Gollum: Now, eventually, you may want to have dinosaurs in your dinosaur story, am I right? Hello?

Smeagol: Go away. The dinosaurs will show up soon. They do not obey my time schedules. And if you quote Ian Malcolm one more time, book or movie, you are in trouble.

Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings is not mine. Q, who is making short appearances but not really doing much, is not mine.

Chapter Five

"We shall keep the Ring here until they return," Elrond decided.

Q grinned. "You realize you could be waiting a long time."

"If they're not back within a week, we shall decide on another plan."

Q laughed. "But what?"

"It's okay," Legolas said. "Whatever it is, we're downwind."

"And that makes it okay?" Pippin asked.

Boromir put his arm around the Hobbit's shoulders. "It makes it safer." He turned to the stranger. "What is it, anyway?"

"Tyrannosaurs. But your friend's right. They hunt mostly by smell and sound."

Legolas shook his head, indicating that he and Boromir weren't exactly friends.

"I've had to work with some people I didn't particularly care for, too," the stranger smiled. "Anything at all can and does happen."

"Who are you?" Merry asked. There was something about this man that he liked, but he couldn't place it.

"Ian Malcolm. And you?"

Merry quickly introduced himself and the rest of the Fellowship. Ian shook hands all around. "Good to meet you all. I know the circumstances are less than perfect."

"To say the least," Gandalf said seriously. "Do you know how to get out of here? It's very important that we return immediately."

"I don't know. I'm not exactly sure where we are, and I don't even think this is an island I've seen before. I would suggest heading for the coast; we might be able to find a plane or a boat."

"Which is the fastest way to the coast?" Gandalf asked.

Legolas looked around and smelled the air. "We're about in the center of the island. We could go east, west, or north, and get there in about the same time, but there are cliffs to the north that would be very hard for the Hobbits to climb.

"What's to the south?"

"It's a lot farther."

Gandalf looked at Ian. "Your suggestion?"

"Before you were here, I heard a lot of sounds. To the east is Tyrannosaur territory. The Velociraptors are to the west.

"So basically we get attacked by one animal or we get attacked by another?" Gimli asked.

"More or less right," Ian nodded.

"No other choice?" Frodo asked.

"What would you suggest?" Gandalf asked.

"That depends. How urgent is it that you get back to where you came from?"

"Very," Gandalf assured him.

"Then we should head for the coast, quickly."

"Which way?" Aragorn asked. "The odds sound pretty bad either way."

"They are," Ian nodded. "But as much as I thought I'd never say it, we should go through the Tyrannosaurs' territory. I'm warning you; they have excellent smell. If you have any food, make sure it's in some kind of closed container."

"How long will it take to get there?" Boromir asked.

"I'm not quite sure, but I have some idea."

"You'd better have more than 'some' idea," Gandalf said, "or we may as well all be dead."

Ian had met people like Gandalf before; he was trying to be serious and in control of the situation even though he had no idea what was going on. Ian shrugged off the comment and started explaining what he knew of the area.

Pippin was trying to pay attention, but Ian's explanations were constantly interrupted by questions from Gandalf and Boromir about the dinosaurs, what to watch out for, which ones were dangerous, how they attacked. So basically all the youngest Hobbit managed to pick up was that Tyrannosaurs and Raptors were very dangerous, that Dilophosaurs were poisonous, and that Compys attacked anything that looked helpless.

Pippin sighed, and, as was a habit when he was bored, began to wander. Soon, he was out of sight of the others.

The young Hobbit looked around. Which way had he come from? Suddenly, a bird-like creature jumped out from behind a tree.

Pippin struggled to match the creature with a name. Small, bird-like, three toes, bobbing head . . . Ian had mentioned something like that . . . a Compy! The Hobbit took a step back and tried not to look helpless.

The creature gave a little squeaking sound. Pippin looked around and saw more of the little animals. He gulped.

As if in perfect order, four of the animals jumped up on the small Hobbit, all from different directions.

Pippin screamed.

Gollum: Why the Compys? Why didn't you have him get attacked by a T-Rex or a Velociraptor or something?

Smeagol: Do you want me to kill him or what?

Gollum: Yessssss, preciousssss.

Smeagol: Go away.

Gollum: Go away? Where would you be without me?

Smeagol: Someplace peaceful.

Snaitf – And it just got funner. Is that even a word? Funner? Oh, well. Good thing my teacher isn't reading this.

Zammy – Presto, the chapter is longer. A little. Sort of. And, um, Q, um, he is there because he's the only one I could think of who would possibly want to whisk the Fellowship out of Middle-Earth and onto an island with dinosaurs that isn't Jurassic Park, which was destroyed, and isn't Site B, which has too confusing a map for me to follow, so I didn't want to send them there. So now I can make this all up and put the dinosaurs where I want them and have the Fellowship stuck in between the T-Rex and the Velociraptors. So I needed someone who could create an island with dinosaurs on it without having to do years of research and have them hatch from eggs and stuff. So that's why Q is there.