Disclaimer:  Everything recognizable from the Harry Potter universe belongs to J K Rowling, no infringement is intended to any copyright holder

Beloved on this Earth

                                                                                                                   ~ 0 ~

Snape's irrational fear that Lois would somehow disappear from existence did not come to pass.  She was absent from breakfast and lunch the following day, but appeared in time for the evening meal, looking pale and hollow-eyed and sitting as far away from him as possible without actually joining one of the student tables.  She didn't look his way once and spoke little, leaving the room not long after he arrived without saying goodbye to anyone. 

By the following day, Snape had already come to the conclusion that seeing her, and being within touching distance of her, was more torture than even he could stand, and he resolved to retreat to his dungeons until the pain had reduced to tolerable levels.  When that might be, he had no idea.  Unfortunately, the solitude of his rooms left him with far too much time for contemplation and his mind turned, as it always did in such situations, to dark imaginings.  Lois's safety was by no means assured simply because of their break up; he had no way of knowing that talk would not get out about their time together, or for that matter, that every single member of staff could be trusted to be loyal to Dumbledore and the cause.  Not only that, something about the break-in in her room had been nagging at him as well.  The fact that despite all his efforts he had still learned nothing worried him more than he liked to admit.

In the end, he managed one full day without setting eyes on her once.  After conceding defeat to his own weak emotions and rapidly growing anxiety, he stalked the corridors between the Infirmary and the Great Hall until he finally happened upon her just before lunch.

She froze when she saw him walking towards her, her already pale face draining of all colour before she turned on her heel and practically ran back the way she had come.

'Lois –'

Lois stumbled to a stop, but didn't turn to face him.  Her head remained downbent and one arm reached out to steady herself against a rough stone wall.

Snape opened his mouth to speak, but found that all his carefully planned speeches had deserted him.  Taking a hesitant step towards her, he saw her tense, obviously seconds away from flight.  The thought that he might lose his chance to talk to her sent hurried words spilling from his lips.

'Lois, do you have a minute?  I wanted to talk to you, I've been thinking about…' She spun round to face him and he flinched at the hopeful light that burned briefly in her eyes.  Swallowing with difficulty, he dropped his eyes from hers.  'Ah, I've been thinking about when your room was vandalised and …'

Lois made a choking noise and he trailed off again, lifting his gaze to find her staring back at him from empty eyes, all brightness gone in a heartbeat.  She lifted a hand to her mouth to muffle a broken laugh.

'It's fine.'

'What?'

'My room,' Lois said with biting precision.  'Whatever happened hasn't happened again and I doubt it's going to either.  You don't have to worry about it or think about it, or actually, Severus, talk to me about it or anything else ever again.  If you don't mind, that is?'

It's only been two days, Snape tried to reassure himself.  Give her time; she can't hate you forever.  Looking into her distant face, though, he couldn't help but wonder if that was true.  He opened his mouth to try again and, to his surprise, found himself utterly lost for words.  

'Was there anything else?'  Lois asked when the silence continued to grow. 

'Lois, I understand that you're angry, but I want you to know…' He paused and felt his hands clench into painful fists hidden in the folds of his robes.  'That if you ever need me, or if there is anything –'

Lois gave a strangled sob and turned her head away from his.  'No!' she said, her eyes shooting back to his to pin him with a fierce look.  'Don't do that, I couldn't bear it.'

Snape raised his shoulders in helpless question.  'Do what?'

'The "let's be friends" speech.  I love you, Severus, I don't want to be your pal,' she practically spat. 'Or some pathetic Muggle millstone forever around your neck, just… no.'

'That isn't what –' Snape began, but it was too late; Lois was already walking away, her swift pace increasing until she turned a corner and was lost from his sight.

***

Remus sat behind the desk in his small office, his astonishment hidden behind a carefully blank expression.  The Augurey across the room made a clanging sound as it jumped from one perch to another in its large cage.  Remus's gaze briefly shifted to the mournful looking bird as it let out a long, low moan, which seemed to sum up the mood of the room. 

An impatient huffing noise drew his attention back to the man sitting across his desk, and the current cause of his bewilderment.  Severus Snape had arrived unannounced in his office ten minutes ago.  After the briefest of knocks, the Potions Master had entered the room uninvited and prowled around the small space silently for almost a minute, picking up random books and objects from the shelves for examination in a manner that, in anyone else, Remus would have called nervous.  Finally seeming to reach a decision under Remus's increasingly confused stare, Snape had flung himself down into the chair opposite and had begun giving him a terse account of his involvement and subsequent break-up with Lois.

'Tea, I think,' Remus said decisively, needing a few moments to gather his thoughts.  He didn't give Snape a chance to object, but as he stood, he saw the angry stiffening of the other man's shoulders.  Tea brewed and poured, he placed an unasked-for mug in front of Snape and settled himself back behind his desk with his own.  His pleasant smile faltered when he met Snape's seething glare.

'Right then, er, so this is definite is it?' Remus probed delicately.  'You and Lois are no longer… together?'  He instinctively held his breath as Snape's eyes blazed angrily back at him, before all expression was carefully stripped from them once more.

'No.'

'I see.  Could I ask why?' Remus risked questioning, wondering vaguely when he had acquired a death wish.

'No,' Snape snarled, his face twisted with bitter dislike.  'Because there is no need for you to know.'

'I'm not asking out of idle curiosity here, Severus, but I don't quite understand what it is that you –'

'Tell me, Lupin,' Snape interrupted tightly, 'is it utterly beyond you to simply sit and listen without succumbing to the urge to leap up and prepare beverages like a demented house-elf every thirty seconds?  If so, please tell me now so that I can end this folly before it even begins.'

Remus raised his hands up in front of him.  'Not another word.'

Snape stared at him suspiciously for long silent moments.  Finally, with an annoyed grunt, he sank back down into the chair he had half-risen from and twitched his robes into place around him.  

'As you have so cleverly deduced just by my having told you, Lois and I have had a… parting of the ways.  The circumstances are unimportant,' Snape said, with a sweepingly elegant gesture of his hands; only the brief tightening of his jaw hinting at his true feelings on the matter.  'What is important, however, is the fact that her rooms were broken into recently.'

'What?' Remus exclaimed sharply.  'I didn't hear about that.  What did Dumbledore have to say?'

'At Lois's request, the Headmaster is unaware of the matter,' Snape said, a look of extreme annoyance on his face.  'Nothing was taken and only some surface damage and inconvenience was caused.  As such, Lois is convinced that the act was not premeditated and prefers not to pursue it further.  I, however, am not so forgiving, nor so naïve.  Whoever did this must be caught and punished if we are to ensure that it doesn't happen again.  If the students are allowed to escape scot-free, there will be no reason for them to think they will not be as lucky a second time.'

'I see.  Well, I agree with you there, actually, but I am confused – why are you telling me this?  I haven't heard anything I'm afraid, if that's what you're thinking.'

Snape gave an exasperated snort.  'If you listened more and spoke less, Lupin, you would understand why I am telling you; while Lois and I are no longer on speaking terms, I am loathe to leave her without a… guardian, for want of a better word.  She is unaware that I have been pursuing this matter and also of the fact that I have set certain traps to catch the miscreant.'

Remus grimaced at the look of grim satisfaction that slid over Snape's thin face.  He thought, not for the first time, of the relief he had felt on discovering that Snape's allegiance was given firmly to Dumbledore.  Snape with a schoolboy grudge was worrying enough; the idea of him as a fully-fledged Death Eater with Voldemort's support was enough to give any sane person nightmares.  'Have you caught anyone?' he asked warily.

Snape's lips tightened.  'Not yet.  But I have one of my Slytherins asking questions amongst the students.  Hopefully he will have some answers soon.'

'Do you suspect anyone though?'  Remus pressed, leaning forward.  'Can you think of any reason why someone would do that?'

'Two.  Either, as Lois prefers to believe, a random act of violence caused by a momentary surge of teenage hormones, or…'

'Or?' Remus prompted when Snape hesitated.

'Lois has discovered a ring –' 

'Do you think someone was trying to steal –'

'Shut up, Lupin, and listen!  If when I have finished you have any further questions, I will answer them then!' Snape hissed impatiently, fury darkening his features.  Remus sat back in his chair, subduing his own angry response.  'The ring is not, I suspect, valuable for it's monetary worth but for what it is capable of – it acts as a wand would in channelling and strengthening magical energy, but is considerably more powerful.  Without knowing it, it has enabled Lois to perform acts of what we at first assumed were episodes of wandless magic.  However, the true nature of the object's abilities has now been proven.  On consideration, I think it highly possible the intruder was looking for it when they broke into Lois's chambers.'

'That's how she banished the Boggart,' Remus murmured and Snape nodded.  'Who else knows about this?' he asked quickly before Snape could resume his explanation.

'Currently the two of us, Lois, Dumbledore and Moody.'  The last name was said with bitter hatred.

'No one else?'

'Lois herself didn't even know.  The ring belonged to her mother, but where it originally came from we have no idea,' Snape said with a shrug.  'At the moment Dumbledore is making discreet enquiries, but his best guess is that it was originally developed by Conall Eadon.'

Remus nodded thoughtfully, the other wizard's name familiar to him.  'But if someone did want the ring, knew that it existed in the first place, why wait all this time?  Lois might not have grown up in the wizarding world, but she wasn't exactly hidden from it either. Why wait until she was an adult, and within the protection of Hogwarts to boot, before going looking for it?'

Snape sighed heavily, and ran a hand through his hair, an unusually vulnerable action that he was unaware of.  'If I knew the answer to that, Lupin, I would hardly need to be discussing this matter with you now,' he said snidely, and Remus bit back an irritated sigh.  'It may well be utterly unrelated, however, I am loathe to leave Lois without any protection, which is where you come in.  If you can just keep an eye on her, as unobtrusively as possible, I would … appreciate it.'

'Of course,' Remus said instantly.  'And thank you for trusting me enough to tell me about –'

Snape gave a sharp bark of laughter.  'Ah, but I don't trust you, Lupin.  Unfortunately I have very little choice in the matter – I made Lois a promise that I wouldn't involve Dumbledore and she refuses to have anything to do with me now.  Currently you and Madam Pomfrey are the only people she spends any significant amount of time with.  However, you would not be my first choice and probably not even my last; I'm making this request purely for her sake, and very much against my better judgement.' 

Remus felt a flicker of anger flare to life.  'What about Hugo?' he asked, his eyebrows raised in innocent query.  'Lois is with him probably as much as me – maybe more.'  He paused for a moment to let that sink in.  'It might be wise to mention this to him too.'

'No,' Snape said with a dark scowl, his face twisting into unpleasant lines. 'It is not necessary for the world and his wife to know about this, Lupin.  If you don't feel you are up to the job alone…' He stood from his chair and made towards the door.

'Fine, Severus, fine,' Remus said, standing hurriedly.  'I won't tell a soul, you have my word.'

Snape turned to look unblinkingly into the other man's calm face before finally nodding.  'Very well, and… thank you, Lupin.' 

'You're welcome, Severus,' Remus said to Snape's stiffly held back.  Snape nodded once more and left the room silently.

A whisper of sound behind him instantly vanished Remus's air of puzzlement and he whipped around, wand out, a dangerous gleam in his eyes. He let out a relieved puff of air as he spotted the large black dog edging cautiously out from behind his store cupboard door.

'Sirius, what do you think you're doing?' he demanded, his relief turning rapidly to annoyance.  'Have you been in there all this time?' His eyes widened worriedly. 'Were you listening?'

The large dog gave an expressive shrug of its massive shoulders, transforming as it did to reveal a tall, dishevelled looking man.  'And hello to you, too,' he said with a grin, pushing his hair out of his eyes.

'Damn it, Sirius, I mean it – what are you doing in my cupboard?'

Sirius gave another, more human, shrug.  'Waiting for you.  I've been here for hours – I fell asleep in the end.  Where have you been?'

Remus bit back his amusement at Sirius's disgruntled expression.  'Teaching, which is strangely, a requirement for the position of teacher.  So, you didn't hear any of… that?'

'No.  Practically nothing.'

'Practically nothing?'

'Well, once I woke up, bits and pieces, obviously.  Nothing that old Snape would object to though, I'm sure'

'When – precisely – did you wake up?' Remus pressed, noting the gleam in his friend's eyes.

'Well, it was the smell that woke me initially, an odd mixture of grease and… oh, how can I explain it?  Just this essence of… gittiness, I suppose is the best way to –'

'Oh God, you heard it all didn't you?' Remus muttered.   He sank back down onto his chair and buried his head in his hands.  'I promised him I wouldn't tell a soul–'

'And you didn't!' Sirius immediately exclaimed.  'Is it your fault the idiot doesn't even think to do a quick privacy spell?  Of course it isn't!  And if you ask me, this lax attitude to security also casts serious doubt on his abilities as spy, not to mention –'

'No, don't mention,' Remus said, lifting his head to shoot a grinning Sirius a deadly glare.  'I swear, Sirius, if this gets back to him I'll put you to sleep permanently!'

Sirius waved the threat away unworriedly.  'It won't, don't panic.  Bit of a relief, though, eh?'

'What is?'

'That Lois has finally come to her senses – although she'd have to have been pretty mixed-up to go for him in the first place, I suppose.'

'Well, we don't know what's gone on,' Remus felt obliged to point out.  'Maybe it was his decision.'

Sirius hooted scornfully.  'Yeah, right, that's what happened.'  His face scrunched into a look of disgust.  'Nah, he must've finally gone too far, I mean who knows what kind of stuff that weirdo's into, although she certainly doesn't seem the type to go for it,' he continued musingly.  'Probably the culture shock left her vulnerable and it's taken her till now to realise what he's like.'

Remus grimaced.  'I really don't think he's –'

'I mean honestly, Remus, can you imagine having that crawling into bed with you night after night.'  He gave a small shudder.  'It doesn't bear thinking about.'

'So let's not!'

Sirius grinned broadly.  'Going to give you nightmares is it?'

'It will if you don't stop right now!'

Sirius stood from his slumped position against the desk and stretched lightly.  'Come on then, you old woman; I'll spare your delicate sensibilities and you can take me over to see Harry instead.  He should be out at Quidditch practice now and after that I'll come and wait back here till you've got a break so you can take me up to Dumbledore.  Make sure you leave the door unlocked,' he instructed, 'oh, and see if you can bring me something from lunch would you?  I'm starved.'

Remus raised his eyebrows quizzically.  'That's everything is it?'

'I think so, yeah,' Sirius said with a nod.

Remus waited until Sirius was back in his Animagus form and standing impatiently by the classroom door before he conjured a lead.  Turning and catching sight of it at the last moment, the large dog backed away with a low growl, but Remus had the chain over his neck and pulled tight before he could make a move to escape.  Opening the door and stepping out into the corridor he gave the lead a tight yank and grinned down into the indignant furry face that glared balefully back up at him.

***

Lois walked blindly down the corridor, her eyes blurry with tears and only the indistinct flickering of the burning lamps on the walls on either side of her keeping her on track like runway lights.  She had continued to make an appearance at meal times, mostly to stop Poppy from worrying any more than she already was, but she was quickly coming to realise that she wouldn't be able to keep up the charade for much longer.  She definitely couldn't eat; her stomach seemed to be constantly knotted with misery and sitting so close to Severus that she could practically smell him, was too painful for words.  

The rest of the staff were obviously aware that something had happened between them and she already hated being around their carefully couched conversation.  All she wanted to do was to shut herself in her chambers and be allowed to wallow in her misery, but even that retreat was denied her.  When she hadn't arrived in the Infirmary the morning after the break-up, Poppy had come looking for her and Lois had sobbed the whole sorry story out in the plump matron's comforting arms.  Since then, Poppy refused to leave her alone.  And although she didn't insist that Lois continue with her duties in the Infirmary, she had made her spend her days in the office ostensibly studying, but more truthfully, sat staring blankly at nothing until lunch or the evening meal came around, at which time the mediwitch would chivvy her down into the Great Hall and the pretence of eating.

Tonight however, Poppy had been needed in the Infirmary and Lois had had no intention of sitting at the High Table feeling her heart crack more painfully open with every breath she took.  She had made it through the soup course and had then excused herself to her nearest dining companions, pleading a headache and brushing away the concern of her colleagues with vague smiles. 

'Lois!'

Damn.  Her step faltered and Lois hesitated, wondering if she could pretend she hadn't heard.

'Lois, hang on a minute!'

Apparently not.  She forced a pleasant smile into place and turned to face her tormentor; his long strides had him beside her within seconds.  'Remus, is something wrong?'

His worn face was worried as he examined her searchingly in the dim light.  'No, nothing wrong, I just wondered how you were.  You were looking a little pale at dinner and we don't seem to have had chance to talk for a few days.'

Lois shrugged.  'I'm fine, I've just been busy.  And I'm probably pale because of the headache – too much reading in bed by candlelight.  What I wouldn't give for a decent bedside lamp,' she said with a small smile.  'Anyway, I'm sure an early night will sort it out, so if you don't mind…?'

'Of course,' Remus said instantly.  'If you think that's what you need?'

Lois felt herself filling up at the warm concern battering at her.  'Yes,' she choked out, her eyes dropping from his.  'I just need some sleep.'

'Okay, I'll walk you to your rooms.  Ah, ah, ah,' he said when she opened her mouth to protest.  'I rarely get the chance to play the gentleman, don't spoil it for me now,' he commanded, reaching down to cup her elbow and guide her down the hall.

Lois felt her mood lighten at the slow pace Remus set for them, almost as though he was escorting an elderly aunt whose fragile bones couldn't take anything more energetic.  All she needed now was a shawl to complete the image of a doddering old maid – if she kept up the pathetic image she was obviously currently projecting, she could well find herself being propelled up and down the corridors in a bath chair before the week was out.

She twisted her head to glance over at Remus who was staring straight ahead, carefully avoiding looking at her.  'Weren't you hungry?'

A smile briefly touched his lips.  'Not really, and the soup was very filling.  You?'

'No.  I don't seem to have much of an appetite lately.'

'Yes, I've noticed.'  Remus stopped in the arch of a stairway and turned her to face him.  He hesitated for a moment before speaking again.  'Look, I don't know exactly what's happened between you and Severus, but if you want to talk –'

Lois shook her head frantically, feeling the dreaded tears that were never far away prickling at her eyes.

' – or if there's anything I can do –'

'There isn't!' she almost shouted.  Lois sucked in a deep, gulping breath, feeling her fingernails digging into her skin as she wrapped her arms around herself, fighting to keep control.  'We haven't had an argument,' she continued in a slightly less desperate tone, 'and this isn't some misunderstanding that can be talked through or overcome.  He just … he doesn't love me enough to want to be with me anymore, and the only thing I can do to make it better is accept it.'  

A thoughtful look appeared on Remus's face.  'That's why you broke up?' he asked gently and she nodded jerkily.  'But… what brought it on, had the two of you been having problems before that?' 

'No, nothing like that.  Everything had been fine really,' Lois said with an edge of bewilderment to her tone.  'I'd just made some offhand comment about children's names and the next thing I knew he was telling me it wasn't fair to me to carry on as we had been, knowing how he felt about me.' 

'I'm sorry,' Remus said, but still with that same thoughtful look on his face.

'Yeah,' Lois said, letting out a deep sigh.  'Me too.'

They turned without speaking and started up the staircase in front of them.  'You know,' Remus began slowly, 'there's something that doesn't seem quite right about all this.'

Lois gave an alarmingly bitter snort.  'There's nothing quite right about this.'

Remus grimaced apologetically.  'No, I meant… look, if anyone had asked me before today why the two of you had split up, I'd have put every last Galleon I own on it being you leaving him and instead …' He shrugged eloquently.

Lois ruthlessly extinguished the glimmer of hope that leapt to life at Remus's words and shook her head sadly.  'No, Remus, I've been through this with Severus.  I argued with him till I was blue in the face and he wasn't having any of it – there's nothing anyone could say or do that was going to change his mind.'

'Well, he's always seemed exceptionally jealous of you in the past – have you thought about using that?'

'I don't want him if I have to trick him into being with me!  No, that's not true,' she amended softly.  'Right at this moment, I don't think there's anything I wouldn't try, but I'd just be fooling myself, wouldn't I?  Anyway, he'd probably guess what I was up to straight away.'  She angled her head away from Remus, her hair swinging forward to cover her face, her whole posture one of slumped despair. 

'Not necessarily,' Remus said, his expression worried as he studied her drooping head.  'And I could help you if you want.'

Lois straightened and looked over at him, curiosity momentarily getting the better of her.  'You could?  How?'

'Um, you could come to my chambers for tea?' Remus suggested slowly.

'What, and that's supposed to make Severus jealous?  How would he even know?'

'We could invite him along.'

'Doesn't that rather defeat the whole purpose of it all – you know, an invitation to a tea party isn't likely to stir anyone into a jealous rage,' Lois said dispiritedly.

'Not generally, no, but I thought when he got there the two of us could be naked.'             

Lois gave a surprised huff of laughter, which was almost immediately replaced with a look of despair.  'Listen, Remus, I know you're just trying to cheer me up and thank you for that, but honestly, you're wasting your time here,' she said wanly.  'I'm really… it's just not going to work.'

'Lois, come now, it's not that bad.  I know it probably seems that way at the moment, but it'll get better.  In fact, I'm still not convinced –'

'Okay, if this is going to turn into the conversational equivalent of a few verses of "The Sun'll Come Out Tomorrow" then you can just forget it,' Lois snapped, her seesawing emotions suddenly veering swiftly into impatience, which wasn't helped by the blank gaze the tall man levelled on her at her words.  'Bloody half-soaked, useless wizards,' she muttered.  'Can't even be bothered to learn enough about Muggle culture to know when they're being insulted.'

She just caught sight of Remus's hurt expression turning quickly to dismay before it was lost to her tear-blurred vision.  She lifted a hand to her mouth and choked out a hurried apology, before turning and making a dash for the staircase in front of her.  She had only managed two steps when she felt her arm grasped in a strong grip, halting her escape.

'Remus, let me go!  I want to go to my room!'

'Being alone in your room is the last thing you need right now,' he insisted, while an enraged Lois struggled to pull her arm free.  But the effort of holding back the threatening tears seemed to have weakened her.  'Here, here,' Remus soothed as she let out a frustrated sob.  He half-dragged, half-carried her protesting figure into a nearby empty classroom and pushed her down onto a chair.  'There's no need for this, Lois.'

'But there is!' she hiccoughed, raising drenched eyes to his. 'I've tried to be brave, Remus, I have, but everyone keeps giving me advice, or… or pitying looks except – except for Severus of course, who barely looks at me at all!' She felt warm arms surrounding her and gave in to the grief that was tearing at her chest, tears finally breaking free as she turned and buried her face instinctively into the comforting warmth of his embrace. 

She had no idea how much time passed before the sobs began to subside, but with the return of control came swift embarrassment.  Pushing herself upright, Lois raised trembling hands to hide her face as she struggled desperately to get hold of herself.  She felt something brush against her spread fingers and reflexively grasped the tissues she found herself holding.  'Thank you,' she said huskily, wiping at her streaming eyes and blowing her nose.  Finally, feeling strangely hollow, but slightly more composed, she sat wearily back in her chair and lifted tired eyes to meet Remus's concerned gaze.

'I can't stay here, you know.'

Remus blinked, surprised.  'I haven't kidnapped you, Lois!  I just thought it would do you good to get it all out –'

'No.' She waved his hurried explanation away.  'I mean here at Hogwarts.  I can't stay.'

'Oh.  Oh!'  Remus's look of surprise instantly changed to one of worry.  'Now hang on a minute, I really don't think you need to go that far, and, with things the way they are at the moment, you'd be a fool to leave Hogwarts.  Whatever else is going on between the two of you, I'm positive Severus wouldn't want to be responsible for chasing you away – quite apart from the fact that while you're here with us you'll be…' He paused then, an arrested expression coming briefly over his face. '… safe.  Severus would never forgive himself if anything he did put you at risk.'

Lois rolled her eyes.  'Face it, Remus, I'm more Muggle than witch, and I doubt this little sojourn into the magical world is going to put me at any more risk than any other Muggle.'

'Is that your plan, then?  To turn your back on your magic altogether?'

'I'm not sure,' Lois confessed with a small shrug.  'I haven't really thought it all through yet, I just… I can't stay here and be around him all the time, I'll never get over him that way.'  Her voice broke on the last words and she raised her hands to scrub impatiently at her watering eyes.  With a curse, she dropped her hands away, blinking painfully and shaking her head.

'Are your eyes sore?' Remus asked sympathetically.  When she nodded in response, he reached over to lift her chin up with his finger, examining her face closely.  'They don't look too bad…' He gave a soft huff of surprise.  'A concealing charm?' he questioned, when her ashen, but otherwise unaffected face, suddenly slipped to reveal a ravaged wreck of hollowed, bloodshot eyes and tear tracks.  Her lips and features were drawn and grey with fatigue. 

'Yeah.' Lois gave a weak smile and pocketed her wand.  'I can't seem to pull off elegant suffering – Poppy said I looked like death warmed over, but I know she's worried and I didn't want Se– I didn't want anyone seeing me like this, and makeup just wasn't going to do it.  It's hard to keep it in place though; I had to ask Hermione Granger for help in the end.  At first I couldn't get it to work at all and then later it just looked too perfect.  Even now that I'm better at it, it still keeps slipping if I don't concentrate.'

Remus leaned forward as she murmured the spell to drag the charm back into place.  'Looks okay now,' he assured her with a nod.

'Hmm, shame it doesn't make me feel better instead of just looking better,' Lois muttered.  She rummaged in her pockets and pulled out a folded square, which she shook open and laid across her forehead and eyes, the remainder of it dropping over her mouth, muffling her apology. 

'What's that?'

Lois gave a soft groan of pleasure.  'It's a Headache, Hayfever and Hangover Handkerchief.  Hugo gave it to me when I ran into him in the staff room the other day.  I was still having some problems with the spell then and I think he pretty much saw straight through it.'  She lifted a corner of the while muslin to view Remus through a single reddened eye.  'Would the Ministry of Magic arrest me, do you think, if I went into business selling Wizarding cures to Muggles?'  She didn't wait for a reply, allowing the cloth to fall back into place and giving a relieved sigh as she felt her headache lessen and the tight, burning sensation in her eyes begin to fade.

'You should talk to Dumbledore,' Remus said abruptly.  Lois whipped the cloth from her face and stared back at the man in front of her, horrified.  Remus shook his head quickly.  'Not about you and Severus, I meant about where you could go to finish your education if you left here.  That's if you aren't serious about pursuing a career hawking wizarding contraband, of course.'

Lois relaxed again and then her expression darkened as she sighed morosely. 'I suppose I should.  I hadn't thought of going somewhere else.'  

Remus became suddenly brisk.  'It would be a shame to throw all your hard work away over a failed romance.'

'Is that all you think this is!'   

'I think I don't like to see you like this,' Remus said quietly, and Lois felt her anger subside to be replaced again by hollow misery.

'Enough of that,' Remus insisted, pulling her firmly to her feet.  'I'm taking you back to my chambers for something to eat, accompanied by a very large and very alcoholic drink, after which, I will escort you back to your rooms where you will sleep like a baby and awake in the morning feeling like a new woman.'

'I don't think –'

'Or, if you'd prefer to spend another night sleepless and miserable, you can go back to your chambers alone now and then tomorrow we can go ahead with my naked tea plan.'  Remus's lips twitched at her instantly alarmed expression.  'Ham sandwiches and Firewhisky it is.'

***

As the expected knock came at her chamber door, Lois gave herself one last look in the mirror to check that the Concealing Charm was still in place.  Her crying jags had settled somewhat over the past few days, but her sleep patterns hadn't improved, so she was still decidedly pale and heavy eyed without some sort of assistance to her appearance.  Satisfied that her spell was good enough to convince a fifteen-year-old boy at least, she moved to let him in.

'Harry,' she said, smiling.

He grinned in return and moved past her into the room, seating himself in one of the comfy chairs by the fireside and reaching hungrily for a biscuit from the plate she had laid out on the small table close by. 

'I got your note, Lois,' he mumbled through a mouthful of crumbs.  'What's up?'

'You're a suspicious little soul, Harry Potter.  Why does anything have to be up?'

He shrugged.  'No reason, I've just never known you to send an owl before.'

'Huh, and with good reason, I see now,' Lois said, glossing over the fact that the real reason she had resorted to a written note, was that she was too frightened to lift her head at mealtimes and risk exposing her misery to anyone's passing gaze.  'The school owls aren't overly obliging about delivering letters in cold weather, are they?' she continued with a grimace, remembering the rather uppity bird she had the misfortune to select for her first attempt at owl post.  'You'd have thought I was sending it off to its death!'

'I think its because they don't really belong to anyone; Hedwig never complains, well… not unless I don't use her.'

'I'm probably going to need an owl,' Lois murmured.  Her forehead creased in a thoughtful frown as she wondered vaguely where you brought owls from and whether you had to train them like homing pigeons before they could be safely used to deliver post.

'What for?' Harry asked curiously.  'I didn't think you knew any witches or wizards outside of here.'

Lois brushed his question away under the guise of pouring more tea and opening another packet of biscuits.  'I think you must have lost your appetite and found a donkey's,' she teased when his eyes lit up at the sight of them.

'Nah, I missed lunch – we had Quidditch practice and I haven't been for dinner yet.  I thought I'd go down afterwards.'

Lois reached over and rapped his knuckles with a teaspoon, causing Harry to give a surprised yelp and the chocolate digestive he held to drop back onto the plate.  'Put that down!  That's not a proper meal!  Come on,' she said standing.  'We'll have dinner first and talk later.'

'No, it's okay, we can go after,' Harry protested, refusing to budge from his warm seat by the fire.  'Anyway, I'm not really hungry now.'  He pulled an apologetic face at Lois's scowl.

'What a surprise,' she muttered, sitting back down and neatly removing the half full plate from the table and putting it on the floor by the side of her. 'I'm amazed half the school isn't suffering from malnutrition the way you all eat.  I don't think anyone would bat an eyelid if none of you ate nothing but puddings from one term to the next.'

'Even if I did it would still be better than the food I get at the Dursleys,' Harry said with an unworried shrug.

'What do you mean?'  Lois asked with foreboding.  Had they been starving him?  He had been awfully thin when she'd first met him, although he'd filled out a little over the course of the year. 

'The school nurse put Dudley on a diet, so Aunt Petunia made us all go on it – grapefruit for breakfast and lettuce for lunch.' 

'Is that all!'

'It wasn't really that bad,' Harry said immediately.  'And everybody sent me some food, so I was okay.  Better than Dudley, anyway.'

Lois frowned.  'I know you have a hard time of it with your family, Harry, and that you don't get on, but they're not cruel to you, are they, physically I mean?'

'No, nothing like that.'  He shook his head firmly. 'They just hate having to have me in their house, so they do everything they can to make it uncomfortable.  I don't think they'd hit me though, well, apart from a clip round the ear from Uncle Vernon now and again.'

Lois was dismayed by how casually Harry spoke about his treatment, as though it was completely normal.  'Harry, I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that deep down they probably do love you, because I'm not entirely sure they're capable of that, but from what you've said, I really think it's magic that they hate rather than you.  Unfortunately, you came along looking just like your dad and turning cushions into kangaroos like your mum – or whatever it was you did first – and scared them.  You shouldn't take it personally if it seems as if they don't like you sometimes.'

'Are you kidding?'  Harry asked, looking astounded.  'I don't mind that at all!  I mean you've met them, Lois, how would you feel if they liked you?' 

'Good point,' Lois admitted with a reluctant half-laugh.  What type of person would you have to be for the Dursleys to consider you good company?   She shuddered to think.  'Still, I can see it wouldn't have been easy growing up like that.'

'It wasn't fun,' he admitted easily.  'It still isn't, but I don't think I ever really wished for them to treat me like family.  I suppose if I ever dreamed about anything to do with the Dursleys, it was what it would have been like if they hadn't ever taken me in at all.'

Lois gave a heavy sigh, regretting the coming conversation more than ever.  Harry seemed to somehow pick up on her reluctance and shot her a curious look.

'Er, Lois, did you ask me here to talk about the Dursleys, or…?'

'No, no,' Lois said hurriedly, standing up and heading towards her bedroom, re-emerging moments later with a large plastic gift bag bursting at the seams.  'Nothing so grim; I invited you round so I could give you your Christmas presents.'

Harry looked immediately horrified, his green eyes widening in panic behind his glasses. 'What now?  It's not Christmas yet!  I mean, I haven't got you …' 

Lois chucked, halting his explanation and feeling genuinely amused for the first time in what seemed like forever.  'Relax, I know I'm early and I didn't expect you to get me anything anyway, but I won't be here for the holidays, so I thought…' She trailed off as misery swamped her again.  To her relief, Harry didn't notice her change of mood this time.

'I was going to get you something,' he said awkwardly.  'It's a Hogsmeade weekend next week so Ron and me were going to do our shopping then.  Hermione's already done hers.  I'll have to owl you your present if you won't be here.'

'I've told you don't worry about it,' she assured him.  She lifted the heavy sack and dropped it onto his lap with a grin.  'Happy nearly Christmas, Harry.'

He smiled back at her, his embarrassment disappearing to leave him looking surprised but pleased.  'Are these all for me?'

'Yep, I've got something for Ron and Hermione too, but it's not in there – I thought you could give them their presents on Christmas morning for me.'

'Er, shall I open them now or wait?'

Lois hesitated.  On the one hand she really wanted to see his face when he opened them, but on the other, if as she suspected he didn't usually get many presents, he might prefer to keep them until them until Christmas day.  'It's up to you,' she said finally.  'Would you rather wait or –' the rest of her words were drowned out by the sound of ripping paper.

'Oh, wow, Lois, thanks!' Harry said pulling away the last scraps of wrapping paper to reveal a portable CD player.

'I know it won't work in Hogwarts,' she said quickly, 'but I thought it might come in handy in the summer holidays – save you having to listen to Dudley.'  She pointed to a small envelope that could just be seen peeping out of the bag.  'That's to go with it.'

Harry tore it open to reveal a gift certificate.  Lois shrugged, smiling.  'I have no idea what music you like to listen to, so I thought to be on the safe side…'

'I don't think I even know what Muggle music I like listening to,' Harry admitted thoughtfully, and Lois felt another shiver of sorrow for him. 

Harry placed the box and envelope on the table and began to dig into the bag again.  He expressed his pleasure with the Muggle board games she had brought him – wizarding ones seemed to do nothing but explode or transform bodily parts so she had steered clear of them – and he placed each gift carefully on the table before he opened the next.  The final few packages all contained clothes; jeans, t-shirts and jumpers and a couple of jackets that she was sure would fit, unlike the normal things he wore.  Harry stood up and pulled a navy sweatshirt over his head and looked down at himself approvingly when it didn't reach his knees.

'Thanks, Lois, how did you know my size?'

'I didn't, but Professor Sprout told me they keep all the students' measurements at Madam Malkin's, so I went there after I did the rest of my shopping in London.'

'Madam Malkin's sell Muggle clothes?' Harry asked, surprised.  'I wish I'd known that before.'

'Well they do, but I don't think they're Muggle brands,' Lois said, picking up a t-shirt and pulling the tag out to show him.

Harry squinted at the yellow threads that were stitching and unstitching themselves into words almost faster than could be read.  'Markham Mango Wizard Wear?' he said slowly.

'Perhaps you'd better cut off the labels before you go home for the summer – I doubt your aunt will be impressed,' Lois said with a shrug.  'And anyway, all that movement on the back of your neck would probably itch too.'

Harry nodded, but was already moving on to the last of the packages.  His pleasure dimmed a little as he discovered a dozen pairs of socks next and then his face grew flushed as he tore at metallic red paper to unearth a pile of boxer shorts.

'Remember, Harry, "clothes maketh the man,'" Lois said solemnly, as his horrified expression grew. 'And snazzy underclothes maketh sure the man isn't horribly embarrassed if his robes blow up over his head in a strong breeze.'

'Um, thanks, Lois.'

'I'm sorry,' Lois said, finally allowing the smile that had been threatening to appear on her face. 'I should have told you to open those two first, but honestly I'd forgotten they were there.  It's just that I thought if I was getting you outer clothes I might as well –'

'No, they're great,' Harry rushed to stay, stashing the boxer shorts in bottom of the bag and throwing the socks on top for good measure. 'It's all great,' he continued more calmly, looking up and nodding firmly. 'Thank you.'

'You're welcome,' Lois said sincerely, reaching over to give his arm a quick squeeze.

'So will you be away for all of the holidays,' Harry asked, pulling a set of instructions from a box and peering at them, 'or just until New Year?'

'Er, probably a bit longer than that actually.' 

Something in her tone caught his attention and Harry lowered the booklet to his lap, his gaze curious.  'How much longer?'

Lois hesitated, cursing her cowardice and feeling the never distant pain coursing through her again as she thought of leaving Hogwarts and everyone in it.  'Well, I'm not really sure.  I need to go to St Mungo's for the next stage of my training, so I could be a while.  I… I might not be able to come back for this school year.'

'What, you're going to stay there all that time?   Why can't you just carry on living here and travel to St Mungo's instead?'

'Because I never worked up the courage to start those flying lessons,' she admitted, too depressed to even consider being embarrassed by that fact.  'But even if I had, it's still too far to commute; Scotland to London's a long way, even by broom.'

'Yeah, but you wouldn't have to fly, would you?  You could Floo or Apparate there.'

The very thought of suffering that sort of torment on a daily basis roused Lois temporarily from her gloom.  'There's no way I'm travelling by Floo powder unless it's an emergency and that goes for using a Portkey as well,' she said firmly. 'And as for Apparating, I don't know how to do it yet.'

'You don't?  Why not?' Harry asked, obviously surprised.  'You're old enough.'

'I am, but don't forget it's not just a matter of age, Harry.  The reason wizards don't learn to Apparate until they've been studying magic for years is because it's very hard to do, and I'm nowhere near skilled enough for it yet.  I'd squelch myself –

'Splinch.'

'Oh, right, splinch myself just trying to get from one side of the room to the other.'

Harry's grin almost immediately faded, replaced by a pained expression as he obviously struggled with his next words.  'What about Snape?' he finally said darkly.  'Doesn't he mind you going?'  He rolled his eyes when Lois stared dumbly back at him, unable to find a response.  'Lois, I'm not stupid, I know about the two of you.'

Lois eyed him silently for long moments before finally nodding.  'No, you're not stupid, but you are a bit out of date – Professor Snape and I aren't seeing each other anymore.'

'You packed him in?' Harry asked quickly, a mixture of delight and relief evident in his tone.

'What a charming way of putting it, but no, as it happens he "packed me in."'

'What?' Harry said with flattering disbelief.

Lois swallowed painfully and twisted her head to stare into the flickering flames of the fire.  'Yes, well, anyway, that doesn't matter; the point is Professor Snape doesn't have an opinion on where I finish my training.'

'Finish it?' Harry said sharply.  'Aren't you coming back at all?' 

'No, no, I didn't mean that, I just meant he won't… care what I do.  Look, it's not forever, Harry,' Lois said bracingly, if not entirely truthfully.  She was trying her best to put a brave face on her misery, but it was getting harder by the minute.

Harry's green eyes narrowed suspiciously.  'Is he making you go?'

'Of course not!  I just think it's for the best at the moment if I'm not here.'

'Perhaps you should wait till after Christmas before you decide,' Harry said.  'I mean, I felt like running away when everyone thought I was Slytherin's heir, but I didn't and then after a bit it was all okay again.  Maybe if you hang on –'

'I won't change my mind, so there's no point in waiting and I'm not running away, I'm just… walking briskly in the opposite direction.'  She squirmed slightly under Harry's disbelieving stare.  'Okay, I'm running.  But that's not necessarily a bad thing.  Sometimes there's nothing to be gained by staying like there was for you.  Sometimes it's not being brave, it's being stupid and foolishly unrealistic.  Someday…' she stopped and sighed, looking away from him for a moment before raising bleak eyes to meet his again.  'I was going to say, someday you'll understand, but, Harry, I hope to God you never do.'

Harry hesitated for a moment, examining her face closely before nodding.  'Okay.'

'Okay?  Do you mean okay, you think I'm right, or okay, you think I'm an idiot?'  Lois asked, struggling to lighten the heavy atmosphere.

'Okay, I think you're an idiot,' Harry said solemnly, a smile edging along his unwilling lips.

Lois smiled back, her eyes brighter than normal.   'And they say Hermione's the smart one.'

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

A/N Well, if anyone has remembered they were ever reading this story and have got this far, I'm incredibly sorry for the length of time between updates – I know I'm horribly unreliable, but better late than never.  Er, maybe.  :)

Anyway, this chapter is dedicated with immense gratitude to every single person who sent me an encouraging review or e-mail during the last – eek! 12 months! – and also to the kind folks who I think were perhaps just checking in to make sure I wasn't dead. :)  Last, and definitely not least, many thanks to Axelle for the excellent beta reading and all the gentle nudges that kept me going whenever I was being lazy or cowardly and very often both.  ;)