Disclaimer: I do not own Wild Arms 3, but I asked for it for the Holidays… I'm still waiting for the response from Media Vision/Sony. Sorry I haven't updated in… a month… I've had Writer's Block and then wrote an essay on Writer's Block and that was pretty humorous… I've also been working on my super-long-extra-special update, but debating on weather or not I should do one long one, or two shorter-more coherent ones. Smashing them together has created a fourth dimension in my basement and it keeps trying to eat my hand. And with that, I wish all my wonderful reviewers a salutationary Gahooliday!
The ground was a crisp, golden brown as usual, just because it was the holiday season wouldn't change that. And seeing as how Filgaia is an inanimate life form until dream demons come and manage to prove the Filgaia Theory correct, until then though, it is inanimate and has no emotions, partially contributing to the fact that it has not showed any holiday snow in the past ten years or so, making it a very dull and brown day.
A splotch of strangely arranged colors managed to peak from the horizon, and stood contrast to the ever consuming brown. Yes, it was a time of peace on Filgaia, a time of celebration for all and for the boundaries separating everyone to come down to promote unity and welfare for all…
" Erm… Why are we all here together?" Celesdue was the first to ask, breaking the long and awkward silence after being set apart from each other during most of the chapters.
" It's Christmas, I guess that means the lines aren't allowed to divide us." Clive hypothesized and pushed his glasses up his nose a bit.
" It's not Christmas, it's Gahooladay!" Moor Gault jumped and shouted, with much more enthusiasm then normal. In fact, just any enthusiasm at all was pretty amazing. Enthusiasm being a pretty amazing word not used too often anywhere.
" Merry Gahooladay? That's pretty crappy." Jet said disdainfully.
" Its Salutationary Gahooladay." Moor Gault defended proudly, such a wonderful holiday said in blasphemy?
" Sounds like a Webster's Dictionary and Charlotte's Web got in a car crash." Celesdue summed up rightly.
" What about Hanukah? I like Hanukah." Chapapanga felt it necessary to intrude his opinion on the matter.
" What's Hanukah?" Schturdark asked innocently.
" It's when we light the candle's of a menorah in remembrance of—" He began, but was soon cut off by the wave of a blue flipper.
" Never mind, I shouldn't have asked." She sighed and went back to her silent streak.
" What about Kwanzaa?" Grudiev added in.
" Kwanzaa? What the hell is Kwanzaa?" Jet asked confusedly, managed to suppress a curse word and instead replacing it with a more casual curse word. Go holiday spirit.
" It's a time where we all celebrate our African heritage." Guridev explained as carefully and as rightly as he could.
" What the hell is Africa?" Jet pressed.
" How should I know?! It was just a suggestion." The giant lizard barked back and hunched grumpily in a nonexistent corner.
" We don't need suggestions, we have a holiday to celebrate us now." Moor Gault tried to continue to express the magical joy of Gahooliday.
" Gahooladay? It sounds like the anti-Christ of Holidays!" Virginia couldn't help but object.
" What would you know about it?" The Fire Guardian huffed.
" A lot, actually. I have already created a better holiday." Mrs. Maxwell said returned with a sense of filling pride in her chest.
" Oh Guardians, not this again…" Jet moaned, her endless ranting usually lasted until Armageddon or the Apocalypse.
" It is called 'Small Mammal Day', it is the day we celebrate our small mammals." She said with a loud voice for all to hear.
" Hehehehehe." The lazy priest beside her giggled in hopeless perversion.
" Shut up, Gallows. We need to take time to cherish the small furry creatures just south of us…" She tried to carry on, but was soon subject to a loud round of uncontrollable laughter.
" BWAHAHAHAHA!!!" The priest continued as he rolled in the brown dirt, catching breaths in between bellows of laughter.
" I said shut it up, Gallows!" Virginia shouted
" Wow, I will never let you name my child." Clive felt obligated to say, mainly as to not hurt her feelings later when—and if he even did—have another child she chose a name that sounded more like a beanie baby then an actual proper title for anything living, inanimate, or dead an rotting.
" It's not that bad! It's interesting, it's neat, it's simple, and it's—" She tried to save her idea, but was soon chopped short by a sarcastic voice.
" Groundhog's Day?" Jet rolled his eyes and said.
" No thank you, I just watched that movie last February." Virginia replied, having felt no need to watch the movie again, having caught onto the plot line very quickly and having developed a fear of repetitious days.
" Listen, with enough marketing ploys, songs, gifts, and publicity, we can really make Gahooliday an actually holiday for those who believe in the Guardians!" Moor Gault tried yet again to get the others to support his holiday.
" What would that be, about, oh, 10 of the population." Lucied said with sarcasm dripping from her tongue.
" Shut up, I believe that we can do it!" He felt the fires that lined his body burst up in hope.
" Since when were you Mister I-Believe-In-A-Non-Monarchy?" Celesdue interjected, recalling a time when they were simply his disposable minions.
" Since Schturdark gave me some eggnog! And some more eggnog, and some more… And some more…" He trailed off slightly.
" Eew, who would eat eggs?" Gallows questioned, not feeling the slightest need to eat baby birds unless he was a kitty-cat. Meow.
" Anyone who knew it was actually alcoholic." Justine mumbled from beneath his plates of heavy armor.
" …And then there was a period of time when I can't remember anything…" Moor Gault rambled on.
" Whatever, I don't give a woot about the holidays. But while I'm hear and alive and not-literally kicking, I might as well ask you all what you are planning against me." Lucied glared at the other Guardians, feeling a mix between paranoia and the sudden urge to go to Canada. It's nice up there; no one tries to kill each other senselessly.
" Uh, well, yes… that… Well, you see… Justine dies next chapter!" The red dragon exclaimed, turning the blame from him and his vengeful plotting.
" I what?! Why was I not informed?!" Justine wailed angrily.
" Because, that would be a spoiler and if we spoil the next chapter then no one will want to read it anymore." Celesdue used her super-powered brain to say logically.
" But I don't want to die! I don't want to die! I don't want to!!! Help meeeeeeeeeee!"
" Don't be so melodramatic, Justine. There have been worse ways to die then in your future death." The floating head of Dan Dariam said. " I am the ghost from Christmas Past and I've come to—"
" But you didn't die on Christmas, you died about a month and a half ago." Fengalon said, remembering when the cat's spontaneously decapitated head lay in his white paws.
" It's Gahooliday, dammit!" Moor Gault sustained relentlessly.
" NONE OF THIS KNOWLEDGE SHALL HELP YOU ESCAPE THE PAST!" Dan Dairam moaned in a tragic voice as all around him quivered in fear. " Now enter the past with a knowledge of what has been!"
They all waited in silence as Dan Dairam pointed towards the sky with his little ghost nose and awaited the sound of thunder… The sound of clattering hooves… The sound of crickets chirping… The sound of anything…
" Uh, Ghost-guy, we don't have any cut-scenes, remember?" Jet reminded the dead Dan Dairam who, in response, lowered his head a bit to stare at the brown ground. " Then where am I supposed to stay for Christmas…?" He said dejectedly.
" It's Gahooooooliday!" Moor Gault yowled.
" Whatever… I guess I am to go back to Solus Emsu and her parties up in heaven… But I'll be home for the Holidays, if only in my dreeeeeeeams!" Dan Dairam preceded to sing in a shrieking voice as an idea snapped into place in Moor Gault's brain.
" We need a few chorales to get everyone excited about Gahooliday. We need to try and make people understand what a wonderful and fun day it is for everyone!" He said with glee. Schturdark was up to the task and took a step forward.
" Its time for Gahooliday ever one Its time for laughs and time for fun
Its time to jump around and cheer
Because Gahooliday is finally here
It's a day when everything is cool and neat
When people are nice and toys are sweet
So come and down and we'll all say,
'Have a salutationary Gahooliday!'"
Schturdark stopped her melodic melodies and looked around to see if anyone was happy with her new jingle of Gahooliday.
" But, where are we in that song?" Chapapanga asked.
" Yeah, Gahooliday is about us, it's not about neat things and sweet toys and wishing other people a happy Gahooliday, it's to celebrate all the things we have done for Filgaia…" Celesdue said with holiday cheer.
" But that would completely miss the reason for the entire holiday season!" Schturdark said, looking less cheerful instead.
" Look, I don't know if we have time to create a new rhyme, so it's up, up and away to spread Gahooliday!" Moor Gault proclaimed as everybody exclaimed in joy and in cheer, because Gahooliday was near!
So they picked up whatever crap that they needed and made sure to where only clothes that were heated, until they found out that clothes weren't required because Guardians didn't have anything to be… admired. And then with a jump and then with a shout, they all went out to spread Gahooliday and what it's about.
Unfortunately for all the readers out there, some with smiles and other's with wild back hair, we cannot have cut-scenes to divide between the scenes, so I will try to make the long journey seem shorter by any means.
And so with a gallop, a jolt, and a prance, they all went to around to tell everyone to dance. The journey was long, and covered in trails and I think somebody died when they got to around seventy miles. But never the less, with a giggle and jeer, they pursued their cause, to spread Gahooliday cheer.
" Why do we sound like a bunch of pansies in this section?" Jet asked, until I reminded him that he was just a robot and should be used for high-school dissection. That shut him up, and maybe for good… I'm kind of afraid now he will do something bad, after all, he could.
And so after many ages of traveling around, what was only hours traveled at the speed of sound, they all sat down for a few minutes of rest, with a head full of joy and a warmth in their breast. It was almost the hour—the minute, the second—when Filgaia would jump for joy as the bright morning beckoned.
They listened with hands that were clasped round their ears; they listened for hope and for joy and for cheers. It's strange though, because Jet is nowhere to be seen… Oh dear mother Guardians, I hope that doesn't mean what it does mean!
But as the sun sidled on the horizon and peeked from the brown, a very, very, different song came from the towns. A song that seemed to attack the ones listening far away, a song that was the exact opposite of Gahooliday…
It was that song. This wasn't a good sign… They were all singing Joy To The World at the same time.
"Jeremiah was a bullfrog, he was good friend of mine
I never understood a single word he said
But I helped him drink his whine
He always had some mighty fine wine
Sing it Joy to the world...
All the boys and girls now,
Joy to the fishies in the deep blue sea
And joy to you and me."
" What the hell is this?!" The force of Moor Gault's voice made them all cower. " After traveling around and prancing for an hour all we've got now is our Guardians-awful timing, and a stupid-ass narrator who CAN'T STOP HER RYHMING!" Moor Gault then bellowed and screeched and then shrieked and—
" No, no more holiday cheer! I'm going down there and barbequing every single one of those wine popping buggers!" But Moor Gault was soon held back by an arm made of metal, and there was Justine, who shone like a kettle.
" Couldn't you find something cooler to compare me to then a kettle?" Justine whined like a little schoolgirl, whose pretty white eyes shined like a pearl.
" If we could get back to the theme for a second!" Virginia shouted. She was probably having P.M.S., everyone reckoned. " The fact is we tried and we did our damn best! And that's what really matters, that's what the holiday season is all about! You should be ashamed of yourselves for thinking that it was anything more or less then a day of caring, loving, and friendship."
Moor Gault looked down, with shame in his eyes, and then looked at Lucied, who he was supposed to despise. In a bit of pure malice—or perhaps holiday cheer—he put a wing around her neck and his head then began to clear.
" Maybe it's just the eggnog, or maybe to the man who gave me that free beer, but I think it's time to have some Gahooliday cheer." Moor Gault then proceeded to stumble around before falling faintly, and gently to the ground. " Nope, it was definitely the beer."
And so Lucied and Chappy, Justine and Schturdark, Virginia and Gallows, Clive and… Uh… Linkin… Park? Zephyr, the practically always not there, and Fengalon, fluffy, with clumps of white hair, an unconscious Moor Gault, mouth oozing with bile, Celesdue and Chappy all gathered in one big pile.
" Ugh." Said the Jet, coming up to see the rest, his hair was disheveled and his clothes were a mess.
" What happened to you?" Virginia asked with concern, and she was almost getting ready to mourn.
" This guy gave me a free beer and then a blacked out, I kind of feel like I'm missing something though… Possibly a liver or lung…" Jet said and they all then laughed with a cheer, triggered by the thought of Jet taking a drugged-up beer.
" No guys, I'm serious. I think I may not have long to live, we need to get to a hospital or something." He continued to speak, as giggles and chortles continued to leak. But, what comes around goes, as everyone knows and Clive was quiet content, and avenged to some extent for the scar that lay across his arm—The literal one, recollecting when it came into harm.
" I guess this is what it means to be here all together on the holidays." Said Lucied.
" Indeed." Clive replied.
" Whatever." Said Jet.
" I love you all." Grudiev lied.
" Let us give thanks!" Zepyhr shouted.
" Let us be happy!" Schturdark decreed.
" Let's kiss!" Fengalon romanced.
" Let's open presents!" Gallows said with greed.
" It is a time for remembrance." Floating head Dan Dairam then said.
" It is time for caring!" Virginia embraced.
" It it's a time for loving!" Celesdue said, which may or may not the case.
" It is a time for all of the things said above!" Justine's armor clanked as he gave Linkin Park a bear hug.
" Ummm… We'll be leaving now…" Mike then said a bit uneasy.
" Whatever, you back-stabbing, Jay-Z, bastards." Justine's hard words would make anyone queasy.
Virginia stepped up and she said with as much holiday spirit as she may, " But I think we need to remember what we all need to say… Have a happy New Year and a great Small Mammal Day!"
Everyone shook their heads in disapproval as Mrs. Maxwell stepped down; arms were crossed and on her face sat a frown.
" Salutationary Gahooliday…" Moor Gault mumbled, weather in his dreams or with knowledge of what he said; now all you little readers can climb into bed.
So prance and dance, and cheer and jeer, so sing a song that will last all next year, because tomorrow is another day, just one out of many, of more purple wolves and Princess Bride parody.
And as you go about, on your little jolly way, remember the (once again) unconscious Moor Gault's parting words:
" A little higher, baby. I love you, so much—"
Uhhh… Yup, Salutationary Gahooliday!