This chapter has been revised. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Peacemaker. I do claim ownership of the plot and the OCs though.
Men and Women
Chapter One: Hime-chan (Shinji)
A girl blessed with beauty and talent. Her parents' pride. She was a prodigy at the koto, singing, dancing, and also extremely well tuned for entertaining. She beamed a lovely smile as her fingers watlzed over the chords of the koto, making pleasant music as she went...
Unfortunately, I was not this girl.
"Absolutely splendid, Kaede-chan." cooed Aunt Ume, who was my cousin Kaede's mother. Then she turned to me, "Now that you've heard what the piece should sound like, play for me, why don't you? Remember to keep the beat: one two three, one two three...alright? Go."
One two three, one two three...counted I cautiously. After playing flawlessly for three minutes, I focused so much in counting the beat that I struck the wrong chord. And the more I played, the worse my music sounded. Instead of "splendid" music, it was a chaotic cacophony with all the wrong chords and the beat jumping all over the place.
"Stupid girl!" fumed Aunt Ume as she struck my head with her fan, "How many times have we gone over this piece? You sound like a yowling cat whose tail had been stepped on! Why can't you play like Kaede?"
I bowed my head low and kept quiet. Aunt Ume chided on:
"How on earth does your father expect me to make you a good bride? You can't sing, can't dance, can't play koto, can't even be a good hostess! What CAN you do?"
"I know how to cook, Auntie." said I with the best imitation of humility I could come up with.
"COOK?" repeated Aunt Ume with utmost scorn. "Noble women don't dirty their hands with such menial tasks! What do you think servants are there for? Whoever gave you that crazy idea?"
I smiled innocently, "Kaa-chan said so."
"Well, sure, that woman had to know how to cook! Her family couldn't even afford their daily meals, much less personal servants!"
I clamped my mouth shut. I was afraid that if I open it something horrible would come out and Aunt Ume would make me regret it sorely, by ways of telling Father about my lack of respect, and he would take me out for a good beating like the other times. So, with proper humility, I bowed my head to her again as I picked up my instrument and left.
"Don't feel bad," said Kaede with her trademark haughty smile as we walked down the corridor toward the front garden, "you're just not a genius like me."
Kaede was fifteen, five years older than me. She has long brown hair and a pair of attractive dark eyes as the center feature of her porcelain face. Her beauty and charm and talents could probably shame some of the most well-trained geishas in the Red Light District, and finally, her extraordinary pride to top it all. Arrogance--the favorable distinctive trait that has been passed down for generations in the Toyotomi house-- was also something she had plenty that I lacked. Needless to say, I envied Kaede. In my childish mind, I really believed that if I had a quarter of her beauty and charm and talents and personality, I'd never have to worry about being a disgrace to my parents.
"I was engaged last week." confided Kaede suddenly. "My future husband's in the teahouse business. His mother owns several at Shimabara. You know what Shimabara is, Shinji?" Forgetting that I was only ten years old, she talked to me as if to an adult, "It's the Red Light District in Kyoto. It's most likely that I get to run one of the teahouses in their enterprise. Lovely, ne?"
"When are you leaving?"
"Anytime they call on me. Oh, there's your escort." pointed her to Toudou Heisuke--who was waiting at the gate, "Goodness, look at the rags he's wearing! Can't your family afford better clothes for servants? Their appearance is a reflection on the family, don't you know?" whispered her to my ear, though it was loud enough that Heisuke heard it too.
"Well then, it's a good thing I'm not a servant of the Toyotomi house, is it not, Lady Shinji?" Heisuke retorted cynically.
"How insolent of you!" Kaede gave him a razor-sharp glare. "You're lucky I'm not a samurai, or else Shinigami'd be taunting you in hell!"
I cut in before the quarrel has any chance of becoming a cat-dog fight. "Listen to yourself, Kaede-neesan! You're supposed to be a lady of grace, aren't you? And you too, Heisuke-nii, some people are allergic to clowns, so keep your bantering to yourself."
"Stay out of this! You are not my mother!" Both of them yelled at me in unison and resumed quarreling.
Heisuke and Kaede, they're like a pair of bells and whistles. Loved to make noises. Don't ever shut up.
"I saw Midori-san this morning." remarked Heisuke as we walked to the tea house Kaa-chan told me to drop by after my koto lesson. It's our way to spend some mother-daughter quality time, especially since she's been absence for two months, "Looked like she had a good trip to the country. Must've tasted a little too much of her dishes."
"What do you mean?"
"With all due respect, I dare say...Midori-san's gotten fatter." Heisuke's eyes twinkled in mischief.
I would have hit Heisuke with my koto, but it's way too heavy for a ten years old, so I gather all my calmness and reply in my usual thoughtless way, "That's because she's pregnant, stupid bastard."
Heisuke's eyes darkened. They were blazing, and...savage. I thought he was going to hit me.
"Um...gomen. Gomen nasai. I didn't mean it...really, it just kinda came out.."
"Must you curse all the time?" Heisuke scowled at me, "You're a noble girl. And besides, you're ten!
"Father gets mad whenever he sees me, so he curses me all the time." I pouted. "Bitch, hell, asshole, bastard, fu..."
Heisuke clamped his hand over my mouth, "Don't you ever get caught by Midori-san?"
"No. I only curse when I'm angry. And surely I don't ever get upset around Kaa-chan."
"Cursing is bad."
I asked him why.
"It hurts other people's feelings."
"Did I hurt your feelings?"
"Yes."
"But how could it hurt your feelings if it's not true? You're not a bastard, you just ran away from your parents because you wanted to be independent! Wasn't that what you told me?"
"Yes." Heisuke nodded. With a little, yet noticeable reluctance.
"Then, the way I understand it, curses are just what you say when you're mad. They can't hurt other people's feelings because they're not true. Like how Father always says I'm a bitch. Well, I'm not a girl dog, so I don't care how many times he holler at me, 'bitch bitch bitch!' Feelings are hurt only when their owners chose to feel hurt."
Heisuke was gazing at me in a strange way. Not angry or disapproving. Somewhat astonished, and a little sad. I was certain he was disappointed in me. It just couldn't be helped. Father kept mentioning I was a born disappointment for quite a long time now.
When Heisuke was about to walk away and leave me in front of the teahouse's entrance, I tugged at his sleeve, "Could you do me a favor, onegai?"
"Sometimes I feel like I'm your slave, not your foster brother." He rolled his eyes, "What?"
"Please don't tell Kaa-chan about my cursings. I promise I'll try not to curse from now on."
Heisuke beamed a grin at me, "Alright. But don't forget your promise. I'll wash your mouth with soap if you break it."
That evening was the longest evening in my life. I waited and waited and waited and waited until the sun went to sleep and dusk drew on, until the teahouse's owner shooed me off the steps of which I've been sitting on. I kept on waiting, pretended that I was a rock. Nothing could move me from where I was. I fervently believed that Kaa-chan could be rounding the corner any moment now. She'd be anxious and worried that I've been waiting alone for too long. I'd hide from her view. Let her look for me. She'd be terrified when she saw that I wasn't there. And I'd jump out from my hiding place, squeeze Kaa-chan's in a big bear hug. Kaa-chan'd clutched me in her arms, even tighter. Her face paled and her trembling lips muttered words of relief. Nobody could tear me from her.
I awoke to my dismal reality when rain fell down on my head. Wasn't a regular summer drizzle, no, God was playing a prank on me, intending to drown me in this heavy downpour. The sky was black save the crooked lines of lightning that were ripping the clouds apart. Thunder boomed loudly by my ears. Immediately, I was seized with the dreadful feeling of fear. Fear of monsters, of darkness, of devils, or worse of all, of the prospect of never seeing Kaa-chan again. Frantically, I huddled behind a trashcan, biting on my thumb until my mouth tasted salty with blood--to suppress the urge to cry. No, crying'd only tell the demons where bad kids are at, Kaa-chan said so. I'm not a bad kid! I don't want to be eaten! I want to go home!
Out on the street, a group of three was kicking at a boy. I hid myself further. Yes, I'm selfish and cowardly like that. Because I'm a girl.
The boy was crying, a cry of helplessness and utter abandon. All the more to provoked the bullies. He should've known crying only reveals his weakness, showing the ones beating him where to strike the hardest.
I didn't want to save him. Why should I? Who'd save me from Father when he flogged me with the bamboo rod?
...Kaa-chan did. Even when it meant getting a slap herself.
This boy was different. He didn't have a mother to save him from the beatings...
Trash launched through the air. The bullies were covered in a mixture of rainwater, mud rotten, filthy waste. I hooted with laughter at the pathetic sight, temporarily forgot my own predicament. They saw me. And I became their punching dummy.
If you recall, I've been Father's punching bag for more than half my life. The old man was forty times worse than these puny punks.
I wiped the blood off the corner of my mouth and knocked them down with my koto. It's made of jade, instead of wood like regular kotos. A precious gift Kaa-chan ordered from an exotic faraway land called China.
I made the bullies bowed to me before sending them scurried away like pitiful mice. Not possessing the indisputable arrogant quality of my Toyotomi relatives didn't make me void of pride. With a majestic tone in my voice I asked the boy if he was lost. But he was so shaken up and upset, he just went on crying, as if he's never cried before. The boy reminded me of myself the time Father tied me up to a tree in our yard and whipped me with a treebranch until I literally cried my voice out and fainted under the hot white sun. It was all because I stumbled upon his sake jug and shattered it.
"Go back to where you came from. Someone's probably already looking for you."
He shook his head; his long ponytail, heavy with rainwater--much like his white yukata--, swishing from side to side. He kept rubbing his eyes so much that I thought he might tear them out. The boy looked pitiful and sadly, girlish at the same time. I told him to have some faith, and stay put where he was instead of running around on these dark streets lest he wants to get eaten by monsters. I wasn't sure if any of those actually sank in, but prior to leaving, the boy spoke to me, his back turned towards me:
"Nobody's looking, you can cry if you want to. Your thumb is bleeding, you know."
It took me a while to adjust to the fact that I'm no longer number one, with the baby in Kaa- stomach growing bigger day by day. I actually felt threatened, being a selfish and spoiled child I was. No matter how many times Kaa-chan had repeated to me that she's suddenly taken ill the whole night of which she supposed to come to the teahouse, I've easily convinced myself that the real reason was that the baby had kicked me off my rightful seat in Kaa-chan's heart. To retaliate against the imminent threat , I deliberately acted like an obnoxious brat. Disobedience, vulgar manners, swearing (yeah, even swearing)...you name it. I even flatly refused to help Kaa-chan in the kitchen --something that had became our intimate hobby over six whole years of my life. Kaa-chan was infuriated, but she couldn't even lift a bamboo rod to flog me, much less make me listen to her.
I have truly turned rotten.
Four days later, a doctor came over to our house to check up on Kaa-chan. So it won't be long until the baby comes and snatches Kaa-chan from my life, this thought plunged me into an even sourer mood. However it turned out that I wasn't the only one who was indifferent toward the upcoming delivery.
"Did the doctor say it's a boy?" demanded Father.
"There's no way to know until it's born." replied Kaa-chan matter-of-factly.
"Rather know now and abort it if it's a girl. If we wait until it's born, then we can't throw it away."
Kaa-chan protested, "Babies aren't trash, teishou. Doesn't nine months carrying a baby in my belly count for something?"
"You think we have any use for another little bitch?" exploded Father suddenly. "Look at that girl of yours! She's worthless! Can't do anything! Just the thought of trying to find someone willing to marry her off is driving me nuts!"
A long pause. Then before exiting the room, Father sneered, "A boy, is that asking to much? Afterall, all you women are good for is making babies, is that not right?"
Eavesdropping on their conversation didn't make me feel any better. If the baby were to be a boy, Father'd make it next to God in the household. If the baby were to be a girl, it'd steal my Kaa-chan away. Either ways, my life was going down a spiral. And I hated the baby even when it was still in the womb.
That night we waited and waited for Father to come home. The foods Kaa-chan prepared got cold and distasteful, but I was so hungry I ate them anyways. We must've waited until midnight, until my head was bobbing up and down in a half-slumber and Kaa-chan told me to go to sleep.
"Ooohh...you devil you! Can't you wait til we're in bed?" came a voice of a woman, so flabby and distasteful like spoiled pastry.
"Shut it woman, or you'll wake up the old wench!" hissed Father, one hand groping at the woman's breast and the other swinging sake bottle.
I stood still, rigid with absolute disgust. All the things Kaa-chan had done for this man...how she had cooked for him and waited for him and slaved for him... And this man, whom I called Father could stoop so low he brought home a slut as if Kaa-chan wasn't here at all...
"Go to bed." ordered the man. As of this moment he ceased to be my father.
I didn't move. He cursed loudly, "Get out of my way, bitch!"
Seeing that I wouldn't budge, he lost his temper and threw the sake bottle at me.
It hurt so much. Blood started oozing out of the wound on my head. The red liquid scared me. I trembled and shook with the ghastly thought of death.
"Shin-chan!" shouted Kaa-chan as she pulled me back away from the man. "How dare you do this to her you asshole! Get the hell out of my sight! You and that slimy bitch! God damn you both to hell for enternity!"
The furious look Kaa-chan had. I have never seen anything more frightening in my whole life. She seemed as if she'd kill the man with her butcher knife.
The man glared at both of us with cold yet deadly intent, "You dared to disobey your husband for that worthless piece of shit?"
"The only part worthless of her, if there's any, is yours!" Kaa-chan shouted back. "If it weren't for her, I'd walked away from this hellhole a long time ago! If it weren't for her, I'd have left you to die in your own indulgence! Anyone that dares hurt her, I swear I'll kill them! I'll tear them from limb to limb!"
"Shut the fuck up!" He slapped Kaa-chan. When his hand fell, I could see the red marks of five fingers deeply printed on her cheek.
I was dead wrong about Kaa-chan. Kaa-chan loved me. She loved me still. Even after I've been such a damning child. Never so much did I loathe myself.
Sobs and tears burst out. I cried and cried. I cried out of anger, of self-loathing, and of resentment too, because I was so useless...so helpless I couldn't do anything.
note: Hime-chan means "little princess". Shinji is the girl in the prelude, if anyone's confused so far. Please read & review!