Last chapter…..
Ron picked up his and began to write a title on his parchment.
"The (impossible yet extremely crucial) Task of Decoding Hermione's Mind"
This was going to be a long night.
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'So…what's the next step?"
If he was going to try and think like Hermione, he was going to have to approach this exactly like she would. So of course, that meant he would have to make this 200 times more complicated than it actually needed to be.
Ron began to think.
'Alright… so Ron you genius you. What exactly do you want to know?'
'Well….errm… We could start by figuring out why Hermione is biting her nails all of a sudden, and acting like a complete nutter by twirling her hair in her fingers, and actually offering to help with me my homework! Actually, now that I think of it, I don't particularly mind the last part. It's actually sort of nice. I get top quality….ermm… assistance –yes..that's what we'll call it- from the smartest witch in Hogwarts and I don't even have to beg or whine or do any of the usual antics I have to go through in order to get the slightest bit of attention for her. Not that I would even want attention from her. After all, all we do is argue and bicker and-'
'Ron mate?'
'Yes Ron'
'I'm afraid you're getting a bit off topic'
'Ahh ..yes. You've got a point there.'
'It's alright, mate.'
'Well good. If only Hermione was as understanding towards me as… erm…. I am to my self….?'
'... Well anyway. You say you want to figure out why Hermione's acting so girly all of a sudden. So… why don't you go ask someone who has first hand experience on dealing with the subject.'
'Oh! Right! Now erm… who might that be? Harry?'
'Harry? Heavens no! He can't even kiss a girl without them bursting into tears. Think again.'
'Oh. How true… right you are. Well then… how about Crookshanks. He…erm… she…uhh.. let's say it spends quite a good deal of time with Hermione. I bet it would know a thing or two about girls!'
'Yes well that's true. Only one problem there.'
'And what's that?'
'Crookshanks is a cat.'
'I know'
'And most cats can't actually speak English."
"Oh right… Then what about Dobby?
'No…were going for something human here.'
'Ermmm… Seamus?'
'No.'
'Then maybe Dean?'
'No.'
'How about-'
'TRY ASKING AN ACTUAL MEMBER OF THE FEMALE SPECIES!"
'…well alright there was no need to yell about it…'
'Well you were the one who--'
"No don't try and apologize now. You've gone and ruined the relationship. I'm afraid I'm going to have to end it now. I'll be back for the rest of my things tomorrow.'
"You do realize you're attempting to break up with yourself and that's a tad-"
'No! Don't try and talk me about of it now. It's too late for you and I.'
"Ron."
"Everything was going good and you just had to ruin it. You had to be the one in control. Well ive got news for you mate. There's no "I" in team.
"Ron?"
"Now it's over…you've lost your-"
"RON! Have you gone absolutely nutters!" Hermione's eyes widened with disbelief. "First stealing from the kitchens…which by the way, makes the poor House Elve's work even harder than they already do! And now you're having pretend conversations with yourself? Whats next, pray tell? Beginning your homework more than 6 hours before it'd due?"
Ron jumped back in surprise. "Hermione!"
An exasperated look appeared on her face. "Honestly Ron" She smirked at him. "Do you not want to study so bad that you had to go imagine what seemed to be some sort of… relationship between you and your imaginary friend?
"You heard?"
"Well yes what did you expect? Everything was nice and quiet and then all of a sudden you burst out into some overdramatic monologue-'
"Wait. I do not have an imaginary friend."
"Well you must.: A sly smile slid on to her face. "Who else would you have been talking to?"
"Maybe I was talking to myself. Hasn't a know-it-all like you ever heard of such a thing?"
"Well of course I have! I just didn't think you were daft enough to do it?
Ron found him self beginning to yell. "Are you calling me daffy?"
"Are you calling me a know-it-all?" Hermione's voiced rose an octave.
"Well at least I'm not the one biting my nails."
Hermione's brows furrowed in confusion. "What in Merlin's name does that have to do with anything?"
I don't know Hermione. You tell me." Ron gave her a smirk walked away.
When he was halfway up the stairs, Hermione called out to him.
"Ron! Biting my nails…. What? What are you talking about?
As he entered the boys dormitory he paused.
"I don't know. But I'm sure going to find out." He gave the extremely perplexed Hermione another slight smirk and closed the door.
As the door was latching shut, he could have sworn he heard an "Honestly Ron.." drifting up from below.