Well, at least some of you guys are willing to give this less-than-Outstanding idea a chance. Thanks for the reviews!

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Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

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Harry, Ron, and Hermione exchanged glances, each wondering if Snape really was going to reveal the secret entrance to the main kitchens. But Snape walked right past the painting of fruit, instead stopping before a huge painting of a muggle seaport.

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"Before we go any farther, make sure all long hair is tied back firmly." Snape growled. "Without magic!"

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There was a series of gasps, and a few girls fumbled with hair ties. Meanwhile, Snape stuck his wand in the painting, hitting a red buoy back and forth.

It made a clanging noise, and the waters parted - as did the painting. It split apart and swung open, revealing a surprisingly modern looking kitchen.

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Snape made then stand as far away from the equipment as possible, and checked that every girl's hair was tied back without magic. He then stood back and sneered.

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"As this is a new class, sort of, I will lay down the law now. This is no more a matter of wands and incantations than Potions itself. In any case I expect next to none of you to even begin to grasp the great ART that is Cooking! Even fewer of you will show me any talent whatsoever. Now, as for the rules of this class - there will be NO magic used. If I catch anyone using their wand, for any reason, they shall lose the privilege to possess that wand until after dinner. FURTHERMORE -"

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Snape's voice rose with each word while all his students looked at each other, clearly nervous -

"- Anyone caught fooling around shall join the others in detention who even now are dutifully scraping the walls of my Potion's Classroom clean! Is that understood?"

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Everyone gulped and nodded.

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"Alright then, everyone make groups of three!"

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Harry, Hermione, and Ron stayed together; unsurprisingly Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle stayed together as well. In the end, only poor Neville was alone.

To his great discomfort, he had to work with Snape. Snape then handed out sheets of fireproof parchment to all groups and assigned them their stations.

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"You have until the end of class to make as much as you can off these recipe sheets. Begin!"

Everyone scrambled.

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The muggle-born students did fairly well - they had a very good grasp on the basics. Everyone else tended to not understand the concept at all. As a result, people from seven different groups had their wands confiscated.

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Ron stared at the recipe sheet he was holding, blinking. Hermione was trying to figure out what 'lb' and 'Tb' stood for.

Harry, on the other hand, was well under way with the first recipe.

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"Harry, how can you understand this? It's gibberish!"

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"I didn't know you cooked Harry," Hermione said.

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"I had to teach myself," Harry said as he cracked eggs and began mixing them in. "At night, whenever I snuck out of the cupboard. Dudley ate everything and then some at dinner, so I had to make myself more if I wanted anything."

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"Can't you cook Hermione? I mean, you're muggle born!"

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"Uh -"

"You spent all your time studying, didn't you?" Ron threw up his hands in disgust.

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"What's wrong with that?"

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Harry sighed, just as Snape showed up on one of his 'Wand Grabbing' rounds.

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"Hmm, not bad Potter," he said as he looked in the bowl, "Just add another tablespoon of sugar."

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"Yes Professor," Harry said cheerfully as he did so.

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Snape glided off, and now both Ron and Hermione were staring and blinking.

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"Did Snape just say something nice - to HARRY?"