Prelude to Insanity.
By BloodyChaosDragonKnight (...meow.)
Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my muses, and my oc's, RandomRenoFangirl owns Sandy Mikage...who is mentioned in this fic.
Author's notes: I have no clue where this came from and why I wrote it.I blame Raphael the muse of Tragedy...
Warnings: Too lazy to type out again...Tseng/Reno hints but only if you look very carefully
What ever happened to the Fourth Turk? Way before CII began.
Was it just him or was the minute hand going backwards? Cause Reno could swear it was. He sighs, glancing about the room with sharp green eyes. Tseng was asleep, Rude was playing SOLDIER with his paperclips, his desk was on fire and there was absolutely nothing to do.
Except dress Tseng up as a girl with the items he and his cousin stole from wall market...Now there was an idea worth trying. Reno smirks over at his unsuspecting boss with a demonic twinkle in his green eyes. Tseng shivers in his sleep as the redhead started to look for the bag Rhiana had shoved at him before she ran off laughing maniacally.
"Rude looks up when he heard a noise coming from Reno's corner of the room and blinks as he watches the pyromaniac attempt to stealthily creep across the room. He looks back to the paperclip war on his desk and wonders if he should just ignore Reno and destroy the evil wutaiian pushpins...But that thought went down the drain when he glanced back to Reno and something black and lacy peeked out of the redhead's bag.
"Reno...What are you doing?" Rude asks trying not to sound to interested, rubbing his bald crown as he stared at his partner. Reno jumps and grins sheepishly at his partner, running his hands through the ends of his ponytail. Rude narrows his eyes as the sly Turk reaches into his bag and pulls out a skimpy black dress.
"I'm going to dress Tseng up like a slutty barbie doll." Reno says grin getting bigger by the second. Rude smiles as he sees Tseng jump awake at the sound of his name. His gold eyes narrow as his sleep fuddled brain processes what Reno just said. Slutty barbie doll, eh. He'd show him.
Reno yelps as one-hundred fifty pounds (guestimating here) of pure vengeful fury launches himself at him and starts ripping his clothes off (A/N:Not what you're thinking...Perverts)...And then procceeds to force him into the items he was going to put on Tseng.
Fifteen minutes later Reno was no longer bored...oh no he was scarred for life. Not only did Tseng force him to wear to wear the lacy black dress, he made him wear the underwear Rhiana stuffed in there as well...Why she thought he needed women's underwear he did not want to know. It was almost like she was planning this...which he didn't doubt at all knowing Rhiana.
"RENO! Hold still while Tseng fixes your hair." Rude growls as he continues to play war with his paperclips. Reno continues to squirm in his chair which he has been tied to by the handy bungie cord Tseng found stuffed under his desk. Ooohh Rhiana was so dead next time he saw her.
"Come on Reno. hold still while I make you pretty." Tseng cackles evilly as he finishes braiding Reno's hair and puts a black ribbon through it, he rummages through Rhiana's bag of crossdressing necessities and pulls out a make-up kit. Reno stares at him with wide green eyes as he holds it up for inspection...
"Hell no. There is no way you are putting that on me...Back you crazy wuttaiian man, Back I say...mmph."Tseng shut Reno up by casting silence on him and carefully starts to apply makeup to the struggling red head. Rude watches with a smug grin on his face.
Thrity minutes later Rufus walks into the office to have his daily arguement with Reno, he stops half-way to Reno's desk when he realizes it's not Reno sitting in his desk. But a pretty red-headed woman in a slutty black dress...On closer inspection it IS Reno...Rufus can't stop the laughter that explodes from his mouth.
"Shut up...it's not funny." Reno growls at the vice president while glaring at Rude and Tseng who are both snickering at the poor red head...And just to make Reno's day worse the mysterious fourth Turk who shall be known as Bert walked in, took one look at him and fell on the floor laughing maniacally.
Needless to say, Reno spent six minutes in a dress, tied to a chair and muttering death threats underneath his breath at the stupid people who were laughing maniacally at him. Tseng at least was snickering politely behind his hand, but Rude was all out guffawing...man for a quiet guy he could sure laugh loud.
"So Reno...How's about you and me go on a date. Cause you're looking pretty fine in that dress." Bert asks, completely over his laughing fit. He stares up at Reno with hopeful eyes, Reno pales and looks at Tseng, who twitches.
"Hey Bert." Tseng says, an innocent look on his face as he regards the annoying Turk with angry gold eyes. Bert tears his gaze away from Reno and looks up at his superior. Tseng's eyebrow twitches and a cruel smirk threatens to cover his face but he squashes it, still looking innocent. "How would you like to take a walk..."
Bert stares at him with wide eyes thinking over his options, he could stay here and hit on Reno, facing certain death when the redhead escapes or he could take a walk with his boss who had that look on his face that he always had on before he did something violently evil...Maybe he was going to ask Bert to help him with something. "Sure..."
"...Out the window." Tseng finishes as he grabs Bert by the scruff of the neck and casually tosses him out the open window. The three unbound people rush to the window and watch as Bert plummets to his death.
"Gee Tseng don't you think that was a little harsh?" Rufus asks, then pauses as he remembers the times Bert stole the last donut and waved it in front of everyone's face. Then the time he painted the men's room hot pink and that time he spread super glue on every single chair in the building, Other more violent, disturbing, annoying events came to mind as he tried to remember exactly what good Bert had done for anyone. He couldn't think of a single thing, except that time he dipped Scarlet in honey and threw her to the hobos. "On second thought, that was way to quick and clean of an end for him." And with that all three left the office.
"HEY! AREN'T YOU GUYS FORGETTING SOMETHING!" Reno screams as they walk out, struggling against the bungee cord that kept him bound. He growls and thankfully Reeve walks in randomly to save him. "Thanks Reeve, Now to kill Rhiana for putting me into this mess in the first place...just as soon as I find where Tseng hid my pants."
Meanwhile in the headquarters of the Bloody Serpents, Rhiana felt a chill run her spine and resolved to hide from the world for the next seventy-two hours. Where you ask, at Reno's house. Nobody ever looks for her there, not even Reno. When she finally wandered home, Vaukashi found himself wondering why in the hell she was wearing a black dress, a hair ribbon and make up. he then shrugged and decided not to ask because she looked more than slightly traumatized.
TBC...
Ask Reno...
BloodyChaos: "Well here we are for the second addition of ask Reno...How are you today Reno?"
Reno: Still in the dress, makeup and high heels. "You are an evil, evil person."
BloodyChaos: "Thank you...now our first question is from RandomRenoFangirl...She asks: Why do you have those scars under your eyes?"
Reno: "A traumatizing event in my youth revolving around Rhiana, a lawnmower and a tree branch. This is a little reminder to everyone: Do not insult someone who's on a riding lawnmower even if you can run faster than it cause tree branches are evil."
BloodyChaos: "...Okies RandomRenoFangirl's second question.Why did you join Shinra? Why couldn't you be on Avalanche's team?..."
Reno: "have you seen Cloud's hair...it's all spiky and scary and...blonde. All blondes are irrational evil hyperactive psychopaths, even the dumb ones..."
BloodyChaos: "...Since I'm blonde I think I'll take that as a compliment. Sandy Mikage would like to ask if you would go on a date with her."
Reno: "If she brings me regular clothes, a lighter and pays for the date sure."
BloodyChaos: "And our last and final question is from Eclipse and Shadow who ask: Where did you put yopur shock rod thing and where did you get it."
Reno: "It's in my desk somewhere with all the other things Rhiana randomly got me...And in case you haven't already guessed Rhiana bought it for me cause she wanted a reason to set fire to the weapons store...The weirdo."
BloodyChaos: "Well that's all the questions for today...Til next time Bye!"
Review Corner: Thanks to all.
To MakoAnima: ...Log-in boxes are evil.
To RandomRenoFangirl: Wow...I think that's the longest review I've ever gotten. Sorry about your nose. If it makes you feel better, my little sister tried to run me over with the lawn mower a couple days ago...which is where I got the idea for Reno's scars.
To Eclipse and Shadow: ... lol. Your reviews always brighten my day.
BloodyChaos: "...That was quite possibly one of the weirdest things I have ever written...Oh well please review and tell me what you think."