Innocent Resentment
"The feelings of those with stolen light"

Chapter 2: Lust: The Selfless Lover

I really did wish I didn't feel this way. I really did. I didn't mean to wish such an awful thing. I'm not a bad person. I know I'm not. I manage to smile all the time; I can even worry a lot. Sometimes I even forget about it completely and actually have a good time. But the truth is…I'm happier when she's not there. I lifted a hand and tugged at a lock of my hair. Curly. Why couldn't it have been straight? Why did I have to be the only one of us with this mop?

"Ayumi?"

I lifted my head and looked up as Eri called my name and offered and apologetic smile. "I'm sorry. Was I day dreaming again?"

"Whatever." Yuka said dryly. "You're always daydreaming." Yuka turned away again. "So come on Kagome! Tell us. What happened this time?"

"Yea, spill. We're your best friends after all." Eri agreed.

"Well…" Kagome's tone was teetering, as if she wasn't sure about how much to say and I glanced away from the trio.

They were so rapt in attention with Kagome. I could understand, we didn't see her all the often anymore. And when we did she was so stressed about not studying that she barely had any time for us really. And then there were her secrets, which had suddenly sprung up like a barrier. It was so confusing. I couldn't help but struggle between being hurt at the theft of my friend and glad that she was no longer there all the time.

She'd been my friend first. My best friend from the very start, until our group grew. I was able to do it though. I could share her with Eri and Yuka; they'd become my best friends too after all. But now there was this unknown entity that had monopolized her. And ruined everything.

"Spill Kagome!" Yuka urged.

"Kagome!" Eri agreed.

"Maybe we should just leave her alone." I offered which gained my glares. It was almost funny, slight humor giving me the power to laugh a bit, albeit sheepishly. "Never mind I suppose."

"Well?" Eri prompted Kagome again.

"Nothings happened, really." Kagome insisted, locking her bite up at the rack. "He's just his usual self."

"You mean pushy, rude, obnoxious, and violent?" Yuka asked.

"He's really not that bad." Kagome defended quietly.

"I think he sounds rather romantic." I tried again.

"Oh please." Eri argued. "A guy like that? He's a real bad boy. Trouble to the core."

Yuka's voice dropped to a whisper. "What if that's why she likes him?"

"I don't think so." I replied.

Kagome wasn't really that type of person. Or she never had been before. Had she changed after she'd cut us all out of so much of her life? Could she have? I glanced over at Kagome who had a hopeless expression on her face, a sigh of surrender escaping her. I straightened and turned to question her further but a voice broke across the yard and usurped all attention

"Kagome!" The voice was male and I recognized it instantly, turning slightly to see Hojo ride across the schoolyard on his bike. I had to work to contain the smile that tugged, instead backing away with Eri and Yuka as Hojo crossed to Kagome.

Always her. She was all he ever saw and I knew all he ever would. I could understand. I wasn't anything special. I was just the friend of the girl he loved. But she was my friend and I could forgive her for that. I could even help her get the one boy that I loved. Because I wanted them both to be happy didn't I? It could never be me. I could never be the one for him and so the next best thing was helping Kagome to get him?

Wasn't it?

"So what did you get this time, Kagome?" Eri asked.

I looked up to find Hojo gone, turning my head just in time to watch him disappear into the school building. I turned back to look at Kagome, a ribbon tied gift basket settled in her hands, her face in a bewildered expression.

"Hojo is such a gentleman." Yuka praised.

"And so considerate." Eri agreed. "I bet he'd take good care of you."

"Cut it out guys. Hojo's really nice but we're just friends." Kagome countered then turned and held the basket out to me. "Here Ayumi. You can have this." Depositing the gift basket in my arms then smiled. "Well, better get to class." Dashing towards the school building.

Eri and Yuka blinked in surprise then shouted and chased after her. "Get back here Kagome!"

I stood in surprise, Hojo's gift cradled in my arms. If only he'd been the one to give it to me. Maybe if I kept it I could pretend…. The thought lingered a moment then disappeared and I turned, set the basket next to the tire of Kagome's bike, shouldered my bag then walked towards the school.

I could love him and still be happy for him and Kagome.

Couldn't I?