m: Ana's traumatic experience concerning Nathyrra, Ano, and the hammock was inspired by That 70's Show. 'Gasoline' belongs to Seether.

shadow0015: She might have been aiming for his head. Hmmm…something to think about. Like Ano, AJ loves to piss off Nat. Like father like son, huh? ;-)

Chapter Sixteen

"…So did you get your permission slip signed?" Ana asked Hali as they walked towards their Outdoor education class. The class focused on the outdoors; landscapes, survival skills, and for some students; animal empathy or other abilities relating to nature. The class also explored arcane magic that was related to nature.

"Yep." Hali answered. "Six hours in the woods looking for rocks or something like that kicks the shit out of spending a day in school."

"Sure does." They entered the class and sat down near AJ and Res.

A few minutes later, Ana scowled. She could feel Philip Redspear staring at her. Last Midwinter, Ana had broken his wrist, but he continued to pursue her, much to the half-drow's agitation. Idiotic, pompous male, She thought irritably.

Mr. Druis stood in front of the class. "Please put your signed permissions slips on my desk." He commanded.

The students got up and placed their slips on Mr. Druis's desk. Philip walked over to Ana. "It's seems that we're both going on the field trip." He stated casually.

"We may both be going, but intend to stay about five miles away from you at all times."

Philip grinned. "Say what you want, but I know your true feelings. You want me, admit it."

"I want you about as much as I want a life-threatening disease. Although you're hanging around me like a sickness." The sixteen-year-old spat.

"You enjoy every minute of it."

"I'm sorry, I don't speak bullshit." Ana shot back before sitting back down.

XXXXX

"Argh! Philip is pissing me off." An annoyed Ana declared after class.

"What's so bad about him exactly?" Hali asked.

"He's pompous, arrogant, obnoxious, stupid, a complete asshole, annoying, and he's driving me insane!"

"Sure he is."

Ana stopped in her tracks. "What do you mean by that?"

"I think you like him."

"I hate his guts!"

"You only think that. Why else would you be obsessing over him like this?" Hali asked slyly.

"I am NOT obsessing! He's just making me furious!"

"Can't say I blame you. He's not bad looking at all. Chocolate brown eyes, curly black hair, cute smile…"

"That's it. I'm leaving. Maybe my cousin will be of more use."

"How so?"

"Delilah knows a crapload about this sort of stuff. She might have some useful advice. The only thins she can't help me with is Nat and Dad."

"What's wrong with your parents?"

"Well, Nathyrra just got back from a two-week mission and now they're being all lovey-dovey, Kitten and Sweetie, and crap. It's nauseating."

"Kitten and Sweetie?"

"Their nicknames for each other."

"Better than my parents."

"What do they call each other?"

"Shnookums and Pooky."

"Yeah, but you didn't walk in on them-"

"Oh Gods! You saw them doing it?" Hali cried.

"No. I walked in on them dancing in the kitchen."

"Lucky." Hali shuddered. "I caught my parents in their room a few years ago."

"That's nothing. When I was eleven years old, I saw my parents in the backyard, in broad daylight, on the hammock."

"Yeah, but you're over it."

"I still remember little bits of naked skin showing through the holes of the hammock." A distant look formed in Ana's eyes.

"Ana, are you okay?"

"That hammock was where I used to read my Nancy Dragoneye books. I went back inside. An hour later, Nat and Dad came back in. There was this checker pattern all over their skin. When I asked about it, my dad laughed and said that they'd fallen asleep in the hammock. But I knew it was a lie. I know what he did to my mom!"

"Ana, I think you better go home now…"

XXXXX

Ano grinned and sat down on the couch, next to Nathyrra. "Hey, Kitten."

She smiled. "Hello, Sweetie." She reached towards him and pressed a kiss to his lips. He returned the kiss, gently pushing her back down onto the couch.

Snuggles walked into the room and sat down in front of the couch, wagging his tail. Ano broke away from Nathyrra. "The dog's watching us…"

"So?" Nathyrra pulled him back towards her.

The sound of a door slamming made them jump away from each other in surprise. Ano scowled. "Kids are home." He got up and sat down on one of the arm chairs.

AJ walked into the room. "Hey, Mom, can I borrow your scroll for summoning demons?"

"NO," was Nathyrra's immediate answer.

Grumbling something about never being able to manipulate the denizens of the lower planes, AJ left the room.

Ana arched an eyebrow at Snuggles. My parents were just doing it, weren't they?

If you had arrived five minutes later, they would have. Ya know, Ano's actually better than Nat give him credit for-

OKAY! Too much info!

You don't want to know about your parents mating?

NO!

"Ana?" Nathyrra asked.

"I was talking to Snuggles." She said as she left, running trembling fingers through her hair.

XXXXX

"Hello?" Delilah asked as she answered her wisp.

"Hey, Del. It's Ana."

"Hey, Ana. What's up?"

Ana sighed. "I have a problem."

"Oh?" Delilah grinned. "Do tell."

"This boy named Philip keeps pissing me off. He will not stop hitting on me, though I've made it clear that I'm not interested. I even broke his wrist!"

Delilah winced. "He's still won't stop bothering you?"

"Yes."

"Well, maybe you should just try ignoring him."

"It's hard."

"Try anyway. By the way, what does he look like?"

"Just a minute." Ana grabbed her old school yearbook off the shelf and pointed at Philip's picture.

Delilah's eyes widened. "Oh my gods, Ana! He's totally hot!"

"He's obnoxious! I hate him!"

Delilah grinned. "I think you like him…"

"I'd like to see him dead!"

"Uh-huh. It makes perfect sense, actually. You hate him, only to discover that you're nuts about him."

Anathyrra frowned. "You've been watching too many of those stupid cliché romance portalvids."

"They're not stupid. They're quite enlightening. In fact, my 'Toril Teen' magazine is why I broke up with Sean."

"Well, you should have broken up with him anyway. He didn't seem like a particularly good guy."

"Yeah, but he wrote a song for me after I dumped him. Wanna hear it?"

"Why not?"

Delilah began to play the song.

Last night I saw that beauty queen
Watched her paint her face on
I wanna be that magazine
That she bases life on
I wanna waste her monthly blood
Wanna get some on my love
Wanna get some gasoline
And burn the house down

She's got nothing to say
She's got bills to pay
She's got no one to hate
Except for me

Last night I saw that beauty queen
She's getting high on Revlon
I wanna be that magazine
That she wastes her life on
I wanna waste her monthly blood
Wanna get some on my love
Wanna get some gasoline
And burn the house down

She's got nothing to say
She's got bills to pay
She's got no one to hate
Except for me
Me.

Ana blinked. "What did you think of it?"

"I was rather flattered actually."

Ana raised an eyebrow. "You are so shallow sometimes, it astounds me."

"Hmph."

XXXXX

The class stood in the woods. Mr. Druis began to speak. "I will assign each of you partners."

A loud chorus of groans was heard.

Mr. Druis ignored them. "I have compiled a list of scavenger hunt items. The first team to find all of them gets the prize. The boundaries of the area are marked by blue flags. I'm going to sort you into groups." He began reading a list. "Megan and Terry. Paul and Dan. Will and Grace. Laverne and Shirley. Jake and Reese. AJ and Res. Hali and Kim. Ana and Philip. Eddie and Zack."

Ana sighed. "Why me?"

Philip sauntered towards the half-drow. "We're partners. How appropriate."

"Whatever." Ana stated, deliberately hitting him with one of her wings as she went to get the list.

XXXXX

"Let's see. We need a leaf from a Kaseret tree." Ana declared. She glared at Philip. "Are listening to me?"

"I was distracted by your beauty, my winged treasure."

Ana groaned. "Little lesson for you, if you want to compliment a woman, speak from your heart, not your pecker."

"I just don't understand why you don't like me."

"Do I have to spell it out for you? You're an obnoxious asshole."

"Can I help it if I'm attracted to you? Every time you look at me, you set my nerves on fire with your green gaze."

Ana turned around. "Alright, for starters, my eyes are naturally blue. But right now they're red, which isn't a good thing, Philip. And another thing, keep bothering me and I'll set you aflame for real."

A low growl sounded behind Ana. Philip eyes widened and he pointed behind her.

Ana blinked. "There's a hostile animal behind me, isn't there?"

Philip nodded.

Ana spun around. A large grizzly bear growled at her. She immediately reached out with her empathy.

A large mix of jumbled thoughts spilled into her mind. Kill. Kill. Crazy. Sick. Elf bad. Human bad. Threat. Mad. Disease. KILL!

Ana quickly severed her connection with the animal. "RUN!" She shouted at Philip.

The two teens ran until they came to a dead end in the forest. A large, rocky cliff wall stood in front of them. Ana looked at the wall. I could scale that. But I can't carry Philip with me. He's an ass, but I won't let him die. She looked at the bear. I can't kill the bear. I don't have a weapon and I haven't memorized any spells that could assist me.

Panic was clear on Philip's face. "We're gonna die!"

"No we're not! I'll think of something." Ana shouted in reply.

"Well…in case we do, will you kiss me? Just once?"

Ana stared at him. He gave her a pleading look.

The half-drow scowled. "Vith." She muttered before grabbing Philip by the lapels and pressing a hard, forceful kiss to his mouth.

The sound of the bear roaring made them both break away from each other. The bear fell down, revealing a crossbow bolt protruding from his back. Behind the corpse, stood all of the students and Mr. Druis. Mr. Druis held a crossbow and all the students stared at Ana and Philip in open shock.

Ana's eyes widened and her face turned red with embarrassment. Eilistraee help me.

XXXXX

"Have fun on the field trip?" Nathyrra asked slyly as Ana walked into the kitchen after school.

Ana gaped at her. "How did you know?"

"Hali's mother told me." Nathyrra said, grinning. "I think it's cute. Our daughter's finally growing up."

Ano's eyes were crimson. He ran over to Ana and began shaking her shoulders. "Did he get under your shirt? Answer me, young lady!"

"OW! DAD!" Ana pushed him away. "NO! I just kissed him because I thought we were gonna die!"

"Well, Ana, this should be a good lesson for you to always carry around either a knife or to memorize a spell." Nathyrra pointed out.

Ana stormed out of the room, seething with anger. As soon as she reached her room, she collapsed on the bed and screamed, "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! EILISTRAEE DAMMIT! AAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!"

Downstairs, AJ grinned at his mother. "Seems to be a pattern, doesn't there?"

XXXXX

The next day, Ana sat in her math class. This was the class where Philip sat behind her, much to the half-drow's displeasure. The class was staring at them, but Ana stopped them with a single smoldering glance.

As Ms. Anderson lectured, Philip grinned and leaned towards Ana. "Wanna try again after school?"

"How about never? That seems like a better date." Ana shot back.

"The only dates I'm interested in have nothing to do with the day, month, or year."

"Listen, you pompous-"

"That's it!" Ms. Anderson cried. "Ms. Derlyn and Mr. Redspear, report today after school for detention."

Ana gritted her teeth, but said nothing.

XXXXX

After school, Ana and Philip sat in Ms. Anderson's class. The teacher glared at them and stood up. "I'll be gone for fifteen minutes. Don't even think about trying anything." She left the room.

Philip grinned at Ana. "I knew I'd see you after school."

"Being in detention doesn't count as taking you up on your offer." Ana said acidly.

"You wanna say yes. Admit it." He goaded.

Ana stood up. "What is your problem? I just kissed you because I thought we were gonna die!"

Philip also stood up. "Quit the act, already! I know you dig me!"

To Philip's shock, Ana smiled. "You know what, you're right. I should drop the act."

Philip grinned. "Go on."

"How could I resist the charms of a male such as you? It has been a hard battle, but I surrender." she walked over to him and kissed him. "Taste your victory."

Philip smirked in an arrogant manner and kissed her as well, sliding his hand down her back and groping her behind.

Ana allowed him to do so, making sure that he couldn't see the knife that she was reaching for in her boot…

XXXXX

Ms. Anderson walked back towards her classroom. Philip suddenly ran out, screaming at the top of his lungs and clutching his crotch.

Ms. Anderson walked into her room, looking at Ana with a befuddled expression.

Ana shrugged. "Don't know what his problem is."

XXXXX

When Ana arrived home, she was wearing an unbelievably smug grin as she passed the family room.

"What are you grinning about?" Nathyrra asked.

AJ walked into the room. His eyes bulged when he saw his sister. "You really did do it!"

Ana merely grinned wider.

"Do what?" Ano asked as he took a drink of his water.

"S-She castrated Philip!"

Ano spit out his drink. "WHAT?"

Nathyrra nodded at Ana. "Good job, Ana."

Ano looked at his wife in complete shock. "YOU'RE ENCOURAGING HER?"

Nathyrra shrugged. "The male displeased her. What else could she have done?"

Ano addressed Ana. "W-Why?" he asked, trying to remain calm.

"He kept harassing me! What else could I have done?"

"Wait a minute…he STILL hit on you? Even after my warning last Midwinter?"

"Duh."

Ano stood up, his eyes bright crimson. "I'm gonna speak with Philip's father. Come on, Ana."

"WHAT?" Ana and Nathyrra cried in unison.

"You heard me. Let's go."

Sighing, Ana walked towards the front door.

"Anotalex!" Nathyrra yelled. "I will not have you waging war with the Redspears!"

"In case you've forgotten, I worship Tempus, the god of war. Nothing you say will stop me. And don't worry; I'll only fight him if necessary."

"You're sleeping on the couch tonight."

"I'll deal with it." Ano walked out the door.

Nathyrra clenched her fists. "The nerve of that jaluk! If he weren't my husband, I swear…"

AJ grinned at her. "Ya know, Mom, if you want him to be your obedient slave, all you have to do is one night, rip off his clothes and give him a little o-"

"Go to your room."

XXXXX

An hour later, Ana and Ano sat in the den of the Redspear home. Robert Redspear—Philip's father—smiled at Ano. "As you know, your daughter has damaged my son."

"Yes…"

"I know you are not a poor man, Mr. Derlyn, so I'm certain you wouldn't mind paying a…small price in compensation."

"How much?" Ano growled.

"Why, twenty-thousand gold should suffice."

Ano gripped the arms of his chair. "I'm afraid, Mr. Redspear, that you will not receive a single gold piece from me."

"Very well then, my attorney shall speak with you."

"In that case, I will sue you as well."

"For what?"

"For the continuous sexual harassment of my daughter."

Robert stood up, livid. "You cannot do that!"

Ano stood up as well, towering over Robert by four inches. "I can Redspear. I will not give you anything, and I'd like to drop this."

Robert Redspear sneered at Anotalex. "I should have expected this. No wonder your daughter did that, being the illegitimate mongrel of a bastard conqueror and his drow whore-" Robert was cut off by Anotalex's fist connecting with his face.

"Say that again!" Ano snarled, lifting his arm for another strike.

Robert screamed and tackled Ano. A dogfight commenced. Robert landed a lucky shot that left Ano with a black eye, Ano in turn, cracked Robert's ribs.

Ana and Philip stared at their fathers. Philip then gazed at Ana. The half-drow quirked an eyebrow and started reaching towards her boot.

Philip ran out of the room.

XXXXX

Several hours later, Ana and Ano arrived home. Ano was rather battered, sporting a black eye, several cracked ribs, a large cut stretching from his right temple to his chin, two rips in the shin part of his pants, a sprained ankle, and extremely messy hair.

Ana smiled at her father. "Thanks, Dad." She reached up and kissed his uncut cheek then went upstairs to her room.

Ano limped towards the den. Nathyrra sat in a chair. She shook her head when she saw her husband. "What did you do?"

Ano gave her a crooked grin. "You should see the other guy." He staggered towards the couch and lay down.

Nathyrra sighed and left for a moment, returning with a med kit. "Sit up." She commanded as she sat down next to Ano.

He smiled sheepishly and obliged.

"Foolish male." Nathyrra scolded as she cleaned his wounds.

Ano winced as the healing took place. "You should see the other guy."

"Is he dead?"

"No. Brutally injured, but he'll live."

"You didn't have to fight him."

"This is coming from the woman who fought Aribeth in a catfight over me?"

"That was many years ago. What kind of example does that set for your daughter?"

"It teaches her to stand up for herself." Ano retorted.

Nathyrra 'accidentally' jabbed him in the ribs with her elbow.

"Ow!" Ano cried indignantly and glared at her. "I couldn't exactly let him get away with calling you a whore!"

"I don't care, Ano."

"And calling Ana an illegitimate mongrel."

"…Alright, I can understand that." Nathyrra wiped the blood away from the cut on his face.

Ano winced. Nathyrra cocked an eyebrow. "Why is that you take a ferocious beating without batting an eyelash and yet you wince when I try and heal you?"

"…I don't know."

Nathyrra rolled her eyes. "Why did I marry you?" she asked.

"Because I'm an idiot, but cute." Ano said, grinning.

Nathyrra blinked. "Who told you that?"

"Ilmra, about ten years ago. She told me you said it."

"I'll kill her."

Ano laughed but then winced when his ribs began to ache.

Nathyrra glared at him. "You're still sleeping on the couch."

"Will you join me?"

"No. Now be a good patient and shut up." Nathyrra commanded and she continued tending to him.