NANNY AND THE PROFESSOR

Chapter 5

It had been a week since Sirius and his wife Phyllis arrived. Professor Snape had done all he could to avoid both of them, at least until they started working on their plan to get rid of the Blacks. Dumbledore had been staring at Snape suspiciously, and Hermione noted how the Professor had also been avoiding the older man.

Her new job had turned out better than she anticipated, and even her relationship with her employer had gotten an interesting turn. After all, she was becoming very attached to the child in her care, more than she had ever felt about any other child. It was something about the situation the boy was in, without his real mother and a proper family, but it wasn't just that. The interaction of both father and son had improved too, and she couldn't help but feel happy for being able to witness such a change in her former Professor.

Hermione smiled, concealing herself behind her adjoining door between the nursery and her bedroom. She had been awake most of the night, trying to calm Seirian down. He had colic and was sleeping erratically, waking up from time to time in a very bad mood. The young Snape wasn't easy to deal with, but she couldn't help feeling a certain possessiveness toward the infant.

She hadn't admitted that to the Professor, but part of her anger at the baby's mother was due to the fact that she couldn't stand the idea of handing the child to such a heartless woman. For a while she had doubts on his father's capacity to love and care for his own offspring, but those worries were gone now that she watched the scene playing out in front of her.

Not only had he shown Hermione consideration – which, while not admitted, was obviously clear – but he also showed concern and even tenderness for his son. He never showed her that side, probably because that's how Severus Snape is. But it didn't mean it wasn't there.

She felt greatly relieved to see them bonding. This time, Snape had been kind enough to get there before she did, in order to allow her some sleep. Seirian, on the other hand, was fully awake and happy, studying his father's face attentively. How could a baby have such an intense gaze? She watched as the Professor kissed his son soundly on his round cheeks and gently rubbed his long nose over the boy's little button one.

Afraid of disrupting the moment with her presence, she backed away and slipped back into her bed, fighting a surprising urge to go to the next room and be part of that scene. With her brows furrowed, she fell back to a sleep full of strange dreams.

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"Severus, would you mind coming into my office?" Dumbledore's voice sounded a little colder than usual, even though his face floating on the grate smiled at him politely.

Severus had an idea of what to expect from the old man, and felt suddenly tired. It was one of those inexplicable things – you know exactly what it is, but have no intentions of talking or explaining about it. But it was no use to avoid the subject any longer. He stepped inside the grate and Flooed into his mentor's office.

"Something wrong, Headmaster?" Severus asked rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"Ah, isn't that amusing? It was exactly what I was about to ask you," the older wizard said snidely. The twinkle in his eyes usually took an eerie glow when he was upset. "What is wrong, Severus?"

"I'm afraid I don't follow, sir," Severus replied, wary of the other man's tone.

"Severus, I have condoned many of your past misdeeds and even your harsh attitude toward some of our fellow Order members. I understand the nature of your grudges, and I even sympathize with them. But we've been through so much… I thought you would have made peace with those things by now." The old man had started his speech sternly, but as he went on, the paternal old attitude came over.

Without realizing it, Severus let out a relieved sigh.

"I have made peace, sir. I wouldn't do anything to harm anyone, even if I can't…"

"But how could you betray one of us, even if you don't like him?" the old man interrupted. "Haven't you learned anything about what vengeful attitudes can lead you to? It never brings anyone happiness."

This time Severus' features darkened as understanding dawned on him.

"Headmaster, you don't mean you believe me to have impregnated that woman on purpose, do you?" As the older wizard didn't deny it, Severus' anger started building up. "With all due respect, sir. I really thought you considered me beyond that kind of thing. I would never have done something like that deliberately!"

'Wouldn't I? Severus thought. Some years ago… I was capable of many despicable things… No! That man has died along with the war and all that filth he was part of! The man I am now would never have acted on pure revenge, even if the idiot deserves every bit of the humiliation.'

Apparently noticing the younger man's internal conflict, Dumbledore placed a comforting hand on the man's shoulder. "I'm sorry if I've misjudged you, but I still can't understand why, of all witches in Scotland, you had to end up with Sirius' wife?"

"It was she who found me, to be more precise, sir. While I am responsible for my lack of wit, good judgment, and responsibility by impregnating a witch I barely knew, I won't be responsible for her throwing herself at me or even being married! I didn't even know her name!" Severus spat. "If her husband had been at home taking care of what was his, I'm sure none of us would be in this situation!"

"I just wanted to know, Severus, that you had no knowledge of who she really was. And forgive me for not being more trusting, but I also happen to care a great deal for Sirius, and I tend to be protective of those I care." The old man finalized the conversation with more apologies, which Severus accepted to get out of there quickly, trying not to show how hurt he was with the old man.

It was clear to Severus that Dumbledore cared for Sirius; he had always cared for all of the Marauders! The only reason he pretended to care for Severus was out of pity and regret, and because he was useful at one point. Being the perfect Gryffindor, the Headmaster would never send Severus away and would at least fake gratitude for his services to the order.

It didn't matter how much good Severus had done. Even if he committed only one mistake in his entire life, it would shadow every good deed he did in the future. That mistake marked him for life, and it happened to be etched permanently on his left forearm.

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The day flew by and Hermione knew something wasn't right with Professor Snape. Their amicable chats, and the earlier scene with Seirian, left her with the impression that he was even a little excited with the prospect of getting rid of Sirius and Phyllis, but as he walked into his small sitting room, she could tell he wasn't the same man who left that morning.

She wanted to ask but thought better of it. Although she felt there was something clearly different about his attitude, instead of ignoring her and his son, he looked longingly at both of them. His eyes were unreadable, but his gaze had an almost regretful quality.

"Want to spend some time with us… I mean, him?" 'Where the hell did that come from?'

His gaze flickered, bathed by the light of the fire and some unusual moisture. Were those tears she saw?

"I have a headache. I will see you in my lab after you are done with Seirian. That is… if you still want to apprentice." He sneered and made for his rooms.

What could possibly be wrong with the man? She shook her head at the thought of eating alone again.

A week earlier, that attitude would have made her angry and consequently indifferent, but something had changed in the course of these days. She still couldn't understand the man, but at some point between his revelations about how Seirian came about and seeing him with the baby, she had started to care.

After a couple of hours, Seirian was safely tucked in his crib, and she was free to peruse the world of knowledge.

Hermione grabbed the baby monitor and carried it with her to the lab. There was a flutter of anticipation in the pit of her stomach, which she brushed it off as excitement for learning. The door to the lab was open, and a cauldron was already bubbling the finishing stages of a sobering potion. She recognized it by the smell. She had had to administer that solution to her ex-husband so many times that its revolting scent was recognizable in her sleep.

At the far corner of the lab, the Professor was seated behind an empty bottle of firewhiskey, pointedly ignoring her as she stared at him. He was obviously inebriated, but at least he could keep his cool and act as if he'd had only a couple of drinks.

"Professor?" Hermione asked tentatively.

He did not respond. Instead, he emptied the glass he was cupping.

"Professor?"

He finally looked at her. With a lightly slurred speech, he said, "I suppose you're wondering how can I brew a potion to perfection while I'm dead drunk?"

"Not really, but now that you've mentioned, it is quite remarkable, considering how much you have been drinking." Her voice was careful but with a hint of amusement. Luckily, it would be lost on him in this state.

"The real question is how can I easily brew a potion in this state and not be able to place a simple contraceptive charm on a witch before damning my life and landing myself with an unwanted child," he said in a whisper.

"I don't think you really mean that, sir." Hermione busied herself with bottling the cauldron's contents into vials, and pouring a good portion of it into a goblet for the Professor.

"Don't I? How could you know, hmm, Miss Granger?" He sneered at her. "After all, I'm a Slytherin, an ex-Death Eater, and – who knows – even a vampire…"

She chuckled. "You're not a vampire; I'm pretty sure of that. Even though Ron would still disagree."

"I'm sure he would, as would everyone else. No one knows what the bat of the dungeons really does in his spare time. Perhaps you should be careful and, like the others, run away while you can!" he drawled, focusing his piercing gaze on her in clumsy defiance.

"I see no reason to run away. Besides, I don't think Seirian is as unwanted as you wish me to believe. He may have been unwanted at first, but not anymore… not now." She sat on a stool near him.

"You have no idea what kind of person I am, the person I have been. There's nothing noble or likable behind the cold Potions master!" he spat, rage coloring his words. "What you see is what you get, and even if there is… was something, there's always the suspicion in the back of your mind. If anything happens, I am going to always be the first suspect, if not the scapegoat. It doesn't matter who I am or what I have done now."

"Is that what you think? Then you must know me even less, Professor! Just because I don't like to sit here and listen to your snide remarks without standing my ground, I still believe you to be honorable, trustworthy, and a war hero. I always have thought so, and Merlin knows, I have defended you when no one would!" Hermione knew something was very wrong with the man. As much as she hated being called names and enduring his mood swings, she'd still rather have that than the complete self-pitying stranger that she was facing.

"Oh, and what, may I ask, has made you so sure of my character and unquestionable loyalty?"

"Dumbledore trusts you," she replied with conviction.

What started with a loud snort turned into hysterical laughter, causing Hermione to unconsciously back away. She was really growing worried by now.

"Well, Miss Granger, I advise you to base your beliefs on a better source. Maybe you should start building your own opinions on things. Let me ask you a question: would you still trust me if Dumbledore did not?" he asked catching his breath.

Silence permeated the room. She studied him for a while, allowing visions of herself and her best friends being saved by him on countless occasions, or how he risked his life in those Death Eater meetings. The image of him and his son that morning played brightly in her mind's eye, as well as the simple gestures that sometimes went unnoticed. But if she stopped to gather them all, she would see more selfless gestures than any of them had ever made in their lifetime.

She lifted her eyes, locking them with the dark ones of her former Professor, and pushed the goblet of sobering potion in his direction. He downed the thick liquid without a word, and after a few seconds, the sharp gaze and precise movements settled in.

With their eyes still locked, she said, "Yes I would."

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A/N: I want to thank June for Beta-reading.

Again, I'm really sorry for these slow updates, I am not giving up on this fic, even if takes longer to update. Life has been hectic, I was working on my website and some of my fanart, but I finally found time to work on some of my fics. "Lost in Owl posts" is on the way.

Thank you so much for all your reviews, I love you all and you are the ones that give me encouragement to continue this story ;-)

Someone asked me in a review why Phyllis didn't try the Muggle method of abortion. My answer is that even if this whole story seems ludicrous and far-fetched, at least this part can be found in canon. Muggle medicines and medical procedures don't work on wizards. If you check book five when Mr. Weasley is in the hospital, you will see that when he decides to give it a shot on Muggle methods, things don't go too well.