Disclaimer: I do not own Wild Arms 3 in any way, shape or form. I have a very good reason why I have not updated for the past four months. I was abducted… by aliens! … By pirate aliens! … By pirate aliens with super ninja powers! Yeah, there we go. I was abducted by pirate aliens with super ninja powers. It is totally… not made up. Anyway, this chapter gets pretty random and pointless and it is longer then the others because of a section of random pointlessness, because it is 3:09 frickin' am. I can guarantee you that I will not attempt GallowsxClive relations. Can you imagine how many loopholes I would have to create? And what about their children? THINK OF THE CHILDREN, DAMN YOU! You could skip it if you wanted to, but, if you do, I will hunt you down with my ninja skills that have been awakened by the abducting of the aliens! Who are my brethren! Ahhhh! I bet you weren't expecting that! Many thanks toJophiel (who left a review when no one else could... or particularly wanted to),TestouTsuboushi (who is not allowed to point out any more technicalities), Gallows' Stalker(who likes molestingrobots with cacti), and Teefa and Co. (whomade me aware of the fact that I even had Monty Python referance, I though they were all just Princess Bride quotes)for being awesome. I probably wouldn't have continued this story without you guys… or without hands.

Moor Gault paced back and forth on the ground, using his brain to concoct evil schemes, and later throwing them out as he realized that they weren't diabolical enough. Yes, this was a time of big words and war; there were no bars to hold anymore. This was a time to go todos o nada.

" That's it guys, we're going todos o nada." Moor Gault finally decided as he turned towards the rest of the group.

" Wonderful! I love it there! But I swear by the Mighty Gerbil from Above, if I find one more roach in my taco…" Fengalon trailed off threateningly as Moor Gault shook his head, he was steadily gaining a crick in his neck from all the shaking of the head in a disapproving manner.

" No, 'all or nothing', we need to go all or nothing in this one. We need to jump up, go over to Lucied and do something evil."

" I think that's pretty open-ended. What if my perception of evil is very different from everyone else's? I may think evil includes the giving of flowers, or the consumption of chocolate, or the customary translation of Spanish phrases that are too stupid to use anyway." Celesdue said from her seat on the ground.

" Yes, we all know that your sense of evil is horribly, horribly warped, but that doesn't change a thing… Except… The things it changes… Damn! Now you all have me acting like an idiot! Listen, we need to finish this NOW, or by the Super Squirrel in the Sky—"

" Might Gerbil from Above!"

" –Small Mammal in the Air, we'll lose all our credibility, and I'll kill myself before I become like Jim Davis; mediocre and drawing obese orange cats every Sunday for the rest of my life! Let's move out, troops!" Moor Gault ordered, with more enthusiasm then ever before, and a little less the never before and pretty balanced with may or may not before.

" You know, he's right!" Schturdark jumped and said with less pizzazz then the more pizzazz that is necessary to get to the never before level of enthusiasm.

" Neh." Celesdue shrugged and said with a large amount of nonchalance, and a small amount of none chalance and a greater then normal amount of 'I-don't-care'.

" If I were a mustache I'd eat my own lips, just for kicks." Fengalon hummed, with a great amount of… Well, Fengalon.

" I have found a flaw in your 'todos o nada' plan… The flaw being that there is no plan." Zephyr pointed out dispiritedly, oblivious to the angry and potently hazardous homicidal look he received from the fire dragon standing dangerously close to Zephyr's head and a large, pointy object.

" Wait!" Celesdue cried before Moor Gault had enough time to connect the facts stated in the sentence above and do something drastic but, nonetheless, horribly amusing. " Zephyr's got a point! We have run out of ideas of how to get back Lucied! I mean, this goes deeper then just a few stupid, senseless, sugar high fan girls and boys writing about something that can occupy their short attention spans for more then five seconds—"

GENERAL SURGEON'S WARNING: If you are either faint of heart or incredibly sensitive to the incredibly insensitive truth, please leave the room, take a brisk walk around and proceed to shove this stick up your ear.

"—This goes into the very heart and soul of all controversy and cliché's, so we need to do something that will not only stop and humiliate the initial problem, but also stop future problems and scar Lucied deeply for a very long, long, long time." Celesdue finished and received strange looks for her efforts. Moor Gault gave a sigh and turned around, eyeing everyone suspiciously.

" All right, who let Celesdue into the drug cabinet again?"

" Are you sure this plan will work?"

" Of course it will work; it worked on the Silver Backagundasauros."

" Silver Backagundasauros?"

" Poor thing never stood a chance…" Schturdark gave her head a small, regretful shake as Grudiev shoved his way into the pile of bodies, limbs, appendages, shells, fur, claws, teeth, eyes, and a milkshake.

" Wait, if this plan works, won't it also affect me in the long term?" Grudiev inquired as Fengalon waved his paw carelessly.

" Yeah, what's left to affect you? Have you seen the planet that you're supposed to be protecting lately?"

" Yes, and it's been re-growing quite nicely."

" Phesh, that's just a lie that they added at the end of the game that tied up all the loose ends and made the gamer happy so that they wouldn't question the very questionable loop holes, bad plot lines, unanswered issues and horrible lack of yoai possibilities."

" Nonsense! Why, Pike and Jet make an adorable couple!" Schturdark said, ignoring the giant green lizard that was attempting to heal a crushed spirit, hopes, future AND milkshake all at once.

" No they don't, that's just a lie that WolfbanesHybrid feeds herself so that she won't starve."

" Who's WolfbanesHybrid?" Schuturdark questioned as Fengalon scratched his head.

" I'm not sure, it's as if some unseen force forced me to say that name against my will, like someone had just summoned it up with a few movements of her long fingers and pressed a button to make me say something that I would normally never say or even consider. Could this be the power above us? Could this be the unforeseen force of destiny? Could this be a special edition Guardians of Filgaia Sim's game?" Fengalon looked up at the sky above as Moor Gault looked at the next victim of their deadly attack on Desire.

" Alright troops, get rid of your silly notions of there being someone who controls all our actions and gather up your courage, we're going in!" No further statements needed to be stated, as the remaining 7 Guardians charged at the small object directly ahead of them.

" I've got a leg!"

" I've got a head!"

" I've got an ear!"

" I've got an eye!"

" I've got a milkshake!"

Moor Gault untangled himself frustratingly from the ball of supernatural beings and, with a single clawed wing, dug out the target from beneath the chaotic mass. The little sprout wiggled slightly in his grip, the sapling's few leaves either helplessly crumbled or splattered with a liquid brown, and possibly delicious, substance. Moor Gault would later find this substance to be, as he had originally expected, dog food.

" This… isn't working." He mumbled to himself as he dropped the pathetic plant to the ground and looked onto the pile where they were still gnawing at one another pathetically. Somewhere along the line he heard a loud, " My eye!" rise from amidst the pile, but by then he was deep in contemplation.

" Okay, so the plan is to attack the wildlife, or normal habitat for a wolf or any other organism similar, and that will eventually cause Lucied to be homeless and, possibly, horribly saddened by the loss of all her wolf friends, but that isn't working because these people couldn't tell a tree from an—"

" My spleen!"

"—internal organ. So, what would these creatures possibly recognize that can be used against Lucied? The plan is good… But what would create the same effect, without the effort this will take? What can turn the whole of Filgaia off on this elusive enemy?" Moor Gault began to ponder in his own little world again as the mess behind him continued their rumble.

" My hard drive!"

This completely random outburst suddenly jolted Moor Gault's brain as he leaped with an idea. " We can give people rock cars!"

" My sense of comprehension!"

" No… Wait…" Celesdue made her way out of the pile of Guardians, dusting herself off and then straightening herself up before walking over to Moor Gault, who was still engaged in a vital conversation with himself.

" How about we give everyone on Filgaia computers? Once computers were created, nobody wanted do anything else but look at lesbian porn all day long." She reasoned, as the Guardian of Fire came to a definite conclusion.

" That's it! We can steal computers from Yggsdrasil and Leyline Observatory, and then distribute them to the citizens of Filgaia! It's genius, I tell you! Pure genius! And once everyone has computers, they will begin to ignore Filgaia and that will lead to a total disregard of nature and the eventual destruction of wolves and the complete and utter loneliness of Lucied!"

"My milkshake!"

"Are you talking to yourself, again?" Celesdue asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm announcing the plot for all to hear." Moor Gault defended.

"For who to hear? The large pile of scrambling, confused and potentially combustible creatures over there, or the people who you say are always looking at you through a thin glass window and reading the trials and tribulations of your life like a short story based on an already created plot and cast of colorful characters?"

"I swear, they're real!" The Fire Guardian moaned into the night sky.

"As real as Bob the happy homicidal clown was?"

"I thought we agreed to never mention that again." Moor Gault sighed. "Besides, this plan is sure to work!"

"My ability to interpret directions and follow through with a solid course of action!"

"Uhhh, but first, we should probably regroup."

"Damn it, would you STOP touching me there! You know who you are!" A voice shouted angrily from the pile and, if sweat drops weren't against the laws of physics and sexual harassment innuendo wasn't considered distasteful and/or not very funny to many people who aren't me, everyone would have sweat dropped.

"You ready, other Master?"

"Ready Freddy."

"Who is Freddy? Is he someone I should know about?"

"No, it's nothing like that… I swear it's just a—"

"Are you sure?"

"Y-yes, of course I'm sure."

"Are you sure you're not lying to me?"

"No—I mean yes! I mean, it's nothing, it's just a saying."

"Oh, so it that's what they're calling it these days."

"ASGARD! Stop badgering the witness and get over here! We need to use you as a main power source!" Moor Gault barked as Asgard folded his arms in defiance. He was a rock. Well, not literally. Technically, he was an ancient golem, the impenetrable fortress and a combination of magic and programming, but rock makes much more sense to the metaphor. 'He was a rock' being a metaphor, not a simile because it does not contain the words 'like' or 'as' for comparison. Saying that he was a rock is saying that he is big, heavy, made of minerals and sometimes concrete with bits of shinny stuff that you are never sure what it really is in it, and that he was unmovable. Such metaphors as 'He was a rock' are often incorporated into literature and, more popular, poetry and songs. Such an example is the song 'I am a rock, I am an island' by Simon & Garfunkle, in which they compare a man to a rock and an island because a rock never cries and an island is all alone, this example being much more compelling then their later attempt at a different metaphor, 'I am a milkshake, I am a piece of paper', meaning that he was frosty and made from trees.

"I don't see why I always have to be the once who is always at the butt—"

"Hehehe, he said 'butt'!" Fengalon giggled and prodded Chapapanga in the ribs.

"—Of these pointless operations with idiots," Asgard pointed an accusing finger at the white tiger and continued. "Like him!"

"Now, now, no need to get your panties in a bunch." Moor Gault said, while trying to put a large plug into Asgard's head.

"That is the other thing I don't understand about you organic beings! What do you mean by saying things that aren't necessarily true? I wear no panties, and how do panties bunch? As far as my information drive is concerned, panties are not pack creatures; they prefer to live with their predominantly female hosts rather then as a group. Furthermore—Win a FREE PS2, just punch the drunken monkey with a picture of Lamium where its face should be!" A large cord being stuck in the back of his head, plugging him up to the 'information superhighway' interrupted Asgard's speech.

Moor Gault took a step back to admire his handiwork. The computer that was plugged into Asgard's head was connected and up and running, and the first person to test it was waiting patiently in his spinney chair, spinning carelessly until he grew dizzy, stumbled off into the distance, vomited, then sat back down on his spinney chair and began spinning again.

"Okay, Mr…" Moor Gault began.

"Oh, I don't have a last name." The person responded, scratching the back of his head. "You see, NPC's never get last name's because we aren't important enough to even remember our first names, so why privilege us with titles that we won't even need? Oh, and don't get me started with—AHHH! THE DAMN PENGUIN BIT ME!" Blood gushed onto the ground as a penguin gnawed at the leg, attempting to carry the person off.

"Eh, it either would have been him or me, and when I kill, it isn't for mercy." Moor Gault shrugged before getting back on track. "Bring out the next vic—I mean… Person!"

"What were you about to say?" The next person asked, as he was lead next to the computer.

"Nothing. I was going to say nothing."

"You were going to say 'victim', weren't you?"

"No, I was going to say nothing."

"Is that blood?"

"No."

"Are you sure? That looks like blood."

"It's ketchup."

"I think I hear screaming!"

"It's just your imagination. Now, if you wouldn't mind—"

"Dear heavens! Where is that penguin dragging that man off to?"

"Listen, it is a long story involving long situations that are long."

"I'm a very patient person."

"And you will soon be a very dead person if you don't just sit down and cooperate!"

"Was that a threat? Are you threatening me?"

"No."

"Yes, yes you were! You just said that I would be a very dead person if I didn't do as you told me!"

"I actually said 'cooperate'—"

"Ha! There! There you have it! You so threatened me!"

"No I didn't!

"Did to!"

"Did not!"

"Did!"

"Didn't!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"No."

"Yes!"

"Ha! You just said yes!"

"No I didn't!"

"Yes you did!"

"Did not!"

"Did to!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Ha! See! See! You just did it again!

"No I did not!"

"Yes you—AHHH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY LEG!" Person #2 screamed.

"I'm massaging it, you looked stiff." Fengalon defended himself.

"Oh, well, you're very good with your hands."

"Well, thank you! It is nice to know that some people appreciate my massages." He said, giving the evil eyes to Grudiev.

"Oh, come on! It felt like a bulldozer was feeling me up!" Grudiev protested as Person #2 crossed his arms.

"Well, if bulldozers felt like this, then they could feel me up any day."

"Awww… See? That is all I ask of you people—to tell me that when I give messages then bulldozers can feel you up. Is that so hard to ask?"

"WOULD ALL OF YOU JUST SHUT UP AND GET FOCUSED ON THE MISSION!" Moor Gault shouted, his frustration building to the point where it was no longer a building at all, but an alternate dimension constructed purely to contain his aggravation. Welcome to the M.G. zone. Doo-di-doo-doo, doo-di-doo-doo…

"I gave you a back massage, Moor Gault. I thought that meant more to you then this." Fengalon glared at his fiery friend accusingly, backing away with the other Guardians from the computer and Person #2.

"All right! We are ready to go!" Zephyr said happily as he double clicked the blue 'e' icon that led to the wonderful world of the Internet. Which, ironically, isn't that wonderful. It is actually more like our world, only more corrupt, confusing and dangerous to your vision if you stare at it for too long.

"Okay, first things first. You need to learn the three simple rules to traveling the net fast and fun." Zephyr began explaining, looking Person #2 directly in the eyes. "Rule #1: If it says FREE, don't click on it, it's all just a cruel lie. Rule #2: … Actually, I think that's about it." He realized, scratching his head with a claw before smiling the best he could with a large metal object around his head. "Very well then, let's try going somewhere."

"This," Zephyr continued his speech. "Is Foogle. Behold, it is your superior. It is your GOD. It can find up to a million web pages in under a second. It has no relation whatsoever to the site Google. Go ahead, type anything you want and then press enter."

Person #2 looked down at the keyboard and pecked out a few letters, then pressed 'enter' hesitantly.

"Okay, 'V-o-l-k-s', that's a start. Hey, you're Volks! Wow, dude, I totally didn't recognize you!"

"I have a crutch by my side and I'm wearing a red cape. My head is all bandaged up for some reason and there are several cats following me around."

"Hey, I've been alive for many a millennia, don't expect me to know every Tom and Harry that walks down the street."

"But we talked for seven hours a week ago, I told you about how I lost my family in that unforgettable vinegar and baking soda accident. Why, just yesterday I was walking along and I bumped into you. You said, 'Hi Volks, my very memorable friend who I will never forget as long as I live and is not Tom and Harry, how was your day?' Then, we played the name game, but the rules said that you could only say my name, so we sat down and said Volks for two hours, sometimes you would add in 'Volks, the man who has a crutch, a red cape, a bandaged head and an army of cats trailing behind him.'"

This information suddenly sank into Celesdue's mind. "So that's why we were sitting on the ground for all those hours starring at Zephyr impatiently. Jeez, I thought that we were just playing the starring game and the rules said that you could only stare at someone who was large, purple, wearing armor and had a big red organ in the middle of his chest."

Zephyr shook his head as if to shake demon monkeys from his mane and looked back at the screen. "Okay then, why don't you type in 'smartass who defies a deity with his fancy talk and long term memory'?"

Volks looked at the keyboard and began poking the letters, finishing and then clicking enter.

"I was being sarcastic, you moron."

"I wear banadges around my head and I talk to cats in my spare time. I'm not exactly what you might call the brightest crayon in Filgaia."

Zephyr sighed and then brightened. "Oh well, at least you're getting the hang of it! Type something else."

Some more looking and pecking ensued.

" 'A-R-M-s', that's better, keep going."

Clickity-clack-clack (I do my own sound effects).

" 'Why rocks are brown'. That's good! You've finally got the hang of it!"

Volks smiled to himself and kept on typing.

" 'Lesbian porn'…" Zephyr trailed off as he watched the man click enter. There was silence among the Guardians for a few seconds before Moor Gault spoke.

"All right, bring out the next human." He said, shoving Volks off the spinney chair.

"Those are the only humans we got." Celesdue said, pointing to the two foldable chairs with cards saying 'reserved' on them.

"What! I thought I told you to bring three!"

"No, you said bring a couple. A couple is two." Schturdark pointed out.

"I'm afraid the Master is right, other Master. A couple is two. Several is three. A baker's dozen is 13 and a plethora is a word that can be substituted for 'overabundance', 'many', or 'large amount'." Asgard said earnestly.

"I know what a plethora is."

"No you didn't, or else you would have said, 'bring a plethora of humans'. That would have made life a whole lot easier." Grudiev sided with the others.

"Just because I know a fancy word doesn't mean I should use it."

"It makes things a lot clearer."

"Yes, but for the people who don't know what those words mean, it makes things very confusing. I'm considerate to others feelings."

"Says the man who's managed to kill three people in the last twenty four hours."

"I killed them mercifully."

"You danced on their graves and then you spit in the funeral cupcakes!"

"But I did it out of grief."

"Why, just two days ago you tripped an old lady!"

"Listen, we can talk about who tripped who and who spat in whose funeral cupcakes, but that won't change a—AHHH! WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ASGARD!" Moor Gault suddenly shouted as Asgard's head began to resemble a basketball in the fact that it was spinning rapidly and was turning orange with electric sparks. Otherwise, it didn't really resemble a basketball at all, which defeats the purpose of saying that it resembled a basketball in the first—

"What do we do! What do we do!" Moor Gault asked in a panic as Zephyr responded somberly.

"The only thing we can do in a situation like this: walk away very slowly and pretend we don't know him. It's the humane thing to do." Asgard's head then burst into flame and began melting the rest of his body.

"Okay then, walk away slowly we shall." And with that, they backed away slowly from the body, whistling to themselves, unaware's that the milkshake had witnessed the whole thing.

"Well, that certainly wasn't a disaster." Celesdue mumbled as they all found themselves in a very familiar position; mopping on the remains of the Blue Palace eating cheesecake.

"I don't get it, what happened to Asgard?" Fengalon asked starry eyed as Zephyr took it upon himself to answer, him being the only one of the group who was intelligent in such areas and had a large red organ in the middle of his chest.

"It was probably a virus from one of the… Less appropriate sites that Volks Googled—"

"You mean Froogled." Schturdark corrected.

"Fine, but I'm just going to pay royalties after this." Zephyr said moodily, crossing his arms.

"I guess that that's the end of that chapter." Moor Gault said then exhaled a long breath. "Guess we should try and think of something else to try and get Lucied back. Who knows? Maybe our next plan will work and our adventures will come to a climatic finale."

"Not so fast!" A voice shouted from behind them as the Guardians turned their heads to see whom it was.

"Hahaha! We have finally gotten into your section of the story! Now where is Asgard?" Virginia demanded then looked around confusedly, not seeing a big metal man standing anywhere in the proximity. "Seriously, where'd he go?"

"Asgard? He combusted or something like that. We can take a message for you if he wants? Chances are one of us will be seeing him in heaven relatively soon." Fengalon said, pointing to the melted mass of metal off into the distance.

"Oh…" Virginia trailed off pathetically. "Then could one of you wear this hat?"

"There's a camera in that hat." Moor Gault pointed at the black protrusion sticking out of the yellow woven straw.

"Yes, there is, isn't there? Well, could you wear it anyway?" She asked hopefully.

"How'd you get here?" Moor Gault countered, remembering that she wasn't supposed to be here.

"Aha! I thought you would never ask! You see, I kissed Jet here," Virginia pointed at the furiously red drifter slouching next to her. "And, WAMMO! I was in."

"Oh, poor disillusioned human… Let me tell you something." Moor Gault said putting a friendly wing around the two humans that had wondered into his territory. "You all have so many people fawning over you since you are the main characters. Everyone has a favorite of your group of four; everybody has an idea what is going to happen next. But what about the rest of us? Penguins are eating the NPC's, and do you even notice? Do you try and save them from certain damnation? No, you stick cameras in hats and put them on people's heads. You are no better then Lucied is, for shame trying to take what little limelight we have."

Virginia looked at the ground in shame as Jet looked at the wing that was around his shoulder.

"What the hell just happened?" He asked as Virginia lifted away the Fire Guardian's wings.

"We've been outdone. Come; let us go back to our side. I'm sure Gallows and Clive are bored by now." She said, walking off into the distance with a confused Jet following behind. The Guardians watched them until they were out of sight.

"Hey, if the NPC's are still being eaten by penguins, why don't we do something to save them from certain damnation?" Schturdark asked and Moor Gault looked at her stunned.

"Because that takes too much time and effort, we've got bigger fish to fry!"

"A plethora of fish to fry?" Grudiev asked craftily.

"If you say that word one more time, I will shove a plethora of octopi up your—"

"They left us all alone to go smooching. Can you believe the nerve?" Gallows said angrily and Clive just shrugged.

"They are the most obvious relationship between the four of us. They practically scream 'make us have a bazillion children together and then make something tragic happen where one of us dies and then the other has to cope with the lose the only way they know how; by getting revenge on the rock which tripped her and caused her to fall off a cliff' or something like that."

"What about us? Don't we have a shot at relationships that practically scream 'make us have millions of children together and then make something strategic happen when one of us happens to fall over a vengeful rock and then die and then fall of a cliff as a her'?" Gallows asked, looking at the starry afternoon sky.

"Uhhh, that's not exactly what I said, but I am married, so I guess that counts. It means that I have no other obvious romantic possibilities and that I couldn't be paired with someone like you, who is obviously attracted to woman."

"Really? No one's considered that? Not even once?" The Baskar sounded shocked at the notion.

"No, I can imagine it would be very good though really. Our muscular manly bodies rubbing together in ecstasy and passion, sweating and moaning in a pile of heated lust. We would kiss once, then part, only to pull together again, neither of us wanting to part from one another's warmth and security. I would lay against your muscular chest and want to live there, likewise, you would stroke my lean body and then it would repeat itself over and over again, just two men's tongues locking in—"

"I THOUGHT YOU MEANT PLATONICALLY!" Gallows shouted mortified by what he had just heard as Clive sighed dreamily. "NO! GET ME OUT OF HERE! THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME, THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME! HELP! VIRGINIA! JET! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, YAOI WRITER'S, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO THE SANCTITY OF ALL THINGS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD!" He wailed into the twinkling afternoon sky, the moon showing like round thing of cheese.

"Oh, calm down. Who would ever be sick enough to attempt something like that?" Gallows turned sharply and glared at Clive.

"Someone who would be sick enough to create a story that isn't even based on the main characters of the actual thing that the story was based upon! Someone who would one by one kill off innocent creatures in obscene ways! Someone who would give a man a pair of scissors for hands and make him clip peoples shrubberies!"

"Tim Burton?"

"Sure, I don't really know who I was talking about in the first place."