Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling created the Potterverse and Remus Lupin for the entertainment of millions of children. On the other hand, I borrowed him and his world for a chapter worthy of a penny dreadful, lust in the dust, bodice ripper. Oh well, I guess I'm not the better person.

Warning: Sexual situations, naughty werewolves and a writer with a really twisted sense of romantic humor.

Chapter 25: Mating for beginners…

Kate stepped back inside the room, closing the door behind her. She cast a shy smile at Remus, who was admiring her approach towards the bed. "All taken care of.", she said as she sat next to him and dropped the sheet.

He took a deep breath and stared at her chest for a moment. "Good.", he stated before pulling his gaze away. He kissed the top of her head and wrapped his arms around her. He sat holding her for a moment and gave a nervous laugh. "I have been thinking and I believe we need to talk about what we are going to be doing."

"Hmm?", she inquired, while kissing down his chest. She captured his nipple, causing him to groan. He pushed her away. "What's wrong, beloved?", she concernedly asked.

"Kate, I really don't want to hurt you.", he said glancing from his erection to her lap.

"Oh! I guess you have a point.", she said staring at his length. "Do you think it will fit?", she asked anxiously.

Remus looked sheepishly down at his erection that was flagging a bit, due the blood being drawn back to his brain. "I think so, every book I've read on the topic said that females can accommodate up to nine and half inches. Are you …um…intact?", he asked timidly.

Kate blushed and looked down at her lap. "No, I had a very bad fall from a broom when I was twelve, though I've never…done it."

He breathed a small sigh of relief. "Well, that's good" He took notice of her arched eyebrow. "I mean, I'm sorry you fell but it is one less thing for us to worry about." He kissed her gently.

She responded to his kiss, tentatively teasing his lips with her tongue. He pulled her closer deepening the kiss. Kate was enjoying the feeling of being pressed closed to him, unfortunately, she startled when she felt his erection press into her belly. "Um…How big is it exactly?", she asked, pulling away from her intended.

Remus gave her a hurt look. "How big is what?", he asked confused.

"How big is your penis?", she asked, blushing.

"Smaller than nine and a half inches.", he said hopefully. She looked questioningly at him and he sighed. "Around seven and half inches, which relatively not that big. I mean babies are easily ten inches long…"

She couldn't help herself and giggled. "If it is the size of a new born, I think we need to think to have a discussion about artificial insemination."

He licked his lips and smirked at her. "Nay, love. It's not that big, more like a baby's arm holding an apple.", he said before sticking his tongue out at her. "And it's not like the size of it is a shock, I mean you have played with him before.", he stated with a cheeky grin.

"I know that was just a little different. I didn't really think about…", she mumbled.

He placed a finger on her lips. "I want this to be pleasant for you. I know the act might not be…ideal the first time, but I will do my best to make it adequate. I love you, dearest, and the last thing I want to do is hurt you."

Kate gazed into his eyes and saw nothing but love. "I trust you.", she said before kissing the scar above his heart. "I guess we just need to what comes naturally."

With her words, he visibly paled and his erection flagged again. "According to Paige and most experts in Britain…"

She cupped his cheek and interrupted him with a kiss. "According to Paige and most experts, male werewolves urinate on the houses of their intended mates. She was just trying to get a rise out of you." Kate pushed him back on the bed and pulled the sheet from her waist, before straddling him. "Anyway, she's not here."

Remus reversed their positions and laid over her. "You look wonderful, you know?" He purred then kissed her forehead and began kissing down her body, stopping to tease her nipples and nip at the areas that elicited gentle mews from her. He paused at the patch of neatly trimmed curls at the nexus of her thighs and torso. Chuckling, he gently blew across her curls.

Kate squirmed and tried to push him away. "You really don't need to do that.", she protested and pulled her legs tighter together. "There are much more scenic points of interest, you could visit. Look I have breasts, why don't you play with them for a bit. "

"You said to do what comes naturally, and male wolves smell, nuzzle, and lick the genitals of their partners before they mate.", he said placing a kiss on her mound. "I do have to make sure you're ready after all.", he playfully growled, before he pushed her legs apart. He then demonstrated how cunning of a linguist he could be, bringing her to a state of ecstasy three times before he paused to let her catch her breath.

He kissed his way back up her body and captured her mouth, allowing her to taste herself on his lips and tongue. He then ran his hands over her. "You are so perfect", he mumbled, positioning himself between her legs. Looking down, he blushed. "Could you …open your legs a little…wider?"

Kate nodded and spread her legs, wrapping them around him. "I'll be alright, beloved.", she reassured him. He balanced himself on his arms, careful not to crush her.

He took a deep breath and thrust forward. "Ow.", she squeaked as he missed his mark.

"Sorry ", he apologized and tried to adjust himself. "Could you give me a hand?", he asked shyly, causing her to giggle. She slid her hand between them and aligned him with her entrance.

Moving her hands to his back, she locked eyes with him. "I am yours.", she said intently and he slowly pushed into her. Kate winced at the pain of being stretched.

Remus stilled when he was mostly inside her. He sucked in his breath in reaction to how perfect she felt, it was all he could do to keep from wildly thrusting into her. "Are you ok?", he asked noticing the look of concentration on her face.

"Yeah, it just hurts a bit. I think I'm going to need some practice.", she joked.

He smiled down at her. "You feel incredible." He leaned down and kissed her deeply. He then slowly began moving within her. He grunted as he thrust forward again and again, each move bringing him closer to release. She smiled up at him, warmed by the bliss that was so clearly expressed on his features. She concentrated on matching his rhythm, occasional jolts of pleasure breaking through the ache of being stretched. She held on to his shoulders feeling as if he was going to cleave her in half.

Remus's pace quickened and he opened his eyes gaze into hers. "I am yours.", he growled as he spilled into her and collapsed. After a moment, he wrapped his arms around her and held on to her as if his life depended on it. "Don't ever leave me, please. I don't think I could handle it if I ever lost you." He whispered into her hair, tears rolling down his cheeks. After a few moments, he recovered and kissed her forehead. "Thank you, dearest.", he said adoringly. He then rolled off her and pulled her into his arms, where she fell asleep to his heart beat.

Once she was asleep, Remus kissed the top of her head. "I will always yours, my dearest. I will always be yours.", he whispered before nodding off to sleep himself.

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Remus awoke at noon to the sound of a soft tapping on the window pane. Careful not to wake Kate, he shifted out of the bed and opened the window, allowing a small dust colored owl to fly into the room. The owl gave a high pitched hoot and stuck out its leg. Remus removed the letter from the owl's leg and found that it was addressed to him. He carefully unrolled the scroll and read the missive.

Dear Remus,

If my instincts are correct, you should have become Kate' s mate a few hours ago. Congratulations and welcome to our tribe and family. Hopefully, the following instructions will come in handy over the course of the day and you're first time wasn't too traumatic for either of you. Let me reassure you that it will get much better and generally the first time is nothing like how it is made out to be in stories or in the fantasies of young teenagers. Not to mention that it almost always has a tendency to be a bit rough.

When Kate wakes up, please give her a pepper-up potion and a pain killer, preferably, an anti-inflammatory potion/pain killer combo. This will help ease any soreness. Next, get her a cup of tea or hot chocolate and something to eat. After she's had something to eat, run a warm or hot bath for her, and feel free to join her if you like. Light masturbation will help to relieve some of the pain so if you are so inclined feel free to fondle Kate. Do not penetrate her, however, and be very careful of any area around the vagina as it will be very tender if not sore. Finally, make sure Kate doesn't do anything too strenuous for the next few hours. Sleeping and lounging are highly recommended. She should be good to go by tomorrow morning.

I know it may seem like you are doing a lot of pampering, but she will appreciate all the TLC and will remember it quite fondly.

You are a good man and I am quite glad our Kate was blessed enough to find you.

Love,

Your Godmother-in-love,

Abigail (Abby) Blooms

P.S. Just from past experience, do not under any circumstances have sex if she is bleeding, even if it is just spotting. Trust me on this one, spending the time directly following a second love-making attempt in the emergency room for blood loss is not the best way to get to know each other.

P.P.S. If my instincts were completely off the mark, I hope you and Kate have a good laugh over this.

Remus broke from his reading when he heard the owl flap its wings anxiously. He found it perched on Kate's dresser staring intently at a wooden box. The owl leapt forward as Remus opened the box and snatched up several large grasshoppers. The werewolf looked at the very smug owl, which gave a happy high pitched hoot and flew out the window. Remus looked in the box and saw one grasshopper left. It looked as if it had been put under a status spell. Looking out the window, he saw the owl hovering like a humming-bird. Feeling generous, he threw the last grasshopper to it, which it deftly caught.

He then shut the window and returned to bed, happy with the knowledge that Kate would soon recover.

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Kate's eyes fluttered open to see Remus gazing at her. "Don't stare at me while I'm sleeping.", she mumbled.

He chuckled. "You stare at me while I'm sleeping. Anyway, I don't stare, I gaze adoringly."

"I see.", she yawned. "Well, isn't there something more constructive you could be doing?", she asked tentatively.

"Already, did it.", he beamed, before retrieving a tray from the side table.

"What's this?", she queried.

"Breakfast.", he stated proudly before adjusting the tray on the bed. The tray was laden with two mugs of hot chocolate, toast, grilled tomatoes and a fluffy omelet. "Hope you don't mind mushrooms."

"Wow, it looks wonderful. You really didn't have to, I'm sure you're tired.", she lovingly stated before kissing his cheek.

Remus blushed. "No trouble really, I have to make sure you are well provided for after all."

Kate giggled. "Well, you've done an excellent job. You are truly a wonderful mate.", she said before kissing his lips. She looked down at the plate. "Do you want to share with me? I'm still a little full from last night."

He fluffed his hair and shyly looked up at her. "Sorry, about that. I got a little carried away."

"Don't you dare be sorry, it was a wonderful gift. I really liked it.", she said with a sweet smile. "Thank you, beloved. No one has ever been considerate enough to bring me cows before." He graced her with a wide grin for her praise.

Remus chuckled as he remembered the night before. After an hour of gaining their trust, Moony had led a group of seven teenage werewolves and Padfoot to the edge of the perimeter and successfully tracked a small herd of cattle. Working as a team, the small pack successfully killed six cows and dragged five of them back to the encampment. Luna had been tending the younger cubs and seemed quite pleased to have a fresh kill. She trotted over to Moony, who bowed. She raised her head to expose her throat to him in an action of trust, before ripping into a carcass and setting the younger members of the clan to eating. She did the same to three more, before bowing to him and indicating that he could go first. He stepped forward and made the initial tear. He then stepped back and nudged her forward. After she took what she wanted, he took his portion and laid next to her as he ate. From that point in the evening, he was a constant at her side. The pair spent the rest of the night playing and resting together.

"Is that enough?", Kate asked, breaking Remus from his revelry.

He looked down at the plate she had handed him. "Yes, thank you.", he said gratefully, digging in. The couple ate in comfortable silence, thinking over the events of the past day.

"It was really good, thank you.", she whispered, when she finished her portion of the mushroom omelet.

"You are quite welcome.", he replied and banished the dishes to the kitchen sink. "Now, Abigail said you needed to take these.", he said in a fatherly tone.

"Yes, sir.", she replied coyly and drank the potions. "Any other instructions I need to follow?"

"Yes, actually.", he playfully growled before sweeping her off the bed.

"Remus Lupin, you put me down right now.", she gasped.

"Don't worry, dearest. It's all just good clean fun.", he announced as he carried her through the bathroom door.

She stared wide-eyed at the room. Remus had lit a few dozen candles and had charmed the bathtub into a small bathing pool that could easily hold four people. He had also lit some incense and filled the tub with rose petals. "Oh Remus, it's beautiful."

"Perfect, then you will fit right in.", he whispered in her ear before gently setting her in the very warm water. He then pulled a wash cloth out of the cabinet and began to sniff bottles of body wash. He finally found Kate's and closed the cabinet. "Do you mind if I join you, my dear?"

She smiled up at him. "Of course not, I would be disappointed if you didn't.", she said huskily as she reached up and stroked his member, causing it to spring back to life.

Remus grinned and swatted her hand away. "You've given me enough today, it's my turn to pamper you.", he said before climbing into the tub with her. He pulled her closer and maneuvered her so she sat between his legs. He pushed her hair to one side and began to lather her neck and back.

She melted under his fingers as he massaged her neck and shoulders. "That feels divine.", she moaned as he worked his fingers down her spine. She leaned forward allowing him better access to her lower back. He then turned her so she faced him and began massaging her legs. "Where did you learn to do that?", she simpered as he worked out a knot in her calf. She gasped for air in an effort not to swoon and fall into the water behind her as her body relaxed.

"Do you want me to stop?" he asked as he massaged her foot.

"Oh gods, please don't stop.", she whimpered as he moved up her leg kneading and stretching the muscles.

He continued to work on her body until she laid back in the water, completely relaxed. "You look like a nymph floating in the water like that.", he commented.

"I feel wonderful, thank you.", she purred. "Do you want me to work on you a bit?", she asked as she licked her lips.

Remus swallowed hard. "No, I'm good, thanks. Though I'd appreciate it, if you could get my back.", he asked handing her the wash cloth.

She gently washed his back and neck, and then started working out some of the tension in his shoulders. "Would you like me to do your hair?", she asked when she was done.

"Yes, please.", he replied, tensing for a moment as she poured warm water over his hair. He leaned back into her as she massaged his scalp, her nails gently scratching the skin behind his ears and the base of his skull.

He quietly moaned at the sensation of her fingers in his hair. She moved to rinse out the shampoo and he stopped her. "Please don't stop, it feels so good.", he said closing his eyes. Kate chuckled and rinsed his hair, but continued to massage his scalp drawing moans from her mate. When he was sated he leaned back into her shoulder, and kissed her neck. "I think I'll keep you.", he teased before ducking under the water. He resurfaced and shook himself, splattering Kate with water.

"You ready to get out or do you want to soak for a bit?", she asked.

"I think soaking would be nice, we could relax and talk for a bit.", he replied, twisting the excess water out of his hair. "But first.", he said as he stood up and stepped out of the tub, grabbing his wand so he could cast a warming spell on the bath water.

Kate let out a contented sigh. "This is really nice.", she purred as she stretched in the water and stifled a giggle at the reaction she was inducing in her mate. "So what would you like to talk about?"

"I don't know. I just thought we should get to know each other better.", he said as he climbed in the tub.

"What do you want to know?", she asked coyly and dived under the water so she could tease him. He tried to push her away, but she wasn't going to give up so quickly.

He moved to the other side of the tub and sat against on the edge so he leaned against the wall. "No, you don't. You need to just sit back and let me pamper you." Kate rose up from the water looking all the more like Waterhouse nymph and licked her lips, before kissing the inside of his thigh. "Kate, stop.", he paused as he took a shuddering breath in reaction to her ministrations. "Gods, Kate!", he growled as Kate continued to curiously explore his body. "Please …oh gods.", he whimpered as she moved higher to place kisses in rather sensitive areas, finally taking him in her hands and mouth. It didn't take too long before he was completely undone, pleading with her not to stop in between growls and declarations of his undying love. He felt dizzy and disoriented as his world exploded around him and he slumped against the tile wall.

Kate giggled and dove under the water for a moment. She resurfaced and laid her head on his lap. He took a deep breath and looked down on her smiling face. "You are going to be the death of me, woman.", he panted. Stroking her hair, he bent down and kissed her cheek. "You are just full of surprises, where did you learn that?"

"I read an awful lot and Abigail was rather good at getting me books, I think I found in Veronica Franco's Atto D'Amore Benedetto.", she replied.

"The Blessed Act of Love?", he asked trying to get a rough translation.

"The same, have you read it?", she said, moving backwards to let him sink back into the tub.

He shivered adjusting to the water's temperature. "No, I haven't. I gave it to Lily as a wedding present."

"She must have enjoyed it.", Kate replied with a cheeky grin.

"If that was just a sample of what the text has to offer, I think I will enjoy it more.", he said in a husky tone. "But you are supposed to be the one being pampered not me.", he stated as he moved his hands down to her breasts.

"You're fun to play with though.", she said with a slight pout.

"I think I would like to get to know you better though.", he said. "So, let's begin then. When is your birthday?"

"August 1st, you?", she replied.

"February 1st. You're only a day off from Harry.", he said with a smile.

"So tell me about Harry.", she said as she moved to sit behind him.

Remus broke into a large smile and leaned forward so she could slide behind him. He then snuggled back into her, letting his legs stretch in front of him. "Harry is Lily and James's son. I had him and his friends when I taught at Hogwarts. We met again when Sirius and I moved back into Order Headquarters."

"He must be something really special.", she encouragingly and kissed his shoulder.

"He is, Kate, he is. He is just as kind hearted and smart as his mother.", he let out a sad chuckle. "He's also just as mischievous as James ever was. I still can't get over the fact that he's already sixteen." Kate gave him a reassuring squeeze.

"I can still remember how happy we all were the day he was born. I think it is fair to say Lily was more relieved than the rest of us.", he said with a laugh. "She was in labor for 37 hours. James and I took turns feeding her ice chips and walking with her in the halls. Sirius would pop in to calm James down and tease Lily about how his godson needed to hurry up so he could play with him.", he said with a warm chuckle. He turned and quirked a smile towards his mate. "Strictly off the record, for as great as he has become, when Harry was born he was just this little wrinkly thing with a huge head full of black messy hair. I still don't know how Lily pulled it off. She was so beautiful holding him, tears filling her eyes. I was the first to hold him after her, you know?"

Kate smiled at him and kissed the back of his neck. " Really? That most have been awesome."

"James fainted as soon as the mediwitch suggested he cut the cord. Sirius had to leave because it was just too much for him, so I was under orders to fetch him once the more gooey parts were over. And Lily just smiled up at me, and handed me this little bundle. He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen so pure and full of promise." His voice wobbled a bit. "I saw him once, after Lily and James died. It was just after his forth birthday, he playing in a park near his Aunt's house on Privet Drive, he looked so sad. I wanted…I wanted to say 'hello'. I wanted to see what he was like, to just tell him how loved he was but I couldn't. Even if it weren't for the laws, what would they have said if some shabby stranger just walked up and started talking to him?", he somehow managed to get the last part out before breaking down.

Kate turned him around and held him. "He sounds wonderful, I can't wait to meet him.", she said gently, while rubbing small circles on his back.

After he calmed a bit, he gave Kate a watery smile. "I'm usually a lot better about this, you must think me quite the wimp.

She gave him a deep kiss. "You're not a wimp, you are one of the most noble and brave men I know."

"You really are too good to me.", he said.

"Why don't we get dressed and relax inside for a bit? I think we've been in here long enough." She wriggled her wrinkled fingertips to illustrate her point, causing him to laugh.

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Remus entered the bedroom, dressed in a pair of jeans and one of Kate's concert t-shirts. He found Kate standing naked near the bed, rubbing lotion over her body. Crossing behind her, he took the lotion from her hand. "Need some help?", he queried.

"No, I'm fine.", she said with a small blush.

"Please, I want to help.", he pleaded.

Kate rolled her eyes. "Fine."

Remus chuckled and bounced a little, before coughing and putting on a serious façade. "Thank you, my dear." He squeezed some lotion into his hand and began to smooth it over her body. After he finished her back, he led her to the bed and laid her down. He then began smoothing lotion into her legs. "Do you mind if I?", he asked timidly as he rubbed lotion into her breasts.

"I am yours, do as your heart desires.", she said gently.

Encouraged by her words, Remus quirked an eyebrow and let out a wicked laugh. 'Really, my dear? That could prove dangerous.", he said, raking his gaze over her.

Kate smirked at him. "I trust you."

"Foolish girl.", he chuckled. "Sweet, innocent, naïve Kate. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Giving yourself to a Marauder and a werewolf…"Before he could finish, she pulled him on the bed and straddled him.

"You were saying?", she queried, bending over and kissing the tip of his nose.

"I can't pull off big and scary with you, can I?", he asked innocently.

"No, but it's fun to play.", she replied, grinding her hips into him.

"We are supposed to wait until morning. I don't want you getting hurt.", he stated.

"Oh come on, please? It doesn't ache any more, at least not in a bad way.", she pleaded.

"Really?", he asked hopefully, but thought better of it. "No, you need to be properly rested."

"Please? Pretty please? Come on, I really want to.", she coyly purred.

"No.", he growled. "You need to rest, my love."

"But Remus…", she whined and twirled a curl around her finger. "I really, really want to and if I get you off one more time today, we will be tied.", she stated enthusiastically.

"I thought this wasn't a competition?", he asked sweetly.

"It isn't but I still want to be ahead or at the very least tied.", she said rubbing small circles into his chest. "Not mention, you've gotten me pretty wound up."

He smiled up at her and reversed their position. She gasped at the feeling of his clothing against her bare skin. He gently ground against her and ran his hands teasingly over her body, causing her to whimper. "I think I like being in the lead, in fact, I think I need to secure my position.", he growled before nipping at he her neck. "And I think that I really need to repay you for your efforts in the bath." He squeezed and kneaded her hips, eliciting a moan from her.

"Please Remus, I want you so bad.", she pleaded as she tried to capture his mouth.

"No, my sweet.", he whispered before licking the shell of her ear. "You might want that now, but you need me to be gentle, Abby said so in her letter."

Kate let out a frustrated groan. "We don't have to tell her."

He chuckled and captured her mouth in a consuming kiss. Tentatively, he placed his hand between her legs and inserted a finger. She stiffened and whimpered into his mouth. He broke the kiss and gazed deeply into her eyes. "Still sore?", he asked and moved to remove the offending digit.

She held his hand in place. "No, please don't stop. It feels good, it is just a little tender.", she panted.

"I will be very gentle then, I wouldn't want to hurt my Kate.", he reverently whispered, before kissing her cheek. Holding his hand still between her legs, he moved down her torso and licked, kissed, and suckled her breasts, making her quiver beneath him. "You are so lovely.", he gently growled into her chest, slowly moving his hand between her legs. Lifting his head, he looked into her eyes, which were now a deep shade of cobalt. He released a shaky breath at the sight of her.

"Please beloved.", she pleaded, grinding her hips against his hand.

Experimentally, he inserted another finger. She stilled at the feeling but slowly began rolling her hips. She moaned and huskily growled out his name. "Please, Remus. Please, I need you…I need you to…", she pleaded in between gasps for air.

"Need me to do what, dearest?", he said, his eyes wide in wonder.

"Please.", she ground harder into his hand and moved her hands down her body. Remus nodded and kissed down her body to her center. She let out a feral growl as he dropped his head down and began gently moving his fingers. Carefully, he began soothing and teasing her with his tongue. She began to whimper and whisper endearments, begging him not to stop. Soon she shattered, again and again, under his loving ministrations. As her world exploded for the final time, she fainted just after he called out his name.

Kate woke up in Remus's arms. He was gazing at her and quietly running his fingers through her hair. "Hello beautiful.", he whispered. "Do you feel alright?"

"Mm… I feel glorious. Thank you.", she hummed before kissing him. "I probably should get cleaned up."

"No, need my love. I took care of it while you were…resting.", he said with a huge smile.

"Do you feel up to getting dressed? I have a surprise for you in the other room.", he stated, twirling several strands of her hair around his finger.

"Alright.", she agreed and moved out of the bed.

Remus got out of the bed and picked up a stack of clothes sitting on the chair. "Would you mind wearing these?", he asked timidly.

Kate looked over the clothing, which seemed to be nothing out of the ordinary a long comfortable skirt, tank top, and sweater. She was quite surprised at his choice of under garments. She blushed as she held up her only pair of thong underwear.

"I saw Paige in a similar pair and I thought they would look quite…", he said, pausing to lick his lips in thought, "delectable on you."

She blushed and smiled shyly at him. "Of course, I will wear them. Thank you for taking the time to pick them out."

"Do you mind if I watch you get dressed?", he asked quietly.

Kate nodded and slowly slid the panties on. Remus's breath caught as she shyly turned, modeling them for him. "They look perfect on you.", he said as he gawked at her. She then slipped on her bra and he pulled her towards him, wrapping her in a hug. He then helped her put on the rest of her clothes. "I will meet you out front, I need to do a few last minute touches."

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Kate walked out into the living room and looked around unable to see her mate. "Remus? Remus, where are you?", she called out.

'In here.", he called back from the dining room.

She entered the dining room and gaped at her surroundings. Remus had transfigured the dining room table and chairs into a low table and floor pillows. He had arranged them cozily around the fireplace, which contained a merrily crackling fire.

"It looks lovely, beloved.", she told him as she kissed his cheek.

"I'm glad you like it. I was just thinking…", he started as his stomach rumbled. "Sorry, I guess I'm hungry."

Kate smiled at him. "Do you mind Thai food, again?"

"No, that sounds good.", he replied.

"I will just put an order in then.", she chirped happily and headed out to use the phone.

Remus took the moment to plop down on one of the stacks of floor pillows. Well, old boy, it has been quite a day, he thought blissfully to himself. Now, all I have to do is sit back and wait for my mate to come back. He chuckled for a moment. My mate, Kate is my mate. I have a mate and she loves me, he thought gleefully as he settled into the pillows and waited.

A/N: Aw…Isn't that sweet? Just so you know the line, "There are much more scenic points of interest, you could visit. Look I have breasts, why don't you play with them for a bit. " is not an original idea, it was borrowed from The Corset Diaries by Katie MacAlister. But as promised we have provided, lovely lemons for you to feast upon.

(Padmyster77 has messaged Prof. Pendragon)

Sirius: Why the bloody hell does Remus get all the lemons? What the hell has the world come to when Remus gets lemons before me? I want some bloody lemons.

Prof. Pendragon: I'm sorry, Sirius but I'm not responsible for writing your character.

Sirius: That is a load of rubbish, you write my character from time to time.

Prof. Pendragon: Fine, I don't usually write your character and I don't write Paige, she's not my creation.

Sirius: I don't care, I want some lemons.

Prof. Pendragon: And how am I supposed to do that? Who do you want to shag Remus, Kate, or Jack?

Sirius: Well, Kate is nice enough and Remus is rather the sentimental sort. Wait a minute, I refuse to shag any of them. I want bloody lemons, not psychological games, Professor.

Prof. Pendragon: Calm down, Sirius.

Sirius: It's because I'm Black, isn't it?

Prof. Pendragon: What?!

Sirius: I know how Americans are, you just won't give me lemons because I'm Black.

Prof. Pendragon: Sirius you are a member of the elite: a wealthy, white, male, heterosexual wizard. Outside of being an escaped convict you really don't have a lot holding you back socially.

Sirius: I know, they always send the Blacks to prison. Strip them of their rights, take away their ability to achieve lemons.

Prof. Pendragon: Ok, well. I'm going to hand you over to Hornhead and maybe she can write some sense into you and write up the responses to our reviewers while she's at it. Thank you everyone for reading and reviewing, you are truly fabulous. (Logs off)

Sirius: Hey, get back here. (Hornhead logs on)

Hornhead: Yes, Sirius. I hear you have some issues to discuss with me.

Sirius: Yes, I do. Why the bloody hell haven't I been shagged?!

Hornhead: Oh, I don't know. Beating the crap out of my OC might be a start.

Sirius: T'was only a flesh wound! Besides, she forgave me. I deserve a good roll in the hay.

Hornhead: Good? Is that all you think she'd be? Try spectacular, mind-blowing, or even awe inspiring!

Sirius: All the more reason for me to get it now! What am I doing in the next chapter? Do I get any there?

Hornhead: No, you do not 'Get Any', you go to Paige's parents house with her. And keep it up, I just delayed it one more day.

Sirius: FINE! (Logs off)

Hornhead: Well, that was certainly different.

Cherokeegirl: Thanks for the review. We're really glad you like the story so far and we hope we can keep up the good work.

LightningRain: No dice for Jack, he's off doing other things. You're right, it is about time for Remus to get some action. Poor little banana.

Katarina : Kudos on being the winner! The one and only guess and you guessed right. Take your time deciding, we've got a while before it takes effect.

Jen: Is there a good way to be 'drawn and quartered'? Don't worry about Jack, Karma is a bitch.

Sassafras: Sirius is adorable when he's high. It might happen again, but probably not. As for Kate and Remus, I hope they borrowed a condom (they probably didn't).

Miss Moony: Not to worry, Jack won't push his luck. It's almost past the breaking point as it is.

Thank you everyone for reviewing I must go now, I have French toast waiting. –Hornhead.