Chapter2
Perhaps one of the scariest things about the world in which we live in, is our lack of control. Those moments that change our world, those special, terrible moments; we can't control when they come, how they hit us. When you first fall in love- you aren't expecting that- it just happens. And when a loved one dies, and it feels like the world is collapsing around you- you can't control that. You can't control destiny.
And then there are the moments that we don't know are happening, but will affect us none the less. When our best friend is born, we won't be there, but that moment will change our life for evermore. And all it takes is one moment, one person, and your destiny can be changed forever. Maybe you'd know straight away, but maybe you wouldn't. It wouldn't change the irrefutable fact though- your life will never be the same again.
What's planned out- that's destiny. The stuff that changes it, alters it? That's fate.
She is six years old and the world is a frightening place. She knows the rules, and the facts, but somehow- here in this swirling moment where all that can be seen is flashing colours- she cannot remember them. And all around her is noise; so much noise. Everything blurs together and she finds she can no longer hear separate sounds, but instead a general mish-mash of pure volume. It frightens her, this lack of control, and this freedom which is so apparent in every particle of air.
This is playtime, recess, and she has never experienced it before.
She feels like everything is moving too fast for her to keep up. A week ago she had never set foot outside the apartment, unless you counted her fateful hospital appointment, and now she was here, expected to just fit in, like they wouldn't hate her if they knew who she was.
But they will, which is why she has to remember to try so hard not to stare at the swings, and the children, and especially not at the girls her age with the rope swinging between them. She has to remember not to look as if she's never seen this before. And it's really hard, because she wants to know what the girls are doing. She watches one with light hair jump over the rope, and she sucks in a breath quickly. It's so quick.
The little traitorous voice in her head says it looks like fun. But that's not true. Fun is reading the dictionary when he is out. It's looking out of the window at night and guessing where home is. Fun is not jumping over a rope.
The light haired girl looks up and meets her eyes and she drops them quickly. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. How many times does she have to be told? She can't mess up again.
Never join them. Watch them, learn from them, but never join them. Remember you are their better. You don't need them.
She stands in the corner, only a few inches from the wall. To keep from crying she recites her rules in her head, and she looks at the sky, and tries to be brave.
She hears a scream, piercing and loud blocking out all other sound. It hurts her ears. Someone near her stumbles, pushing her and she trips, falls to the concrete. Her elbow smashes against the wall and pain jolts her. There is no apology- no regret, but it does not matter- she does not expect it. The tears smart her eyes and she curls up now, back pressed against the bricks, knees pressed together. She pretends that if she makes herself small enough no one will see her. She doesn't want to be seen.
A few hundred miles away, in Roswell, New Mexico, two other children are experiencing the world of school for the first time. They are dressed in their favourite clothes, and they are nervous also…but not in the same way. They know how to smile and they trust Diane, who has never lied to them, never hurt them. The little girl, Isabel, is so excited. Finally somewhere that she can be completely normal. No one will know her and she will get the chance to have what she knows she wants more than anything. Friends.
The little boy who is dragged alongside her cannot quite let himself go enough to fully participate in her enthusiasm. He doesn't want friends. He just wants to go back to Diane and Phillip and smile with them. He doesn't need anything else. He is scared.
But then they get off the bus. They move forward and automatically his eyes are drawn to the thriving playground. What he sees there changes his world forever.
He sees a little girl.
Her name for today is Sarah Smith. He chose it, said it was normal, unimportant. Nobody would remember it. She likes it. She thinks it would be nice to be normal, unimportant. Ava, now she has a whole world resting of her shoulders. Her stupid, useless shoulders. But Sarah Smith, she just has to concentrate on going to school. And learning. She really, really wants to learn.
You must never forget your destiny. An entire planet waits for you. You must grow up strong, fearless. You are Queen Ava of Antar. Never forget it.
And that's why she can't be Sarah Smith, no matter how hard she wants to. Those others, out there somewhere in the world- they'll be waiting for her, needing her. She can't forget them just so she can live out some stupid dream of being normal. What sort of queen would she be then?
So she sits next to the wall with her hands over her ears and tries to block out the world.
She didn't need any of this anyway. She was going to go back home, with the others, and they would rule Antar together.
That was destiny. She couldn't forget it.
But destiny forgot her, and as she sat next to the wall, the person she waited for stepped off the school bus and fell in love with a dark haired little girl playing with her friends. A human girl.
That was fate.