Disclaimer:  Everything recognizable from the Harry Potter universe belongs to J K Rowling, no infringement is intended to any copyright holder

Beloved on this Earth

~ 0 ~

Lois sat in the Infirmary working her way through a book on healing unguents and their uses, when a sound outside the door had her looking up seconds before it opened. Harry staggered in propped up by Ron on one side and Hermione on the other, the young girl swaying slightly under his weight.

'Oh my goodness what happened?'  Lois asked seeing the glitter in Harry's eyes and his unsteady gait.  'I only saw him half an hour ago and he was fine then.'

'It was that Potion we were brewing.' Ron said relieved as Lois hurried forward and taking Harry's arm from Hermione guided him towards a bed.  'Snape made Harry test it and it went a bit… wrong.'  He said eyeing his friend warily as the other boy refused to let go of his arm.

'Wrong?'  Lois asked cautiously bending forward to check Harry's pupils and take his pulse, which was fast and slightly irregular.  He also looked feverish, but the Infirmary as far she knew didn't have what she would recognise as a thermometer so she couldn't check.

'He wants me dead!'  Harry exclaimed dramatically his left arm flinging out as he spoke and catching Ron squarely in the nose.  Hermione luckily by this time had edged away from him and was watching with concern from a safe distance.

'Careful mate!'  Ron yelped jumping away from Harry and holding a hand gingerly to his nose.

'What does the Potion do?'  Lois asked as Harry subsided into silence once more, staring intently at a snag he had discovered in his robe.

'We were making a Deep Emotion Potion and antidote.' Hermione lectured.  'Wizards use it to stop them getting embarrassed talking about important stuff or standing up in front of a crowd, that sort of thing.  It works a bit like a sedative, except that at the same time as relaxing you it makes you incredibly clear headed and confident.  It's really handy for interviews or giving speeches, but you can't use it too often or it won't work at all.  Normally the effects only last for about an hour and if the potion is right,' she said with a glance at Harry who was now softly humming a tune apparently of his own creation. 'No one would even be able to tell that you'd taken it.'

'Yeah.' Ron confirmed. 'My dad took some before he got married to get through his vows.  He said he was so nervous it was either that or doing a moonlight flit.  He never told my mom though, she'd have gone mad.'

'Well what went wrong?  Harry's not making a lot of sense,' Lois pointed out. 'And he doesn't seem particularly calm.'

'Professor Snape said Harry and Ron put too Somniferum Spore in theirs.'  Hermione admitted.                

'Malfoy more like!'  Ron muttered angrily. 'He must have dropped it in when he was talking to you Lois.'  The red headed boy looked Lois in the face for the first time since he had arrived and blushed a deeper shade than his hair. 'Not that it's your fault!'  He rushed on, 'Malfoy's a rotten louse; he's always doing stuff like that and Snape never tells him off.'

'Anyway.'  Hermione continued sounding slightly annoyed at being interrupted. 'The extra spore in their potions meant it didn't work like it's supposed to and instead it's just relaxed him.  A lot. I think it's a bit like he's drunk.'

'But what about the antidote – or had that been spoilt too?'  Lois questioned.

'No that was okay, but because the potion was wrong it didn't have any effect.'  Hermione explained.  'Professor Snape said it'll wear off but because he doesn't know how much Somniferum Spore was in the potion, there's no way of telling how long it will take.  That's why he told us to bring him to Madam Pomfrey – so she can give him a Stabilising Solution.'

'Why didn't Professor Snape bring him up?'  Lois asked annoyed he had left Harry to wander the halls in this state.

'He wasn't this bad when we set off.'  Ron admitted grudgingly.  'We didn't even know it had gone wrong at first; Snape made Harry get up in front of the class to explain the effects of the potion.  He said we'd know if we'd done it right because Harry would be "unfeasibly eloquent for a Gryffindor."'   Lois hid a grin at Ron's uncannily accurate impersonation of the potions master's clipped tones.  'He started off alright but then he went a bit green.  I thought he was going to be sick.  So did the rest of the front row actually but while we were evacuating our desks he seemed to get better, except be wouldn't carry on with the presentation. He told Snape he was a bully for always making him do the demonstrations and then he sat down in Snape's chair and wouldn't say anything else, even when Snape threatened him with detention.'  Ron recounted impressed.  'That's when Snape realised what had happened and sent him up here, but not before he took ten points off Gryffindor.' He scowled.

'Oh dear.'  Lois sighed fully intending to give Severus a piece of her mind when she saw him next.  'Well never mind, Poppy should be back any second.'  She said comfortingly heading back towards Harry.  'She only popped out to get me one of her textbooks.'

'That's nice.'  Harry's voice interrupted them holding up a forgotten get well card he had found on the locker next to his bed.  'Did you know everyone sent me cards when I was in the Infirmary Lois?  And sweets.  Not Snape though.  Mind you, I wouldn't have eaten them if he had.'  He said darkly. 'He probably would've poisoned them as well.'  He blinked then seeming to lose his train of thought while the three of them watched him warily.  Standing suddenly he lurched over to his friends before Lois could stop him, solemnly hugging Hermione and Ron in turn. 'You know you two are my very best friends.'  He said sincerely, nodding at them slowly. 'That's why the last four years have been so great, even with Voldemort trying to kill me, because of the both of you.  Well that and being here of course and Quidditch and Hagrid and magic and… Oh loads of things.'  He said his arms wind-milling wildly to encompass Hogwarts as a whole, before dropping back to his sides with a thud.  'But most of all you.'  He finished, hugging them again before sitting happily back down on the bed.

Ron if possible looked even more embarrassed than he had when talking to Lois, but Hermione seemed pleased by his words.  'Oh thank you Harry!  That's a really lovely thing for you to say.'  She smiled at him and received a goofy grin in return.  'That's the trouble with having boys as friends.'  She confided to Lois. 'They never normally say stuff like that.'

Lois nodded her agreement before shepherding the two of them from the room.  Lovely though Hermione might find Harry's unchecked outpourings, she had no doubt the young boy would be less impressed with his words once he was back to normal. Luckily at that Poppy arrived and after a quick explanation, Harry was tucked into bed and two large spoons of Stabilising Solution quickly administered sending him straight to sleep.

Checking on him an hour later, Lois watched as her approach caused his eyes to flutter open focussing blurrily on her as he automatically reached for his glasses.

'Lois.'  He smiled, before looking around confused.  'What am I doing here?'

'You had an accident in class.' Lois reminded him sitting down on the side of the bed. 'You tested a potion that had the wrong ingredients in it.'

'Oh yes, Snape.'  He remembered with dislike.  'He was angry because he thinks you like me better than him.' His eyes widened at his words and he put a hand to his mouth obviously surprised he'd spoken them.

'It was just an accident Harry.'  Lois said softly realising the potion hadn't quite worked its way out of his system yet.   'Professor Snape wouldn't intentionally harm you.'

'You don't know what he'd do.'  Harry muttered.  'I don't know what he'd do.  You can't trust him Lois.'  He said suddenly sitting up, his hand reaching out to grasp hers.  'He might hurt you.'

Lois held his hand soothingly. 'He won't hurt me - we're friends.'  Harry shook his head forcefully at her words and she gripped his hands tighter.  'We are.  Really.  Trust me Harry you don't have to worry about Professor Snape.'

'I'm sure he doesn't think of you as just a friend.'  He blurted awkwardly.  'You haven't seen the way he watches you when you're not looking.'

Lois fought back a grin at Harry's impassioned words, realising his resentment of Snape mixed with the potion was causing his sudden burst of paranoia.

'I know what you're thinking.'  Harry said quickly.  'You think it's the potion making me say this stuff - well it is a bit, but not all of it.   It's just that I really like you… I don't mean like you like Ron like's you… Oh bloody hell he's going to kill me.'  Harry muttered his cheeks burning brightly red, before shaking his head and ploughing on. 'Forget what I said about Ron would you?  Not that I don't think you're pretty, I mean I think you're lovely… Oh God.' He groaned again bowing his head to his drawn up knees, his face so red now Lois was worried it might catch fire.

'Harry, it's okay.'  She said softly.  'Poppy said you'll be back to normal within a few hours, perhaps if you lie back down…'

'No!'  He almost shouted, before taking a deep calming breath and lifting his eyes determinedly to hers. 'What I wanted to say was that you're my friend Lois and that's why I worry about you, not because I've got some stupid crush on you.'  Lois only nodded sensing he didn't want her to interrupt. 'And you can't trust Snape.  I know Professor Dumbledore says he's okay now but what if he's wrong?  And he does like you I'm positive.  Promise me.'  He said his eyes glittering wildly.  'Promise me you'll be careful.'

'I will; nothing's going to happen to me.'  She promised soothingly brushing the hair from his forehead. 'Please try and sleep Harry, you'll feel better quicker if you do.'

He let out a huge sigh closing his eyes as Lois reached out to remove his glasses.  'Okay.' He said, suddenly calm again.  He lay back down yawning widely as his eyes fluttered closed.  Within moments he was asleep once more.

Two hours later and Harry was completely recovered although slightly shamefaced by his behaviour.

'I'm sorry Lois.'  He muttered into his robes.  'For all that stuff I said.'

'Nothing to apologise for.'  She reassured sincerely. 'I'm very pleased to know you consider me such a good friend - why on earth would I mind that?'

He nodded his embarrassment fading with her words and matter of fact tone.  'Yeah I suppose.  I really wish I hadn't hugged Ron though.'  He admitted with a grimace.

She laughed softly.  'Nothing I can say to make that better.'  She grinned.  'I'm afraid you're just going to have to live with that one.'

He nodded smiling too and started towards the Infirmary door before stopping and turning back to look at her a strangely adult expression in his eyes.  'What I said about Professor Snape…'

'Forgotten.'

He opened his mouth as though he wanted to say something more, but instead closed it with a snap and nodded again before giving her a small wave as he left.

'What was that about?'  Poppy asked joining her.

'Oh just that potion getting Harry all worked up; he'd got it into his head that Severus saw me as more than a friend.'

'Well of course he does – are you completely blind girl?'  Poppy asked with almost motherly candour.

'Blind?  No I… We're friends.' Lois said slightly shocked, not having had expected such a blunt response. 

'I'm not saying you aren't friends, I'm just saying that's not all Severus wants to be.  Or all you want him to be.'  She said with a pointed look.

'No. You're wrong Poppy.'  Lois protested.  'Severus has never acted as though he's interested in me, in fact most of the time he treats me like I'm a bit of a nuisance.'  She said not about to make mention of her own feelings on the matter.

'That's just his way.'  Poppy discounted with a wave of her hand.  'You must have noticed that you're practically the only person he willingly spends time with?'

'So?  That just proves we're friends.'

Poppy huffed.  'Good lord Lois you're a grown woman.  You've been married!  I can't believe you've forgotten how a man who's attracted to you behaves.  Haven't you ever noticed the way he watches you?'

'No.' Lois said honestly.

'He fairly sizzles when you come into a room.'

'Sizzles?'  Lois said doubtfully.  'He's doing a damn fine job of hiding it then - he doesn't seem like he's sizzling when he's grousing at me for not paying attention in potions or when he's telling me I'm too soft with Harry.'

'What about that extra tuition he gives you, what about the way he invites you to his chambers – he's never let anyone else do that.'  Poppy gave an impatient shake of her head when the younger girl didn't respond.  'Lois, take a step back and try looking at his actions with a bit of distance.'  Watching the beginning of dawning realisation on her face, Poppy gave a satisfied nod.  'I've known him for a long while.'  She said quietly. 'And I know he can appear cold and distant and that sarcastic manner of his doesn't help, but Lois I've never seen him behave around anyone the way he does around you.'

'But he's never said anything.' Lois muttered, but her mind was busily reviewing the past few months; he might not have said anything, but his actions…  He was very attentive a sly little voice whispered and he might not seek her out still, but he never tried to avoid her.  In fact thinking about it now, he often seemed almost pleased to see her she realised.  And after observing him around other people she saw with hindsight, he was uncommonly kind to her – for him anyway.

'Well?'  Poppy prodded at her silence.

'I suppose you could be right.'  Lois said slowly, her initial leap of excitement at the idea currently being drowned by nervousness.  'I don't know if I'm ready to fall in love again though.'  She said hesitantly.

'No one's expecting you to!  Take it slowly - he's single, you're single and working in the castle you've got a captive audience, but if you don't at least give the possibility of a relationship a chance, you'll never know if you're ready.'

Single.  That seemed strange Lois thought.  She'd been without David for almost as long as she'd been with him and truthfully she'd felt no desire to pursue a new romance since he'd died.  But now…

'What do you think I should I do?' Lois questioned cautiously.

'To be honest Lois I think you're probably going to have to take the initiative with Severus.  I don't know, but I'm guessing he thinks you aren't likely to be attracted to him.'

'Oh I am.'  Lois blurted out unthinkingly and Poppy raised her eyebrows knowingly.  Lois gave a small groan of embarrassment.  'Fine I admit it.   The thing is though, I've never had to make the first move with a man before,' she confessed worriedly.  'I don't know if I could.' 

'Children today.'  Poppy said with a roll of her eyes. 'I'm not suggesting you strip naked and wait for him in his chambers, although I suppose…'

'Forget it!'  Lois squeaked.  'I'm not doing that.'

'I'm just joking.'  Poppy laughed. 'And I'm not saying you're going to have to actually spell it out for him - he's not that dense.  Just make it plain, subtly of course, that you think he's the sexiest thing on two legs.'

'Oh well that should be easy enough.'  Lois said ironically, before asking hesitantly. 'Poppy are you sure?  I don't want to mess up this friendship if that's all Severus sees it as.'

'Couldn't be surer.'  The older woman said confidently. 'Trust me Lois I'm not wrong about this.  Come on, what have you got to lose?'

Quite a bit actually, Lois thought morosely, but she couldn't deny the excitement bubbling in her.  'Nothing I suppose.' She answered bravely and was rewarded with a beaming grin in return.

***

Walking through the staff room door after yet another dreadful transfiguration lesson, which hadn't been helped by the fact that her mind had still been fully occupied by Poppy's words, Lois smiled a greeting at Remus and Elena who were in the middle of a spirited discussion on the best method of dispatching a vampire.  The rooms only other occupant looked up at her arrival.

'Lois.'  Hugo Quade smiled in greeting.  'Just the person I wanted to see!'

'Oh, why's that?'  She asked sinking wearily onto a chair next to him.

'I've got something to show you.' 

'Hmm I don't know - my dad always warned me about strange men who tried to lure me away with that line.'  She smiled.

'A wise man your father.'  He agreed with a nod.  'But you can trust me honest.'

She grinned at him.  'Go on then – what have you got today?'  Luckily despite their hideous first meeting Hugo Quade had turned out to be incredibly easygoing.  He had made no mention about Snape's revelation and Lois was happy to discover that there was no awkwardness between them.  In fact as time passed, she had been pleased to realise she rarely even noticed his slight resemblance to David and they had been able to settle quickly into a comfortably relationship.

'Those fairies I told you I was expecting have arrived.'  He said. 'I thought you might like to come and have a look.'

'Ooh yes, I'd love to!'  Lois said perking up a little at the thought of seeing a real live fairy.

'Well, I've only got them for the rest of today and tomorrow, so you can either join one of my morning classes or come and see them later on?' He said with a grin, watching her nod enthusiastically.

'When I was little my bedroom was completely covered with pictures of fairies and now I'm actually going to see a real live Tinkerbell.  Brilliant.'  She beamed.

His conversation finished Remus looked over hearing Lois's words.  'I hope you're not going to be disappointed.'  He warned. 'They don't really do much other than look pretty and argue with each other.  They can't even speak.'

'I know.'  Lois said undeterred.  'Hugo told me, but I still want to see one.' Standing she headed over to the small table in the corner of the room to make a drink.

'How is your book progressing Hugo?'  Elena asked as Lois sat back down.

'Slowly.'  He groaned.  'I really need to force myself to get down to it.'

'I didn't know you were writing a book.'  Lois said surprised.  'What's it about?'

'Tebos; I've spent the last four years in the Congo researching their lifestyle and mating habits.  It was originally supposed to be a three year expedition, but I underestimated the time element in finding suitable specimens for study.' He admitted with a wry grin. 

Both Remus and Elena smiled at his words and Lois looked at the three of them blankly. 

'Tebos have the power of invisibility.'  Elena explained. 'Making them very difficult to catch of course.  Wizards use Tebo hide to make protective shields and clothing – very expensive items because the animals are so dangerous.'  She said sparing Quade an impressed look.

'That they are.'  Hugo agreed with a pained grimace.  'I must confess once this book is done, I don't care if I never see another Tebo again.'

The other three laughed outright at this and he shook his head ruefully.  'No pun intended.'  He smiled not taking offence.

'What made you take this post Hugo if you're trying to write a book?'  Lois asked curiously.

'It was too good an opportunity to miss.'  The other man admitted. 'Care of Magical Creatures isn't one of the most difficult subjects to teach so it allows me plenty of free time to work on my book while drawing a salary; my research grant has sadly dried up and I still need to eat.  But more importantly.'  He said with a deep sigh. 'I wanted to come home - it's been too long.' 

'Britain is your home?'  Remus said surprised. 'I thought you said you didn't attend Hogwarts?'

'I didn't but I was born and raised here and came back as soon as I qualified.  Beauxbatons was my mother's old school and she really wanted me to go there.  My father was a muggle.'  He said his face scrunching slightly.  'And as I'd be living away from home for most of the year anyway, he said he couldn't see what difference it made whether I was in Scotland or Timbuktu.  Right Lois.'  He said standing up. 'I've got a class now but if you want to come over in about an hour?'

'Okay.' She agreed standing herself to follow both Hugo and Remus from the room.

'Lois.'

Lois turned as she heard Elena's gruff voice just as she reached the door. 'Yes?'

'I was wondering if I could have a word with you before you go?'

Lois tensed slightly at her grim tone, but answered pleasantly enough.  'Certainly Elena.'

The large woman looked awkward for a moment and Lois worried what it could be she wanted to tell her if it was making the unflappable Roupe hesitate.  'Lois.'  She finally began.  'I cannot help but notice that you and Professor Snape appear to be quite close.' She said in her harshly accented voice.

'We're friends certainly.'  Lois conceded warily, wondering where this was leading.

'Yes, well, as I also consider you a friend, I thought it was only right that you know this: Professor Snape is a Death Eater, or at least I am informed was a Death Eater.'  She said a hard look in her eyes.

Lois looked at her nonplussed.  'What do you mean a Death Eater?  No, no of course he isn't Elena, why would you even think that?'  She asked, certain Elena was either mistaken or lying, but having no idea why. 

It seemed the other woman could read minds for she replied. 'I am not lying Lois, I know a Death Eater when I see one - I can spot them a mile away.  I knew he had the Dark Mark the second I saw him.' Her lips twisted as she said this as though a bad smell had crept into the room.

'The Dark what?'

'Dark Mark; all Death Eaters have it burned into them by Voldemort – he uses it to call them to his side and to brand them as his.'

Lois shook her head unbelieving.  'No, that's just not possible Elena - you must be mistaken.  Anyway.'  She said sceptically. 'If you really believe that it's true, why are you telling me, shouldn't you discuss something like this with the Headmaster?'  She asked calling her bluff.

'Oh I have trust me.  He tells me only that a man shouldn't be condemned for eternity for youthful folly, that whatever his past, he trusts him implicitly now.'  She said with a disgusted snort.

Lois looked into the Dark Arts Professor's face bewildered.  Elena wouldn't risk lying if she had really spoken to Dumbledore; she had to know that her story could be corroborated in a second. 

'I have to go.'  Lois muttered.

'I am sorry Lois.'  Elena said with seemingly real regret, but still with that frighteningly hard look in her green eyes.  'I did not wish to cause you distress, but I thought it only fair you were made aware of the situation, before your friendship progressed further.'  Lois nodded, but was unable to speak.  She stood up jerkily, bitterly regretting the rest of the afternoon classes wanting to talk to Severus about this immediately.

**

Perched on the edge of Snape's couch that night, Lois sat staring into space rehearsing what to say while waiting for him to join her on the sofa.  After leaving Elena, she had sent messages to Sorrel and Hugo saying she wouldn't be able to go to Hogsmeade or see the fairies after all.  Apologies made she had gone straight to her room.  Not wanting to see anyone until she had had the chance to talk to Snape alone, she hadn't even gone down for dinner, instead waiting until she was sure he would be safely in his chambers before making her way down to the dungeons.  Even another run in with Filch on the way hadn't managed to distract her from her nervous dread.  After accidentally treading on Mrs Norris's tail, she had been hunched down next to the offended cat who was graciously allowing her to stroke her head in apology, when the enraged caretaker had appeared puffing down the hall apparently alerted by his pet's yowl.  Her worry over the upcoming meeting had caused her to be unusually sharp with the old man who had stormed off in a huff, Mrs Norris sashaying regally after him.

'I need to ask you something.'  She said as he sat down, practically her first words since arriving.

'And are you planning on asking me any time today?' He prompted sardonically when she lapsed into silence again.

'Were you a Death Eater?'  She blurted out, cursing her clumsy words as soon as they left her mouth.

'Who told you that?'  He asked, his fatalistic tone doing nothing to reassure Lois it had all been some dreadful mistake.

'It doesn't matter who told me.'

'Was it Potter?'  He asked calmly.

'No it wasn't.'  She said sharply suspecting he was about to accuse the Harry of lying to her.  'If you must know it was Elena Roupe.'

For the first time since their conversation had begun, anger showed on his face.  'Bloody interfering woman, I knew she was trouble the second I saw her!'

'It's true?'  She breathed.

'That depends on what she told you.'

'She told me you're a Death Eater, I'm asking you to tell me if it's true.'

'I don't think that's a good idea.  I doubt you would be up to hearing that particular tale and telling you would serve no purpose; what's done is done and you can trust me when I say you are in absolutely no danger from me Lois.'  He said in a coldly distant voice standing up to walk towards the empty fireplace, facing her again once he reached it.

'Don't treat me like I'm some delicate little flower Severus.' She said rising to following him, anger beginning to take hold at his patronising attitude.  She had initially been uncertain whether she had the right to question him about his past, but had decided during the course of the afternoon that she did.  He had let them become friends knowing full well her family's history and if Poppy was right about him being attracted to her, it was important that she knew what she was getting into.

'Forgive me if I find it difficult to believe that you would have the stomach to be able to listen to what I would have to tell you.'  He sneered.

'You arrogant swine.'  She breathed.  'Do you think the great Severus Snape is the only one who's ever known suffering and torment?'  She asked jabbing her index finger angrily into his chest, causing him to take a step backwards in surprise.  'I've seen things that would make a grown man weep.  Children – babies, with non-accidental injuries so severe you can't believe that they could recover and a part of you can't help but wonder whether it would be better if they didn't, because god alone knows how they ever get over the psychological scars from what's been done to them.'  Snape opened his mouth to speak, but Lois stormed on refusing to give him chance.  'And while you're nursing one child who's been brutalised by sick animals who have no right living, let alone raising a family, I've had to comfort parents who've just been told that the child they live and breath for, isn't responding to treatment and the possibility of them lasting the night is zero.'

'Lois…'

'I'm twenty-five years old Severus!  My entire family is gone.  I had to bury my husband alone six months after I'd buried my only living parent and the reason he was my only parent was because my mother was killed by Death Eaters.  Now just because I don't deal with my pain by shutting myself off from everyone and everything doesn't mean I don't have any.'  She let out a deep breath, her normal even temper slowly returning after the rage that had swamped her at his dismissive words, began to fade.  She looked into his face and saw a sick, despairing look in his eyes and sighed.  'Look, Severus, Elena says you were a Death Eater and I didn't really believe her, but now you're not denying it and I…. I just need to know.  And if we're truly friends, I think I deserve to know.'

He nodded once, breaking eye contact and turning slightly away from her, his shoulders hunched.  'I was seventeen and had just left Hogwarts when I entered Voldemort's service.  Almost immediately I knew I had made a mistake, but it was too late by then – no one leaves the Dark Lords ranks.' He said in a monotone.

'But you did?'  She pressed.

'Not soon enough.' Snape replied his voice driven.  'The things I saw, the things I did.'  He breathed in deeply, his face suddenly mask like.  'I would rather not go into the gory details Lois.  Not,' he said abruptly. 'Because I believe you incapable of hearing them, but because I personally would prefer not to and I can honestly see no real point in dredging it all up again.  It would accomplish nothing.' 

Lois examined his closed features seeing the genuine reluctance buried in his eyes.  'Fair enough.'  She agreed, more for his sake than for hers. 

He nodded his thanks.  'Suffice to say I was an idiot - a blind, wilful idiot who thought he knew it all.  I didn't know anything.'  He said in a hard voice.  'My father had an absolute abhorrence for non-purebloods and I was raised in an atmosphere of bigotry and hatred.  He believed that the continuing incorporation of muggle born witches and wizards muddied the wizarding gene pool and would eventually be our downfall; not a theory I really ever gave any credence to.  It is my firmly held belief that the majority of people are idiots,' he said with a brief flash of his normal cynical self. 'Irrespective of whether they are born into a wizarding family who can trace their roots back to Merlin himself, or are the first to possess magic in a line of muggles since time immemorial.  Nevertheless, it was an attitude I was at least familiar with and accepting of.  When Lucius Malfoy first began suggesting I become a Death Eater I was by then completely alone in the world.  My parents had died during my fifth year at Hogwarts, although in truth I had noticed very little difference with their passing – they were cold, distant people.  How they ever managed to get close enough to produce me was, I am sure, as much of a mystery to them as it was to me.  In any event they had left me money, but no fond memories or moral guidance.  Not,' he stressed. 'That I am trying to excuse my behaviour in any way.  I was intelligent enough to make my own decisions and no one forced me to join.'

Lois went cold inside at the self-loathing she heard in his voice.   Perhaps his family's lack of love and corrupt morals could not be completely blamed for his actions, but it had certainly not helped.  She desperately searched for something comforting to say but he continued before she could find the words.

'When I had first started attending the Death Eater gatherings, everyone was enormously flatting; my skill with potions was lauded to the heavens and their welcome was…warm to say the least.  In short they pandered to my inflated adolescent ego and I fell for it hook, line and sinker. And in fairness although I was peripherally aware of the atrocities that had been carried out in the Dark Lord's name, as students at Hogwarts we were greatly insulated from the worst of it.  It wasn't until I joined that I realised what being a Death Eater actually meant.'  He said his voice grim.

'What made you leave Voldemort?'  Lois asked when he silenced.

'There was no one thing, no defining act that sickened me more than any another.  I just… One day I woke up and knew I had to leave - even if it meant my death.  But I'm no martyr,' he said with bitter self-recrimination.  'I wasn't about to go out in some blaze of finally found scruples, so I came to Dumbledore with my tail between my legs in the hope, although I wouldn't admit it, that he really was as omniscient as he'd always appeared and would have a solution to it all.'

'And did he?'

'Surprisingly yes.'  He said with a harsh laugh. 'Not a perfect solution by any means, but enough that I could just about live with myself again.  I became a spy.'  He explained as Lois's questioning glance. 'The risks were high enough that I felt some justice had been served – although nowhere near enough of course – and I was finally doing some good for once.'

'But while you were spying how did you avoid having to do all those… things?'  Lois questioned.

'Obviously I couldn't completely.'  He said harshly.  'But it could have been worse; I had never been able to hide my distaste for the murder and torture that the majority of Death Eater's revelled in.  Provided I carried out my duties uncomplainingly I had been excused most of those tasks from the start.  My skill with potions was what the Dark Lord wanted and that was what I gave him.  There were plenty of others, believe me happy to take care of the rest of it.  Of course I'm still just as much a murderer whether I used the killing curse or simply provided a killing potion.'  He closed his eyes for a moment and Lois had the sudden urge to wrap her arms around him and tell him everything was going to be all right, but when he opened them again his stare was so coldly distant she was almost afraid to approach him.

'Unfortunately the secrecy required for my new role meant I was in a highly precarious position.  The Ministry couldn't know I was spying in case of leaks, which meant every Auror in Britain had me on his hit list and the slightest hint of disloyalty that reached the Dark Lord's ears would have resulted in my death, with each faction equally certain that justice had been served.  In fact there are still a good many wizards who fervently believe I should be dead or imprisoned – Moody for one.'

Lois looked at him appalled.  'But what about afterwards, once the war was over and the truth came out?'

Snape smiled coldly.  'The consensus of opinion was that I had been playing both sides against the other before swearing my allegiance to the eventual victor.'

'I don't understand,' Lois protested.  'Didn't Professor Dumbledore vouch for you?  He knew what had really happened.'

'Of course and no one was prepared to disregard his testimony - at least publicly - so an innocent verdict was duly returned, much to the disgust of all concerned.'

Lois was horrified; what he had done was wrong, no doubt about that, but he had tried to rectify his mistakes.  How could he be so calmly accepting of being forever considered a traitor, despite the horrendous risks he had taken?  'But… but so long has passed since then.  Couldn't Dumbledore have convinced everyone over the years?'

'Maybe, but we had to keep it low key.  It was doubtful that the Dark Lord had been destroyed completely and should he ever return, my position had to be ambiguous enough that I could believably return to his side to spy again.  One of the reasons it is so important I favour Slytherin students – my loyalties get carried home to the parents.'

'Voldemort has come back.'  Lois said slowly dread beginning to swamp her.  'You aren't spying again are you?'

'Not actively.'  He admitted unwillingly. 'It will be a slow process gaining his trust again.'

'But he'll know you're a spy!  You admitted it!'

'Not necessarily – all of his followers that avoided Askaban did so by renouncing him.  My crime looks slightly worse than theirs because at trial I was exonerated as a spy for the Ministry's side, but as so many people never believed that story in the first place, with any luck I'll be able to convince him that I managed to evade capture by hoodwinking Dumbledore.  Hopefully given enough time the Dark Lord will trust me again and I'll be able to return to his service without risk.'

'Hopefully?  With any Luck?  These are not words that inspire confidence in a plan Severus!'  Lois shouted.  'And not only that what will it do to you to go back to that life again?  You can't do it – it's too dangerous!'  She said forcefully.

At her words, Snape finally allowed himself to look at her fully since their conversation had begun and was shocked by what he saw.  For the first time since he'd known her, her face showed not a speck of joy.  Usually even when in a temper or concentrating avidly on some task, she fairly glowed with an innate love of life that he simply couldn't comprehend. But now her normally mobile face was still and chalky pale, her lips almost bloodless as she chewed on them worriedly, her blue eyes shadowed.

'I don't want you to die.'  She said almost in a whisper.

The relief that flooded through him at her words made him dizzy for a second.  He had been so certain once she knew about his past she would hate him, he should have known better; hate was an emotion she didn't seem capable of.  'Oddly enough I have no burning desire to shuffle off this mortal coil myself.'  He said sharper than he intended.  'In any event I doubt there's any great cause to worry, as my mother once informed me during a childhood illness - I'm too evil to die.'  He mocked.

'Don't!  Don't say that, you aren't evil.'  She rushed to say grabbing both of his hands with hers and holding them in a surprisingly strong grip. 'You just made a horrible mistake.'  Her grip on his hands tightened even further and she looked at him intently, her voice more serious than he had ever known it.  'You have to promise me that you'll be careful Severus.'

'I will.' He said squeezing the hands that grasped his, only for her to pull immediately away and take a few steps back from him.  'So, what now Lois?' He asked his voice reserved as he watched her almost visibly drag her composure tightly back into place.

'Nothing now.'  She shrugged casually, but the stiffness of her body showed she plainly wasn't as relaxed as she pretended.  'Same as before, we're friends aren't we?  I don't turn my back on my friends.'  She answered her voice suddenly distant. 

'Good I'm… glad.'  He responded stiffly unsure of her mood.

'Well I'm better be going, it's getting late.'  She said lightly wincing as she moved her tensely held shoulders.  'Thank you Severus… for trusting me with that.'

'Achelois….'

'Well goodnight then, I'll see you at breakfast.'  She said with a bright meaningless smile that didn't reach her eyes before turning and almost running for the door, slipping swiftly out and closing it quietly behind her.

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A/N   The Tebo and fairy description belongs to J K Rowling and is pilfered, once again, from Fantastic Beasts & Where to Find Them. 

Thanks to everyone for your wonderfully helpful reviews and giant gingerbread cookie bribes.