Disclaimer: I still do not own Wild Arms 3. To Teefa and Co, Black Waltz 0, Hypes, and Luna-Starr: Those were the nicest things anyone's ever said to me! It made me feel so much better! By the way Gallows' Stalker—I'm open for this Friday at 5:00. Shotgun wedding, hope you don't mind too much.

"It's hopeless." Moor Gault moaned monotonously. "We've been here for the last hour and all you creatures can come up with that's a definite option is eating and sadism!" He emphasized the last three words with pounds of his wings against the temple wall. "Haven't any of you learned anything from the people with whom you travel?"

"I learned how to piss people off!" A voice shouted from the back.

"I don't care if you can piss people off! I want revenge, dammit! Revenge!!!" The PO'd fire phoenix screeched.

"Works every time…" Fengalon said in self-satisfaction.

Moor Gault heaved a lengthy sigh. "OK. Since I don't know what else to do, were just going to go with Raftina's plan because she was the last Guardian received."

"BOO-YEAH!!!" Raftina floated into the air and shouted while swirling around her long, pointy sword. (Which I wouldn't really suggest at home, folks).

"High-five anyone? High-five?" Unfortunately, no one else had a 'five' to high with the exception of Celesdue, who would rather grow balls, have them castrated, then spend the rest of her life singing Soprano as a eunuch than congratulate the prettier Guardian. "Well then," Raftina went on as Moor Gault began to wonder what exactly he had done. "I declare this day a victory to all in the name of Love!"

The Guardian lifted her sword and shoved it forcefully into the Blue Palace's cracked temple wall.

And then it collapsed.

No for-warning. No desperate squeal of confusion. No burst of laughter from the Fates. But, none can say it wasn't meant to be… because that would disturb the rest of the plot line…

Luckily though, the Guardians have super-magic anti-buriable powers—which we won't go into right now—and made it out of the collapsed Palace alive… or as alive as you can be for a bunch of weirdo's bent on revenge.

Raftina looked at the pile of rubble sheepishly as she bent down and picked up her sword from beneath a rock. Then she chanced a peek over at the strangely calm Moor Gault. "Raftina…" He began coolly. "Can you hand me that sword, please?"

Raftina looked at her sword. It was her dueling sword addition #547 with special gold plating and chrome tip. The one her father had given to her when the four-fingered man had slaughtered him. Wait a second… Raftina didn't have time to finish her thought before a fiery wing yanked the sword from her limp grasp.

"This," Moor Gault began, "IS WHY WE DON'T. GO. NICE. PLACES!!!" He banged the helpless sword on the desert ground beneath before tossing it over his shoulder and onto the railroad tracks.

Everyone flinched when the sound of a metal train going approximately 117 mph meeting a dueling sword addition #547 with special gold plating and chrome tip came to their ears. Pay attention class, we'll be having a test on this later.

Raftina looked over at the crumpled stack of metal, which used to be her addition #547 on the railroad tracks and felt tears sting her eyes. "I want my sword!" She wailed into the Filgaian sky.

"Come." A deep voice suddenly said. She felt an arm wrap around her shoulders and she looked up into gold eyes and a purple half-crescent moon. "We have much to discuss."

And so, Sesshō-maru the Dog Demon and Raftina Guardian of Love walked into the sunset.

And they both lived happily ever after. The End.

…

Wait a second…

It was like an awkward mix between cold, warm, rough, soft, and neurotic as the ten remaining Guardians crowded behind a solitary rock at the top of a cliff ledge. Even after the mysterious and completely random loss of the eleventh Desire-Basher, Raftina's idea was still being set to use after her disappearance due to her lack of Patent Pending.

Take that Legal System of Filgaia!

Now, all they needed was for the target to walk into the trap. That was the only real logical part of the plan. All they needed was to focus their desires so that Lucied would come and walk right up, drawn to them by nature. But, what to focus on…?

"Okay everyone," Moor Gault whispered, "Think of your strongest desires… NOW!!!"

Everyone shut his or her eyes tight, each with their own individual thoughts and desires.

And Lucied could hear them all.

A lone wolf was stretching its legs, enjoying the freedom of escaping the confines of that bright red trench coat. It was a beautiful day, now that the weather had begun to get steadily colder and colder, making it the first day in anyone's memories to reach 70 degrees—Fahrenheit, of course, because the Metric system made just too much sense.

It was a nice day for a single and lovin' it Lucied, until thoughts suddenly rushed into the wolf's head. With a few seconds of vigorous, dog-like shaking, Lucied found s/he could single out each thought and place it, like a little game of connect the dots.

Fengalon: I like chicken, I like liver, meow mix, meow mix, please deliver.

Star Roe: I do NOT look like a midget-Gundam! You don't even watch the freakin' show!

Celesdue: I've only been mentioned once in this thing. And I'm way cooler than Raftina! Come on… I know you think I'm sexy!

Grudiev: Wouldn't it be ironic if there were a giant moth Guardian…

Schturdark: I hate my name. I mean, even I can't figure out how to pronounce it… I hate my life… I just want to jump off the nearest ledge and drown… wait a second… OH, DAMN THE FATES!!!

Moor Gault: I see dumb people…but the real trick is to get them to shut up. Is that a Desire?

Chapapanga: I wish I were a real boy

Justine: Yeh, it's sad, believe me, Missy. When you're born to be a sissy, without the vim and verve. But I could show my prowess, be a lion not a mou-ess if I only had the nerve. I'm afraid there's no denyin' I'm just a dandelion, a fate I don't deserve… yada-yada-yada-yada-something-something-something-nerve!

Dan Dairam: I'm a parody in myself. Look at me! I'm a Puss in Boots knock-off!

Zephyr: Oh I wish I were an Oscar Mayer Weiner, an Oscar Mayer Weiner I would be. 'Cause if I were an Oscar Mayer Weiner, then everyone would be in love with me.

Lucied shivered as s/he severed the connection between it and the 'desires.' From what was heard, the Guardians themselves desired more parody action and an expanded vocabulary of insults. (Some psychology would probably help, too).

That was perfectly fine for Lucied; it would just mean even more attention for the Desire Guardian and another appearance for a dazzling chapter or two (not if they had anything to do with it!).

And so Lucied trotted off unto impending doom and whatnot. Or is it…?

Yes, yes it is.

Or is yes it…?

…

Wait a second…

"I want my mediums back!" Virginia finally exploded. It had been an entire day and there was no sign of her Guardians.

"We all want our mediums back, Virginia." Clive said, trying to calm the Drifter leader down.

"But, but, but…" She couldn't think of any way to counter that, except for a crazy scheme. "I'm going to find my medium!" She shouted and stomped off into the chilly night, deserting the campsite as fast as I desert a plot line.

"Well, looks like another crazy adventure!" Gallows got up to follow after the retreating girl.

"NO!" Jet burst out. Everyone turned back to look at him, even Clive who had begun to get up and go with the other two. "I told you I'm not going in this story… you continue on and I'll… I'll commit suicide!"

The others kept on walking as Gallows shrugged, "It's been done before."