Chapter 48: Starting to Heal
Harry and Tonks were by Remus' side when he awoke in the late afternoon. Harry's bed had been set up next to his fathers and Tonks was sitting between then with the curtains drawn around them for privacy. Tonks had finally stopped crying but as soon as she saw her love awake a new wave of tears crashed down her face. "Don't cry my love," Remus told her taking her hand in his weak one. "We both knew the risks of marrying during this war. I am sorry that I won't be able to be here with you but you know that I will never really leave you."
Harry felt his heart clench at the resignation in his dad's voice. He was already starting to say goodbye. "Don't give up on us dad," he told him. "Hermione is looking for a cure right now. You have to be strong until she can find it."
"Harry," Remus said shifting so he could look at the boy who had become his son. "I don't want to die but I also know the probability that she will find something is slim. I don't want the two of you to hold out too much hope for a miraculous cure. I don't want you to blame Hermione when she can't find something in time. You know they have studied this problem for years with no success and she has less than 2 weeks."
"We would never blame Hermione," Tonks reassured him. "We won't let her blame herself either. We know there is only one person to blame for your condition."
"That rat Wormtail," Harry bit out in anger. "First he betrays my parent and now he hurts you. I should have let you kill him when you had the chance in 3rd year."
"No Harry you were right then. James never would have wanted us to become murderers. Even Sirius was relieved you stopped us after he came to terms with his release. It just shows that we are better men than him. I told him not to fight and that he would not be harmed by the aurors if he just turned himself in, but he was too far gone. He stopped being the boy we were friends with when he betrayed your parents. I think all the good in him died that day." Remus told them sadly.
Tonks wiped her eyes as she smoothed back his hair from his face. "Please don't leave me," she begged him. "We have so much left to do together."
"They will have to wait for our next life," he told her with a smile. "Maybe next time I won't be a werewolf and we can have a family of our own. Not that you are any less of our son Harry," he added with a grin.
"If you pull through this we'll give that family a try in this lifetime," she told him giving him a gentle kiss so he wouldn't protest.
"I second Tonks' motion. I have always wanted a brother or sister and now that Moldy Voldy is dead there is no reason you two can't." Harry said with a wink.
Hermione had finished looking through all the 'relevant' books in the library and decided to head down to the lab after dinner to start reading through Severus' collection. "Severus let's go get dinner in the great hall and then go down to the lab." She called to him. He was reading quietly in an armchair by one of the windows. She couldn't tell what book it was but it was from the muggle section. He put a marker in the book and walked over to her.
"Can I take this book with me?" He asked her holding up the book so she could see the title to be "Lord of the Rings" by J. R. R. Tolkien. Hermione smiled and helped him check out the book even though she knew he owned a very nice copy in his collection. They headed down to the great hall for dinner. "Do I have to sit up there?" He asked her when she broke away to sit by the Weasleys.
He looked so lost and she couldn't help but feel for the man who would never normally show his emotions so easily. "You can sit here with us if you like," she offered as she sat down leaving room between her and Ginny. She didn't trust the twins not to take advantage of his confused state.
"Hello Severus. How are you feeling this evening?" Molly asked him.
"Just fine," he replied as he filled his plate before turning to Hermione. "I've never sat at the Gryffindor table before but I don't see any of my friends at the Slytherin table." He looked pensively at his house's table wondering where his classmates were.
"That's because all your Slytherin friends graduated a while ago when you did." Hermione told him gently. "You're a professor now; you usually sit at the teachers table."
"Is that why people are looking at me funny?" He asked and she noticed he was receiving some strange looks from the students in the hall and an amused look from Albus at the head table.
"They are just surprised," Ginny told him with a smile. "It's the first time they can remember the Head of Slytherin house sitting at the Gryffindor table."
"In fact it's the first time I can remember him sitting anywhere other that his exact spot at the head table," Bill commented with a chuckle. "Will he remember everything odd he did once he is no longer confused?" He asked his mother.
"Yes," she said trying to hide her chuckle behind her napkin. "I'm sure he'll be appalled to learn he sat here with us."
They ate in silence for a few more minutes before Severus started to laugh. "I remember you now," he said addressing the twins who were seated across from him. "You made the fireworks that made the toad lady mad." This apt description of Umbridge from the stoic Professor Snape had them all joining in the laughter. They spent the rest of dinner talking about the different things that had gone on that year.
"I see you are taking good care of our potions master," Albus told Hermione as he passed by their table to get Arthur for a meeting at the Ministry. "It's nice to see him out of his shell for once."
They all laughed again as Severus muttered under his breath, "meddling old fool." Albus looked like the twinkle was all the way back for a moment as he smiled at the man who had done so much for him.
Hermione had settled herself in front of the fire surrounded by potions texts. She had warded the lab to only admit her so Severus couldn't blow them both up on accident. He was sitting in his armchair still reading the book he checked out so she quickly got to work. There had been no less than 20 different attempts by potions masters throughout the years to try and find the same cure she was looking for and all had failed.
After 8 hours of reading through his texts she decided it was time for a break. She had only slept for 2 hours in the past 48 and her eyes were starting to droop. Severus was sound asleep in his chair with the book propped up on his chest.
She laid the book down and gently woke him. "Severus it's late and time to go to bed." She helped him into his room and was about to turn into her own when he wrapped his arms around her.
"Don't go," he said as he nuzzled her neck. "Stay with me." It was such a simple statement yet it made her face flush and her heart race. She knew it was just because of the charm and that he didn't understand what he was asking or who he was asking it of.
"I can't," she told him sadly as she wanted nothing else than to sleep with his arms around her. "Albus would not approve." She told him when she noticed the disappointed look on his face.
Severus knew she wouldn't stay. He loved her and knew it would never be, but he didn't want to let her go just yet. "Please," he asked quietly into her ear, pleased with the shivers it sent through her.
Hermione was melting. He sounded so lucid, so sure but she knew it was because he was confused and wouldn't take advantage of him like that. "Not tonight," she told him with a kiss to the cheek and hurried out of the room before she could change her mind and stayed.
The next morning Hermione was called along with Harry to the reading of Percy's will. His memorial service would be later that afternoon. Charlie was allowed to leave the hospital wing for the day as long as he kept to the wheelchair, didn't over exert himself and Molly was with him at all times. Fleur and Susan were the only other non family members invited.
Arthur was trying to keep his emotions in check as he opened the packet the ministry had sent him. There was a letter to be read first to everyone, individual letters to each of the family and then the will. His hand shook so badly trying to undo the seal on the first letter that it took him 3 tries. "Mr. Weasley, would you like me to read it out for you?" Hermione asked him placing a calming hand on his. "I know this is extremely difficult for you, let me try and make it somewhat easier." Arthur nodded in relief and sank down in a chair next to his wife.
Hermione took a deep breath before opening the letter. She looked at the family in front of her and with sadness in her heart began to read the letter.
My Dearest Family,
If you are reading this letter it means that I did not survive the war. It is my greatest wish that all of you have survived to read this. I know that I have wronged all of you and I can not begin to apologize for my actions. I want you all to know that I was trying to get my life back on track. Maybe I should start by telling you that a few months back my life hit rock bottom. I was still bitter and power hungry and wasn't ready to admit that you had all been right while I had been blind. I was at a pub in a shady part of London one night drinking myself into oblivion when I was approached by a man. He and I hit it off immediately. He told me that he agreed with my views on the ministry and that he and his friends all believed a change needed to be made. We talked for hours and I was agreeing with most of what the man was saying. I had felt that finally things were looking up; here was a man that I could relate to. I had been so lonely without all of you and this was the first person who really seemed to understand me. Everything was going great and we met a few more times at the pub before he mentioned his opinion of muggles. I experienced one of those moments of clarity where you realize just how far you've fallen. The man that I had been conversing with, agreeing with, bonding with, he was a death eater. I was being recruited to join the death eaters. I had never felt so sick in my entire life. In fact it probably saved my life because as I puked up all the alcohol I had consumed that night and was able to get away from the man without suspicion. I wept for hours that night wondering how I had stooped so low as to be approached by the very people I despised. I realized that night that I had turned into everything that I had once hated. It was a wake up call for me. I vowed that night to turn my life around and try and reconcile with all of you. I knew that I didn't deserve your forgiveness and that I would have to do something to prove that I had changed. That I was back to being the brother and son that you used to love, the one I used to be. For the last month or so I have been reorganizing my priorities. I have cleaned up my life. I stopped drinking and started to do a better job at work. I started treating people better and realized that I was still the same old Percy; I had just been buried under a layer of ambition. Please understand that I love all of you more than I could ever express. It saddens me that we were not able to reunite in this life. You are the best family I could have ever asked for and I am so sorry that I threw all of that away. I was wrong about everything. There should be a personal note for everyone in this packet as well. Please read it and know that I sincerely mean every word. I love you all and pray that you will live long and happy lives.
Sincerely,
Percy
Hermione finished reading and looked up at them all. She had tears running down her cheeks but had keep her voice calm through out the entire letter. Molly was sobbing into Arthur's chest and he cried into her hair. Ginny was clinging to Harry as they both cried. Ron sat silently weeping as Susan held him. The rest were all crying as well. Hermione knew it meant more to them to know that Percy wanted to come back to them than any of them could say. He had died a hero and now they all knew that he died loving them as well. She silently handed out the individual letters and went to sit back down and wait until they were ready for her to read the will. The letters were short and she hoped they helped them with closure.
Dear Mum and Dad,
Thank you for everything you have done for me. I am grateful for the wonderful life you gave me. I love you. Never doubt that. I have always loved you, even when I was a prat. Do not mourn me forever; we will meet again in the next life. Dad, congratulations on becoming Minister of Magic. I am extremely proud of you and proud to be your son. You are the perfect man for the job. Mum, thank you for never giving up on me. I loved my Christmas sweater and birthday cake.
Your Son,
Percy
Dear Ginny,
My beloved baby sister, I am so happy for you. Great job on your owl results and being made a prefect. I know you will do great things with your life. I wish you my best in your life with Harry. He is an honorable man and I know you two will be extremely happy together. It pains me that I will not be at your wedding (assuming he hurries up and asks the question) for I know you will be the most beautiful bride. Take care Gin-Gin.
All my love,
Percy
Dear Ron,
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. Susan is a lovely girl and I wish you both the best. I am sure you were excited about being a Quidditch captain. I apologize for never making it to a game but I hear you are a great keeper. I am sure you will be successful in any career path you try. If I may offer advice, even if I don't deserve to, pursue something you love. Don't worry about money or prestige. They mean nothing and will leave you feeling empty. I want you to be happy. May we meet again in the next life.
Your brother,
Percy
Dear Fred and George,
The joke shop is wonderful. I've been in several times to check up on my favorite prankster brothers. I even bought a biting toilet seat, which rumor says was thought up by Hermione of all people! I was also happy to hear the two of you have girlfriends. Alicia and Katie are wonderful girls and I wish you all the best. Good luck in all your future endeavors. I am happy that you both have found a way to do what you enjoy.
Best Regards,
Percy
Dear Charlie,
I am glad you finally decided to come back to England my dear older brother. I am so proud of you for working at Hogwarts. A teacher's job is never easy but so rewarding. May you someday soon find that special someone to settle down with. Hogwarts is a great place. Have fun and good luck in everything you do.
Percy
Dear Bill,
I must first congratulate you on your engagement to Fleur. She is both beautiful and intelligent. I wish you both great happiness. I hear you have secured yourself a permanent position at Gringotts and the Goblins trust you with a very large account. That is a great accomplishment. I wish you joy in your new life with Fleur and will see you again in the next life.
Percy
Dear Harry,
I apologize for all the horrible things I said about you. I was blinded by ambition and lost track of everything. Thank you for being a better son and brother to my family than I was able to be. I expect you to take care of Ginny, she is precious. I think you are the bravest person I have ever met and I am humbled at the privilege to know you.
Sincerely,
Percy
Dear Hermione,
What to say to the greatest witch of the age? I am blown away by your brilliance. Tying the all time top scores with 4 tests still to go is amazing. Please be sure that my family reads all the letters I left them. I know I do not deserve their forgiveness but I want them to know just how much I care. You are the only one that I know will at least read this before tossing it in the fire. Thank you for being there for my family when I was too proud to be. I expect great things from you!
Your one time friend,
Percy
When she had finished reading her letter she smiled that they were all reading theirs without her coercion. She also noticed that the family's tears seemed to have lessened with the personal messages. She caught Arthur's eye and stood to read the will. "I Percival Weasley leave my home in northern England to my brother Ronald as a wedding gift to him and his soon to be wife Susan. All of the money in my Gringotts vault is to be split evenly between my siblings. My book collection I leave to Hermione Granger as I know she will appreciate it more than any of my family. I leave my flat in Diagon Alley to my brother Bill and his soon to be wife Fleur. My photo albums, memory box and post owl I leave to my parents. The rest of my belongings are to be divided as the family sees fit. If any of the above decline the inheritance their portion shall be donated to a reputable charity, preferably to help those the war has hurt."
She finished the reading and handed the paperwork to the correct parties. Ron was sitting in shock and Susan was smiling and crying at the same time at the thought that they had their own house now. They had been so worried about where they would live after the wedding as they no longer wanted to impose upon Harry. Bill and Fleur were quietly chatting on if they should move into the flat or look for something larger. Molly was still crying but looked more composed and Arthur just looked relieved that it was over for a few hours until the public memorial service later that afternoon. They knew it would draw a large crowd as well as many reporters would try to sneak in as he was the son of the minister of magic.
Hermione went to two memorial services that morning before Percy's. She attended Malcolm Baddock's service as well as the service for Theodore Nott. Ginny and Harry went with her to Nott's as he was on their squad and Draco accompanied her to both services along with Gabrielle as they were both Slytherins. She was surprised to see Fred, George, Lee and their three girlfriends at Malcolm's service. Lee stood and told the public Malcolm's battle story. Fred and George were helping Harry fight Voldemort and the rest of them were still fighting death eaters. They were fighting alongside Red squad and watched Malcolm fall.
King Edward stood to speak at Theodore's service. "Theodore Nott saved my life," he told them all and the room went silent waiting for the story to be told. "The death eaters recognized me and fired two death curses at me. Theodore jumped in front of the spells to save me. I only hope that I am worthy of such a sacrifice. May his soul find peace in the next life and may we all remember the hero that he was."
The services were nice and helped give closure to those who fought. The Slytherins still at the school were all in attendance to show their support for their fallen housemate. Draco and Albus both said a few words as Severus was not able to in his condition.
Percy's service was held in the great hall as there was no other place large enough. Everyone loved the Weasley family and it was evident in the turnout, even with Percy having been estranged. Arthur and Bill both spoke at the service along with Albus and two ministry officials whose lives he saved the day of the battle. Both Bill and Arthur spoke of how Percy had reconciled with the family and how proud they were that he came back to them.
Crabbe and Goyle's service was held after Percy's. Draco decided to hold the services together as they were inseparable in life and had died together. He retold the story Minerva had told him and many people left with a larger respect for the one time bullies of the school. Ron spoke of what an asset they were to White squad and how he had come to respect them and was glad to have known them. Albus also spoke again as Severus was still not ready for public speaking. The rest of the services would be spread out over the rest of the week. Only the students and order member's services were held at Hogwarts.
Hermione accompanied Severus to the will readings for all four of the Slytherin boys. She was surprised that all four boys had made wills recently. But she guessed that was what happened during a war, everyone prepared for the worst. Even she had left a letter to her parents telling them which items she wished her friends to have. All four boys were the only heirs of their families and their parents were death eaters. Crabbe and Goyle left everything to Draco which was a considerable sum considering they were both the end of a long pure-blood family. Malcolm had very little to give away as his parents had squandered his inheritance before he was even born. He left his manor and title to Sylvester Spinnet who is a distant cousin and his money he donated to St. Mungo's research center. Theodore was the wealthiest of the four boys and his will was short and to the point.
"I Theodore Nott leave my entire estate to Professor Severus Snape. He is the bravest Slytherin there ever will be. He risked his life for years to save us all and is a hero among our house." Severus was stunned at the decree and had to have Hermione help him back to his quarters.
"Please don't leave me alone," he begged her as thoughts of his dead students plagued him. He was stuck revisiting all of his horrible death eater memories and her presence was the only thing keeping him from weeping.
Hermione knew he was battling his inner demons, she could see it in his eyes. She helped him into bed and lay down next to him. She would stay with him until he fell asleep. He pulled her into his arms and held her tightly against him as he began to cry silently into her hair. Here she was comforting him with her mere presence and he couldn't help but fall even further in love with her.
Hermione felt his tears and her heart clenched. She wanted to erase his pain so badly but all she could do was hold him. She knew that if he hadn't been hit by the spell he would never have asked for her presence. She would help him heel the best she could and then slip out once he slept. Or at least that was what she told herself before falling to sleep to dream of the man who held her tightly.
Hermione awoke in the morning feeling warm and content. That was until she noticed the feeling of arms wrapped around her and that what she had thought was a pillow was really a chest. She knew she was in trouble! She slowly slid out of Severus' arms trying not to wake him. She only just got her feet untangled from his before he pulled her closer and mumbled something into her hair. It took her a moment to recognize that he had mumbled something like, "smells so good," and buried himself in her hair. She tried not to smile that he seemed so comfortable holding her so intimately. His grip was too strong so she decided to just go back to sleep.
Severus woke feeling refreshed and alive for the first time in many years. He couldn't understand the almost happy feeling he had until he noticed he wasn't alone in his bed. He couldn't remember going to bed due to the spell and was both shocked and relieved when he recognized Hermione's hair as the soft fragrant tangle he had his face buried in. He opened his eyes cautiously and was much more relieved that he had not taken advantage of the woman he loved, they were both fully clothed. He watched her sleep for a few minutes and determined that she was in a deep sleep. "I love you," he told her softer than a whisper and kissed her forehead softly so as not to wake the angel in his arms.
Hermione woke again after a dream of Severus telling her that he loved her to find him awake and watching her. "Good morning," she said cautiously wondering what his reaction would be.
"Yes it is," he told her with a smile. "It's not very often I wake up with a beautiful woman in my bed." He watched her blush at the compliment then asked the question he needed answered. "May I ask how we ended up like this?"
"You were upset after the memorial services and didn't want to be alone. I must have fallen asleep as well or I would have left to my own room." She told him hoping he wouldn't be upset, even thought he didn't look at all upset.
"I see," he told her somewhat disappointed that was the only reason. He knew better than to think his affections would be returned, she was just helping him cope.