Chapter nine love

There is no greater sign of love than to give up one's life for a friend.

It was raining. Hiei sat – alone – in a corner in an alley, kept company by only other rootless people, people without a home, friends, or family. He was one of them now, and his heart wept bitterly.

They had questioned him at first, sensing that he was not like them, was alone because of his own fault, and could be nothing more than that without outside intervention.

"What's your story?" A drunken man had asked him, scowling heavily at his shortness, his headband, and his sword. He noticed that Hiei wore more than just rags, and a gleam came into his eyes.

Hiei didn't say a word, wasn't in the mood to be robbed, or to kill, even. He simply slid the sword an inch out of it's sheath, without looking up. The man had backed away. Even in his drunken stupor, he realized he might be in danger.

No one had bothered him after that.

He bit his lip, and felt blood in his mouth. He closed his eyes briefly, wishing that the man had killed him, rather than just run away. Why couldn't you kill me! Why did you leave me here!

Hiei heard the sound of garbage being kicked aside as someone new entered the alley. His head was down, he didn't see anything, but from the walk, he knew that the person wasn't accustomed to this place.

If Koenma's people had found him, to make him pay for the murders, he just hoped they would make it fast. Not painless, though, never painless. Pain served to disconnect him from all this, for a time.

Or maybe he would fight back. Yes, fighting back was probably the most likely way to end it. They wouldn't just imprison him if he tried to kill them for it, they would kill first and think later.

That, he did not question. It was the way he lived. He understood the motives and thinking of a predator, of one always hunted by life, and preying on the weak. For a time he had found a way that was better.

But there was no way back home now, not without Kurama. Even if he was still alive, and would survive the illness, less than a 40 chance, how could he ever want to befriend Hiei, ever again?

Forever alone.

It was his fault too. He had condemned himself. If he had restrained the nature of a demon, the part that told him to kill first, and ask questions later, he would still have a reason to live.

"Have you come to kill me?" he asked, his voice hoarse from unshed tears. "Get on with it." He looked up, without moving his head, and saw the feet of Lord Koenma himself.

"He's no danger. Not anymore." Koenma murmured to the horned blue demon that was always by his side – and usually being yelled at. The rain began to fell harder, as Koenma turned and left, leaving one who was once one of his best workers behind.

His fault again, always his fault. He lowered his head even further, laying it on his knees, not caring how wet he was getting, hoping pneumonia would come and take him. Anything.

He probably would have ended it there himself. He had the means, his katana was very sharp, but he couldn't summon the energy to move. What was the point?
He welcomed death if it would take him on it's own, but he did not want to move and bring it himself. The lethargy that consumed him added to his depression. He closed his eyes tighter, and forced himself not to cry.

He would not cry, not ever. Not while he was alive. Maybe when he transcended the worlds and found himself finally at rest, the tears he had held all his life would flow. He could rest, completely unburdened, drifting into a dreamless sleep.

A woman nursing a tiny baby approached him. His hand went to his katana again, and he waited to see what she wanted. Without a word, she offered a blanket. He shook his head.

The rain was soothing in it's icy embrace.

More footsteps. He had come to be alone! Why was so much happening? He wondered if maybe he should get up. There was too much going on here, too much life. He didn't want life, he wanted solitude and rest.

Hiei decided against getting up, deciding it was too much effort. Footsteps stopped right before him, and he saw unfamiliar boots, rain boots. The ankles above the boots swayed, as though the whole body was having a hard time staying up.

He finally looked up, and saw someone he knew well. It was Kurama! But it couldn't be, Kurama was sick in bed, in…Mikai.

"Why this?" he murmured, tears breaking through his shattered will. "Hallucinations, now? Am I going mad?" He wondered if the insane wondered if they were insane.

No, insane people acted like superman, like kings. They lived in their own little world. They drooled and wet the bed. Maybe he wasn't mad, he was just sick. Good, that meant rest was coming.

He had lived too long, far too long. The demon lifespan wasn't a gift, but a curse. He was tired, so tired, he didn't want to be here anymore.

"Hiei?" the voice asked in a voice that was more like a breath of wind than words. No! God, no! What did I do to deserve this? No, I know exactly what I did. I gave away my heart, and in the end, was given it back, battered and torn.

Hiei couldn't take it, he stood, and tore down the alleyway, searching trying to find somewhere, anywhere that he could escape.

Finally he collapsed in a new alley, one without homeless. He was alone, finally. Misery hates company. He shook with cold, and hatred, and anguish. There was nothing left to do but leave, that he was sure.

His run had given him back his energy. He drew his sword.

Kurama stood in the pouring rain, still sick and fevered, before Hiei. Hiei did not even look up, and he saw that he had not bothered to cover himself from the rain.

Hiei was so limp, he wondered if he was even alive anymore. Had he…killed himself? Hiei tensed, drawing himself even further in. Kurama heard him mutter something.

"Hallucinations now, am I going mad?" he asked himself, drawing himself into a tight ball, all limpness now gone. Kurama saw him reach for his katana. He thinks he's gone insane, thinks he's seeing things!

He stood, so suddenly that Kurama started, and ran all out away from the alley, in a motion a normal human would not even see. But he had once been a demon, and he did see it, and he followed.

Hiei collapsed in an alley, and Kurama approached slowly, feeling terribly ill. He could see black around the edges of his vision, and knew he was going to faint. He saw, just barely, Hiei draw his sword, and bring it to his own neck.

"Hiei, don't!" he cried out, and fell unconscious.