Disclaimer:  Everything recognizable from the Harry Potter universe belongs to J K Rowling, no infringement is intended to any copyright holder

Beloved on this Earth

~ 0 ~

 '… so do you want a cup of tea or not?'

'What?'  Severus glanced distractedly up from the piles of scrolls he had been staring blindly at for the last hour, into Lois's questioning face.

'Weren't you listening at all?  I asked if you wanted me to make you a drink,' she repeated holding up the steaming mug in her right hand.

'Oh.  No.  Thank you,' he added belatedly.  Lois rolled her eyes with mild exasperation at his preoccupied air, but didn't comment, simply sinking back down onto the low sofa across the room from him.  Within moments she was immersed once more in the numerous open books beside her, the soft scratching of her quill against rough parchment, the only sound in the quiet room.

Freed from her observation, Severus went back to his blank perusal of the homework in front of him, the room around him fading from view once more.  Since his confrontation with Moody that morning, he had been running almost entirely on autopilot.  He hadn't actually cancelled any of his classes, but his inattention during them could easily have led to any number of disasters.  Luckily the rest of his lessons had been made up entirely of sixth and seventh year Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws.  If he'd have had the misfortune to encounter one of the Creevey brothers, or worse still, Longbottom, there was a very good chance he wouldn't have survived to tell the tale. He wondered for a grim moment whether that would necessarily have been a bad thing. 

The nightmare day had alternately rushed and crawled by in an agony of indecision, while his brain had churned feverishly trying to hit upon the elusive solution to his problem, one that would allow him to keep Lois with him, and yet ensure her safety at the same time.  With carefully unacknowledged dread, he had systematically worked his way through every protection spell and charm he knew, rejecting one after another, none of them foolproof, as the Potters and countless thousands of other unfortunate witches and wizards could attest.  If any of them were still alive that was.  Wizarding solutions exhausted, Severus had in desperation turned his thoughts to Muggle options, only to find them of even less use.  The only vaguely possible answer there was to transplant themselves entirely to the Muggle world, and even supposing he could convince Lois to blindly give up magic and go into hiding without any explanation, he knew she would never agree to abandoning Potter and her mediwizardry training without a word.

Almost completely unaware of his surroundings by this stage, he had only briefly surfaced from his miserable introspection when the bell had rung announcing the end of school, bringing with it the realisation that he had missed lunch entirely.  As a consequence the first he had seen of Lois was when they had met up in the Great Hall for dinner. From the moment she sat hesitantly down beside him, Severus had been dimly conscious that Lois wasn't quite herself either.  He had been peripherally aware of numerous, darting sideways glances directed his way, and the almost wary tone she used on the few occasions she had attempted to engage him in conversation.  Towards the end of the meal she had hesitantly brought up the subject of the wandless magic, asking in a hushed voice if anything more had been discussed after she had left the Headmasters office.  Snape had started at that, swivelling in his chair to pin her with a suspicious glance, wondering briefly whether she had somehow learnt of his conversation with Moody, before realising how improbable that was.

Moody knew as well as he did that Lois was unlikely to abandon him because of any threat Voldemort might make, and would only be angry with the other man for suggesting it.  The ex-Auror was wily enough to leave the decision resting completely in Snape's lap, and trust that his emotions were indeed involved enough to do whatever was necessary to protect her.  Reassured that she couldn't know anything of what had occurred, he had abruptly informed her that he had left himself soon after she had.  Lois had nodded quickly and turned back to her meal, to his relief making no further comment on the subject. Snape had stared vaguely puzzled at her downcast head for a moment, but unable to come up with a reason for her odd behaviour, he had pushed the niggling question determinedly aside.  Whatever else was wrong at the moment, it would have to wait.

Considering her strange mood, Snape had been slightly surprised when Lois had accompanied him to his chambers after their meal as normal.  Whatever had been bothering her earlier, she had obviously decided to put it behind her, because she had determinedly chatted brightly with him on the journey down to the dungeon, seemingly unfazed by his monosyllabic answers, and uncomplainingly pulling out her own homework when he had immediately sat down at the large desk to begin marking his.  Not another word had been spoken between them until the offer of tea had been made.

A loud sigh from Lois pulled him from his unsettled thoughts and he glanced over at her, careful not to attract her attention.  She was apparently having difficulty with some piece of homework judging by the disgruntled scowl on her face, and the furious way her quill was scratching at the parchment balanced across her lap.  Severus craned his neck slightly to get a better look at the book lying in front of her.  Transfiguration, no wonder.  Still her worst subject by far and showing absolutely no signs of improving.  Despite his attempted stealth, Lois must have somehow felt his glance upon her because she looked up sharply, smiling sheepishly when she found him watching her.

'Do you think there's any chance I can convince Minerva of the basic pointlessness of knowing how to turn a button into a beetle and vice versa?' she grumbled good-naturedly.

'I doubt it,' he murmured, his mind already returning to his nagging problem before focussing enough to say, 'As far as I've been able to tell, Minerva's firmly held belief in life is that you can never have enough buttons.  Or, apparently, beetles.'

Lois grinned, seemingly pleased by his response, half-hearted though it was.  'You don't look like you're having much fun there yourself.  Whose homework are you marking, or shouldn't I ask?'

Snape looked quickly down, aware he had absolutely no idea which unfortunate student had apparently just earned themselves an 'F'.  'Karol Carroll,' he said with a snort of disgust.  'The boy's work makes about as much sense as his name,' he muttered darkly, adding a quick, terror inducing, 'See me' underneath the failing mark.

'Well, whatever else he's done wrong, you can't blame the poor devil for a name his parents saddled him with Severus,' Lois chided, her lips twitching with amusement.  'It is unfortunate though; I would never do that to a defenceless baby, especially after all the stick I took at school with my name.  I always thought it would be nice to name my children after my mom and dad – Niahm and William, I like both of those, and best of all, they're normal,' she said with feeling.

'You wish to start a family?' Snape asked abruptly, the shock of her words jolting him from his introspection with the force of a hammer blow, and making him wonder why, after all his recent thoughts of permanency and marriage, the possibility of that had never once occurred to him.  Lois plainly adored children of all ages, an attitude he heartily disagreed with and had never been able to fathom. He hadn't even liked children when he'd been one himself.  However, now that he actually gave it conscious thought, Lois, he realised, would make a wonderful mother, supportive and loving and most importantly there.  In fact, the total opposite of everything his own mother had been.   He had a sudden vividly clear image of her seated as she was now, curled up in the large fireside sofa, their child resting securely in her arms, a tender smile on her face. 

Over the growing dread slowly unfurling in his stomach, he wondered numbly how an offspring of theirs would have turned out anyway.  Would it have been lucky and taken after its mother, or would the unfortunate infant have been cursed with his irascible temperament, or worse still, his looks?  A battle of good against evil fought at the genetic level, he mused with grim ill humour.

'Well… yes,' Lois replied carefully.  'Not anytime soon obviously,' she added hurriedly seeing his frozen expression.  'I mean, I'm so busy with my studies at the moment I wouldn't be able to give them the attention they needed, but eventually… yes.'

'I see,' he managed, his studiously blank tone causing Lois's gaze to sharpen worriedly.

'Severus, what's wrong?'

'Nothing,' he said tersely, standing to walk toward the roaring fireplace and holding his hands out in front of it, suddenly chilled to the bone.  The dawning knowledge that he had been desperately trying to deny since his conversation with Moody, abruptly clarified into crystal clearness.  There was no miraculous solution to this, magical or otherwise.  He couldn't realistically protect her, not while she was with him and she certainly couldn't be expected to protect herself.  While her charms and healing skills were high, they far outstripped the rest of her abilities; she wouldn't have a hope in hell of surviving a confrontation against a determined second year, let alone Voldemort and his Death Eaters.

As if that fact alone wasn't horrifying enough, now with her words came the unpleasant realisation that it wasn't only Lois's safety he had to consider.  Going on past experience, the upcoming war wouldn't be a short one.  Even if he could somehow justify to himself risking Lois's life, how could he deny her the possibility of a family, and if he couldn't, how could he allow an innocent child's life – their innocent child's life – to hang in the balance because of his sordid past.  If he had asked for sign from above, which he most definitely had not, then this was surely it, arriving unannounced and unwanted to signal the end of their relationship, and obligingly handing him the means to do so on a platter.

Dread turning the blood in his veins to ice, he turned back to face her and stood completely still for a moment, drinking in the fine-boned beauty of her face.  A worried frown had etched slight lines on her forehead and her bright blue eyes gleamed with concern.  His stomach clenched painfully and he quickly dropped his eyes from hers before she was able to read the expression in them.  So here it was, punishment for his sins, finally and irrevocably come home to roost.  He wondered absently why it had taken so long, before recognising the stupidity of that question almost immediately; he wouldn't have truly been able to appreciate all that hell had to offer until he'd experienced its polar opposite.

'Yes there is,' she persisted when he said no more.  'Tell me.' 

Severus looked reluctantly up, finally meeting and holding her worried gaze squarely and carefully betraying none of the misery he felt hammering at his chest wall.  'Very well if you really must know, I have absolutely no desire to have children and I'm concerned from your tone that you seem to be under the misapprehension that some day we will do so.'  Snape watched, outwardly impassive, while she struggled to form an appropriate response through her obvious shock at his blunt words. 

'I… see,' she said finally.  'When I said that - about my parents - I was just… thinking out loud.  I didn't mean to sound as though I was presuming anything, or make you feel awkward,' she continued carefully, but he could see how difficult this conversation was for her – her hands wouldn't sit still in her lap and her lower lip trembled slightly.  'I wasn't – I wasn't asking you for anything you're not ready for Severus.'

'It is not a question of being ready, I simply do not wish to have children either now, or at any point in the future.'

Lois nodded jerkily, standing from the sofa and taking a few hesitant steps towards him.  'Severus, I know you have a reputation for being hard on the children, especially those outside of Slytherin, but even with all your gruffness and impatience you can't truly hate them.  Why would you be teaching all these years if you felt that way?'

'I teach because that is what Dumbledore asked of me, and at the time I was in no position to refuse him his request.  The students however, have never ceased to be anything other than a chore.'  That at least he could say with the utmost honesty.

'Even so, if it were your own child I'm sure you would feel different,' Lois said a little weakly, doubt creeping into her voice now.

Snape breathed in deeply in an attempt to quell his rising nausea.  'I would feel no differently,' he said with finality.  'I can see now Lois that I have been unfair to you in allowing our relationship to continue.'

'What?' Lois gasped disbelievingly, her eyes wide and stunned.  'No!  That's just crazy!  I mean… I mean, I won't deny I'm disappointed that you feel this way, desperately so, but that doesn't mean I want our relationship to end,' she said in a rushed, breathless voice.  'Plenty of couples don't have children for any number of reasons, and whether we ever do or not, you're what's important to me.  I love you too much to let it come between us, and you love me too Severus, I know you do!'

'That isn't exactly true I'm afraid.  I am extremely fond of you Lois.  I consider you excellent company and I won't deny I've enjoyed our time together, but it was never my intention to allow us to become involved in the first place, let alone for our relationship to develop into what it is now.   Of course, I wouldn't have dreamed of even broaching the subject while the uncertainty of the wandless magic was hanging over our heads, but as we now have a satisfactory answer for that…' He shrugged expressively, regret clear in his voice.

His words had apparently rendered Lois temporarily incapable of speech he realised, as she stared dumbly up at him, her mouth opening once before closing again with a sharp snap.  Purposely calling to mind again the sick images in the photographs Moody had shown him, Snape drew himself up to his full height to stare down at her implacably from behind hooded eyes.  'I think Lois, all things considered, it would be best if we finish this before it goes any further.'

'Any further?'  Lois repeated incredulously, anger slowly taking the place of shock.  'Any further!  What the hell are you playing at Severus – how much further do you think it can bloody well go?  And what do you mean, you never meant to get involved with me?  You told me yourself that you lied about Remus!  Why would you have done something like that if you weren't attracted to me, if you didn't have any feelings for me?'

'I did feel something for you.  I do feel something for you – I wanted you from the moment I saw you, I probably always will and more than that, over time I came to realise how much I liked and admired you too.  But it isn't love Lois.  I'm sorry.'

'But… but I love you!' she cried sounding almost lost, the swift anger gone from her voice now leaving it hollow and scared.

Snape's eyes flickered briefly shut, and he used the blessed few seconds of darkness to force back the flood of self-loathing that hit him, her obvious pain nearly cutting him in two.  'I realise that now Lois, and it is the reason I cannot allow our affair to continue, it would be cruel of me.  As for my lies regarding Lupin, I'm afraid, as you already know, I have no real excuse for my actions; it was a spur of the moment decision that had I given it any true thought to, I would not have made.  I cannot deny however, that I would have found it extremely… difficult to see you involved in a relationship with a fellow professor when it was something I had denied myself, so perhaps subconsciously I knew exactly what I was doing.  Something else for which I am profoundly sorry.'

Lois waved away his explanation with an impatient, growling sound, apparently uninterested at the moment in why their affair had begun.  'Damn it, Severus, this just doesn't make any sense!  I've told you I love you hundreds of times before and whether it's said or not, declarations of love generally go hand in hand with at least thoughts of marriage.  Why is it suddenly a problem now?' she demanded brokenly.

'Because I never truly believed you meant it before,' he said simply.

'Why wouldn't you think I meant it?' 

'For a number of reasons Lois, chiefly the fact that I am hardly a loveable man, and in my defence, you never once asked for the words in return,' he pointed out with a carefully manufactured hint of censure. 'Which naturally led me to believe that your emotions were not as deeply involved as your words suggested.'   

'I didn't want to pressure you,' Lois murmured dazedly, lifting a shaking hand to her forehead.  'I felt sure, with enough time…' she trailed off vaguely, her eyes blank and unfocussed as her thoughts turned inwards.

Snape nodded with tender understanding.  'I care for you too much to allow you to believe there is any future for the two of us, and this talk of children has forced me to realise that your feelings run much deeper than mine.   I have no plans to ever marry Lois, and fond of you though I am, the idea of permanency holds no lure for me.'

If he had attempted to be cruel or denied he felt anything, Lois would have immediately known it was a lie, but as it was, his confession of strong feelings – but just not love - and the honest regret on his face, mirrored so closely what she had feared in the back of her mind for such a long time, that it seemed crushingly plausible.

But even so, after all they had shared this couldn't possibly be it.

'Wait, I… you haven't really given us a chance yet Severus, all of this,' she said with a fluttering wave, moving a step closer towards him, 'is much too sudden!  One second we're fine and the next…  Look, perhaps you don't love me yet, but that doesn't mean you never will,' she urged, her hands reaching out to grasp his.  'And even if you don't, you've warned me now; the decision as to whether or not I can accept that is mine to make.'

'No,' he said implacably, gently disengaging her hands from his and taking a step back.  'I refuse to do that to you and once you have calmed down, you will realise that you would only grow to hate me if I did.' 

'So that's your final word on the subject then is it?' she demanded suddenly, a wild look in her eyes.  'All knowing Severus Snape has made his decision and I'm supposed to just meekly agree and toddle off without a fuss?  What about if I'm already pregnant, have you given a single thought to that possibility?' she said with an accompanying sharp jab to his chest with her index finger.  'What if in the midst of my crazy schedule just lately I accidentally forgot to take my contraceptive potion?  And lets face it, given how often we make love, oh sorry, have sex,' she amended with a harsh laugh, 'and your reluctance to ever cast the old Swish Flick Condomi, an unplanned pregnancy wouldn't really be that big a turn-up for the books now would it?' she asked with icy sarcasm.

Frantic hope clawed at Snape's insides as he stared back at her, the burning glitter in his hooded black gaze the only hint to his true emotions.  If she was pregnant the decision was out of his hands; he couldn't send her away if she was carrying his child.

'Are you saying you are pregnant?'  

'Why, would it make a difference?' she demanded, rare bitterness clouding her face.  'What would you do if I am?'

Marry you, he heard a small voice inside his head answer without hesitation, take you into hiding and never tell a soul what I was doing, wiped your memory clear of Potter and Hogwarts, your husband and your family, in fact everything but me if that was what it took to keep you safe.  Just tell me, he begged silently, tell me you're pregnant. 

'Are you?' he repeated coldly, ignoring her own question completely.

She hesitated for a second and his hope rose a notch higher, before plummeting to the ground with a unpleasant lurch when she turned away and said emotionlessly, 'No, I'm not.  But I could have been and then the decision would have been taken out of both our hands.'  She swallowed with difficulty and wrapped her arms protectively around herself, lifting her head to stare sadly up at him.  'And honestly Severus, would it be that bad for us to be tied together like that?  Are you really so unhappy with me?' 

Snape remained silent for long moments, the crushing disappointment leaving him briefly unable to speak.  'It is not a question of happiness Lois, it is a question of what is right,' he said when he had control of himself once more.  'Now that I know you want more from this relationship than I can ever give, allowing it to continue would be unconscionable of me.'

'No it wouldn't!  Maybe if you were lying to me, but you're not!' she said hurriedly, her expression determined.  'Look, I've already said I don't want children yet, and I'm not exactly champing at the bit for a marriage proposal either.  I've never mentioned it have I?  You're the one who's suddenly brought it all up out of the blue like this, and really, who's to say where we'll be months, even weeks, further on down the line.  Perhaps I won't want to be with you by then – have you thought of that?  What's the point in throwing away what we've got right now, because of the possibility that it might not work out later on!' 

Snape felt an icy shiver of dismay run down his spine at her words.  In truth, it altered nothing and he was almost positive she was lying, but now that she had raised the doubt in his mind, like an aching tooth, he couldn't resist probing the tender area. Had he been mistaken about the depth of her feelings for him? 

'Do you love me Lois?  Enough to want to marry me, have my children, spend the rest of our lives together?' he demanded, hating himself for being the cause of more pain – both hers and his own – yet some sick, twisted part of him craved the answer still. 

But what was worse – knowing or not knowing how she truly felt?

'Yes, yes, okay!' she admitted on a hitching breath, her eyes luminous in the shadowed room with a mixture of anger and unshed tears.  'You're right, I want all of those things, I want them more than anything!  Are you happy now?  Is that what you wanted to hear?'

Knowing was worse. 

'No, Lois, it isn't but it is why I cannot allow this to continue.' 

'No,' she said suddenly, shaking her head in furious denial and scrubbing impatiently at her watering eyes.  'I know what this is really all about; it's because of Moody isn't it?' she asked wrathfully and Snape froze, his eyes widening with sudden alarm that didn't have time to take hold before she stormed on.  'Because I didn't turn him down when he offered to show me those pictures he had of my family?  Damn it, Severus, I knew you were angry, but I thought if I gave you enough time to calm down… I even risked food poisoning just to stay out of your way today and this is the thanks I get!' she suddenly announced bizarrely, steam practically pouring from her ears now as she worked herself into a fine rage.  'I know you can be a vicious swine when you're in a mood, but I never imagined you could be heartless enough to do something like this…'

For a moment, Severus genuinely had no idea what she was referring to, and his blank incomprehension must have shown in his face, because she stopped speaking abruptly, the hectic flush on her cheeks fading to leave her ghostly pale.  She swayed slightly were she stood, but before he could react, she seemed to gain control again, reaching out a hand to steady herself against a nearby chair, her gaze dropping dazedly from his. 

'I…  This is wrong.' she muttered almost to herself, her gaze fixed blindly on the floor in front of her.  'If it's not Moody, then something else must have happened,' she said slowly, 'something that would make you act like this.'  Her head whipped up sharply to pin him with a searching gaze.  'Have you been called to spy on Voldemort, has he threatened something?' she questioned, worryingly close to the truth.

'Nothing has happened,' Snape said his expression as impassive as his voice.  'Voldemort still does not trust me completely, so the risks I take are negligible at the moment.  My activities as a double agent have not caused this decision,' he assured, false sincerity shining from his voice.

Lois recoiled at his words, turning her face away from him again, before suddenly advancing towards him, her eyes gleaming wetly.  'So this is really it?  We're finished, just like that?' she asked with an angry snap of her fingers.

'I think it for the best,' he said simply. 'For your sake as well as mine.  The time is fast approaching when I will need to focus all of my energies on the upcoming war, and there will simply be no time for any distractions then.'

Lois stared at him as if she didn't recognise him.  'A distraction?   I'm a distraction?  If that's all you saw me as why did you let me fall in love with you, why did you allow us to become lovers without ever once warning me how you felt?  Even if you didn't believe I loved you at first, you had to have known it was a possibility; I didn't exactly keep my feelings a secret!  God, Severus, how could you be so bloody cruel?'

Snape held his emotions in tight check as he prepared to deliver the final blow.  'As you will recall Lois, the first move was not mine.  It was you who initiated our lovemaking; I am a man after all, did you really expect me to refuse?' he asked in a silky soft voice, his tone becoming carefully regretful as he continued. 'And as for your declarations of love, how was I to know you truly meant what you said?  After all, the most likely explanation, was that you simply used those words to appease your guilt at betraying your husband by having sex with me.' 

He stood still as her small hand snaked out and slapped him hard across the face.  The noise was astonishingly loud in the silent room, and the sudden sound seemed to snap Lois out of the momentary fury she had been directing at him only seconds before. 

With a deep, shuddering breath, she stepped away from him, a mask like stiffness falling over her features leaving her looking as cold and fragile as ice.  Once she was no longer within touching range, she paused to look up at him distantly, her eyes dry now and her face expressionless.  'I shouldn't have done that,' she said staring emotionlessly at the vivid handprint slowly blossoming on his cheek. 'I apologise,' she continued in the same dead tone.

Severus watched grimly as she walked slowly back to the sofa and began methodically collecting her belongings together.  Unsure for once of what to do, he stood stiff and unmoving in the middle of the room, his eyes trained on her as she headed towards the bedroom, emerging minutes later clutching a large box.  He stepped instinctively forward, ready to take the heavy load from her arms, but froze as she shot him an icy glare. 

'I can manage, thank you.'

Snape grimaced at the cold finality in her voice.  He had succeeded in his task, but it gave him no pleasure.  The fact that she would be safe now, and in time happy again, was his only consolation.  Almost immediately, his mind flashed on the image of her glowing face, arms linked with some blessedly unknown man, laughing together as their children played at their feet.  That was what she deserved, what he couldn't give her.  There should have been at least some satisfaction in that thought, but he could find none.  Especially with the bitter awareness that given the comparative smallness of the wizarding world, there was a good chance he would know his so far faceless replacement. 

His teeth ground together in impotent rage as that notion sank in.  She and Lupin had always been far too friendly for his liking, and then there was Quade of course, who had the added bonus of resembling her late husband.  He didn't need to imagine what a child of theirs would like, he already knew.  Simple genetics decreed it would almost certainly be a blonde, blue eyed, beautiful baby, whatever the sex.  His dark imaginings of Lois and Quade strolling Hogwarts corridors arm in arm, screeched to a halt as an even more revolting thought struck him – what about Black?  No, anything but that!  Black would cruelly delight in stealing Lois away from him he knew, out of simple spite if nothing else, and Potter would certainly be cock-a-hoop at having her as an adoptive godmother.  The boy would finally have what he had always so plainly hungered for – a family of his own to belong to and better yet, the woman in question would be Lois, who he was already unpleasantly possessive of as it was.

Fighting the primal urge to curse every man she'd ever met to kingdom come, Snape was suddenly brought down to earth with a savage thud, as the stark realisation swept over him that the chances of him witnessing her embarking on a new life without him were slim. Whatever happened, once her training was finished - and probably sooner if she had any say in it now - she would leave Hogwarts and with it the protection the castle afforded during these dark times.

The initial uneasy prickling that thought caused, blossomed without warning into fully-fledged dread, and Snape shuddered as though someone had walked over his grave, suddenly overcome with the inexplicable, bone deep certainty that if she left this room now, he would never see her again.  Before he could stop himself, he reached out a beseeching hand towards her, wanting to take back his words and keep her with him here, safe forever.  Missing his gesture, Lois moved abruptly, placing the last of her belongings that had gathered over the months in his room into the box, and pulling her wand lifted it fluidly into the air. 

With her action, the moment was lost and Snape felt his outstretched arm drop limply back to his side.  This was for the best he knew; his fear was irrational and borne out of the need to find an excuse, any excuse, to make her stay.  The cold terror however, wouldn't leave him.

'What will you do now?' he asked in a driven tone.  Luckily she seemed unaware that his resolve was crumbling before her. If her own anguish hadn't been so great, she would have been able to spot that there was something very wrong with this picture.

'Do?' she repeated coldly.  'What do you think I'll do?  Throw myself off the top of one of the towers, overcome with guilt for acting like such a slut and betraying the memory of my sainted dead husband?' 

He winced, but she was staring blindly at a point just above his head and didn't notice.  'I meant,' he continued with difficulty, 'that I hope that you will not decide to leave Hogwarts.  I would not want to be the cause of your having to uproot yourself again, that was never my intention.'

'Rest assured Severus, you needn't feel the slightest glimmer of guilt.  I will continue with my training and lessons, although I hope you'll understand that I'll be giving Potions tuition a break for a while,' she said it without any sarcasm, just a simple statement of fact.

'Achelois…'  

She didn't look back from where she stood at the threshold of his open chamber door, but said in a hollow, empty voice, 'Goodbye Severus.'

As the door closed quietly behind her, his legs finally gave way, and he sank numbly onto the low chair next to the fire, swearing furiously as something sharp dug painfully into his thigh.  Reaching into his robe pocket he pulled the offending item out, and closed his eyes as a shaft of agony shot through him. 

The bloody engagement ring. 

He glared down at it with passionate hatred, as though the tiny box were the cause of all his torment.  Drawing back his arm, he hurled it across the room, watching without satisfaction as it hit the inkwell on his desk, sending its contents spilling over the pile of seventh year homework scrolls lying there. 

His small spurt of anger vanished almost as soon as it had appeared and he drew in a deep breath, burying his weary head in shaking hands, never before in his entire miserable existence feeling as dead and empty inside as he did right now.

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A/N  Gotsnape – whoops sorry!  I suppose I confused things slightly, chopping the last chapter in half like that. The Snape proposal question – I'd intended that chapter 24 and this one would be just one long chapter, but as I explained last time, I split it into two because this chapter wasn't quite ready and it had already taken me forever to post.  However, in the story, chapter 23, 24 and 25 actually all took place in the space of day.  As for where the last chapter was taking you – well it wasn't taking you anywhere exactly, but I needed it there because I had to drop a couple of plot points into the story for the ending to tie up.  Gawd, I hope!  :)

The 'Swish Flick Condomi' spell belongs to Rugi and Gwena and was very kindly lent to me from their wonderful, 'Tough Guide to Harry Potter.'   Last but not least, thanks again everyone for all your reviews – it's really most kind of you, especially considering how horribly unreliable I've been about updating lately.  I am trying, but life seems to have been condensed down into nothing but work and sleep just lately.  I'll make sure I get the story finished though, and hopefully sooner rather than later :)