Hah, you thought I'd forgotten about this, didn't you? Well, I didn't! Enjoy reading this emotion and sorrow driven chapter!
Usagi waved Michiru and Haruka good-bye before heading inside. Hurrying up the stairs, she quietly opened the door to her senshi's room. She was not alone here. Makoto was kneeling next to Ami, her back turned. She seemed to be whispering to the blue haired girl.
"H-hi Makoto," Usagi said shakily. "I'm sorry for the way I treated you last time."
"No, I should be the sorry one," Makoto stood swiftly and turned to face Usagi. Usagi nodded.
"We're both sorry, and we'll leave it at that," Usagi walked over to the window and stared at the setting sun. "Look how much we've changed."
"How much you've changed. I haven't changed much."
"You're too skinny. You will go on an all fat diet. You will eat sweets and oils until you are at a healthy weight once more."
"Kind of ordering me, here, aren't we?"
"Yes. It is a direct order."
"Remember the arcade? And Motoki?"
"I did a reading on him the other night. He still loves Minako and grieves for her every night. He's single. Minako will want to return to him after she wakes."
"Wow. He must really have been in love," Makoto shook her head, smiling. "I wonder what happened to Ken."
"He's still looking for you. He doesn't know you are a senshi yet. He has searched far and wide, and he and Andrew now share an apartment."
"Really?" Makoto's voice was a whisper.
"Yes, really. After you are well, you will return to him, ok? I want you to reach your dreams. You are only 17. You can become a chef."
"Thank you," Makoto accepted the offer. "I will. But what about you? What about Mamoru?"
"He's found someone else," Usagi's eyes grew hard and icy. "Don't ever mention him again."
"He what?" Makoto grew incredulous. "It's almost as if he set this entire thing up himself! How the hell does he go running to another woman without searching for you? He has the golden crystal, the brother of the silver crystal!"
"I don't know," Usagi said stonily. "Just don't talk about him. I will kill him once I meet him again."
"You're so icy, Usagi," Makoto stared out the window. "Don't you remember love? Happiness, joy?"
"I do," Usagi turned her face away so that Makoto wouldn't notice the pain. "I just can't express them anymore. It's not as easy as it sounds, Makoto. You can't just switch from pain to love in an instant. It's not like that."
"I understand that. I've been through much the same," Makoto replied. "I just didn't let myself change."
"Well, I did. And for the better. Look at me. I'm graceful, I'm sophisticated and poised. I'm everything you guys wanted me to be."
"No! You aren't what we wanted you to be! Do you think I enjoy looking into your eyes and finding pain and pain alone? Do you think that I can't tell that you're acting as if everything in the world is ok? The others might not be able to tell, but you're my best friend. I can tell."
Usagi sighed as she made her way too the window. It had started to snow, small flakes floating down to the ground and creating a thin, thin layer of white. Usagi smiled, remembering her experiences with snow, her memories with her friends.
"Makoto, I remember how much we loved each other," Usagi whispered, tears springing to her eyes. "I love you all, very much. I only want everyone to be happy."
"That's the thing," Makoto placed a comforting hand on Usagi's shoulder. Usagi left it there. "You don't believe that you yourself can be happy. It's ok to cry. Just let it all out."
"I can't. I can't bawl like a stupid baby anymore. Just tears… silent, cold tears…" Usagi closed her eyes, turning her face towards the sky. Suddenly, she swerved towards the door, walking out gracefully.
"Where are you going?" Makoto called out.
"The guests are here. Tend to the rest. I'll take care of them," Usagi replied as she went down the stairs. Makoto stared after her, puzzled. She hadn't heard a bell.
Usagi opened the door a teeny bit, and was faced with a tall woman with emerald green hair and garnet colored eyes. She gasped before slamming the door shut. She didn't want to face the woman; not now. Gathering her flitting thoughts, she calmly opened the door and eyed the woman wearily.
"What do you want, Pluto?" Usagi asked coldly. Pluto looked slightly ashamed.
"I am sorry, hime, for what you had to go through. But it was decided by the higher beings. I'm sorry. They would not allow me to leave my post, even," the woman let herself in.
"Setsuna, why are you here?" Usagi demanded as she shut the door. Setsuna sighed.
"They said you'd change. I didn't believe it would have such a drastic effect."
"Stop changing the subject, Setsuna."
"I'm here to visit. They've finally let me take a break. Kronos himself will be taking over my post."
"I see," Usagi turned her face away. "Why'd you do that to me?"
"Do what," Setsuna's voice was soft, almost fearful,
"Why'd you leave me there! You knew! You knew they'd do that to me! Why did you let them take me away, why'd you let them destroy me?" Usagi's voice was a loud shout by now, and glared at the floor, hands clenched.
"I –"
"I don't want excuses, Setsuna! I want an explanation!"
"I'm sorry, but that is the one thing I can't give you. You must continue your education. I've enrolled you and Makoto to a military academy. Ken will be there as well, for his destiny is to be with Makoto."
"I don't want to go," Usagi folded her arms over her chest, daring Setsuna to defy her.
"You must," Setsuna returned Usagi's gaze. "It is the way time must go."
"I don't give a damn. Not anymore."
"Usagi, it's not only hard on you! It's hard on me as well!" Setsuna's voice was steadily rising, tears springing to her eyes. "Do you think I liked sitting back and watching you get raped and beaten? Do you think I liked seeing you stripped of your innocence and beauty? Or do you think that I'm just a cold bitch with no feelings?"
"You don't understand," Usagi ignored the heartfelt sobs that escaped the taller girl. "You and none of the senshi will ever understand! I'm the leader, I'm supposed to be strong, but look at me! I ruined their future, I hurt them all!"
"It's not your fault," Setsuna looked away, head to the side. "Why don't you get it, it's not your fault!"
"Yes it is my fault!" Usagi screeched, eyes glittering with held-back tears. "If I was stronger and smarter from the beginning, then this would never have happened! Mamoru would be with me, Crystal Tokyo would be on the way, and my senshi would be happy! Did you see Michiru and Haruka? Did you what they're like? Or were you too caught up with your little world of rules and regulations?"
"I'm the senshi of Time, damn it! Rules and regulations are everything that I stand for!"
"You know what, Setsuna! Sometimes rules and regulations need to be broken, so that everyone can live how they want to," Usagi spat out before whipping around and trudging back up the stairs. Setsuna cried even harder, back on the wall, and slid down.
"Fuck you!" Usagi yelled once she reached the top of the steps. She whipped around, heart breaking at the Time senshi's crying, and walked to her room. She hated being like this and hurting everyone, but she couldn't help it. She was filled with so much spite, hate, and iciness. It wasn't like her 'old' self, and she completely abhorred it. "Damn you all!" Usagi shouted, throwing her pillow at the wall. When it didn't do anything, she threw her alarm clock and smiled grimly to herself once she heard a satisfying tinkling sound.
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