"Ford?" Arthur asked tentatively.

"Yes? Ford replied testily.

"I'm alive," Arthur whined tenaciously.

"What the hell does tenaciously mean?" Zaphod asked blatantly. "And why the hell is this stupid author writing so that the characters all have adverbs that start with 't's?"

"Stupid?" The all-powerful author replied in a deep, all powerful and omnipotent type voice. "Thou shall be smote!"

With that a large and powerful bolt of lightning fell down and struck Zaphod firmly in the chest, instantly killing him.

"Hah! I'm still alive!" shouted Zaphod.

"Why the hell are you still alive?" the author shouted, forgetting to speak in an old English style.

"Because I didn't die in the last piece of fanfiction you wrote. I lived! HAH! So there."

"Alright, fine," the author proceeded, still no talking in old English. "You can't die, but I can make you small, insignificant and lemon flavored."

"I'm allergic to lemons," a random demon mentioned, walking around the corner that no one had noticed before due to a lack of the author's providing a description of the location, what with him being preoccupied with Zaphod.

"So don't eat him," the author replied, shrinking Zaphod to a small and insignificant size and making him lemon flavored.

Now then, a description is needed of the scenery: Ford, Arthur, the newly miniaturized Zaphod, and the random daemon were all standing in a little stone place by a corner.

Somewhere along the way, someone screamed.

"Hey!" Arthur exclaimed indignantly, "I'm supposed to be the one screaming around here!"

"Well clearly you aren't, so get over it," the lemon-intolerant demon said.

"Where exactly are we?" Ford asked the demon.

"Oh, are you talking to me?" asked the demon.

"Yes I'm talking to you," Ford said to the demon. "What other demons could I possibly be talking to? It quite clearly stated: 'Ford asked the demon' in the text portion of this which characters generally can't read."

"Yeah, well the author did a terrible job of describing the scenery, so there might have been another demon that we didn't know about that this terrible author failed to-"

"Het hem," said the author, making a very deep noise out of the false cough and indicating the now centimeter tall Zaphod.

"Hold on," said Zaphod, "Why am I a centimeter tall? This is a fanfic from a guy in the U.S. The U.S. is notoriously stupid for not using the metric system. I mean, honestly, the U.S. is so dumb that-"

While still in mid-sentence, Zaphod's body disappeared to a later point in the story when he would be needed.

"Anybody else have something to say about me? Good. Now go about the frickin' story without me having to intervene."

"Hold on," said Ford, "Why in the name of Zark wouldn't he intervene? I mean, after all, he is writing the story."

"Don't expose the plot holes!" cried the author.

"Right then. So, Mr. Demon, where exactly are we? I'm going to guess that we're in hell."

"You'd be wrong," the demon said, indicating around the corner. "This is heaven."

"Why in on Earth did you just point around the corner?" Arthur asked

"Because I felt like it. Now what's Earth?"

"It's a big planet."

"I see," said the demon. "Are we talking, like, Alpha Centaui big Zeta major big, here?"

"I'm talking planet big."

"Oh. Betelgeuse," said the demon.

"Why did you say Betelgeuse?" asked Arthur.

"I panicked," the demon replied calmly.

"So are you a demon or an angel?" Ford asked.

"Neither, actually," he replied. "Would you believe, I'm actually god?"

"No, I wouldn't," said Ford.

"No, I wouldn't either," said Arthur.

"Oh, bother, no one ever does," the demon replied testily. "Alright, fine, I'm a social security worker in charge of the kitten taxes."

"Kitten taxes?" Arthur asked, finding himself to his great surprise to be only mildly surprised by this.

"Yes," replied the demon/social security worker in charge of kitten taxes. "It's the tax you must pay to regurgitate into a kitten's mouth and whack it with a meat tenderizer."

"I whomped mine with a meat tenderizer. Does that count?" Ford asked, slightly tentatively.

"You did not. It said quite clearly in chapter one that you whacked it with a meat tenderizer. Besides, whomped isn't even a word!"

"Alright, fine, what do I owe you?"

"One kitten whose mouth has been regurgitated into that has been whacked with a meat tenderizer."

"Happy to comply," Ford said, producing the kitten from a pocket in the volumous overcoat that he was suddenly wearing, despite whatever clothes the reader had decided to put him in in the first place.

"So why is everyone here?" Arthur asked the demon/social security worker.

"Call me Bob," Bob said. "It decreases the amount of typing the author has to do."

"Alright then Bob, why is everyone here?"

"We are all here because-"

Suddenly a brick (Which I by the way, own from now on!) of multiple colors flew by a walloped Bob in the head.

"Now we'll never figure out why we're here!" cried Arthur.

"I know why we're here, but I'm never going to tell any of you," Zaphod said as he suddenly stepped out of a space rift from where the author had moved him to as previously mentioned. "Did I mention that I'm completely back to normal now, too?" he added.

AN: Thank you all of those out there who reviewed, thank you in particular those who told me I could bring people back to life, and I must now give due credit to someone else for something mentioned in the first chapter: meat tenderizers belong to someone with the nondeplume (French for "pen name" if you spell it correctly) of Ran Keether. No vampire Penguins in here, though. I'm saddened by myself. Or as Microsoft word would correct me in the grammar check I just ran "Myself sadden me."

So, now for the part where I say stuff to individual people: Fantasy Loving Freak: Thank you for the previous mentions to me in your story, though I'm suing for control of all bricks in all fanfiction stories, as well as all double bladed frying pans and vampire penguins armed with meat tenderizers (I don't care about Ran, he sticks to his own obsessive Star Wars sites.)

Everyone else who wrote stuff: I forgot all of your names, but thanks for being stupid enough to read my fic and not mentioning that British people spell "colored" with a "U" as my sister did.