EDIT 2016

See below for any warnings and disclaimers.

Pain In The Ass

Chapter 5
In Which the Newly-Arrived Genins Learn a Lot about ….. Nosebleeds and Gai with Rock Lee Returns with Aid

The ground shook as Naruto returned with a whole bunch of his fellow Genins: Kiba. Shikamaru. Shino. Neji. Chouji. Having seen the show (as it were) before, Naruto made his way over to Jiraiya and started to talk about ninjutsu. Shikamaru, using his massive intellect, sized up the situation pretty quickly. He sighed.

"Geez. This is so troublesome – what a pain in the butt!"
"Hahahaha! Good one, Shikamaru!"

Akamaru yipped. Kakashi jumped.

"Get that damned animal away from me."

Neji fainted at the idea of licking Kakashi's… Chouji choked on his chips, Shikamaru thumped him on the back.

"What's that?" asked Kiba, pointing at Genma's nosebleed.
"Ignorance, as Confucius said, is bliss," Shino murmured cryptically.
"That's not Confucius!" Shikamaru rolled his eyes.

Shino shrugged and, activating his small bug camera, took a few well-placed photos and disappeared soon after to develop them. Kiba was confused. Shikamaru shook his head in understanding.

"What?" asked Kiba.
"Boy," Jiraiya shook his head. "There're some truths in life that can not be understood until time reveals them. Although I am surprised you haven't figured it out before now."
"Yeah, yeah," Naruto nodded, "I remember that weird kid who looked cuter than Sakura – the ninja who attacked Tazuna-san. That I didn't understand. I still don't quite get it."
Shikamaru shrugged. "Well, some people like it straight, some like it queer and some swing both ways."
"Eh? Eh?" asked Naruto. "Explain it to me, so that I understand!"
"Naw. It's too troublesome."

He made a mental note to visit Shino later that evening… Shino's private hobby – scrap-booking – was a great way to spend a night. Chouji stared at the Jounin's butt as Tsunade attempted, once more, to look it over.

"I wonder what he tastes like," he murmured.

Shikamaru disappeared with a groan as Chouji sighed, "I wonder if Naruto's Sensei likes fat guys… Ino says I'll never be attractive to girls, so…."

Gai ran onto the scene followed by Rock Lee, who was bearing two tons of bandages.

"YOUTH POWER!" yelled Gai. "Come on, Lee! Let's see who can bandage him the best!"
"YOSH!" Rock Lee saluted and began to advance on the helpless Kakashi.

Please review~!

Warnings: Extreme silliness, OC Canon Charas
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. This story does not reflect Kubo Tite or any of the original producers.