TITLE: "Crossroads"
AUTHOR: Emmyjean J/L
RATING: PG-13
SUMMARY: In her seventh and final year at Hogwarts, Lily Evans finds herself facing a tragedy that leaves her life in pieces. In her struggle to find her way in a suddenly unfamiliar world, she finds strength she never knew existed – both within herself and in a boy she'd always thought she'd known.
DISCLAIMER: Without JK Rowling, none of this would exist. Thanks to her for letting me play with her creation.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This fic has been REVISED AS OF JULY, 2003 to fit with Order of the Phoenix canon. Please read details from author HERE.
Chapter Nine – Off Course
Lily and Sirius both looked up, startled, as the door to the classroom flew open with a bang. They'd been working on their potion for Dumbledore since dinnertime...they were shorthanded because Tim had gotten sick over the weekend and could come down to mix in the first half of the last batch of ingredients. Lily was exhausted, but one look at the frantic eyes of the younger girl who was now hurrying toward them was enough to wake her up.
"You'd better come," the girl said firmly. Lily glanced down at her robes and saw she was a Slytherin. Frowning, she asked,
"What's wrong?"
"There's been a fight...a bad one. Someone needs to come."
As she said this, the girl's eyes flicked over to Sirius. Lily barely noticed, however...she was already moving toward the door. "How bad?"
"There...I think there are some serious injuries. I didn't see the whole thing...just the end..."
"Who was it?" Sirius asked, walking out the door right behind Lily. She had half a mind to tell him he didn't have to come, but then thought better of it...she might be glad for some help.
"Your cousin," the girl replied, her voice taking on an accusatory note. Everyone knew that it had been a huge scandal in the Black family when he'd been sorted into Gryffindor...and it had only escalated from there. His cousin, who was the same age as Lily, was one of the worst the Black family had ever produced, and it made Lily shudder to think what she would become once she was beyond the restricting confines of Hogwarts. Now she knew she wanted Sirius to come with her and see what this was about...she herself held a limited amount of sway with Slytherins, and Bellatrix Black in particular wasn't exactly a rational person.
Lily didn't voice any of this aloud and didn't ask anymore questions, though...there wasn't any time to do so. Turning, the girl led them down into the dungeon area and before Lily knew it she was staring at the most bone-chilling scene she'd ever personally encountered. The first thing she noticed was Bellatrix slumped against the wall with her eyes closed, her chalky face covered with a sheen of sweat, and there were a couple of Slytherins kneeling beside her. Lily couldn't tell if she was conscious or not, so she let her eyes wander to the opposide side of the corridor where the lone figure of her opponent lie...and Lily's heart jumped to her throat at the exact moment both she and Sirius began running.
It was Arabella. She was lying on her stomach, unmoving and frighteningly still, and Lily could only see the back of her head...she'd recognize her long, thick black hair anywhere. The moment Lily reached her she was on her knees and shaking her gently by the shoulder.
"Bella?"
Arabella made no response, but Lily could hear her shallow breathing and felt a wave of relief sweep over her...but it only lasted seconds as Sirius crouched down one Bella's other side and swore viciously. Lily glanced over at Bellatrix and saw that she was indeed passed out as well, and then saw that there were more students than she'd originally realized standing in a tentative circle around the scene...and suddenly the gravity of the situation hit her like a fist to the stomach. This had been no mere squabble.
"We have to get her back to the common room," Sirius said urgently, interrupting her thoughts.
"We have to get someone," she countered insistently, her voice shaking.
"Like who?"
"We have to get them both to the hospital," she said, forcing herself to think through the sickening leaden feeling in the pit of her stomach. She gently turned Arabella towards her as she spoke and was confronted with the sight that had caused Sirius to curse moments before...one entire side of Bella's face was purple with ugly bruising. Her bottom lip was split open and swollen, the blood from the wound still caked on her chin, dried and mixed with dirt. The red wounds were made even more ghastly-looking by the pallor of Bella's skin...it was pale, almost white. Lily swallowed the lump in her throat and resisted the urge to throw her hands over her eyes.
"We take them to the hospital and everyone will know about this within hours," Sirius said quietly, and Lily finally looked up at him. His black eyes were boring into hers, asking her what she wanted to do. She took his point...but there was nothing for it.
"Look at her. Look at them both...they need to go to the hospital."
As if to punctuate her statement, Bellatrix suddenly lunged forward and vomited all over herself. Sirius glanced at her and stared with a disgusted look on his face, and then, shaking his head, he barked at the gathered students, "What happened?"
No one answered...they all simply glanced at each other. Lily did not fail to notice that they looked distinctly uneasy...perhaps even afraid. Sirius repeated angrily, "What the bloody hell happened here? Someone had better talk..."
"We don't know," one older boy answered flatly. At the murderous look Sirius shot him he sighed and added, "The ones that were here to begin with ran off...the rest of us didn't see how it started."
"What curses did they use on each other?" Lily asked, her voice soft despite the urgency she felt as she looked up at the boy. He made eye contact with her briefly before lifting his eyes to the ceiling and replying,
"I...don't know. Honestly, we couldn't hear half of them..."
"And the other half we'd never even heard of," someone else finished for him. Sirius and Lily looked at each other and made a mutual decision. Conceeding her point, Sirius said,
"Alright...you go get help. I'll stay here."
She was about to protest when suddenly she became aware of the fact that there was not a single Gryffindor...or Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff, for that matter...in the small crowd loitering there. She glanced down at Bella and decided she had to do it. Nodding, she stood and pushed her way past a couple of students and took off, running as fast as her feet would carry her toward the hospital wing to fetch Madam Pomfrey. Reaching the top of the stairs, Lily turned the corner and fixed her eyes on the end of the long corridor. She prayed silently that there were no serious injuries. That was all she could pray for, at this point...the damage was done in every other sense.
The sound of heavy wood crashing into solid stone echoed ominously through the vast hospital as Lily shoved the door open in front of her. The sight of her broken and beaten friend was still floating before her eyes like a sunspot, and her mind refused to focus on anything else.
"Where is she?" she asked a student who was sitting on the side of one of the beds drinking a pepper-up.
He frowned slightly. "Who?"
"Madam Pomfrey. Where did she go?"
He was about to answer when suddenly Lily heard the clicking of her heels on the stone floor as she emerged from behind a partition. Narrowing her eyes at Lily, the nurse snapped suspiciously, "What's happened?"
"We need you...there's been a horrible fight..."
"Students?"
"Yes...but I don't know...we don't know what they used on each other."
"It was a duel?"
Lily hesitated for only a moment, then nodded.
"Right...show me," Madam Pomfrey declared, grabbing a bag and heading out the door ahead of Lily. Lily ignored the wide-eyed look of the boy on the bed as she hurried after the nurse.
The next couple of hours was like something from one of Lily's worst nightmares. By the time she got back with the nurse, the crowd was gone and Sirius was there alone...with Dumbledore, who had apparently also been fetched and was radiating a contained but palpable anger at the entire situation as he gazed down at Arabella and Bellatrix. His blue eyes softened only slightly when he looked at Lily, but soon he was helping Madam Pomfrey conjure stretchers and walk the two barely conscious girls back to the hospital wing. Sirius and Lily attempted to follow, but he stopped them.
"I know you are concerned about your friends," he said firmly, "But I must insist that you allow our nurse to do her job without interference. I want you both to go back to your common room, and I will send word the moment I know anything more...but first, I'd like to know what happened here tonight."
Neither of them spoke right away. Finally, when the silence became strained, Lily replied, "We don't know. It was over by the time we got here."
"So you do not know who instigated it?"
Lily shook her head, a motion which drew Sirius' gaze. He narrowed his eyes at her as though he was trying to understand something incomprehensible and said testily, "I'm sorry if I'm being thick, but isn't it fairly obvious who started it? Doesn't one of them have a particularly telling reputation around here?"
"They both have reputations around here," Lily replied, startling even herself. Dumbledore looked at her for a long time before finally answering, "If that is all the information you have for me, then I thank you and you may return to Gryffindor Tower. As I said, I will send for you if any new developments arise this evening...otherwise, you may visit them in the morning."
With that, he turned and followed in Madam Pomfrey's wake...and Lily was left standing in the silence of the now-empty corridor with a seemingly infuriated Sirius Black. Facing her with his arms folded, he snapped, "What do you think you're doing?"
She glanced up at him, resigned. "What do you mean?"
"You know damn well what I mean! Was that the best you could do to defend her?"
"I can't defend her, I didn't see anything."
"You're Head Girl! You could..."
"No, I couldn't."
He narrowed his eyes at her again. "Why the hell not?"
"First of all, it's unethical..."
"Unethical?" he asked, a sneer in his tone as he crossed his arms again and waited for her to explain further.
"Yes, it is...you know it is. I can't tell Dumbledore I saw something that I didn't see and expect him to take my word for it just because I'm Head Girl. That would completely undermine my position..."
"Bugger Head Girl. This is your best friend we're talking about, isn't it?"
She shook her head and replied, her voice rising in anger, "You don't understand, that's all. This isn't about Head Girl...it would just be wrong, and that's all there is to it!"
"No, I don't!" he snapped, "I don't understand how you can put your high-and-mightly principles above what's good for a person who's your supposed best friend!"
"I know all this!" she shot back.
"She could get expelled for this!"
"That's not our decision to make! It's for Dumbledore to decide...and perhaps we should trust him to be fair!"
"Right...fine best friend you are, Evans."
"Yeah, and fine cousin you are, Black." She was ao angry...she hadn't meant to say it, she just blurted it out. Now that she had, though, she could see that it had at least ended the fight as he spun and stalked off, muttering and cursing under his breath. For a split-second, she'd thought for sure he was going to hit her...and by God, she would have hit him back.
As wound up and furious as she was, she knew she couldn't go back to the common room and face all those people. Turning and walking in the opposite direction as Sirius, she headed for the astronomy tower to cool down and to just be alone to think for a few moments. Taking the stairs two at a time all the way up there, she felt a little shard of worry pierce her every step she took.
The only thing comforting her at this point was that Madam Pomfrey hadn't seemed too worried by their injuries...shocked at the ferocity with which they fought, perhaps, but she'd heard the nurse telling Dumbledore that it would take a few days to heal them at best in her usual crisp tone as she'd taken them away. This had at least led Lily to believe that no one was going to suffer lasting damage, and there was nothing that Madam Pomfrey didn't think she could handle. This left her not with a clear head, however, but with a whole other range of issues to stress over.
She'd known it was going to happen. In an odd way, she'd been expecting it, even though she'd managed to convince herself that the danger had passed. She realized now, of course, that she'd only allowed herself to believe this because she hadn't been given any reason to really think about it all year. She'd been preoccupied...and there hadn't been an incident between them in so long. Closing her eyes briefly, she remembered with a pang the last time they'd had a confrontation...she remembered what Dumbledore had said. She knew he hadn't forgotten either, and she knew he would be obligated to mete out the forwarned consequences.
She couldn't believe it was happening now...now, of all times. When they had such a short time left before the end.
Reaching the astronomy tower at last, she stopped to catch her breath as she folded her arms and stared out at the night sky. She wished she hadn't had that conversation with Sirius...it had simply added a new dimension to her already raging emotions. The truth was, she didn't know if she was doing the right thing...she didn't know if it was right to just stand back and let Dumbledore make a decision that could seriously affect the life of her best friend. Lily sighed and closed her eyes...she didn't even know if her input would make any difference in what the headmaster decided to do. She was fairly sure it wouldn't...but shouldn't she at least try?
Then again, there were reasons she wasn't keen on putting her ore in. She somehow felt that Bella had made her own decision and that it would be wrong to try and interfere...and half of Lily's brain was telling her that this reasoning didn't make any sense. She just couldn't help thinking that if Arabella hadn't been prepared to deal with the consequences, she wouldn't have been in the fight at all. It would have been one thing if Arabella had gotten attacked and Bellatrix Black had come out unscathed...but Lily had seen Bellatrix with her own eyes. She wasn't simply suffering wounds that had been inflicted in self-defense on Arabella's part. Lily hadn't had a really good look, but...she'd seen her face. She'd seen her arm hanging at her side, useless and broken. She'd seen the blood...Bellatrix Black had been as messed up as Arabella was.
Bella had known exactly what she was doing. To try and lessen the impact...somehow seemed disrespectful, and Lily could still barely understand her own reasoning on this. She just felt it.
Before she knew it, a large amount of time had passed...she could tell by the position of the half-moon over the trees in the distance. She'd thought about everything while she'd been standing there...not just whether or not she should get involved in Bella's case, but also about what it would be like if Bella DID get expelled. Lily had thought she'd been alone after her parents had been killed, after Petunia's rejection of her attempts to reach out...but she'd always been able to count on Arabella being there to catch her when she fell into despair. She'd been by Lily's side throughout the entire year...and even before that, she'd been more of a sister to her than Petunia for many years. Lily found she couldn't imagine being in that place without her.
Expelling a breath, Lily turned and shivered as she went back into the stairwell on her way back to the dormitories. She walked slowly, unable to kick her mind back into normal operation...she supposed she was stunned by this whole thing. Three hours ago, she wasn't facing the prospect of losing her best friend and having her life take another drastic turn...and now she was. It made her worry that she would be more affected by it than she realized just then, and that it wouldn't truly hit her until later when she was in bed trying to fall asleep.
Deciding she couldn't just leave it for the night, Lily stopped by the hospital wing on her way back. She didn't even get the chance to go in, though...she ran into Dumbledore, who was coming out.
"Ah...Miss Evans."
"Sorry, sir," she began, trying to look past him into the dimly lit room beyond, "But...I was coming to see if there was anything...happening."
He took her meaning and replied solemnly, "They are both recovering...although they had to be separated. They gained consciousness briefly...and Madam Pomfrey couldn't abide the shouting."
Lily winced, and he continued, "Miss Evans...I have the unpleasant duty of contacting the parents of the involved parties, and then deciding what is the best course of action. I do not believe I need to impress upon you the seriousness of this situation."
She shook her head despondantly. "No, sir."
He regarded her for a moment, seemingly considering something, and then stated, "This was not just a petty schoolgirl disagreement. This was an extremely involved, adult duel...in many ways. I do not believe I am mistaken in thinking that this fight reflects a mindset that goes far beyond the walls of this school."
Lily looked up at him, beginning to grasp what he meant to say and feeling that she could have told him the same thing. "They've hated each other for years...violently."
"I seem to remember...other incidents."
"Yes," she agreed, knowing it was pointless to deny it, "Somehow, Bella's managed to avoid Bellatrix for the last couple of years...I just don't know if she did it because she doesn't like her or if she did it because...she knew this would happen."
"Perhaps a bit of both," he speculated quietly, "But recent events in the wizarding world have no doubt heightened their differing opinions on...certain topics."
He was referring to the rise of Deatheater power and the movement against Muggleborns. Lily felt queasy, and it must have shown on her face because he didn't force her to answer before finishing, "In any event...I expect that I will find you here tomorrow morning?"
She nodded and admitted, "I...wasn't planning on going to class. It's the least I can do."
"I understand, Miss Evans...and I am sorry."
He said it in an odd tone of voice...as though he was apologizing for more than just what had happened, but also for a whole range of things that she couldn't even begin to enumerate regarding how this situation affected her. She merely nodded and asked,
"Should I...not go in?"
"They have each been given a sleeping drought."
She nodded and, casting one last look beyond him and finding that she was unable to see anything, she bid him goodnight and walked back to Gryffindor Tower. She stepped through the portrait hole as it swung open and made for the stairs, wanting to go directly to bed...when a voice near the fireplace stopped her.
"Lily."
She turned and was not surprised to see James sitting there by himself with a book. She smiled faintly and looked around the room. "Where's Sirius?"
He leaned forward and, resting his elbows on his knees, replied, "Went up awhile ago. I was waiting up for you."
She walked over to where he was sitting and took a seat herself in the chair opposite him. In as lighthearted a tone as she could muster, she teased, "I could have guessed that."
He smiled back at her, but his eyes searched her face. After a moment of silence, he asked, "Are you alright?"
She looked at the rug covering the floor and, after thinking for a second, replied, "Yeah...I'm alright."
When he didn't respond, she looked up at him and found him still staring at her as though he didn't quite believe her. Blowing out a huff of laughter, she assured him, "Really...I'm fine. I mean, I'm not having the best night of my life, but..."
"What happened?" he asked quietly, pushing his glasses up his nose.
"I...just don't know everything yet. I probably couldn't tell you anything more than what you already know from Sirius."
He hesitated, then sighed and leaned back in his chair, setting his book on the table beside him. "Yeah...listen, I'm sorry about that."
"What?"
"Sirius...he told me you had a row."
She shook her head. "Don't apologize. I understand his point of view, I really do."
"You what?" he asked, obviously taken aback.
"I...don't blame him. He doesn't understand why I'm acting so...apathetic. I can see that."
A pause, then he admitted, "Well, he did mention that you seemed...unwilling to defend her."
"Not unwilling," she clarified, frowning slightly as she tried to find the words to explain to him what she herself didn't completely understand, "Just...unsure that it's the right thing to do. Arabella is so headstrong, James...she always has been. If she had wanted to, she could have left herself room to escape this situation without blame...but she didn't. She chose to fight...and until I talk to her, I feel like I can't speak for her."
He thought about this for a moment, the firelight dancing in his glasses, and then commented, "I assumed there was something deeper going on than what Sirius had told me...and you know her better than anyone. I suppose it's a decision you have to make for yourself, and you shouldn't have to explain it."
She glanced at him, suddenly wanting to know what he thought of the entire thing...needing to know his opinion. "Do you...do you think I'm wrong not to take up for Arabella with Dumbledore?"
He turned his gaze to her again and looked at her for a moment, his expression inscrutable, before replying, "No...I don't. I think your reasoning makes sense."
"Tell me honestly," she insisted, afraid he was just saying it to make her feel better. He cast her a look and replied,
"I wouldn't lie to you. Not about this. I think half of the reason Sirius was so angry was because...well, it had nothing to do with you, really. He hasn't admitted this to me yet, but I think he feels responsible for the whole thing."
Cocking her head to one side, she asked, "How? He wasn't even there...he was with me."
"Yeah, but Bellatrix is his cousin...as much as they hate each other. He's always felt like he can never totally break his connection with the Blacks in other people's eyes...I mean, they share a name no matter what house he's in. He's always disagreed with the things his family has stood for...and he's always respected your friend."
Lily raised her eyebrows. "Arabella?"
He nodded. "You'd never know it, but...just because Sirius doesn't get along well with someone doesn't mean he doesn't respect them personally. Arabella Figg...she's a strong personality, and a decent witch. He respects that."
Lily was completely blindsided by this information and almost felt like laughing when she thought about how convinced Bella was that Sirius Black hated her. She simply lifted her hands and said, "Well...you know him as well as I know Arabella. You're probably right."
"Yeah...but don't tell him I said it. He'd beat the bloody hell out of me."
They were silent for a moment, just sitting there staring at the fire, lost in their own thoughts. After a moment, he asked her, "Are you really okay, or are you just saying that because you don't want to talk about it?"
She couldn't help smiling a little. "A bit of both, I guess."
He seemed to take her response as encouragement and prompted softly, "You're angry with her?"
She was startled by the question and looked up at him frowning. He didn't add anything more...just sat there looking at her, his hazel eyes interested without being probing. She would have felt equally comfortable talking to him or telling him she really didn't want to discuss it...but in the end, she chose the former. "I don't know...I guess maybe I am, a little."
"Why?"
She thought for a moment, not wanting to say aloud what she was thinking, but knowing somehow that it would make her feel better if she could just talk to him about it. "I don't know...I just hate that this had to happen when we're so close to the end. I mean, I suppose I'm not really mad at her...just at the situation."
He took this in, then asked, "So, you don't think she should have fought back?"
"Oh, no...I'm glad she did what she did."
He looked slightly shocked. "You are?"
Nodding, she replied, "Yeah...I know, it's not like me. I just...she's always hated Bellatrix. They've had fights before...nothing like this, but...Arabella has always disagreed with everything Bellatrix stood for, plus she hated the way they all treated me."
His brows furrowed. "Who all?"
"You know," she replied, her cheeks darkening a bit, "The Slytherins. The way they discriminate...and Bellatrix is no different. In fact, she was one of the worst."
"So it's a long time coming then, eh?"
Lily shrugged slightly. "Maybe...but Dumbledore said something to me earlier about how everything that's been going on has made it worse. Everything with...with the Deatheaters, I mean. The ones that do such...horrible things."
She paused, and the silence that fell between them was thick. Not able to stand the thought of her own situation involving her parents' deaths hanging unmentioned between them like a veil, she went on in a slightly weaker voice, "I sort of feel like...Arabella was doing what she could to show her rejection of all that...even if she could only go so far as to duel with a student who she knows supports that whole terrible mindset. I'm just...sorry Bellatrix had to get injured is all."
"Why do you care about her, anyway? I'm sure she wouldn't care about you..."
He stopped just short of pointing out the obvious...that Bellatrix thought that Lily was lower than dirt because of her own heritage. It didn't need to be said...and she could tell James was sorry he'd even gone down this path. She shook her head dismissively and replied,
"That's exactly why Arabella decided to fight back instead of run...and if that's what she chose to do, I'm standing behind her, but it has to end the way she knew it would end. And it's not that I care about Bellatrix...I don't, really. I just wish..."
She stopped, not really sure how she wanted to end the sentence. Suddenly and without warning, a lump came to her throat. Closing her eyes, she brought her hand up to rub her temple, wishing the sudden wave of worry would pass as painlessly as possible. She felt James lean forward to see past the hand she had at her face, and then heard him blow out a breath.
She shook her head and said, "I...I'm fine. I just...I wish this hadn't happened."
"I know. I do, too...really."
She could hear the genuine sympathy in his voice as he spoke the words gently to her. She waited a few moments before she looked up at him again and asked, "Can I tell you something...odd?"
He nodded. "Sure...anything."
She took a breath and tried to explain. "I feel like...I'm almost glad this is happening now, in a weird way. I don't know exactly how to say this without sounding...I don't know, silly or morbid or something...but I feel like this would have been much worse if it had been the only thing that happened to me this year. I...I feel like...because I've had to deal with so much tragedy in such a short space of time, I'm more prepared than I would have been to deal with this situation now. Does...does that make any sense?"
"Yeah..."
"No, really," she interrupted, turning more fully towards him and sounding a bit desperate despite her best efforts not to, "I feel like my heart is breaking again with worry at what might happen tomorrow...but I don't feel like...I don't think I'm going to break down because of it. I feel like...maybe I'll get through it. Is that bad?"
He shook his head slowly, his hazel eyes soft. "No, it's not."
He didn't say more, but he didn't have to...she felt better. They simply sat there looking at each other for a moment, her feeling like she at least had one more thing going for her...one more thing to help her through whatever was going to happen. Suddenly she realized that she would also be much worse off if it hadn't been for another trick that fate had played on her that year. Before she could talk herself out of it, she said quietly,
"I'm glad...I mean...thanks. For waiting up for me."
He nodded, but didn't speak. She laughed a little and added, "It feels like you're always waiting up for me."
Again, he didn't respond right away...he simply continued watching her. Finally, he stood up and held his hand out to her.
"Come on," he said in a low voice, "You should get some sleep if you're going to be up early tomorrow."
She suddenly realized two things...that he was right, and also that she did feel exhausted. Mechanically, she reached up and took his hand, letting him pull her out of her chair. Turning, he led the way to the staircase and up the first flight. Once they were on the landing where they would have to part ways, he turned to her and said,
"Try not to let it worry you...whatever's going to happen will happen, no matter what you do. Trust yourself and what you've said about Arabella...maybe she feels good about everything."
Lily nodded, thinking that he was quite possibly spot on. He lifted his hand to her hair suddenly and lowered his head so that she would have to look him in the eye, and then he asked in a near whisper, as though he didn't want to wake anyone, "Are you sure you're going to be alright?"
Something in his eyes made the lump return to her throat...but this time it wasn't born of worry or sorrow. It was the result of an immense wave of gratitude that washed over her suddenly towards him...he always managed to be there when she needed someone to talk to the most, and usually made her feel at least slightly better.
On an impulse, she reached up and put her arms around his neck, pulling him to her in a tight hug. He stiffened in surprise at first, but within seconds he'd relaxed and she felt his arms going around her waist. She felt warm and comforted as she turned her head so that her cheek rested against his shoulder, and he moved his hands slowly over her back. She sighed and closed her eyes. It had been a long time since she'd felt...safe, and she didn't want to let go. He turned his face into her hair, and it was the feel of his breath tickling her neck that made her realize vaguely that the embrace had gone on longer than she'd intended it to, and she stepped back.
Glancing fleetingly up at him but not meeting his eyes, she murmured a quick goodnight and went through the door leading to the stairway to the girls dormitories.
As the door closed behind her, Lily let her eyes roam about the room. The lights had been dimmed and Madam Pomfrey was nowhere in sight...in fact, the only person in the room as far as she could see was Arabella, who had turned her head as she'd heard the door open. They stared across the room at each other for a moment, and even from this distance Lily could see that Bella's demeanor had changed...her eyes did not now look cold...simply tired.
Sighing lightly, Lily crossed the room and took a seat on Arabella's bed. For a moment they just looked at each other, not saying anything. Lily, for her part, didn't quite know what to say...she didn't know what words to use to express what she was feeling, especially when she still didn't know for sure what was in her friend's mind. Finally, Arabella spoke, her voice reduced to a mere rasp.
"Well...they're expelling me."
She smiled faintly after she said it, and Lily returned the smile even though she felt like her heart might break. "I would imagine you can stay until you recover. At least a couple of days."
Bella nodded, and Lily took a moment to silently lament her friend's condition. The swelling in her face was reduced and Madam Pomfrey had apparently repaired a lot of the damage...but even she couldn't fix everything immediately. Lily asked quietly, "What happened to your voice?"
Arabella shrugged, "I got hit in the throat. She says it'll be back to normal by the end of the week."
Lily closed her eyes. "God, Bella."
"I know," Bella said, and her voice became steely as she continued, "But I'm not sorry for it, Lily."
Lily looked at her again. "You shouldn't be."
To Lily's shock, Arabella's eyes changed in a matter of a split-second as something appeared that Lily had never seen there before...fear. Swallowing, Bella whispered, "I don't know what would have happened if we'd known worse curses."
"Bella...look at you. What else could she have done?"
Arabella protested, shaking her head, "I'm not worried about what would have happened to me...I'm worried about what would have happened to her. I wanted to kill her."
Lily felt a sudden chill shake her as Bella spoke. She sounded almost as though she was afraid of herself. "Everyone feels like that sometimes. It doesn't mean they'd actually do it."
Bella hesitated for a moment, and then replied noncommittally, "I don't know."
Lily was quiet for a moment, and then she nudged Bella's leg with her elbow and said, "Oh, stop being such a pansy."
At this, Bella let out a snort of laughter, and then she groaned and put her hand to her abdomen. "Don't make me laugh...it hurts."
Lily's smile faded, and Arabella looked up at her and explained, "I was coming back from collecting some of the things we needed from the outskirts of the forest...you know, for that mystery potion we're making in Dumbledore's class. I...can't remember exactly what happened. All I know is that one minute I was starting up that old stone staircase, heading back to Gryffindor Tower...and the next I was lying on my face on the stone floor."
Lily winced.
Bella shook her head and said, "I don't even remember feeling pain...just fury. Lily, I didn't even have to turn around to know who it was...I knew, even before I heard her little group of social misfits cackling."
The image of the group of onlooking Slytherins flashed through Lily's mind. "What happened then?"
"I let her have it...knocked her right on her bony arse. In all honesty, that was as far as I was going to take it...but when I looked around, I realized that the small group who'd been with her were encircling us."
"Then you were trapped," Lily declared, feeling an unsettling surge of doubt about everything and wondering if perhaps she should be working harder to exhonerate her friend, "There was no way you could walk away."
Bella snorted again. "Oh, please, Lily...they were a bunch of sniveling brats. You don't think I could have blasted my way through if I'd really wanted to? You don't think they're just as afraid of me as they are of Bellatrix?"
"Yeah, but..."
"No," she interrupted, shaking her head of hopelessly tangled black hair, "I could have...I chose not to. I was so angry, Lil...I wanted to fight her."
Bella looked back up at Lily, frowning through her one good eye. "I hate what's going on out there right now. She...she represents everything that the Deatheaters believe. I have no doubt that her family are probably involved in all the torture and killing."
Lily's heart gave a painful thud as she thought in that moment of her parents...and suddenly, her own emotions shocked her. Somberly she replied, "Bella...I know you won't believe this, but...I'm proud of you."
Arabella made a face and repeated, "Proud?"
Nodding, Lily said, "You stood up for something you believe in. I'm...I'm glad you didn't run from that fight."
They stared at each other for a few seconds before Arabella finally murmured, "Well...this is a first in your career as Head Girl, isn't it?"
Lily shrugged. "I was your friend before I was ever even in the running for Head Girl, wasn't I?"
Bella quirked a brow at her. "Um, I'm not so sure. I think you may have been in the running for Head Girl from the moment you were sorted."
They laughed softly, and then were quiet once again as each became lost in her own thoughts. Finally, Lily took a breath and said, "Well...I brought you breakfast."
Bella eyed it warily, then glanced about the room. "I'm not supposed to be eating anything that tastes good..."
"It's okay," Lily said, scooping up some eggs with a fork and holding them out for her, "If anyone asks, just tell them it tastes like newt droppings."
Bella made a face as she grimaced at the eggs. "Mmm...appetizing."
"Just open your mouth, will you?"
Bella did as she was told, and Lily deposited the eggs in her mouth. When she was done chewing, Lily held out a piece of bacon and Bella tutted, grabbing the plate from her.
"Oh, give me that...I'm not an invalid yet."
Lily grinned at her, then she allowed her mind to wander as Arabella continued eating. After a moment, Lily murmured, "You won't be able to finish the class."
"What?" asked Bella around a mouthful of toast.
"The class...Dumbledore's class. You said you were coming back from doing the potion when this happened. You won't be able to finish it."
Arabella glanced at the door as if to make sure no one else was in the room before setting her empty plate on the bedside table and leaning towards Lily. In a whisper, she said, "There's something I haven't told you about all that."
Lily's eyebrows went up, and Bella went on, "When Dumbledore came to see me earlier to tell me about...well, you know. Anyway, he said he didn't want to lose me as a student...that I had potential. He said I couldn't tell anyone about this, but...I assume he knew I'd tell you."
"Okay...what?"
"Well, he's sending me somewhere to finish my preliminary training with some bloke who got out of Hogwarts several years before us...we were in fourth year when he left, I think. Remember Frank Longbottom?"
Lily knew the name...of course she knew it. He'd been a prefect. "You're training with Frank Longbottom?"
"He just wants me to earn my right to enter auror training with everyone else...Dumbledore, I mean. What do you think?"
Lily blinked. "What do I think? I think this is wonderful!"
"Yeah, but...I don't even know where I'm going."
"Who cares? This is too good to pass up. It doesn't matter where you go!"
Bella still looked troubled as she objected, "Yeah, but what about you?"
"Me? What about me?"
"Well," Bella clarified, looking slightly uncomfortable, "I mean...we were always planning on doing it together. You know...finding a place after we're out of here and everything."
It took Lily a minute to understand what Bella was saying. When she finally did, she didn't quite know what to say...it had been the furthest thing from her mind until a moment ago. Shaking her head, she replied, "Well...plans change. You know how it goes. Besides, we'll just go into training together later on anyway."
Bella very uncharacteristically bit her lip. "I don't know...Dumbledore says he doesn't know which training program I'll end up in, because of my odd circumstances. There's a chance we won't be in the same one."
Lily took the news well on the surface, but inside she could feel a rock fall to the bottom of her stomach as she realized what this could mean. Forcing herself to smile and knowing that Bella had to do what she had to do to make sure she didn't miss out on anything, she replied, "Bella...who cares. As long as we both do it, right? Why should you have to give up your dreams just because of that cow Bellatrix Black?"
Arabella's eyes darkened at the mention of her name. "I wouldn't let her. Trust me."
Lily shook her head. "I still can't believe this is happening."
Arabella looked up at her and replied, "I know...but maybe it was bound to, you know? I mean, if nothing else, I can say that I took a good shot at her and did some damage. Maybe next time she'll think twice about crossing me."
"Or anyone within a five-mile radius of you, most likely."
They both laughed softly, and Arabella winced again and put her hand to her side. "I paid a price, though...my entire body hurts."
"At least there was no lasting damage, Bella."
Arabella threw her a look and said, "Only psychological."
"Speaking of which...you should have seen Sirius Black stand up for you last night."
Bella's dark blue eyes narrowed. "Black? Are you joking?"
"No, I'm deadly serious. He and I almost came to blows over it."
"Over me? Wait...what were you saying?"
Lily sighed and explained, "Well...I didn't want to argue your case to Dumbledore without speaking to you first. I don't know...I'm still not sure I made the right decision. Would you have wanted me to...?"
"No," Bella interrupted, giving her head a firm shake, "No, I don't want anyone fighting my fights for me. If I hadn't been prepared to suffer the consequences of this, I wouldn't have let it happen this way."
Lily nodded and admitted, "I was fairly sure, knowing you."
"Yeah...don't worry. Black was wrong...but that's nothing new."
They laughed softly, and then spent the rest of the day just talking as though nothing were going on. It wasn't until the sun had gone down and Madam Pomfrey was starting to full before the thought of going back to the dormitories even entered Lily's head. Finally, she took a breath and said, "Well...I'd better be getting back down there before they kick me out. Will you be alright...is there anything you need?"
"No...I'm alright."
Lily didn't really know how to say goodnight...the awkwardness seemed to return as their memory of the situation they were in started to dawn on them again, and everything seemed so strange. In the end, she just said, "I'll come back in the morning."
Bella nodded, looking as though she might drop off to sleep right then and there, and Lily gave her hand a squeeze and walked back out into the corridor. She shut the door carefully behind her so as not to make any noise, and then turned and made her way back to Gryffindor Tower.
Part of her did think it was harsh of Dumbledore to be so hard on Bella...but that was the part of her that was dominated by personal feelings. In reality, she knew that there was no room for any leniency on such a thing...especially not with everything that was going on in the wizarding world. After all, what message would letting them off send to the rest of the student population? That such fighting was acceptable if it was for a good cause?
That was another thing...Lily knew that news of the fight would be known to everyone within the next couple of days, and she had to plan out how she was going to handle it. She knew there was one other aspect of all this she had yet to consider, and she pushed it forcefully from her mind. She didn't want to think about spending her last days at Hogwarts without her friend...she couldn't.
Mumbling the password to the Fat Lady, she sighed as she stepped through and numbly walked over to the fire. Staring into it for a moment and wishing that the flames could somehow warm the chill she felt on the inside, she blew out a breath and lowered herself to sit cross-legged on the rug. Resting her elbows on her knees, she put her face in her hands and rubbed her eyes with their palms, trying to conjure up some words of comfort. She wished Bella were there to cheer her up, but of course it was stupid to think it...it only made her feel worse.
"Hey," came a voice from behind her, and she looked up to find James standing beside her.
"Oh...hey," she replied, "I didn't see you when I came in."
"I know, I watched you not see me," he teased quietly, his eyes remaining serious. He opened his mouth to say something else, but then seemed to think better of it and was silent for another moment as he looked at her. Lily turned her attention back to the roaring fire in front of her...she didn't know what to say. She didn't even know what she was feeling. After a moment, he tentatively lowered himself down to sit beside her, one knee drawn up and the other leg stretched out in front of him. She turned her eyes from the fire to the reflection of the fire dancing on his boots...they were still muddy from the quidditch pitch.
"Are you alright?"
She glanced up at him only to find that she could see the fire dancing in his eyes as well...she couldn't seem to get away from it. He scanned her face and his concern was palpable, but all she could do was shrug.
"Yeah...I'm alright."
A silence passed between them, and finally he said softly, "What are you doing here?"
She frowned. "What do you mean?"
"I would have thought you'd want to stay up there with her...since you only have a couple of nights left."
Lily was about to tell him it was ridiculous, that the nurse would never let her stay in the hospital overnight, that Bella was tired and needed her sleep...but all she could do was close her mouth again as the reality of the situation washed over her in cold waves. It was going to be her last couple of days to spend with Arabella...and from what she'd told her about going to train God-knew-where, she didn't know when she'd see her again. Suddenly, it seemed absolutely ridiculous for her not to be up there with her.
"You're right," was all she could think to say to him, and he smiled at her.
"Go on, then...before that raging lunatic of a nurse bolts the door on you."
She got up without another word and went to rush back out the portrait hole...and then James called her back. She glanced over at him and he said,
"See if you can get them to let her sleep in the dorms her last night."
Lily blinked. "But...how?"
"You're Head Girl...and if that doesn't work, I know a couple of tricks you can use to sneak her in."
She smiled gratefully at him, feeling better than she had moments ago at the prospect of the long night alone in her bed thinking about all this, and then stepped through the portrait hole on her way back to spend some final hours with her best friend.
To Be Continued in Chapter Ten
More Fic by Emmyjean at
The Hidden Tower