Disclaimer: I do not own Wild Arms 3. Woot! A little Lucied intermission, showing the troubled side of the purple wolf thing. Sorry I haven't updated, I have been on Ruins of Filgaia forum a whole lot and yesterday I was out for six hours at the JagerMusic Tour (featuring Slayer, Killswitch Engage, and Mastodon). My big sister was trying her best to keep me from the mash pits and people kept stepping on my feet. My very first metal concert! Woot! If Gallows' Stalker could get me a picture of Gallows in a hamster suit, my life would be complete and I don't think I will time travel anymore; I might start giving TetsouTsubushi a seizure. Thanks Teefa85, fellow RoFFer and the strange Shiver who wrote that Lost Memories fan site… That was wicked frickin' awesome…
And so the story always goes of a lone wolf's journey for companionship...
" A personal WHAT?!" Lucied barked loudly enough for every one in the restaurant who wasn't already looking to turn her way.
" A personal ad, Lucied. You always manage to grab the weirdest people on the dating scene, maybe an ad would be better…" Pike comforted the huffy wolf with a pat to the head, Lucied tried to bite that hand angrily.
" I do NOT get the weird people… I get very unique people who are just very involved in their plot lines…" Lucied turned away as Pike sighed.
" You've had a evil metal demon named Boomerang, a person with a gigantic sword named Anastasia, and then there was that hedgehog in Mexico… Lucied, you need a real boyfriend." As he finished speaking Lucied grumbled a low, " Yeah…" before barking for the barkeep to play another song. " But if walls could talk…" She gave sly smile, " They would have some pretty good stories to share with you…"
" I'll remember that next time I'm on shrooms." Pike gave a smile as Lucied chuckled merrily; it was a long time since she'd had a good conversation with anyone—especially someone like… well, Pike… Maybe she was really lonely inside… Lucied got up to leave, careful to reach into her fur and pull out some Gella in her mouth to toss at the table.
"Oh, and by the way," Lucied turned back at the door to face the other people gathered at the inn/ bar/ restaurant/ assassin's HQ, " None of your Desires shall be fulfilled." She turned toward one particular person and growled. " Especially you, you sicko." And with that, the Guardian of Desire turned her heal and left.
" Male, age 45, occupation accountant…" A claw skimmed down the other entries in the newspaper. " Female, age 18, occupation floozy… Male, age 1,000, occupation metal demon… Bah!" Lucied barked furiously, shoving the newspaper aside. " I'm getting no where on this!" She then sighed and reached for her own ad she'd written herself last night.
' Female
Age: Very, very, very, very, very, very, old
Occupation: Guardian of Desire
Likes: Being purple and cool, music, saving the world, and being a wolf with the ability to speak several tongues
Dislikes: A lot of things, we won't go into them right now
Is looking for: Anything that doesn't have a big sword or that sinks in water
One thing to remember about me: I can read your Desires, so don't be thinking anything you don't want me to hear.'
Of course, that's what it was supposed to look like. It ended up, however, reading a little something like alien code written in old English that was scribbled down by a three year old while it was riding a buffalo. ' Damn paws…' Lucied thought disdainfully as she licked the top of an envelope and shoved the letter inside. " Now to wait as the letters come in…" Lucied said aloud and curled up for a good night's rest on another bar's floor, having no place to stay other then Clive's pocket—and that wasn't the best place to pick up dudes.
" Is there a Lucied, here? Lucied of…" The mailman checked the name again. " Desire?"
A wolf's purple head jolted from it's placed on the floor. " That would be me!" She cried happily as the people in the bar didn't even turn their heads, a bit used to hallucinating about the strange being for the last few days.
" AHHHHHHHHHH!" The mailman screamed in mortal terror at the creature bounding towards him. " BACK I SAY, BACK AWAY!" He screamed.
Lucied took a few steps backward. " Listen man, I don't mean any trouble. Just hand me the mail nice and easy, okay?"
" What's going on here?" Just then, the Sheriff of Little Twister stepped in after hearing all the ruckus. Being the only law enforcement officer on Filgaia and the only man who has a random appearance setting of nothing and no importance what so ever, it only makes sense that he should come into the story right about… now.
" Just a guess officer, but I believe this man suffers from Porphyrophobia, Japanophobia, Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia, Doraphobia, Cynophobia, Agrizoophobia, Fearaphobia all at once." Lucied deducted.
" Wow, that must suck." The Sheriff said, scratching his head.
" Indeed." Lucied agreed. " If I were to be situated in that current situation, I would sit down and take a deep inhale of Oxygen before sipping some… Di Hydragen Monoxide!"
Lucied nearly collapsed to the floor laughing as the man screamed even louder and curled up into a little ball. " Hey, don't make fun of him just because… My coat is made of mink!" The Sheriff and the Guardian of Desire both burst into laughter as the man put his hands over his ears.
" Maybe it's a… purple mink?"
" No… I believe it is a… wild Japanese spaniel!"
They both wiped tears from their eyes as the man crawled out of the bar to go give out the rest of the mail for, as we say here in Cambodia, through snow, sleet, wind, and hail, we will deliver your mail! Or in this case, through a fear of dogs, the color purple, the Japanese, wild animals, animal fur, long words, and a fear of fears. There goes the last sane mailman on Filgaia… And probably the only mailman on Filgaia…
" That was great… but seriously, your going to jail."
" What?!" Lucied started. " Why?!"
" For associating with this man!" The Sheriff held out a piece of paper and brought it down to eye level for the purple wolf.
" That looks like a crudly drawn stick figure with a ketchup stain in the far right corner." Lucied said, eyeing the piece of paper carefully.
" Yes… Well, your under arrest for association with John X. Smith."
" Is this toilet paper?" She sniffed the paper before it was yanked from under her nose roughly.
" That's it, your going to the big house!" The Sheriff said, taking out a pair of handcuffs and putting them around Lucied's purple paws. " You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be misinterpruted then used against you in the court of law." He read the rights as Lucied struggled. " Wait! I need my mail! People want to date me! I have to answer them!"
" Where your going you won't be able to answer anyone…" The Sheriff said, taking his horses reigns and putting them around Lucied's head as a makeshift muzzle.
" Burmuda…?" She said hopefully, putting on a puppy-dog face.
" No! Jail!"
" Damn…" She muttered as he finished tying on the 'muzzle' and loaded the Guardian of Desire on his horse.
" Nobody's knows the trouble I've seen, nobody's knows the sorrow… Nobody knows the trouble we'll see, waiting for tomorrow…" A long mournfal howl echoed through the prison's walls.
" Oh, nobody knows the horror I've seen, nobody know the sight… Nobody knows the horror we'll see, waiting for the night… Take it Lucied!"
" Nobody know the weird things I've seen, noboy knows the desires… Nobody know the weird things I'll see, once I manage to break out of this Guardians-forsaken jail with some pliers…" Lucied gave another mournfal howl.
" That wasn't very good…" The figure next to her said bluntly.
" Yeah, your right… Okay, let's try this one. Nobody know the—"
" Let's talk about what everybody knows for once." Another figure said. " Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, tea pots and sleighbells and warm wolly mittens, brown paper packages tied up with string, these are few of my favoirte things! When the dog bites—"
" No, no good… I got one!" Lucied perked up and wagged her tail happily. "You've been hit by,
you've been hit by—A smooth criminal."
" You should join Karaoke, Lucied." The first figure said.
" Yeah… Once I figure out how to get my sanity back…" She said, but quickly caught herself. " I mean, it's not that you guys are bad… I just find it awkward to have floating puffins talking to me while I'm alone in my cell waiting for certain doom."
" That's okay." The levitating puffins said in unison. " Were used to it."
The sound of someone coming into the jailhouse brought Lucied out of her dazed state of mind. " Lucied of Desire, you are to be hanged at the end of the minute." The black hooded person that approached her cell said in a deep and threatening voice.
" Don't I get a last meal or an lawyer or something?"
" …"
" Your not going to answer me, are you?" Lucied said, letting her head and tail droop down. " Well, I guess this is goodbye Jed and Bob the gravity-defying puffin's… I'll miss you."
" Goodbye Lucied." The puffins said in unison, fading out of existence. The man with a black hood just shook his head, first he was told to execute a talking purple wolf, and then he finds out that the talking purple wolf is not only real, but psychotic too.
Everyone who had crowded around the area outside the Jailhouse was looking with glaring eyes at the Guardian exiting the place with the hooded executioner quick at her heels. The gallows (wooden gallows) were creaking eerily as an unusually strong breeze swept across the land.
Lucied stepped up as the noose was fastened around her neck and the executioner stood at the ready to pull the lever that would release the trap door beneath her feet. The Sheriff stepped up and held a piece of paper in the air for everyone in the crowd to see.
" This is for associating with John X. Smith!" He said loudly.
" Who's John X. Smith?" Someone from the crowd shouted.
" I think he was my shoe shiner." Someone else said.
" No, no, no, no… He was that elderly man who would say hello to people." Another person yelled.
" I think he was a doodle I drew in seventh grade…"
" Does Filgaia even have a school system?"
" Maybe there's an abyss where all of our educated scientists pop out of."
" No… we already have an abyss and all that comes out of it are blue jewels."
" Oh… who places those things anyway?"
" Maybe John X. Smith does."
" Enough! You want to see an execution or not, people?!" The Sheriff said angrily.
" Maybe she was associating with John C. Smith."
" Quite possibly, maybe Jonathon X. Schmitt?"
" Johnny E. Smitty?"
" Screw this!" The Sheriff said and motioned for the executioner to pull the switch. Just as the trap door whooshed open and Lucied was thinking she'd never get her mail, another fast paced wind swept through and shook the area with tremendous force. A few people blew a couple of feet away and the rope around Lucied's neck snapped suddenly as the Guardian of Desire gave a dark smile as she got up and took a deep breath. " MWHAHAHAHAHA!" She released an evil laugh. " This is what you foolish humans get for messing with a Guardian!" A giant purple drop of water-like substance fell from the sky, but its landing was interrupted by a women on a bicycle. " Hey lady, we outlawed wind-bicycling ten years ago!" The Sheriff shouted and was cut off soon by the sound of a horrible whine and dog intestines spurting on his face. Before the attack could finish, Lucied found herself being whisked away into the sky.
" Wha—?" Lucied looked up to see a masked figure soaring through the air without wings, holding her tightly with a gigantic paw. They landed a few minutes later on a deserted peninsula. As the giant figure turned to leave, Lucied called out, " Wait!" It stopped and looked at her with hidden yellow eyes. She walked up slowly to the creature until their noses nearly touched.
The unknown hero soon had his giant paw rubbing the side of his cheek that the wolf had viciously slapped at with a purple paw. " Don't you EVER interrupt my revenge AGAIN!" And with that, Lucied went off to find her mail at the bar.
Lucied sighed as she went through all the mail from her ad. Each and every one was either smutty, boring, or just plain weird. She picked up another piece of mail and shredded it open with her fine teeth to read the letter inside.
' We are sorry to inform you, Ms. Lucied of Desire, that you must be eighteen or older to submit an entry. Please take this as a consolation prize.'
Lucied growled and threw the letter into the trashcan, careful to take the lollipop out first. She was about to give up when she decided to read just one more letter. ' Fifty-eighth times a charm…' She thought tiredly to herself as she tore it open and read the contents.
' Dear Lucied of Desire,
I wish to meet you here someday
Where there is no more vengeance
And passions can come out to play
I dream about you in my heart
And in my soul, your there
With yellow, fearless, gleaming eyes
And waves of amethyst hair
Your footsteps lead me through the storm
That my own paws created
Oh, Lucied, I will come for you
Once our evil plans have been belated.
Sincerely, That Thing That Just Saved Your Sorry Ass'
The Guardian of Desire blinked once, then twice, then thrice after reading this letter before crumpling it up and throwing it away with a shiver. She was a common sufferer of Metrophobia. 'Damn Poetry! I'll swear I'll kill the bastard who sent me this!' She thought as a sleek smile spread across her muzzle. Before screaming came to her erect ears.
She looked down at the man dressed in uniform with a duffle bag at his side curled up on the floor bellowing. " Will somebody PLEASE get him out of here!" She yelled.
Fengalon ran up to the group, right now gathered around Moor Gault's still body. " What'd I miss, what'd I miss?" He asked excitedly, panting heavily at the same time.
" We think he's waking up." Celesdue whispered.
" What?!" Fengalon shouted over the noise of his own panting and Moor Gault shot awake.
The phoenix dragon yawned wide and rubbed his eyes with his fiery wings. " Huh? Was I asleep?" He yawned again. " Hey guys, what's going on?"
" Oh, were so glad your awake, Moor Gault! Isn't that right everybody?" Despite Schturdark's enthusiasm, only a few people muttered or grunted out what might be considered answers.
" Oh, yeah, yeah, it's great to have you back now and I was just… wiffle bat!" Celesdue outburst suddenly, watching amused as Moor Gault shot back a few feet.
" Don't say that!" He hissed, cowering in fear.
" Oh, of course not… wiffle bat!" Grudiev shouted and Moor Gault yelped.
" Yes, we were just about to… wiffle bat, wiffle bat, wiffle bat!" As Celesdue said each word rounds of laughter came from the Guardians at seeing Moor Gault try to dig a whole in the ground to hide in.
" Hey! Stop that now!" Fengalon ran up and put a comforting arm around his frightened friend. " You all should be ashamed of yourselves!" The laughter died down quickly and everyone looked downcast at the ground. " And I think everyone owes Moor Gault a… wiffle bat!" He let out a chuckle as the Guardian of Fire hoped back nearly a yard and cowered with his wings over his head.
" Enough fooling around, Guardians, let's get back to work and stop making fun of Moor Gault's Batoracakphobia" Celesdue said, getting down to serious business again.
" Is that even a real phobia?" Asgard asked quietly.
" Who said you could talk yet, hunk of metal?" She spat back as Asgard straightened up and gave a, " Yes, Master!" following the other Guardians to where Moor Gault was.
Fengalon lingered a bit behind and reached into his layers and layers of fur, finding what he was looking for that he had stuffed in hurriedly before. Checking to make sure none was looking, one giant white paw pulled the mask over his head. " Hehehe…" He giggled giddily before turning around and bolting after the others.
" All right! The Schroedinger's are finally out of the way, and they left without a hassle either!" Virginia smiled and clapped her hands together.
" They shot me!" A cry caught the rest of the Maxwell Gangs ears.
" Stop being such a pussy, Clive." Jet said.
" Call an ambulance!" Clive shouted out.
" Quiet down, Clive! Now all we need to do is find Asgard again and that shouldn't be too hard after all!" She smiled. " Okay troops, move out!" She began to strut away with Gallows (human Gallows) and Jet following after.
" Tell Kaitlyn I love her!" Clive shouted, but got no response. " Oh shit." He muttered seating himself on the ground. " Join the club." Said the Sheriff of Little Twister, now just the guy who's name I can't remember and was too lazy to go to Little Twister and find out what it really was. He had recently turned in his badge swearing something about never drinking again.
" Who are you?" Clive asked.
" Let's just say I'm a man with a 'bout of Anemophobia" The former-Sheriff of Little Twister smiled as he spoke.
" What?"
" Never mind…" The former-Sheriff of Little Twister muttered, taking a seat to the left of Clive on the log.
And so, my severe Sinistrophobia shall cut this chapter horribly short.