Lyrics are gone. Again, the lyric version is at Luke's AGU Boards. Hope this isn't too bad without them.
From Her To Eternity
Acepilot
Authors Notes - This is another fic that was taken down by and was otherwise unarchived. So, here it is. This was written last October - the fourth AGU fic I ever wrote, on a challenge. I hope you enjoy it. I think this was probably the best angst fic I ever wrote - even better than "In The End" in that respect.
Disclaimer - The All Grown Up/Rugrats characters are property of Klasky Csupo Animation. The song From Her To Eternity is from the album of the same name - lyrics: Cave/Lane, Music: Cave/Harvey/Bargeld/Race/Adamson
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I rest my head on my pillow and know I'm not getting any sleep tonight.
Why? Because she's there. She's above me. She's looking down on me through the cieling, from above, like some beautiful angel. My beautiful, black haired angel.
No. She's some beautiful black eyed angel. She's not mine.
I've been gone not nine months, and already she's moved on. She's found someone new.
Stupid of me to wait. Why should I? Why would she? We both agreed that a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
But didn't she feel the same regret I did?
I stare at the cieling and wonder. Thinking about that last night together, that night that was about closure but meant nothing of the sort.
Doesn't she regret it...
Why is she up there and I'm down here...
I splash water from the kitchen taps on my face, trying to cool off in the blistering summer heat. And trying to get away from the noises I can hear from the couch. They're bringing tears to my eyes...she used to make those sounds for me...
I slowly climb the stairs, knowing that this is all a mistake. The noises have stopped...but that might mean anything. I shouldn't be doing this. I should be downstairs, feigning sleep, trying to ignore what I know has been happening.
I peer through the darkness and see the door to her room open, the lamp next to her bed on. I can see his shadow on the wall, hear her moving about. She's giggling.
God.
And as she walks out into the hallway and sees me there, in the dimmnes of the night, I catch her eye, and see the shock in her eyes immediately replaced by remorse.
I turn and flee...
"Phil!"
She's always going to be there, the stain on my conscience. My first, my always. The girl I fell in love with long before my time.
The girl who, it seems, didn't fall in love with me...
So I lay on my couch again, staring at the cieling, listening to the noises. I wonder how they're not waking up the rest of the house, but then maybe the rest of the house is used to it.
Or maybe the rest of the house simply doesn't obsess over it like I do.
I wonder if we used to be this loud, and I know I shouldn't be wondering.
The sounds of happiness and fun from before are gone.
And in their place are whimpers of passion. Not loving. Not the sounds that should be made when making love.
Another thing I'm responsible for.
The cieling above me is all but trembling with the exertions from above. It's gotten more powerful, and the light fixture is shaking ever so slightly. I roll over and face away from it, unable to stand up to this symbol of my lost love anymore.
Why do I need her like this? Why am I laying here thinking about her deep into the night? Why can't I move on, like she did?
I had her, and lost her. And that's what hurts the most, I realise. I can't move on because I know what I had. I didn't celebrate her everyday, and on that fateful night when I walked away, it wasn't a big deal for her. Or even me at the time.
But god it is now.
And so I watch the cieling tremble. I listen to their moans of passion. And I give into my torture, knowing that I could have stopped it.
But I didn't. And now I'll never be rid of her.
She'll last in my heart until eternity, no matter what she does to hurt me.
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