Chapter 3- Being Sarah
A/N Helloooo people! This is very quick as I have to go pack, but here'se the next chapter. I'm sorry if it seems a bit rushed, but I wanted to have it up before I leave for Peru (tomorrow dies). I hope you like.
Life is defined into moments. They might not be spectacular or even very important at the time. But these moments, they're out there, waiting for you. They're going to change your life.
When the shadow falls across her she doesn't notice for a moment. She is too wrapped up in herself, in trying to remain unnoticed. So it takes a small noise for her to look up.
Standing above her is the small blond girl she had seen with the rope earlier. In fact the rope is hanging from her hands now, brushing the floor in front of her feet softly.
"Do you want to play?" Her voice is quiet but filled with confidence and Ava is immediately torn. She remembers the rope moving through the air, the small bodies full of movement.
And then, suddenly, she knows what it is to want something so bad that you'd do anything for it. In that defining moment all she wants is to jump over the rope with the other children and forget that there is anything else in the world. That feeling, that longing takes over and she finds herself nodding, and climbing to her feet.
And when the blonde girl holds out her hand she finds herself taking it like it's the most natural thing in the world.
"I'm Bella."
"Av…Sarah." She nearly slipped then, but Bella hadn't noticed. The other girl was swinging the rope in her hands slowly.
"Do you want to be friends?" Ava nearly falls backwards with surprise. She wanted to be friends with her? Of course she didn't know what she was; Bella thought she was just a normal girl like her. But still…a friend. Nasedo said she should try and fit in, and that meant friends, didn't it?
So she nodded again, and let the other girl drag her off, not really paying attention to what she was saying.
A friend.
Sally, Rebecca, Alexandra, Sophie- meaningless names and faces that rush past as her feet move over the rope. The world blurs and soon the rope is all there is. Just her and the rope.
It's heaven.
Then something strange happens. As she moves a strange sounds comes from deep inside her stomach and bursts out like a monster. She stops skipping and just gives into the feeling.
She is Sarah Smith. She is six years old, and for the first time in her life, she is laughing.
In the classroom she is careful not to show that she knows more than the others around her. She cannot help but feel slight contempt as she watches Bella struggle over simple words, but when it is her turn to read she makes sure she stumbles and falters as well as the rest of them.
Their teacher is young and beautiful and Sarah looks up at her with amazement as she is given a book to take home. She has read much harder things, but it has pictures.
The story is of a princess with long beautiful hair. She imagines herself in the story, wonders if her tale will have a happy ending. She doesn't know it yet, but in the following years she will devour every story like this, desperately searching for that happy ending.
In the afternoon they have to draw a picture of what they did over the weekend. The boy next to her draws an alien. He saw a movie and his picture shows them with claws and big eyes. He tells the teacher that they are evil and he wants to shoot them. The others are wide-eyed as he tells them. Her anger rises and his chair moves out from under him.
She holds her breath and closes her eyes, expecting people to stare at her, but nobody notices and she lets out a breath.
She doesn't feel guilty.
When school ends she is Sarah. She is Sarah and she forgets to be Ava. She exits hand in hand with Bella, smiling and laughing and normal, for once in her life.
Her eyes meet cold, dark ones and she falls back into Ava with a shock. Her hand falls limply to her side and in a moment of truth she knows she will not be coming back to this school again.
Once more she has failed. She doesn't know why yet but she can see it in his eyes as he approaches.
She grabs Bella's hand and squeezes it tightly, memorising the feel of it, sweaty and small within her own.
Then she lets go, walks away, and doesn't look back.
He walks her home in silence.
He opens the door in silence.
He makes his way into the bedroom.
"Wait there."
She waits.
When he returns the photo he shows her is simple. A woman lying on her back, sleeping. The bottom is torn but she does not consider this.
Then it clicks.
She traces the photo slowly, trying to make skin come alive beneath her touch. She remembers this person. At the first flat, the one where her failure tainted the air, the woman had been their next-door neighbour. She had seen her once, when they moved in, but she remembered that it had been her that had seen her fall through the window, called the ambulance.
She knew then that the picture was not one of sleep.
She tries to look away but he grabs her chin and brings her face nearer.
"This is what they do. Innocent people, killed for no reason, except that the fact they saw you, spoke to you, even once. The humans who chase us will stop at nothing to find you. If you are any sort of person, you will not endanger those around you. You are alone Ava. Until we find them, you have to be alone. Do you understand?"
For a moment she thinks she sees compassion in his eyes and she nods slowly, curls tickling her face.
Then she is running to the bathroom and throwing up because that woman will never wake up, and although she does not know her, there is an awful sort of finality to that.
If she let herself think any further she would be crushed. She is a murderer, but her mind stays far away from that. To admit it would be to feel it, and she is not sure she is strong enough for that. So she sits by the toilet, face wet with what she assumes are tears, although she does not remember crying.
She is Ava, and she is alone.
Back in the bedroom the man once known as Nasedo lights a candle and watches the photo gradually curl up and burn. Suddenly remembering he reaches into his pocket for the crumpled piece of paper that lies there. It is the bottom of the photo, and on the woman's stomach, a silver glow shines from a glowing handprint.
He watches it burn and ignores the small noises from the bathroom.
It is for her own good.