
After some squeezing around people who were already standing, they finally got out the door and proceeded down the corridor to Gryffindor Tower. The Marauders had followed them out and were now walking behind them. Everyone was uncharacteristically silent. Lily barely noticed that even the Marauders seemed too overwhelmed to talk amongst themselves. As she had this thought, however, she glanced inadvertently at Remus...and caught him staring at her before he quickly averted his eyes. Suddenly, the silence felt oppressive. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up as she realized why no one was saying anything...it was because of her.
No one wanted to talk about it in front of her.
Lily felt a wave of fatigue hit her as they approached the portrait hole, and although the idea that everyone was at such a loss as to how to act around her at the moment bothered her slightly, she was too worn out to really dwell on it for now. Remus took it upon himself to step forward and give the Fat Lady the password, and they all trudged inside. She was exhausted...but she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she'd never be able to fall asleep tonight. She was frightened of what she would see if she did.
She knew her dreams would be plagued with hideous flashes of green light, and amplified by echoing screams.
"I think I'm going to bed," Lily said to Bella as the others went to sit in the corner by the window. Bella frowned and asked in a quiet voice,
"Are you alright?"
"Yes, I'm fine...just tired," Lily assured, "Go on and fill Helen in on everything. Wake me for breakfast, will you?"
Bella nodded, seeing that Lily genuinely needed to be alone, and went over to where Helen was waiting. Before Lily turned to go upstairs she glanced in the direction of the Marauders. Lupin and Black were apparently recounting the events of the meeting to Pettigrew, gravely and quietly so that no one else could overhear. Potter, however, was sitting on the window seat, his stance relaxed...and his eyes clouded in contemplation as he stared out onto the grounds.
She knew, as she turned and trudged up the stairs, that her eyes would look just like that as she lay in bed trying desperately to fall asleep.
To Be Continued in Chapter Five
More Fic by Emmyjean at
The Hidden Tower
www.hiddentower.50megs.com