m: This is making me crack up because I'm pretty sure the only people who are reading this are men. (snickers)

Chapter Nine

Nathyrra watched as her children played outside. It was a bright and sunny day so the twins had decided to have a water balloon fight in the backyard.

AJ threw a balloon at his sister. Ana ducked to avoid it and hurled a balloon at her brother.

Nathyrra watched as they nine-year-olds fought, her eyes calculating. After several minutes she finally spoke, "Ano, I think Ana needs a bra."

Anotalex spit out the glass of lemonade he had been drinking. "Could you warn me next time you're gonna say something like that!"

"What's wrong with me telling you that our daughter needs a bra?"

"How would you like it if out of the blue I told you that AJ needed a jockstrap?"

"…Oh."

"Now do you see what I mean?"

"I'm just letting you know that I'm taking her tomorrow."

"Do I have to do anything?"

"No."

"Okay then."

An hour later, Ana and AJ got bored and went back inside. Nathyrra frowned when she saw that there were several balloons left. She stood up and started to gather them up.

Nathyrra suddenly felt a flying object hit her on the back of her head, soaking her with water. She turned around, an expression of disbelief painted across her face.

Ano grinned at her and picked up another balloon, ready to throw it at his wife. Nathyrra glared at him. "I know you didn't just throw that at me."

"What are you gonna do about it, Kitten?" He taunted.

She smiled dangerously and whispered a spell. A stream of water shot out of her palm, its target; Ano. The force of the liquid knocked Ano to the ground, where he lay unmoving.

Nathyrra's eyes widened. "Ano!" she cried, concerned for him. The drow rushed over to her husband and knelt down next to him. His body started shaking. Ano turned over, howling with laughter.

Nathyrra narrowed her eyes and shoved him. "That was NOT funny!"

"Yes it was." said Ano, still sniggering.

She grinned despite herself. "You're going to drive me insane. I knew it from the moment I agreed to marry you." She leaned down and kissed him.

He returned the kiss, placing his hands on her back and gently pulling her down with him. The sound of retching noises made them stop.

Ana and AJ stood a few feet away, making pretend gagging noises. "Get a room!"

-

Ana looked out the window of the carriage, wondering if there was any way for her to escape her mother and this shopping trip. Nathyrra gave her daughter a reassuring smile. "Ana, every girl has to do this."

"Yes but did you have to bring HIM?" she asked, pointing at AJ.

"I couldn't find a babysitter and your father is out with Drak and Uncle Joragin." Nathyrra replied.

"Mom! I'm nine years old! I don't need a babysitter!" AJ protested.

"AJ, your father and I are still paying fines for the damage that you did the last time we left you unsupervised."

-

They entered the department store. AJ wandered off within minutes as Ana unwillingly followed her mother.

"What do you think of this?" Nathyrra asked, holding up a blue bra.

"Mom! Put that down!" Ana hissed and grabbed her hand.

"Ana. You're going to be doing this for the rest of your life. Accept it."

Nathyrra continued leafing through racks of clothing. Ana's eyes darted around the room, looking for someway to escape.

"Let's see…you have A's s those will be over…here." Nathyrra murmured.

"A's?" Ana asked.

"There are several different ways that bras are classified. There's the first size which is A, then there's B, C, D, E, and rarely F."

"What do you have, mom?"

Nathyrra blinked. "I'm not going to tell you that."

"Why not?"

"Why are you so interested?"

"Because I wanna know how big I'm gonna get."

"Fine! Fine! I have a C-cup if you must know."

"Great, I'm gonna have enormous boobs."

"Ana, that's not enormous. In fact, the only reason I have them is because I had you and your brother."

"Huh?"

"Do you remember Aribeth? You met her once when you were young."

"Yeah…"

"SHE was almost your mother."

"…Oh."

"Which means you would have had B's by the time you were eleven."

-

A saleswoman approached Ana and Nathyrra. "HI! I'm Debbie! Do you need some help?" she asked, smiling brilliantly.

"Yes, my daughter, Anathyrra, and I are shopping for bras." Nathyrra said bluntly.

Debbie grinned at the bright red Ana. "Oh! This must be your first time! Aren't you just the cutest little bug's ear?"

"Bugs don't have ears." Ana said flatly. Dumbass.

"Ana." Nathyrra warned.

Debbie flashed Ana the same grin. "So cute." She pinched Ana's cheek.

Elg'carress, you touch me again and I'll shove one of these clothing racks up your vithing ass.

Still wearing her super-model smile, Debbie picked up a lacy pink bra. "How do you like this, Anathyrra?"

"It's pink." Ana said dumbfounded.

Nathyrra shook her head. "No pink."

Debbie nodded energetically and selected another garment. This one was also lacy but red.

"Can we get it a bit less...lacy?" Ana asked.

Debbie ignored her and selected a large pile of bras, each one worse than the last. "Let's go to the dressing rooms!" she said perkily.

What the hell is wrong with this gods damn woman? Is she on drugs or something?

-

Debbie had tried to enter the room with Ana and Nat but Ana had refused to allow anyone but her mother in. "I refuse to wear all of these." Ana said stubbornly and folded her arms over her chest.

"Anathyrra…" Nathyrra said dangerously. She was met with a stubborn blue stare that was identical to her own.

Nathyrra sighed. "Alright. We'll look some more."

-

AJ walked over to his sister, who was sitting on a bench outside the room. "Are ya done yet?"

"I've tried them all but I can't decide."

AJ nodded. "I have an idea." He walked into the dressing room.

Several minutes later he walked out wearing one of the garments over his shirt. Ana gaped at him in open shock.

AJ looked at himself in the mirror. "Okay, I don't think this one is the right color." He stepped back into the dressing room.

When he stepped out again he was wearing a different bra. "Whoever made this was a blind person with a sick sense of humor." He informed Ana.

Nathyrra walked over. She stared at her son when she saw that he was wearing one of Ana's bras. "AJ?"

AJ shook his head. "How could you allow your daughter and my sister to wear this? I mean look at it! The design's all wrong and the color is abysmal." Muttering something about second-rate lingerie, he walked back into the dressing room.

-

"Was this ever featured on PV? I swear I saw it on 'The Top Ten Worst Pieces of Clothing Ever Made'?" AJ asked.

"Anotalex Junior, we've been here for OVER FIVE HOURS! PICK SOMETHING ALREADY!" Nathyrra shouted.

"Touchy. Touchy." AJ muttered.

Ana smacked her forehead with an open palm. "Kill me now."

-

Anotalex smiled as his daughter walked into the house. "Hey, Ana. How'd it go?"

"Oh just great. Considering I have the world's most embarrassing Mom, a saleswoman who was on crack or something like that, and a cross-dressing brother." She snapped before walking out of the room.

"If it weren't for me you would be wearing crap-with-straps!" AJ shot back as he followed his sister out of the room.

Ano blinked. "Wait…what?"

Nathyrra shook her head. "Don't worry about it."